Title: Never Known Love
Author: Nigel Tatsuya
Rating: PG-13 or maybe R
Warnings: Some strong language and adult situations. Disclaimer: Tom, Harry, everyone onboard Voyager....heck everything in the whole stinking Star Trek Voyager show belongs to Paramount/Viacom. Don‘t sue us, we wouldn‘t dream on infringing on your copyrights, and if you did sue us, you‘re gonna get counter sued for infringing on Tom and Harry‘s rights to be together because it is so right for them. Summary: All is not well behind the closed doors of Tom and Harry in this alternate Star Trek Universe, will intervention come in time? Archiving: PK Elite, Everyone else, please ask first.
Tom continued to cast nervous glances in Harry‘s direction throughout the day, as though he were pleading with a famished predator not to devour him. As the day wore on, Tom‘s silent stares turned to pleas for the fatal blow to be dealt rapidly, the end to come swiftly, with the predator eventually being sated.
"Lt. Paris," Captain Janeway said sternly. "Your shift ended five minutes ago."
After hurriedly briefing his replacement, Tom swung around in his chair and ran straight into Harry on his way toward the turbolift.
"Clumsy!" Harry spat under his breath. Although his voice was barely audible, Tom could still hear the rage and trembled because of it.
Most of the replacement crew on the bridge, who had by now heard about the Tom kissing B‘Elanna incident, could only shake their heads at Tom and Harry leaving the bridge together. _Why does Harry put up with him?_ was the question on everybody‘s minds, followed closely by a _what could a nice guy like Harry possibly see in a playboy/loser like Tom?_
"I told you, I‘m just fine B‘Elanna," Harry said for what seemed to be tenth time today as he and Tom sat with B‘Elanna and Chakotay in the messhall.
"Lighten up! You look like someone mixed a bag of Talaxian Cathartics with your tea, Starfleet." B‘Elanna said, shoveling another scoop of Neelix‘s famous green mystery meat into her mouth.
"For all you know," Tom said, his familiar humor bubbling to the surface, "Neelix probably did mix some Cathartics into your tea."
"So that explains it!" Chakotay said, clutching his stomach and feigning a pained expression. "Cleaner colons make for a happier crew! I wonder if the Captain got her tea today?"
"Apparently not!" Tom chortled. "She practically chased me off the bridge a while ago."
B‘Elanna looked into her own mug, "figures! The Captain usually drinks only coffee anyway!"
Tom, Chakotay, and B‘Elanna laughed heartily, Harry joined in, but kicked Tom firmly in the ankle, unseen beneath the table, as though reminding Tom of what was to come later that evening.
Tom and Harry left B‘Elanna and Chakotay as casually as they had many nights before. Harry stood up and Tom immediately followed, and though he were Harry‘s shadow. Harry cordially waved goodnight and walked out of the messhall, with Tom scuttling after him as if joined by an unseen chain.
Both Chakotay and B‘Elanna could not help but notice a change in Tom‘s gait. Over the past few months Tom had developed a limp, which seemed to change in intensity depending on the day. Some days, Tom‘s limp was barely noticeable or non-existent and on other days it was so marked that even a few steps seemed to cause Tom great pain.
"Tom‘s hobbling slightly today," B‘Elanna whispered to Chakotay, who didn‘t reply until he swallowed what he was chewing.
"I noticed that too B‘Elanna," Chakotay said, leaning forward in his seat. "I even told him to see the doctor about it."
"He said if he did, the doctor would make him limp even more." Chakotay replied smiling.
"If he shows up at breakfast hardly being able to walk again, I‘ll kick him so hard that he‘ll go to sickbay whether he wants to go or not!" B‘Elanna said in a more Klingon than human voice.
"Knowing you, you‘d probably KICK him all the way to sickbay." Chakotay said, patting B‘Elanna on the back. "You‘re not so changed, B‘Elanna."
"Neither are you!" B‘Elanna growled at her handsome former captain.
"Please! Let me explain, Harry." Tom said, cowering on the floor, desperately hoping that Harry wouldn‘t punish him too severely. Or worse, break off their relationship permanently.
"You don‘t love me!" Harry shouted, his fist connecting between Tom‘s shoulder blades.
"I do love you!" Tom winced from the intensity of the blow, but was still able to will himself to cling to Harry‘s legs as though they were needed for his very survival.
"Prove it, Tom!"
Tom raised his sunken, bloodshot eyes to meet Harry‘s cold ones. "I know I am unworthy. I don‘t know how you can still be with me."
Harry‘s expression appeared to soften for the duration of a heartbeat, then turned cold again as though placed in an area of space devoid of starlight. A lock of raven hair fell over Harry‘s golden forehead, making him look all the more menacing.
"But please, Harry..." Tom paused for a moment, his voice too choked with tears. "Please let me make it up to you, I‘ll do anything for you...punish me any way you see fit!"
"Then you tell me Tom...." Harry said, grabbing Tom‘s chin and steadying the trembling man‘s head, "...how shall I punish you for violating our relationship? For cheating on me? Answer me!"
The inexorably darkening expression on Harry‘s face made Tom shiver and cry uncontrollably. Like a loving child trying to avoid the wrath of an abusive parent, Tom slowly backed away hoping to seek refuge somewhere....anywhere. He soon came in contact with a cold wall in a shadowy corner of his and Harry‘s bedroom, and he knew he had no where to hide.
Harry angrily grabbed Tom‘s collar and held it so tightly that Tom couldn‘t breathe. At the sound of Tom‘s raspy attempts at breathing, Harry flung him out of the corner as though he were a rag doll, his head and face smashing into the cold floor when he landed. "Why are you wearing those clothes, boy?"
"I-I don‘t know..." was all Tom could choke out in reply.
"Get them off—NOW!" Harry put hard emphasis on the word ‚now‘ as he roughly tore one of Tom‘s sleeves.
Tom‘s hands were shaking so much that he couldn‘t get a good grip on the fabric of his uniform, and fumbled with the fastenings for a considerable length of time...too long for Harry‘s taste.
"If you‘re not completely stripped by the time I count to five," Harry began, leaning so close to Tom‘s face that Tom could feel Harry‘s breath, "I‘m going to have to strip you myself, and you don‘t want me to do that would you?"
Tom shook his head so frantically that his tawny locks quickly became a sweaty, disheveled mess. Tom undid his uniform, tearing the material and jamming the fastenings and he undid his singlet.
Tom tore his singlet as he slipped it down his hips even before the fastenings were undone.
Shoes bounced across the floor as Tom frantically kicked them off.
Tom yanked his turtleneck and undershirt off.
Tom fell too the floor as he pulled his pants and socks off.
Tom fumbled several times trying to pull off his boxers, and was soon standing before Harry with one leg still in the garment.
"Too slow, that will cost you dearly Tom!" Harry said, admiring the pilot‘s splendid body which was now glowing with droplets of sweat.
"I-I‘m sorry, Harry."
"To the bath with you, Tom!" Harry said, shedding his own clothes and shoving Tom toward the bathroom.
Climbing into the stall, Tom turned around and stared at Harry like a caged animal. Harry climbed in and pulled the shower head from it‘s resting place on the wall. "Beg me to stop, Tom!"
"Noooo Harry! Not that! Not that!" Tom said, backing into the wall.
Satisfied at Tom‘s total obedience, Harry turned on the water at a comfortable temperature and shot it on Tom‘s bare flesh without so much force as to hurt him. Tom instinctively screamed, and continued screaming for fear that Harry would employ real force if Tom didn‘t appease him now.
"Wash yourself real good, Tom," Harry said, turning the nozzle onto himself. "I want you nice and clean for your punishment."
Tom and Harry lathered themselves thoroughly, rinsed off, then returned to the bedroom. Tom crawled onto the bed and lay face down. Harry tapped him on the shoulders with the cold metal of a set of cuffs. "On your back, I want to watch your face."
Tom rolled onto his back and trembled when Harry cuffed his wrists to bedposts. Harry pulled the chains attached to the cuffs taut, almost straining Tom‘s biceps.
"Spread your legs, Tom." Harry said, attaching two larger, heavily cushioned and padded cuffs to Tom‘s ankles. "Wider...."
Tom pulled his legs as far apart as he could until he was almost doing a split, his swollen, puckered opening exposed. When he couldn‘t open his legs any further, Harry cuffed Tom‘s ankles and secured the ends of the chain to the bedframe, leaving Tom spreadeagled and exposed.
Harry took out a long cat-o-nine tails whip and waved it savagely in the air, making horrifying whistling noises. Tom, anticipating what he was about to experience thrashed wildly on the bed. "No Harry! Please! No! No! No! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"
"You‘ve been a bad boy, Tom." Harry said, bringing the whip down hard on the bed, dangerously close to Tom‘s side.
"AAAAAAH!! AAAAAAH!" Tom screamed.
Harry slithered between Tom‘s legs and brought the whip menacingly between them, missing Tom completely and striking the bed close enough for Tom to feel the wind from the lash.
A horrible cracking sound filled the room, followed by deafening, hurt wails from Tom. Harry had not struck him, but Tom, so afraid of being whipped in his most sensitive areas, dislocated his right hip trying to avoid the blow.
Harry began to scream too, louder than Tom. He dropped the cat o nine tails to the floor, held his head, then joined the whip on the floor, unconscious.
Tom continued to scream from the pain of the dislocated hip. The pain spread throughout his abdominal cavity, then to the rest of his body like an unmitigated plague, infecting every nerve center, pore and cell. Tears and saliva flowed down the sides of Tom‘s ruddy face and made deep stains on the stark white pillow cases.
Tom barely noticed a golden hand appearing at the bottom of the bed, and a frightened face appearing shortly thereafter. It was Harry.
"Tom!!" Harry screamed, his voice at least an octave higher and 30 decibels louder, "Gods!"
With seemingly superhuman strength, and a resolve which would make even a Klingon beam with pride, Harry yanked the chains, breaking the bedposts and warping the bedframe beyond repair. Blood flowed freely from his hands as the chains cut into them, but Harry didn‘t notice, and continued to rip at the cuffs on Tom‘s hand. Harry would do anything to relieve the pain of the man he loved, and by the time he had removed the bindings from Tom‘s wrists and ankles, his own hands were mangled and two of his fingernails had been uprooted from their nailbeds, the flesh beneath, bleeding and raw.
"TOM!!!" Harry screamed, stroking Tom‘s sweat covered forehead, smearing the blood from his own hand around in the process. "Who did this to you...?" Harry paused and began to sob, "You need to go to sickbay..."
Tom stopped his agonized screaming and looked at Harry with even greater fear in his eyes. "NO!"
"You‘re hurt!" Harry sobbed, looking at Tom‘s hip which was turning a sickly purple. "You need to have the Doctor..."
"No Doctor!" Tom hissed, trying to find a comfortable position to lie in. "I don‘t want anyone to know about this!"
"Tom!" Harry whimpered, gingerly stroking Tom‘s thigh, "then at least.... sob at least let me help you pop your hip back into place?"
Tom sobbed both his thanks and his permission, and Harry wrapped his arm around Tom‘s right thigh, and held the ankle with his other arm. "Ready Tom?"
Tom nodded vigorously a second before screaming stridently. Harry closed his eyes tightly and tugged with all his might. A fleshy crack followed shortly afterwards, the action causing pain for both friends. Tom screamed and flailed his head to and fro, twisted the sheets beneath him and intermittently bit his lower lip.
Harry‘s screams joined Tom‘s, as he massaged the injured, swollen joint. The swelling in the acetabulum had become so severe that it didn‘t appear as though the joint was properly reset. In all likelihood, the ligamentum teres femoris, the ligament holding the joint in place, had been severed. Strangely, the worst of the pain seemed to subside for Tom, as he lay back on the pillow and whimpered softly.
"I‘m going to call sickbay!" Harry said, lightly kissing Tom‘s hip.
"NO!" Tom said, shivering as he clutched Harry‘s wrist and pulled him back forcefully. "I don‘t want anyone to find out about this!"
"But you need help!!" Harry said, pulling away, but not with enough force to break Tom‘s grip on his arm.
Tom didn‘t reply, and just stared at Harry with his puffy blue eyes. A few moments later, he pressed his lips together and whimpered softly, the blood from his bitten lips quivering down his chin.
Harry clutched some raven locks of his own hair and pulled it until it hurt, hoping that the pain would quell the even greater pain of seeing Tom suffer. "Oh TOM!" Harry released his hair and threw his arms carefully around Tom‘s shoulders, and planting light kisses on Tom‘s bloodied cheeks and forehead.. "Who hurt you like this? SOB Who hurt my Tom this way?"
You did Tom opened his mouth to respond, but only a breath of macabre relief escaped his lips. He wrapped his arms around Harry and just relished the feel of the younger man‘s supple golden skin. There were few joys in life greater than having the old Harry back...the loving, giving and tender Harry.
"Tell me who hurt you!" Harry said somewhat angrily, yet with a gentleness that was very much like the Harry Tom had first fallen deeply in love with. "Tell me who hurt you this way, and I give you my word...."
Tom looked up with interest.
"...I will kill them!"
Tom was taken aback by Harry‘s harsh voice. Paradoxically, it was also a voice he loved, and always tried to please.
"Harry. It-it‘s okay really." Tom said, sporting on a false, weak smile.
Harry sprinted into the bathroom and returned with the medkit. "Will you at least let me help you?"
Tom nodded as Harry did his best to make a level 2 regenerator do what the Holographic doctor would accomplish with a whole arsenal of surgical tools. Some of the bruising disappeared, but the deep swelling within the joint itself remained, despite Harry‘s prolonged efforts.
After about 30 minutes of working feverishly at Tom‘s hip, and doing little more than erasing all external evidence of the injury, Harry went to work on the bruises and cuts on the rest of Tom‘s body. Harry brushed a long lock of black hair out of his eyes and went to work on the angry red and blue marks on Tom‘s wrists and ankles that the cuffs had made, groaning deeply at the sight of the marks.
"Are you hurt anywhere else, Sweetie?" Harry said, carefully assessing the rest of Tom‘s body.
"No...nope...you.... uh got them all." Tom said.
Harry was unconvinced. He gently rolled Tom onto his stomach and gaped at the sight of the dark bruise between his shoulderblades. Sighing, Harry aimed the beam of the tissue regenerator until the bruise turned from blue and black, to brown and black. The bruise was gone in a matter of minutes.
"Hey Har, I guess you got them all now." Tom said, his voice more shaky than normal.
Harry didn‘t believe it, and gently felt along Tom‘s body for more injuries. To his astonishment, Harry found evidence of past cracked ribs, contusions, lacerations, avulsions, and strange vertical marks, indicating that Tom had been whipped fairly recently. When he finally reached Tom‘s buttocks, Tom suddenly flipped over. "Hey Har, I‘m just fine there. Heheheh.... if you think I‘ve got hemorrhoids or something....well I don‘t."
"Are you....hurt there?" Harry asked, moving the regenerator closer.
"No...of course not! No body kicked my ass lately." Tom lied.
"NO! I‘m fine!"
"Forgive me, Tom." There were times when Harry was tough on Tom, especially when it was for Tom‘s own good. Quickly, Harry rolled Tom onto his side again and gently lifted his right cheek to get a better view of the orifice.
"Oh Gods!!!" Tom said, hiding his face in his hands.
Harry nearly toppled off the bed when he saw the condition of Tom‘s opening. It had multiple lacerations and was badly swollen. Fearing that more reaction from him would upset Tom further, Harry went about the task of healing the wounded orifice. Tom kept his face covered the whole time, too embarrassed to face Harry.
Although numerous questions accumulated in Harry‘s mind, he thought it would be better if he didn‘t ask Tom about this until he was calmer. Tom appeared very shaken, and made soft whimpering sounds behind his hands.
"Would you like to sleep now, Tom?" Harry asked when he had finished.
Tom remained silent, and just nodded his head beneath his palms. With that, he rolled off the bed and took his place on the floor.
"TOM?!" Harry said, forgetting the need for discretion, and looking over the edge of the bed at Tom. "What the HELL are you doing?"
"I‘m sorry I‘m sorry!" Tom said scrambling back onto the bed, painfully dragging his bruised hip and leg with him.
"Tom?" Harry said, adjusting his lover in a more comfortable position on the bed and covering him with a blanket. "What‘s wrong? Why are you always apologizing to me? And why did you try and sleep on the floor? How come you seem like you‘re scared of me all of a sudden? Who hurt you...._that_ way? Why are you acting so strangely....?"
Tom placed a finger on Harry‘s thick lips, effectively silencing him.
"You ask more questions than a toddler."
"Well I have more questions than a toddler!" Harry retorted. "Help me to understand Tom? I want to help you."
Defeated, Tom closed his eyes and began to snore as convincingly as he could. Harry sighed and spooned up behind Tom, careful not to put any pressure on Tom‘s hip or jostle him too much. Harry ran his hands through Tom‘s sand colored curls, and snagged one of his ripped nails.
"Ouch!" Harry had not noticed the injuries to his own hands until this moment.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Harry went about repairing his palms, fingers and fingernails, trying to make as little noise as possible. Although Tom had fallen asleep rather suddenly, he thought it would be best not to disturb Tom any further.
Harry wiped the blood off the regenerator and exterior of the kit when he finished repairing his hands.
Silently, he stole out of the room and returned the case to the bathroom. When he returned, he tiptoed over to the panel on the wall and whispered directly into the computer. "Computer, open a channel to sickbay..."
Before the computer could acknowledge the request, an antiquated 20th century alarm clock smacked Harry in the back of the head, knocking him unconscious.
"Computer," Tom said, massaging the shoulder of his throwing arm.
"Cancel last request, authorization Paris-beta-3-psy-1."
Go to Never Known Love Part Three (By Adam...)
"To Live in the hearts of those you‘ve left behind, is to not die."
Through my eyes
Time goes by like tears
My emotion‘s losing the color of life
Kill my heart
Release all my pain
I‘m shouting out loud
Insanity takes hold over me