"Unwanted Emotions"
 

Chakotay felt a glow of pride fill him as he walked through
the hall, seeing the looks of joy the crew was giving him as he
strode into the turbolift, wearing his uniform once again. He exited
the lift and entered the briefing room, knowing his appearance would
clarify things for Janeway, he was back!

Tom knew this was going to happen, but didn't find it too
difficult to keep it to himself, for a tiny part of him was afraid
that with Chakotay back to his post, it was only a mount of time
before… //He promised till the baby was born, // he reminded himself,
and then allowed himself to feel the pride of his husband's return
that everyone else was feeling.

"Welcome back, Commander," everyone said, including Tuvok.

"Yes, Commander Chakotay, it is very good to have you back
where you belong," Neelix stated with bubbling enthusiasm.

Chakotay smiled warmly, "Paris."

Tom looked up at his husband, and was noticing others were
too, sharing a puzzled expression.

"Its Commander Paris now," Chakotay stated easily as he took
his seat, catching the slight reaction of the Captain from the corner
of his eye, so he did not see the glow that filled Tom's face at his
statement.

"Of course," Neelix said, seeing his obvious mistake. "It's
good to have you back, Commander Paris."

"Well, now that our little `family' is back together, lets
get down to business, shall we?" Janeway stated, a large smile on her
face, though if any one looked deep in her eyes, she was not as
pleased as she appeared to be…and unknown to her, several people saw
this to be the case.

************

Tom walked in his quarters and looked over to the far corner
to see his husband still hard at work. //Damn her! // he
thought. //He's three and a half months pregnant and she's got him
working twice as hard than before.// He walked over to the replicator
and checked the logs and saw that Chakotay had not eaten since
breakfast, which he himself made for the guy. "Tay, you haven't eaten
again," he scolded lightly.

"Uh…Tom?" Chakotay said, suddenly realizing the younger man's
presence and looked over his shoulder at him. "Oh, I'll grab lunch in
a little bit," he said, and then turned back to his reports.

"Lunch? Tay, it's past dinner time," Tom stated, replicating
a meal, making sure to add the extra vitamin supplements the Doc
recommended. He brought the tray over and pulled out the medical
scanner, checking it.

Chakotay looked over at the tray seeing Tom scanning
it, "Tom, it's been over a month, it was a simple accident, you don't
have to do that anymore."

Tom ignored the comment, "Safe. Now, eat up, your losing
weight and that is not healthy for you much less the baby. Plus, you
can't keep skipping meals like this, and you need to talk to the
Captain, you should be cutting back in work, not increasing…"

"Tom, please," Chakotay interrupted, his frustration and
irritation clear in his tone. "I'm a grown man and capable of taking
care of myself. Plus, I have to prove that I can have my child and do
my job; surely even you can understand that."

Tom was taken back by Chakotay's snapping, but tried to take
it in stride, "I know you're a grown man, but you're also having a
baby, and that makes a difference. Plus, you `have' proved you can do
your job, but now she's got you working twice as hard as before…
that's far from healthy for you or the baby."

"It's none of your business," Chakotay growled, turning away
from Tom, trying to get back to work.

"None of my business? I'm your husband, which makes it my
business!"

"In name only, Tom or have you forgotten that?" Chakotay
growled some more, stabbing the keys on the report pad he was working
on.

Tom felt the sharp words pierce his chest, his emotions
bleeding into a pool within him, and he couldn't think, almost forgot
to breath. He clinched his fist open and closed several time,
reminding himself to breath, "Asshole!" was the only thing he could
say, and with that he stormed out of their quarters.

Chakotay tossed down the pad and turned to confront the young
man, but only saw Tom exit. He took a deep breath trying to calm
himself, but Tom had irritated him to no end. He saw the tray of
carefully prepared food, and without thought, struck out and knocked
it on to the ground. "Damn you, Paris!" he shouted.

It only took a second for him to respond to his own temper
and got up and cleaned up the mess, dumping it all back into the
replicator, by this time, he felt hungry and got himself a nutrition
drink, for he was too upset to eat. After he finished he quick liquid
meal he tried to go back to work, but he couldn't concentrate, he was
still too upset and angry. "Perhaps if I meditate for a little bit,"
he said to himself, hoping to center himself, for it had been a while
and he felt very much out of balance.

It took him a while, but he felt better simply being here on
his spirit plane, feeling the warmth of oak grove that surrounded
him, for here it spring time, a result of his coming child. He walked
among the flowers knowing he would see his guide when she chose to
present herself. He sky was a beautiful blue, and a gorgeous hawk
flew over head, and Chakotay smiled, wondering what it represented,
but he didn't feel the need to dwell on its presence at the moment.

The crackling of a fire caught hold of his attention and he
looked around till he spotted the signs of smoke, and from the color,
he could tell it was a controlled fire; though he was curious as to
who it was that made it, though he had his suspicions. He cleared the
tall grass that played a wall between himself and his destination to
see his Father Kolopack sitting, carving something out of wood while
relaxing by the fire. "Father," Chakotay smiled, for it was rare that
his Father would come and visit him.

Kolopack stood up and greeted his son with a warm smile and a
loving embrace, "Son, it is good to see you, though I had thought by
now you would be glowing, much like your mother was," he said, a
slight tease in his voice.

Chakotay felt his face flush, "Then…this is okay with you?"

Kolopack looked at his son puzzled, "why would bringing forth
a life, my grandchild, not be okay with me? If the spirits chose to
grant you the rare blessings that is normally kept for the women, it
is not my place to question, but be proud that they honor you so.
Now, sit and tell me about my granddaughter."

Chakotay gladly took a seat next to his father, "Not much to
tell yet, she's not born, as you know. But I can feel she is strong
willed like many in our family," he smiled. Then his smile shifted
slightly, "I haven't chosen a name yet, though I have given it great
thought, and looked at over a thousand, none seemed…right."

Kolopack gave a light chuckle, "She will whisper her name to
you when you are ready to listen, my son. Do not rush these things.
Her spirit is still being formed within you, so allow her the time
she needs, yes?"

Chakotay nodded, "Yes."

"So, tell me, the last time you and I talked, you were going
on and on about this…Kathryn…how is things now?"

Chakotay's body filled with tension on the very mention of
her name. "Please, don't get me started," he said with a slight
growl. "Do you know she ordered me to get rid of my daughter? Ordered
me! I quite of course, and well, things did work out…with some help.
But I thought…I really thought…?"

Kolopack placed a gentle hand on his son's shoulder, "You
thought that because you loved her, things would work out. That she
would see how much you loved her by all that you did for her, and
even before your child, how did she react to you?"

"I know, Father. Hind sight is 20/20," he replied with a weak
chuckled, "She tolerated me at best it seems It didn't seem to matter
what I did for her, she kept me at bay, at times it was just so…so
frustrating, and it hurt, that I couldn't help it, I would lose my
temper, though I didn't want too…" he sighed, letting his emotions
settle out of him.

"It's hard to love someone who doesn't love you back, but
that didn't keep you from doing everything you could to take care of
her, now did it?"

Chakotay shook his head, "No, it didn't." he replied, and
stared at the fire. Suddenly he saw an image in the flames, of a
young Tom Paris bringing him his meal, scanning it to make sure
another accident that could have lost the baby didn't occur again,
and the turn of events that happened earlier today. He sat up
straight, like he had been shocked by lighting, "no, it couldn't be,"
he whispered.

"What couldn't be?" Kolopack asked gently.

Chakotay looked toward his father, and it was clear now; his
Father wasn't really taking about him and Kathryn, but how now he was
in Kathryn's shoes and Tom… "Tom…loves me?"

Kolopack continued his carving, "Hmm, is it really so
unbelievable a thought?" he asked quietly.

Chakotay looked stunned, "But…but I've never…I don't…" words
failed him with the realization that Tom loved him; "What am I going
to do? I don't want to mislead Tom…I mean; he's done so much for me,
but…?"

"But what? What has he asked of you, my Son? Has he demanded
anything but that you let him care for you in his silent manner?"

"No, but…I don't…" he let out a deep breath.

"I know that it is not within you to love the soul regardless
of the packaging, my son. That stage of enlightenment is out of the
reach of many, I must admit it was for me too, so do not be so harsh
on yourself. But he has not asked that of you, in fact he has asked
very little. But as to what you do, that will be your choice, though
I can suggest, keep your promise, if nothing more."

Chakotay was stunned, "My…promise?"

"To stay with Tom till the child is born. It is the least you
can do for the man that has given you so much, to share the blessed
joy of your daughters birth with him, yes?"

Chakotay simply nodded, "Yes, I guess…" He looked up,
feeling more confused than before, though at least he wasn't angry
anymore, for he could now see clear that all of Tom's actions were
from the young man's heart. "Oh, boy," he muttered.

Kolopack gave a small laugh, "Things are not all that bad, my
son." Then he leaned over and gave a fatherly kiss on his son's
cheek, "remember, actions always speak louder than words," he
whispered.

Chakotay suddenly found himself back in his quarters, his
spirit walk was over. He looked around and could tell it was late,
and Tom had not returned. //Did you really think he would after how
you treated him? // he sighed to himself as he slowly got up, feeling
very tired. "He was right, you shouldn't skip meals," he chided
himself.

He placed is medicine bundle away along with his other
meditation material, and looked out into the stars, still deep in
thought, "I won't mislead him like Kathryn did to me," he stated to
himself. "But if I tell him that I understand and how he feels, he'll…
get upset, defensive, and the tension would be terrible. No, I can't
tell him I know, but…I don't have to be such a jerk toward him
either. I'm sure with time and respect; he'll come to understand that
our friendship is something I cherish, and that I don't think of him
that way. Yes, this way, he won't feel alienated and he can step back
with dignity, and maintain our friendship…yes, that's it. But first,"
Chakotay turned around, "I need to apologize to him. Computer,
location of Lieutenant Paris?"

<Lieutenant Paris is in Holodeck 2>

"Great, I hope I didn't drive him to drink…too much, he's got shift
in a few hours," Chakotay spoke with great concern to himself, as he
turned toward the exit doors, giving little thought to his stumbling,
then straighten up and exited out to find Tom.

************

Kathryn Janeway sat in her quarters, drinking her umpteenth
cup of coffee, staring at the same line in the same report for over
the last twenty minutes. "This is ridiculous," she growled to
herself, tossing the pad on her desk, while placing down the coffee
too. She got up and moved to her bedroom, then the bathroom, and
started to fill the tub. "That should help," she muttered to herself,
while moving toward her closet, and gathered up a bathrobe, and
spotted a soft white negligee. He mind drew back to the night
Chakotay had given it to her, how his dark eyes glowed, especially
when she wore it for him that night. She recalled how the candlelight
shined off his beautiful bronze skin, as his strong arms wrapped
around her waist, pulling her to him, his sensuous mouth descending
upon her…

//Stop that! // her mind shouted, snapping her out of her
thoughts. She turned to hear the water running and grabbed another
nightgown and moved into the bathroom, just in time to keep the tub
from overflowing. She turned the water off and got undressed,
climbing in, and relaxing in the heat and the suds from the
bubbles. "Computer, play Janeway twenty-five," he ordered, and leaned
back, closing her eyes listening to the soothing music fill the air.

Strong wet hands caressed her body, slipping down between her
thighs, finding her pleasure spot, while a hot determined tongue
bather her earlobe, and a deep husky voice whispered, "Let me come
inside you, baby, let me come hard within you." The deep voice
sending tremors throughout her body, the strong fingers preparing the
way for his entry within her sending more vibrations throughout her
body.

"Yes," a raspy pant cried…her own voice. "Now, take me now…"

Kathryn bolted upright in the tub, her breath shallow, as the
current thoughts that had invaded her melted way like the beads of
sweat against the cool breeze. "Not, now!" she growled at herself. "I
can't be having these feeling…now!" She pulled the stopper and
quickly washed off, wrapping herself in a towel and her robe,
stomping over to the replicator, and ordered some water. She drank
the glass very quickly, and then drank another one, before placing
the glass back.

Feeling in better control of herself she moved to sit on her
sofa, shifting around the pillows, when she spotted something, white.
She pulled on the material, and smiled, it was one of Chakotay's
shirts, "so that's where this went too," she said softly, her mind
recalling the wild night she and her First Officer had after one of
Neelix's mixer, where it turned out that the not so innocent looking
punch had alcoholic effects on over half the crew, they being no
exception. Then as quickly as the smile arrived it faded, she
crumpled up the shirt. "It was just a game, Kathryn, stop this!" she
ordered herself. //Oh, yeah that's right, he's not your type, // her
mind replied mockingly.

"He's not," she said quietly, getting up to toss the shirt in
the replicator. //Ah and you got no pleasure out of being in those
strong arms, being loved head to toe by a man that adored you. No,
he's not your type, intelligent, quick witted, strong in body and in
character, and sexy as hell, hmm, nope not one bit `your' type. Hmm,
good thing he's out of the way now, isn't it? //

"Shut up!" she growled, looking at the soft white shirt she
still held. "Besides, he's married and the baby…I…" she sighed,
feeling that if the Doc saw her like this, she'd be in
sickbay. //Married? He's not gay or bi, you know this. The marriage
is only because you gave him reason not to trust you…fix it, get him
back where he belongs, by `your side' day and night. As for the kid,
let him have it, it'll make him happy, and you know what a happy
First Officer is like…// Kathryn gave a wicked grin. //A few
concessions is nothing to what it's like having him with you, all
that streanght and power, yours to command. Anyone else, including
Tom, could take him away, and you know he belongs by you…you can't
risk it…get him back. //

Kathryn's dark grin grew wider, as she changed for bed, not
wearing the nightgown she had chosen earlier, but the white shirt
that belonged to Chakotay, secure in her plan to put things back to
the way they should be once and for all.

************

It had taken Chakotay some time to reach the holodeck, for it
seemed that everyother person he met had to talk to him about
something. He was patient, and mostly listening, and then would state
he'd look into it, and move on. Just before entering, he felt the
sweat run down his face, and leaned against the holodeck doorway as
they opened.

"Hey, you look exhausted," B'Elanna stated, as she was coming
in and saw her friend and First Officer leaning against the
archway. "Here, let's grab a drink, and then get you back to your
quarters to rest. I'm surprised that Tom would let you out looking
the way you do."

"He didn't," Chakotay smiled, feeling a bit better, walking
in Sardines with her. "I was a jerk, and Tom stormed out. I'm here to
apologize."

"What did you do?" B'Elanna asked, knowing that sometimes
Chakotay could get one sided in issues.

"Tom was simply looking out for me, and I snapped at him."

"Then you should apologize," she stated, pointing to Tom who
had noticed Chakotay enter the bar and though hesitantly was
approaching.

Chakotay gave a weak smile, still feeling tired, then looked
at the young man who approach, but a crash from the right caught his
attention. Chell and Greg were at odds with one another again.
Chakotay turned, his hands on his hips, "STOP IT!" he shouted, and
stormed over there, grabbing Chell off of Greg. "You two are on
report as of this…" he stopped, as a wave of nausea over took him,
and a crushing sensation filled his chest. "This…"

"Chakotay?"

He heard a voice from behind him, but he couldn't
concentrate, he was feeling sick, and it was hard for him to breath.

"Chakotay!"

He felt strong arms on him, his head resting on a shoulder,
and he opened his eyes to see Tom holding him as a tingling sensation
surrounded him. He could hear Tom's voice telling him he would be
okay, and then he heard nothing.

*************

"What happened?" Janeway demanded as she strode in, concern
etched all over her face. She saw Tom standing near by the biobed,
biting his thumb, as the EMH was still working on her First
Officer. "What happened?" she asked again, thought lowering her voice
as she stood next to Tom.

"Doc says it's his heart…he having a heart attack, and the
Doc is having trouble stabilizing it," Tom said, his voice low, the
fear clear.

"I'm afraid it may not be possible for him to continue with
this pregnancy," The EMH stated, "If I am to keep him alive."

"Can't you save both?" Tom asked his voice almost cracking.

"It may come down to one or the other, and I need to know
which one, should that happen," the Doc said, his face looking grim.

"You save my First Office," Janeway stated in an Order
fashion.

Tom took a hesitant breath, his eyes growing dark with anger
and heartache, "With all due respect, Captain. But he is `my'
husband, and only `I' have say over him in these situations," he
growled. He didn't like what he was going to say, but Chakotay and he
had talked, and Tom gave his word, and now he would keep it. He
looked at the Doc, "Chakotay said that if there is `any' way to save
the baby to do so…if you have to chose, that `is' his choice."

The EMH could see the pain in Tom's eyes having to say that
and respected the young man even more, "Very well, I've noted your
request on your husband's behalf. Now, if you two would leave me, I
have a job to do, and hopeful, I can ignore that request," he stated,
suddenly no longer aware anyone else was in the room but him and his
patient.

Tom moved slowly from the room to the Doc's office, and
slowly curled up in a chair, as tears fell silently down his face.

"You love him, don't you?"

Tom looked up to see an astonished Janeway looking down at
him. He simply nodded yes, for he couldn't deny it even if he wanted
too, it was written all over his face.

"I'm sorry, Tom."

Tom first thought that she meant she was sorry for the
situation, but when he looked up at her, he could see more…pity.
Bitch pitied him. "For what, he's going to be okay," he snapped back,
not caring who she was at the moment.

"Your right, Chakotay will be all right," she replied, not
taking any offense to his anger. "I'm only sorry that…well, you know
he's straight, Tom."

Bitch knew too much and suddenly he hated her for it, but all
he could do was burry his face in his knees as he wrapped his arms
around himself, not acknowledging anything at the moment. He was
unsure how long he stayed this way, but the soft clearing of a throat
got his attention, and he looked up to see the Doc in the archway, a
smile on his face.

"I'm pleased to announce I was able to stabilize the
Commander, and he and his daughter are doing quite well. Though I am
of now placing him on restricted duty, after a full week of recovery,
unless you have a problem with this?" The EMH asked, looking directly
at Janeway, his contempt of her past behavior in regards to the
Commander clear in his eyes.

"Absolutely not," she replied, determined not to get upset,
for if she wanted Chakotay back, all the way, she would have to win
supporters, and that also meant fixing past mistakes. "In fact, make
it two weeks recovery and I'll make sure he gets a light schedule,
till you say otherwise." Seeing the gleam in the EMH's eyes told her
she scored point's big time.

"Good to hear it, Captain. Then he looked over at Tom who now
was standing up, "He's awake and asking for you, don't stay too long,
he needs his rest."

"I won't," Tom replied, not able to keep the look of `he
asked for me not you' glare out of his eyes, as he slipped past the
Doc and the Captain. He moved out silently toward the biobed, where
Chakotay was lying, realizing that he had come close to losing him
again, //Stupid, you should have kept your mouth shut,// he chided
himself, knowing that somehow this was his fault. He moved to the
side of the bed and was glad to see Chakotay's warm eyes looking back
at him. "Hey," he smiled.

Chakotay reached out and took Tom's hand, seeing the surprise
gave a small smile, "Sorry. Sorry for being a jerk, not listening to
you, and sorry for…scarring you like this…again. I…I'm really am
sorry, Tom," he stated, his dark eyes growing moist with tears. "Had
I listened to you, this wouldn't have happened. The Doc told me I was
playing with my health…" he closed his eyes, a single tear rolled
down his cheek.

"It wasn't your fault, Tay," Tom soothed, instinctually
wiping the tear off Chakotay's cheek.

Chakotay looked up into bright love filled eyes, "It
definitely wasn't your fault. You did everything short of force
feeding me and sitting on me, to get me to take care of myself. No,
Tom, this `was' my fault, me and my damn pride. I wanted to prove not
only to the Captain I could do both, but myself as well. Guess I blew
it big time, though I am grateful she's okay," Chakotay replied,
rubbing the tiny bulge in his abdomen.

Tom gave a reassuring smile, "Well, then I promise, I will
sit on you and force feed you, for I'm not letting it happen again,"
he vowed, even though he made it with a jest full tone.

Chakotay realized he was still holding Tom's hand, his eyes
still holding back tears of exhaustion and pent up emotions, "I know
I can count on you, Tom. I have no doubts." He looked up at the young
man, "The Doc told me you kept your word, and I'm sorry that I put
you in that position, but…thank you. Had you not been there…the
Captain would have…" he couldn't say it.

Tom understood what he meant, but for Chakotay's sake of
peace and mind, "Perhaps, but she did approve of you having two weeks
off to recover, and restricted duty, not a single complaint. In fact,
the Doc asked for one, she insisted two, I think she's finally coming
around," Tom stated, trying to keep his own doubts out of his voice,
for he knew Chakotay needed to believe this.

"I'm glad," Chakotay yawned. "I promise, Tom, no more trouble
from me."

Tom couldn't help himself, he caressed Chakotay's dark
hair, "First off, your no trouble to me," he smiled, "and second, you
shouldn't promise things you can't keep" he teased, seeing sleep
weigh heavy on Chakotay's eyes. "Now, sleep, everything's going to be
just fine, I promise." Tom stood there holding his husband's hand,
watching him drift off to sleep and once more indulged his heart, by
leaning in and placing a small kiss on his forehead, unaware of the
dark look he was receiving from within the shadows of an unwelcome
intruder.

Tom covered up his love and moved back into the Doctor's
office where the Captain and the Doc were discussing Chakotay's
health and outlining his recovery, and welcomed Tom, for they would
need his approval, as well as Chakotay's to finalize things.

*************

The intruder left sickbay as silently as they had arrived;
now walking the quiet halls deep in thought as to when it occurred?
When did they become obsessed with the Commander? When did the need
to hold, protect, and possess the beautiful man in sickbay happen?
But sometime over the last couple of months, visions and thoughts of
the strong intelligent man filled them, even more so, the thought of
how vulnerable he was now that he was with child, a child that they
wanted to also protect and claim…why?

The quietly moved into an empty turbolift and headed to their
quarters, where once inside, the started to consider the situation
more deeply. Their only obstacles were Tom Paris and Kathryn Janeway,
and with some careful planning they both could be easily taken care
of, one way or another. Janeway would be easier, for she had already
alienated herself from the Commander, keeping her there wouldn't be
too difficult. It would simply mean the right words dropped non-
conspicuously in the right ears, to assure they reached Chakotay.

No, Tom would be more difficult. The young man was in love
with `their' Chakotay, and even if Chakotay didn't seem to return the
emotion, it would still prove a problem. No, Tom would have to go, if
the young man continued to wheedle his way into `their' Chakotay's
heart, and this could not be allowed. Chakotay would be theirs…there
was no more doubt or question, the choice was made…Chakotay was going
to be their mate, and Tom had to die.
 

TBC in Unwanted Turn of Events.