Title:  Faith in Shadows
Series: Blind Faith (sequel to the Unwanted series)
Author: Kim Riley a.k.a. MYSTIC
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Paramount. Again since they are no longer using them I’ve decided to take our boys out of the ‘closet’ and let them play and be happy. Enjoy. 
Summary: With all the changes Chakotay has gone through and will be going through, he finds it harder to come to terms with some of the changes then expected.  Part IV following Leap of Faith, Blinded by the Truth, Blindsided
Rating: R for language and sex
Pairing:  C/P 
Feedback: Please! Mysticmcknight@hotmail.com
 

“Faith in Shadows”

 ****Bury him**** He’s just a minor****

 “Cadet what are you doing here?” a tall strong looking human male asked. 

 ****Mine****

 “Reporting as ordered…*giggle*…Sir” 

 *****Touch me**** Yes, oh yes, don’t stop****

 “Cadet what are you doing here?” a different harder looking male demands

 ****No don’t touch me****
 
 “I…I…didn’t meant too!” 

**** Stop it, please stop it!****
 
 “What do we do with him, he’s just a minor?”

 “Bury him.” 

 “NO!”

 Chakotay bolts up, sweat poring down his face, his breathing erratic. “Tom? Tom!” he calls out, but there is no answer. //Shit!// he thinks as thought returns to him. //Idiot, of course he’s not back, you practically tossed him out of here. All he wanted was to help…stupid!// 

 “Computer time?”

 <The time is 01:30>

 //Damn, I hope he’s all right,// he thinks, shifting to sit on the side of the bed, the thoughts of his nightmare pushed aside, as if he can’t recall the thoughts anymore. He gets up slowly and moves to the nursery and listens, AJ is sleeping soundly. He then moves into the living room, where he spent hours crawling on the floor picking up stuff. What he could figure out he did his best to put back, and once again was glad that the more breakable stuff was put away. He got himself some tea, “Computer, location of Lieutenant Paris?” 

 < Lieutenant Paris is in Observation lounge 10> 

 Chakotay remembered that lounge, and if it wasn’t so late he would go to Tom, but it was unfair to wake someone up to watch AJ, so he would sit and wait for Tom, he owed him a huge apology. //He was just trying to help and be there for me and I pushed him away.//  He sipped his tea for a little bit, and after some thought, decided to meditate to ease his mind and his spirit. 

************

 Darkness, pain, aches and pains, as he slowly started to become aware of his surroundings. He had a hell of a hangover, so a tiny moan escaped his lips. 

 “I hope you feel like shit,” a familiar but tried voice stated. 

 Tom held his head as he sat up, and looked around. It took him a moment to realize he was in an observation lounge and by the voice not alone. //How the hell did I get here?// he thought as he shifted on to his butt, his focus coming clearer by the second. He looked around some more and a figure standing by the port view, their back to him started to come into focus. “Who the hell are you, and what the hell is going on?” he demanded. 

 “You really are a little fuck, aren’t you?” the figure stated with disdain as he turned around to face Tom. 

 Tom’s eyes went wide, “What the hell?” 

 “Hell is a good word for it, Tommyboy, for that is where I come from.” 

 Tom sat stunned as he looked at an older version of…himself. But this version besides being older had a few nasty scares on his face and his eyes were dark…dark from having the soul burned out of them, and he was standing just five feet away from him. “What the…?” 

 “You know, I don’t recall being that much of a stupid fuck, but then again,” he snorted, “I guess I was wrong…twice over.”  He strode over to Tom, who was still sitting on his butt; his legs sprawled out, as if trying to stand but gave up, and suddenly kicked him between the balls. 

 “Shit!” Tom cried out in pain as he doubled over. “What the fuck are you doing?” 

 “Doing what someone should have done, you little fuck. Did you really think he wouldn’t find out? No, that’s the problem you weren’t thinking, just your little head was, stupid Fuck,” the older Tom spat out, kicking Tom in the butt this time, not as hard. “Well, guess what he did, and my fucking existence is the result. Do you know we lost ‘everything’ and I mean ‘everything’ that meant a damn to us, because you couldn’t keep your damn dick in your pants!” he spat again as he kicked Tom in the legs, harder this time. 

 “Fuck!” Tom shouted and swiped back, to get this guy away from him. “If you are me that mean you didn’t keep your dick under control either, asshole!” he growled. 

 The older Tom stopped kicking at Tom, “Your right, I didn’t. Like you I went to play land the shuttle with the Delaney sister, but guess what, for some reason Tay got concerned and asked our location and guess what the ever reliable computer told him, Hmm? Oh, I forgot, ‘you’ didn’t think about that, now did you? Well, not this time! It took me years of hell to find a way to change things, and I’m not about to let a little fuck like you mess it up for me again!” 

 “You’re changing the time line?” 

 “Give the baby a lollipop, he got it one. Damn right I am. You have ‘no’ idea what chain of events you were about to start, but I do, and believe me, pretty boy, hell is a vacation spot to what I’ve been through.”

 “What happen?” Tom asked, even though he shouldn’t. 

 The older Tom, dressed in thick black leather pants, and a heavy white turtle neck, sat down, and rested his right foot on his left knee. “Well, I don’t know all the particulars, for after he found out that we cheated on him, he cut us out…out of his life, out of our daughter’s life. I know about time lines and all the quantum shit, and I can’t say too much, but I can say this…he’s going to need you. How things are going to change since I know by now he’s checked up on you and this time hears you in this lounge, I don’t know, but I do know…he’s going to need you.”  The older Tom Paris stands up, his age now showing, “I lost everything, and I’m praying beyond prayer, that what I return too is better than what I left…which is nothing but regrets and hell. Don’t make the same mistake, Tom. You said once he was worth it; from someone who didn’t listen, trust me…he was.”  He then pulled out a tiny devise. 

 “It was you in the hall that night,” Tom stated, trying to process all he was hearing. 

 “Yep, time travel is a tricky business, and I was a bit early, had to be here tonight…has to stop the chain of disaster, or at least part of it.”

 “I guess…thank you is in order…”

 “Don’t thank me yet, for things are far from going to be easy, but if you achieve what I lost…than…thank me. Oh, by the way, make Tay work on his hand to hand combat skills.” The Older Tom stated, as he fiddled with the devise in his hands.

 “Why? He won’t be going on any missions?”

 The older version swore in Romulan, “Little Fuck, just do what I say…make him practice, make him learn how to fight…for all your sakes…do it.” He looked at the devise and smirked, “Time’s up. Hopefully I won’t be coming back.” Then the devise beeped and in an instant the older Paris was gone, no sign of him ever being there. 

 Tom slowly got up, his body hurt. First thing he was doing was going home, the second, make an appointment with the Doc, if he couldn’t handle his libido he’d rather kill it then risk whatever hell that version came from. 

**********
 Tom entered his quarters to see Chakotay on the sofa, a blanket on his shoulders and he was shifting side to side, and the sofa was beginning to shake, //Shit,// Tom thought and moved to his side as fast as he could move. “Tay, honey, wake up, it’s a bad dream, wake up,” he gently said as he shook lightly his husband. 

 “No!” Tay bolted up right, once again panting his breathing hard. 

 “Tay are you all right?” 

 “Tom?”

 Tom could see that Chakotay did need him and held him tightly, “Yes, I’m here,” and felt his love’s body shake. “What happened, can you talk about it?” 

 “I want to, but I can’t remember much, only that I didn’t like it, and that it has to do with what ever is going on in my head,” Chakotay replied, still holding Tom tightly, his face buried in his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Tom. I should have talked to you, but instead I pushed you away, I’m really sorry, please forgive me.” 

 “You have nothing to forgive, even I need time to work things out, and I should have respected that. Next time I will, I’ll give you some time, and then we talk…okay?” 

 “Okay, I promise.” 

 “So, can we talk about what happened to start all this?” He asked as he sat back and looked at Chakotay with concern, keeping his contact. 

 Chakotay took a deep breath, “We discovered that the block was done on purpose, that it was placed there, and I don’t know why. Tuvok thinks I was a victim of…something, and for some reason that set me off; I guess I don’t like to think of myself being that way. Anyway it doesn’t feel like what he was suggesting, that I was a victim of molestation, but I was a victim of some sort, I feel that part, for I am sure now, I didn’t want this block in my head, but someone put it there.” 

 Tom didn’t know what to say, he only held his love some more. Part of him wanted forgiveness for his own actions, but is was best that this night be his secret and a lesson, for he saw clear, Chakotay did need him, and from the sound of it, would need him even more soon, regardless of what was going to occur. “Do you and Tuvok still think you can break thought?”

 “I believe so, but now I’m having nightmares, and…and when I wake up, I can’t recall anything but the feelings, even they are jumbled. Tom…can we…I mean, I…” he sighed. 

 “I don’t like the idea of separate beds either,” Tom stated warmly, seeing the unasked question. “I’ll go take care of it, you rest here.”

 “Tom, you don’t have…”

 “I have no intentions of sleeping cramped in that tiny bed when I don’t have too, and there is ‘no’ way I am letting you sleep along…again.” 

 “But what about…you know?”

 Tom looked at his husband, and recalled what occurred to him earlier this night, “Don’t worry about it, Tay. I’m going to be here for you, you can count on it. Besides, I have an excellent idea on another way we can get physical,” he teased. 

 “Oh, and how is that?” Tay asked hearing the jest in Tom’s voice. 

 “We are going to practice our hand to hand combat skills, you my dear hubby are probably rusty and need to pick up a few new tricks,” he said warmly, but the thought that if his future self stated this was important, than it had to be and he would heed it…he wasn’t quite the stupid fuck he thought he was. 

 “Hand to hand combat? Tom, are you nuts, I can’t see…how am I…”

 “That’s what we are going to work on, Love. We’re Starfleet officers; it is our ‘duty’ to be prepared for all occasions…yes?” //that’s it, use his sense of duty to move things along,// he thought warmly. 

 “True…I guess. But why now?” 

 “Hey, you said you wanted to exercise and I want a more strenuous activity, what better than to combine both and get us both what we need, yes?” //Hey that sounded pretty good,// he thought as he fixed up their bedroom back to their old  bed and was now fixing the sheets and covers. 

 “Okay, Tom, if that is what you want.”

 Tom came out, and gathered up his husband in his arms, “I will admit, what I want is in my arms, but yes, for now, that is what I want. Indulge me, Tiger.”

 “Sheesh, Tom. Baby, honey, Big man, now Tiger, and I haven’t thought of one for you yet.” 

 “Hey, you’ve called my Hon and baby, what’s the big deal,” Tom replied warmly. 

 “The big deal is, you called me that first, and I want a name just for you, that’s the big deal,” Tay pouted. 

 Tom couldn’t resist, he loved it when Tay pouted, it was so cute and in its own way very sexy, he leaned in and kissed his pouting lips. “I’m sure your think of something. Now, it’s very late and we do have to start getting on schedule, I have work next week and you in two, so to bed Mister.” 

 “Yes, sir!” Tay replied with a salute and slowly marched to bed, high-stepping it, knowing it was edging Tom all the way. His proof came when Tom grabbed him around the waist and tickled him, only to stop to the sound of the two o’clock feeding. 

 “I’ll get it,” Tom replied. 

 “No, I will, you go get ready for bed, tired of trying with out you,” Chakotay stated, and then moved off to tend to his daughter. 

 //Oh, Tommyboy, you came real close to losing this…idiot!// he moved into the bedroom and moved to the computer terminal and made a request to the Doc for an appointment, till Tay was ready, he would do without a libido. 

************

****Bury him**** He’s just a minor****

 “Cadet what are you doing here?” a tall strong handsome looking human male asked, standing tall dressed in Command red, the rank of Captain showing on his collar, standing in a hall.  

 ****Mine****

 “Reporting as ordered…*giggle*…Sir” a young male teen’s voice replied easily, standing in an office.  

 *****Touch me**** Yes, oh yes, don’t stop****

 “Cadet what are you doing here?” a harder familiar looking male demands, his rank is Admiral, and his eyes are cold steel as he looks downward, standing in a living room. 

 ****No don’t touch me****
 
 “I…I…didn’t meant too!” a young boyish voice cries out, fear and panic in it. “It…It just happened…I didn’t…..” 

**** Stop it, please stop it!****
 
 “What do we do with him, he’s just a minor?” a calm tall old looking Vulcan dressed in fine Vulcan traditional clothing asks of someone else, standing in a living room. 

 “Bury him. We don’t need his kind here.”  

 “We can not, he is the son of a high raking member of his world, we can not simply…bury him, and I am sure you understand this.” 

 “Very well, Sarak, you handle it, but I want this mess handled and put to bed once and for all. If word of this got out, it would be the end of Starfleet as we know it.”

 “I would agree, Admiral Pairs, I would agree.” 
 

 Tuvok and Chakotay broke the meld, both looking at each other in surprise, both wondering what secret the Commander held that would devastate Starfleet to the point they would violate his mind and be sanctioned by such individuals as Sarak of Vulcan and Admiral Owen Paris, Tom’s father?

TBC in Blind Ambitions