Child of love 15

Chakotay walked into his quarters in a daze, setting Tommy down on the floor, sinking down beside him opening his arms in despair.
Scrambling into Cha's open arms Tommy settled into Chakotay's lap pressing his face into his chest Tommy cried.

Tightening his grip Chakotay petted Tommy's hair in comfort as tears
silently slid down his face. Once Tommy grew quiet Chakotay hugged him closer saying, "Tommy I need to explain something's that need to be done tonight, in order for you and Tom to talk."

Tommy moved out of his arms standing up with a small smile saying, "I know what do to Cha."

"I'm sure you do Doodle bug but I need to explain, can you indulge me for awhile?"

Wrapping his tiny arms about his neck saying, "Sur' can Cha."
Tapping Tommy nose saying, "Good now let me explain, as you know it time for you and Big Tom to talk time for him to tell you things that he has been hiding from us you're the messenger in that part of things your job is to get Tom to remember things that he has buried and to reassure him that it's okay to remember and for him to find the closure he's looking for."


Tom stared at his spirit guide and Chakotay's guide, frowning at them as they talk to him, "Thomas my child, as you know you've had made great strides dealing with your past but now it's time for you to go back to the real world and be with Chakotay, it's your destiny child, they coming for you to bring you back."

Tom looked between the two asking dully, "Chakotay and Tommy right?"

"They're coming to talk but the ones who gave you this chance to work on things are coming, they as well as we feel that it's time to end your self punishment. The one who have hurt have to pay for their crimes against you."

"I understand but it's so hard."

Tom watched as the wolf padded over to him, he felt at peace with his guide and the wolf they had waited patiently for him to seek them out in his own time and once he did they supported him throughout the whole thing letting him rage and scream throughout, but he knew that he was better for it and he knew that Chakotay was right about talking things out.

"It's never easy to give up a life time of hurts, you've clung to them all
your life, holding them to your chest as you would in a card game, it's time to let the ones who love you in. Chakotay is waiting for you, he wants to walk beside you till the ends of the days and beyond. It's time to think of what he wants. . . No correction, it's time for what you both want, Thomas you know deep in your heart you've been testing him to see if he will really stay with you before you commit to him, but trust him, he won't hurt you, and trust yourself as well Thomas give the rest of you over to him as he has done for you, he's given you his heart and soul and most of all his life, can you offer him the same?"

Both guides watch the man features as he sat in thought, both with a fond smile, well what would pass for a smile, they were glad that the human was willing to work things out with them they both knew without him telling them what his life was like but he needed to say it out aloud, they rejoiced when he even told them who was behind every- thing on Voyager though it shocked them and the wolf knew that it would shock the hell of Chakotay, since Chakotay once called him friend.

Tom nodded as he settled his thoughts, saying, "I can't offer any less than he has, he deserves my love which I have been with holding, to scare to give it to him since others have thrown it back at me with a laugh and punches for good measure. I do love him more than anything and if I have been testing him it was done for without thought, which I have come to realize I haven't given any thought to him, just thinking of myself hoping like hell I wouldn't get hurt and all the while I was doing just that, hurting him by not telling him what I really thought or want was wrong when he asked. Damn you know what I wouldn't be surprised if he told to fuck off, oh sorry I forgot no swearing while in this plane."

"We understand and forgive you. Chakotay will understand and forgive you, do you know why?"

With a grin Tom nodded saying, "Because he loves me and when you really love someone you forgive them and help them through their time of need. And from now on if he'll have me I'll do just that."

Rubbing her face against Tom's cheek as the eagle flapped her wings, hopping of the rock she had been perched on asking, "Thomas, before you were frowning at the news of going back, Why?"

Tom snorted as he tired explain, "As you know I've never had a love for counselors since they always betrayed me telling people about things I've told them during sessions, I know I need to see either Tuvok or the Doctor, though I would have trusted Chakotay but he to close to me to be able to help in that manner and I would want him to support me by being able to hug me when I need one, I'm just scared that it would happen again, and I've been through this all with the two of you and don't really want to rehash it all with them."

"I understand and I think once they see you in the real world they won't make you see a counselor if you explain that you have had help to sort through everything but I hope that you will trust Chakotay and tell him, he needs to know if anyone does."

"Thanks and yes he needs to know."

"Good now it's time to rest Thomas, Tommy and Chakotay will be here soon for a chat then you go home." 

"Will I be able to come back?"

"You better child, ask Chakotay to help you and have him teach you the ways of his people and teach him the ways of yours Thomas as well,  and show Chakotay who you really are under all those masks  of yours and let Chakotay show you, who he really is. But most of all let him love you and let yourself love him."

Nodding Tom laid down wrapping his arms about the she wolf while the Eagle stood guard over them as they slept.


"It time, put the plan into action."
"Aye sir, Vorick will take the child and bring him to you."

"Move it, time running out and no brat is going to ruin my plans for this ship or for Paris."

Once Chakotay was sure everything was in place with small smile of
reassurance to the group gathered before not sure if it was for them or for himself, "It's time everyone knows what they are to do once Tommy and I in the spirit realm form a complete circle about us I have the lockout for the transporters so they won't be able to beam in but whoever behind is smart and might try any trick in the book, no answering hails or the door I know that it sounds like I've gone over board but we're talking a group of desperate people they know that it's coming to an end and they plan on going down with a fight."

Kathryn lay a hand on Chakotay arm saying, "We understand and will do everything in our power to protect you and Tommy," couching down till she was eye level with Tommy saying, "I just want to say that it was a pleasure having you here Tommy and you're a brave boy and a real brave man."

Nodding Tommy gave her a hug saying, "Tell that to Tom, he needs to hear that every once in a while. This isn't goodbye yet. I'll be here for the others."

Chakotay sat on the floor wearing just a pair of shorts, he usually went on his quest naked but he didn't which to embarrass the females in the room or the males for that matter.

Reaching out for Tommy setting him on his crossed legs wrapping his arms about the child, laying his hand upon the akoonah and begun to recite, " Akoochimoya, We are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers. We are far from the bones of our people. But perhaps there is a powerful being who will embrace this man and child give them the answers they seek."

Finding his guide and an Eagle waiting Chakotay saw Tom standing off to the side with a huge grin on his face smiling back at him Chakotay moved towards him just as he took his first step his guide told him, "Not now child, it's time for Tommy and Tom to talk." Moving closer to him as she sensed his disappointment rubbing against his legs saying, "It's alright child you'll get your chance to talk with him, but you need to talk to us, now come on."

The she wolf gently pushed Tommy toward Tom saying, "Go talk and listen, Tom know what to tell you as you know what to tell him and he'll listen he ready and now he waits."

Tommy nodded as he gave Chakotay a quick hug then hurried over to Tom, taking his hand Tom lead them over to the water edge where they both sat not sure how to say Tom just jumped right in saying, "When you go back tell them the person is Tabor, he's the ring leader, now that, that out of the way lets get down to what we need to do care to start?"

Seeing identical smiles on both Tom's faces Chakotay nodded as he turned towards his guide and the eagle saying, "He looks alot better."
Bobbing her head the eagle replied, "Thomas has done a lot of soul searching during his time here, he is ready to join your world again, he wishes to come back and wants to know if you can teach him to come back, that is if you'll still have him." Watching the man before her carefully she knew that the man still wanted her Thomas but Thomas was still unsure and she wanted Chakotay to understand that even though Thomas has made great strides in his life, he still needed to hear certain things from him.

Nodding Chakotay asked, "He unsure if I still love him?"

"He knows that you love him but remember the love he been shown all his life
involve him being hurt, people have claimed to love him yet in the end they have walked away from him."

"So he been testing me?"

"In away, but he ready to make this work or he'll step back, he leaving it up to you."

"I still want him but he has to agree to talk to me before things get out of control again."

"He knows he hurt you and wishes to make it up to you. But remember this, he's been hurt alot and he was looking out for himself, his defenses were up and he never had anyone to rely on before this is new to him, he's always had to rely himself. Understand that before you make demands on him, he knows he has to work on things and he wants you to help him, he's ready to trust you fully."

Chakotay nodded saying, "I understand what you're saying and as long as he willing to work on things, I'm willing as well."

Chakotay guide nodded as she laid at his side saying, "As long as you work as a team it will work but don't force Thomas to do anything he doesn't want to, he know what he capable of and will talk about it when he ready." I won't force him."

"Good trust in him and he'll trust you."

Chakotay looked over at the two sitting on the water edge he was glad that Tom had sorted things out, but was disappointed that it took this amount of grief to get him to even try, if he had just asked for help in the beginning, this wouldn't have happened, Chakotay felt his anger for the blond begin to boil. The two guides noticed that he was getting anger nodding at each other knowing that he needed to calm down before he even spoke to Thomas if they let him talk to him while he was angry would drive the wedge even further in than it was between the two men.

Chakotay tried to get a grip on his temper when he remembered what Tom's guide had told him, his anger left, feeling ashamed of himself.
"It's alright to feel the way you do, Thomas knows that you will be angry with him actually he expects it and feels that he deserves it for hurting you, but Chakotay don't let him take all the blame for this."

"But. . ."

"But nothing don't lay all the blame at his feet he didn't know any better point the finger at the people who really deserves it, like his father that knocked his self esteem till there was nothing left, all he wants is a chance to explain, just keep an open mind and he'll have questions as well answer him as honestly as you can."

Confused Chakotay head snapped up seeking her out asking, "What questions?"

"Ask Thomas."

Chakotay nodded as he looked back at the two missing the look the two guides passed between them.

"Looks like they have finished my child are you ready to talk to Thomas or do you need more time to think?" Chakotay guided asked him as she offered comfort to him.

"I'm ready."

"Send the child over to us."

Patting his guide on her head as he kissed her on the nose saying, "Thanks for everything."

"No thanks are needed but you're welcome, now go don't dawdle Thomas is waiting."

Tom watched as Chakotay walked over to him he had been dreading this talk and had insisted that it happened here with them offering their support, Tom knew that if he tried this without them being here he wouldn't do it he lacked the courage to do it, and no matter what they had told him he knew he was right. Nodding to Tommy as he stood up and gave him a hug, "You can do it Tom I have faith in you."

Tommy smiled as he passed Chakotay making his way over to the two guides sitting down beside the wolf watching the other two with interest.
Tom shifted nervously, dangling his bare feet in the water letting the cool water calm him before turning back to the man who could make or break him with just a look or a word.