Author's note: Okay kiddies this one's initial premise might beg you
to suspend your logical thinking for a time and ask you to go a
little with the flow cause the science isn't exactly precise (it is
however closer than you might think) but I promise you, it will
eventually be worth it.

*A special thanks to Haggis for inspiring this whacked out tale of
misadventure and desperate love.*

Summary:   Chakotay and Tom go on an away mission to a toxic planet
and have to depend on each other in a very intimate way to stay alive.
 
 

"For the commander, I prescribe sleep and for you Lieutenant," The
Doc crinkled his holographic nose.  "A shower."

"Just sleep, that's all?"  Tom wrapped one of Chakotay's hands in
both of his.  "Your sure he's all right?  He got enough?"

"Yes, Mr Paris.  I told you he was fine.  Now if you please.-" The
doctor eyed the Sickbay's exit but Tom ignored him.  He didn't want
to leave, not even to change into something a little warmer than the
sleep pants the EMH had given him.

"Tom.-" Came a soft voice and a softer touch to his elbow.  He
turned.

"Captain?"  He had forgotten she was here.

"Let Chakotay sleep.  You can come back and see him after you've
gotten some rest yourself."

"I'll be okay."  Tom protested.

"No, you won't."  She replied firmly.  "According to your preliminary
report, you haven't slept since you left the ship."

"No, but.-" How did he explain to her he had to be here when Chakotay
woke up?   That he needed to know how much he remembered.  Needed to
know if he felt the same way.

"Go, I'll watch over him for you."  She said gently easing him back
from the bio-bed.

Coming up close behind him, the captain rubbed his shoulders briefly
and then firming her hold, walked him towards the door.

"But what if he wakes up?"  Tom said over his shoulder.

"I'll call you.  Now go."

At the door she released him.  Turning, he gave the sleeping Chakotay
a long lingering look and then yawned.  He was tired.  Tom squinted
an eye at his captain.

"You promise?"

Kathryn Janeway smiled warmly.  Tom recalled his mother smiling at
him that way when he was a boy.

"Get some sleep Tom."  She said and then shooed him out the door.

Tom yawned again and went.

********

He was worst than a ten year old trying to avoid bedtime, mussed
hair, droopy pj's and all.

Except he wasn't a child, Tom Paris was an adult, a grown man and one
who was obviously very much in love.

Kathryn had known that the moment he had materialized in Sickbay with
unconscious Chakotay in his arms.  It had been hard to miss.

The initial shock of their nudity and the pungent aroma of sex that
had immediately filled the air of the medical facility at their
arrival had set off a cascade of arching eyebrows and amused twitters
but that had transformed quickly into a hushed awe.

Wearing nothing but a leather satchel over one shoulder, the pilot
had laid her first officer on a bio-bed with such gentle caring,
stroking his naked limbs and arranging them neatly, nobody in Sickbay
had dared to utter a peep lest they interrupted him.  However when
Tom began kissing Chakotay's face while giving quiet words of
comfort, Kathryn swore she'd heard a few oohs and aahs from the
direction of Tuvok's rough and burly security team.

Acting beyond his years, it had been Harry Kim who had cajoled Tom
away from the bio-bed so the EMH could make a complete examination of
Chakotay.  Kathryn herself had been too caught up in the intimate
scene.  Seeing two of her senior officers nude, and so soon after
having very evidently engaged in an activity of the most personal
nature had disturbed her.  The reality of her orders had hit home.

While it was sweet and romantic to see the normally cocky pilot's
defenses come down, she didn't remember ever seeing him act so
affectionate with anybody, she was afraid it was only temporary and
the fallout when it came would be disastrous.

For the sake of a mission, she had forced a bond between the two very
different men, ones that operated and lived their lives by different
sets of morals and ideas.  They were both good men, there was no
doubt in her mind about that, but she was not so certain that they
were meant to be together.

Chakotay was rock solid and Tom Paris was wild and unconventional.
They fought enough as it was, what would happen when the intimacy
they had obviously developed on the planet crashed in the wake of
their different personalities and how much responsibility would she
take when that immanent disaster hit?

After Ensign Kim had thoughtfully provided the pilot with something
to wear, Tom had approached her and gave a brief of accounting of
what had transpired planet side.  During the entire telling of the
candid report his blue eyes had been centered over her shoulder and
on Chakotay.  He had returned to the commander's bedside the moment
he was done.  Tom's disinterest in her had given Kathryn the
opportunity to confirm her suspicions.

The large hickey on the juncture of his neck and shoulder told of a
joining brought on by desire and not medical need.  Chakotay had
bitten Tom while making love not while trying to inoculate him from
the planet's poisonous atmosphere.  The timetable the EMH had
carefully arranged, according to the pilot's blatantly honest report
had only been adhered to once.  After that, they had made their own
schedule base on a totally different set of requirements.  The
information didn't sit well with Kathryn.

Although she had yet to hear Chakotay's side of the story, the
passion in which the pilot had told his left little doubt in her mind
that they had not behaved in a professional manner.  The mission had
been successful, Ensign Kim was already on his way to engineering
with the `soap' but only by chance and not by design.

Chakotay had almost died because he had put Tom before his duty but
in lieu of the unusual circumstances how did she go about
reprimanding him for that?  Gently as his friend, her mind
countered.  With whatever happened next with the audacious pilot,
Chakotay would respond better to friendly counsel than a lecture
from his commanding officer.  It had after all been at her
instigation he take Tom with him on the away team in the first
place.  She would make her own restitution by not demanding one from
him.

"Captain?"  The doctor called interrupting her thoughts.  "The
commander is conscious."

Kathryn dismissed Tuvok and his team, they'd already had heard enough
to fuel the grapevine for months, and approached the bio-bed.  A
silver thermal blanket covered Chakotay.

"How are you feeling?"  She asked as she leaned over him.  The doctor
had bathed him with portable sonic cloth, so he smelled fresh and
clean.

"Groggy," Chakotay shifted his hips on the bed and winced.  "And
sore."

She hid a smile.  From what Tom had told her of his performance, he
should be a little tender down under.  What she wouldn't give to see
Chakotay's own version of launching a man into space.

"Sleep and time should fix that."  Kathryn replied smoothly.

"I suppose you want my report but I'm afraid I don't remember much of
the last few hours."

"Little wonder.  You were suffering from toxic poisoning.  Tom says
you were delirious.  I don't expect you to recall much of anything
Chakotay."

"I do remember somethings.  Tom tied up, Tom untied, Tom leaning over
me, and" He paused.  "Tom talking to me, saying things."

"A lot of `Toms'."

"Yes, I suppose so."  Chakotay said slowly and then jerked up on his
elbows.  The silver blanket slipped down his bare chest to his
waist.   "Where is he Kathryn?  Not still down there trying to get
those blasted stones?"

"No he came back with you and the stones."  She settled him back down
on the bed and pulled up the blanket.  "Tom's in his quarters
sleeping."

"He's okay?"

Kathryn took note that he wasn't interested that their mission had
been successful.  She supposed she was about to find out what he was
really interested in and how much.

"Besides exhaustion and a pretty spectacular hickey on his neck,
he'll be fine."

"I remember the hickey."  Chakotay said softly as his eyes went half-
mast.  "That was before when we," He stopped and looked up at her.

"What happened Chakotay?"  She asked gently.

"Things didn't quite go as planned Kathryn.  We were attacked."

"Yes I know, Tom told me that much but what I want to know is what
happened with you.  Off the record of course."  She added hoping to
loosen his tongue.

Chakotay nodded his head and took a deep breath.  He didn't look at
her when he started to speak quietly and succinctly.

"I wanted him so I took him, although it wasn't that straight forward
or simple.  It was awhile, a few hours perhaps before I threw
everything to the wind and just went for it."

"You had feelings for him and were fighting them?"

Chakotay laughed.  "Tooth and nail Kathryn, tooth and nail, which by
the way isn't anything new.  I think I've been doing that for years,
but when I was finally alone with him, when it was just us, I
couldn't do that anymore."

"I understand.  It's hard to be impersonal with someone you have to
have sex with."

"True but it started before then.  It was in the marketplace, when we
were fully dressed when I began to see what others do in him.  Tom's
a romantic did you know that?  I didn't.  When he was explaining to
me about the relationship between Superman and Lois Lane,"

She interrupted him.  "Lois who?"

"It doesn't matter, what does matter is that I began to see a side of
him that I hadn't before and I liked it.  I enjoyed being with him,
talking and roaming the booths.  We weren't fighting.  There was no
tension.  It was good."

"But something changed that."

"Yes, when he touched me, it scared me to death Kathryn.  It wasn't
much, just a light caress but I felt straight through my skin like a
thunderbolt to my heart.  I desired him.  I was just like everyone
else and was captured by his charms.  Just one of many, one the herd."

This time it was Kathryn that laughed.

"Your ego was bigger than your libido."

"No,"

"Okay then your pride, whatever.  You, Voyager's big bad first
officer and resident icon of infallibility didn't like the fact you
might to have to actually compete for Tom's affections and it
frightened you that you might lose.  You can command the entire ship
but you can't control the feelings of the man that flies her."

"That sounds pretty shallow Kathryn."  Chakotay countered with a
frown.

"No it sounds human.  You didn't want to get hurt, I understand that
too.  Nobody does."

Her first officer's face brightened and he smiled.  "But `nobody' is
an awfully lonely person."

"Yes, I see that you came to that conclusion.   So when it came time
to inoculate each other, you made love to him instead, right?"

"Not the first time, no.  I was still working things out.  It was the
second time, well no, that's not quite right.  I couldn't wait that
long.  I took him ahead of schedule."

"And Tom didn't mind one bit, did he?"

She knew she wouldn't.  Not if she'd been Tom and the recipient of
this handsome man's full fledged desire.  Things might be going along
a little differently if Chakotay had ever felt this strongly about
her.  She would have probably turned him down for the sake of her
captaincy but still, oh just stop it Kathryn.  She stomped down her
errant thoughts.

"No but I knew he wouldn't.  I sort of knew how he felt about me by
then."

"Sort of?"

"He was attracted to me too.  He told me about something he once did
in Sandrine's while I was there.  He made it pretty clear that he
would welcome my advances but it wasn't until later, while I was sick
did I know how strongly he really feels."

"He saved your life."

"Yes, but that wasn't all.  Kathryn, Tom told me he loves me."

And now it was time for the million-credit question.  The one that
would determine just how far up shit creek they all were and how hard
it was going to be when it fell apart later.

"And how do you feel Chakotay."  She asked while holding her breath.

"I think I love him right back."

Oh, damn.

********

I think I love him right back.

As Chakotay dressed in preparation in leaving Sickbay, he thought
about what he'd said to Kathryn earlier before his nap.

Until she had asked, he had not contemplated the question.  There
hadn't been time but now while he waited for the doctor to discharge
him, he did take a moment.

Admittedly he'd been pretty out of it the last part of their mission
but he did remember Tom saying those three words.  They had kept him
going when his fear threatened to overwhelm him.  They, along with
his touch, had kept him sane.  And why?  Because it gave him
something to cling to, because he hoped for a time when he could say
them back.

He did love Tom Paris and although he was still having a hard time
believing it, incredibly Tom Paris loved him too.  The herd was
history.

He was smiling when he hit his comm badge.

"Chakotay to Paris."

"Chak?  You're awake?  Nobody told me.  I'll right there, babe."

The excitement in the younger man's voice thrilled him.

"Hold on, Tom you don't have to come down here."

There was a pause.

"You don't want to see me?"

"I do Tom, very much.  Will you meet me for dinner in my quarters
tonight?"

Over the link Chakotay heard a sigh.

"Yes love, what time do you want me there?"

"22:00.  I have a few things I want to do first, is that all right
with you?"

"Yes, perfect.  I'll see you then babe, Paris out."

He had a date.  Oh spirits, he had a date!  Chakotay couldn't
remember the last time he'd asked someone out or in this case, in.
He had a list of things to do to make it, as Tom had said, perfect.

A menu had to be decided for dinner, sheets had to be changed for
dessert, and the right wine had to be selected for both.  Chakotay
thought of his stash of Antarian cider in the cargo bay.  That should
do nicely.

"Ah Commander planning a night with Mr Paris?"  Said the doctor
knowingly as he ran a medical tricorder of him.  Chakotay had not
noticed his approach.

"Yes, what of it?"  He replied a little more defensively than
planned.  Chakotay supposed he would have to work on that.

"Nothing, nothing.  Just promise me you'll take it easy.  If either
of you get tired, go to bed."

"Oh I promise we'll go to bed Doctor."

The EMH rolled his eyes.  Chakotay didn't remember the hologram ever
doing that to him before.

"That's not what I meant.  You took an almost lethal dose of toxins
Commander and as far as I can tell you seem fine.  However, if you
over stress yourself, I can't guarantee you won't have a set back.
Understand?"

"I understand.  Can I go now?"

"Please, you're getting as bad as Mr Paris at testing my patience."

Chakotay was whistling as he slipped off the bio-bed and left Sickbay.

********

"I said it was over Dalby."

"Oh come on Paris," The bigger man growled into his ear.  Ken braced
both of his forearms against the bulkhead on either side of Tom's
torso.  "I don't care if you're doing the commander the same time as
me."

"Well, I do.  Now hands off."  Tom dipped his head and slipped out
under Ken's arm.  Dalby caught him around the waist preventing his
escape.

It had been stupid to meet his soon to be ex-lover here alone in the
cargo bay.  The only reason he'd suggested it was because this was
where they usually met for a quick fuck and Tom had hoped this
meeting to be just as short.

"Hey you were fucking Chell when we first got together.  This isn't
anything different."

"Man you're a moron.  How could you even think it's the same?  We're
talking about Chakotay here."

"Yeah, I saw you with him in Sickbay, so what?  He's a man just like
anyone else, he's got a dick and he wants to stick in your tight
little butt.  Big fucking difference."

Ken slammed him back against the cold metal wall, knocking the breath
from his lungs and then covered him with his body.

"Let me the fuck alone Ken."  Tom wheezed.

"Yeah sure pretty boy, in a minute."

Crushing his lips, Dalby kissed him hard.  Tom tried to push with the
heels of his hands against his chest but he was still weak from his
ordeal on the demon planet.  All he managed to do was let Ken closer
when his hands slipped up from between them over his shoulders.

"Crewmen at ease!"  Someone called.

Oh shit he knew that voice.  Ken finally started to pull away and now
Tom found himself wishing he wouldn't.

"Dalby, I should have known.  Look mister this is a cargo bay not a
brothel.  Children play down, down,.-" Chakotay stammered to a stop
as Dalby high tailed it off the deck.  "Tom?"

Oh shit, shit, shit.

TBC