Contemplate
by Andrea Castro

Summary : Set after " Lineage " Tom and B'Elanna reflect on their life together and the future .

P/T POV 's . 

Note : StarTrek : Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures . 

2 - 2 -02 

Contemplate 
 

The Doctor told me to expect more behavioral volatility in the months coming up . Great . But I don't think I let it sink in . I mean ... a daughter . I'm going to have a daughter with Tom . If I said that seven years ago I would have thought it would never happen . But I was wrong . I never thought I could find a man like Tom . A man that actually loved me . I've been hurt so much in the past but so has Tom . And what Tom said to me yesterday ... proved to me that he would never betray me. I think he was really hurt that I even thought he would . I love him . And he loves me . 
 

~~ 

A baby . B'Elanna and I are going to have a baby . She'll be beautiful like her mother . I think B'Elanna still thinks she's ugly. All I want to know is how she can think that ? I fell in love with her when I first saw her in the Maquis . She gets more beautiful everyday . And her Klingon ridges ... make her exotic . But I have to admit . What she was going to do to our daughter really pissed me off . She blames herself that her father left . I can't back that up but our daughter will never cause me to leave . Hell , nothing came make me leave her . I can't imagine my life without her . Sure we fight a lot but she fights back with this passion that I never thought I could find . And it was just what I love about her . She's passionate , beautiful , sexy , dedicated , and she loves me . 
 

~~ 

Tom would always look out for me. Even before we started dating . Like that whole ponn farr thing . He said he wouldn't take advantage of me . Even though he was interested in me . He wouldn't do anything that might hurt our friendship . I think he valued that the most back then . He still amazes me sometimes. 
Before I met him I never felt beautiful . He always said it . Then I began to believe it . I'd be empty inside if I lost him . Out here in the Delta Quadrant , I almost have and the same with me . There are too many risks out here. Even before we started dating , we almost lost each other as friends . Now , having this baby ... he doesn't care about the risks anymore . I saw his eyes light up when we found out we were having a girl . Maybe thinking she'll be a pilot instead of an engineer but I have no problem with that . 
The only thing we have to work on is a name . 
 

~~ 

I also have to admit that when she started talking about ' how some people just fit together without having to work at it ' , I started to get scared . I thought my worse nightmare was coming true - loosing her . I couldn't loose her. She wasn't like any of the other woman I had in the past . This was the woman I loved , adored , and worshiped . Anything she needed I'd make sure she'd get it . I love her so much it hurts . But ' love ' doesn't say enough. Captivate is more of the word . She says she could get lost in my eyes but I've been lost in hers and I still can't find a way out . Her beauty is intoxicating and I'm surprised every man on Voyager isn't falling on bended knee. But she's mine . Well , not as ownership but she is mine forever . I will not let her go . 
 

~~ 

Tom knows I can't forgive my father for what he's done and knows all the pain he caused me . When I told him more about it , I could tell he was furious . That someone could hurt me that badly . But Tom eased all that pain and made it all go away . I never have to be afraid of being betrayed because I'm not letting him get of the hook that easy . Hmm. And he has assured me over and over that he can't or won't leave me . I can't loose him just as much as he can't loose me . We both were made for each other . 
That's the end of it . No one can change it .

TBC