No Regrets - Part 9
Please see part 1 for disclaimer, codes, summary, etc.
I can feel eyes boring into the side of my head so I look over
towards him, forcing an expression of polite inquiry onto my
face. He doesn't turn away, continuing to stare angrily, and I
find myself turning away instead.
He knows. Tom must have told him. I shouldn't be surprised.
They seem to tell each other everything.
Tom may not blame me for what happened, but Harry certainly
does. I can still feel his eyes on me, and I shift
uncomfortably in my chair.
I try to concentrate on my work, but Harry's eyes continue to
stab at me accusingly. I can see Tom shifting uncomfortably in
his chair in front of me. He's obviously aware of what's
The Captain suddenly stands up from beside me and steps down to
Tom. She places her hand on his shoulder and speaks to him
softly. Too soft for me to hear, but I can see him nodding his
"Carry on then," she says, giving his shoulder a squeeze, before
Her glance shifts up to Harry and then back to me. "Commander,
there are a couple of reports I'd like to go over with you."
She heads over to her ready room and I get up and follow her.
As soon as the doors close, she turns around to face me. "So,
what did you do?" She smiles at me mischievously and sits down
at her desk.
"Do?" I stall for time.
"To Harry." She gives a small laugh. "I think everyone on the
bridge has noticed the dirty looks he's been giving you. What
happened? Did you turn down his request for more night shifts?"
"No," I say carefully. "It's nothing like that. It's personal
Her smile quickly fades. "Personal? How personal?"
I look everywhere, but at her. "Very."
"I see. Is this going to become a problem, Commander?"
"I hope not."
"Commander, I shouldn't have to tell you, of all people, that
personal problems should be kept off the bridge. I think you
need to speak to Harry. Or if you prefer, I will."
The last thing I want to do is speak to Harry, but it might be
better than if the Captain does. "I'll talk to him. Try to
work out our differences."
She nods. "And if that doesn't work, then I'll talk to him."
The first thing I see, when I step back onto the bridge, is Tom.
How ironic. If I should be talking to anyone, it should be him.
Harry glares at me immediately.
"Do it now," the Captain hisses to me. "Use my ready room."
With a sigh, I walk over to him. "Ensign Kim, you and I need to
have a little talk."
"Yes, Sir," he answers grimly, signaling to his relief. I
indicate the Captain's ready room and he marches over there
Tom swivels around in his seat, his face a worried frown.
"Mr. Paris," the Captain snaps, clearly fed up. "Eyes front...
"Yes, Ma'am," he says, unhappily.
Harry stands stiffly at attention in front of the desk, while I
sit down behind it.
I stare at him thoughtfully for a few seconds, wondering where
to start. "Harry, you clearly have a problem with me at the
moment, so I thought it might be best if we clear the air."
The words are hardly out of my mouth before he says, "Tom told
me what happened. What you did."
"I thought as much. I know that the two of you are close, but
this is really none of your business. It's between Tom and
myself. I've apologized to him and he's accepted my apology.
It's for the two of us to work out."
"He's my best friend and..."
"I appreciate that, but he doesn't need you to champion him.
He's proven to be more than capable of taking care of himself.
The Captain doesn't want our personal problems brought to the
bridge. And judging by Tom's face just then, neither does he.
If you really care about him, you'll drop the attitude."
"Yes, Sir," he says stiffly.
I dismiss him, but just before he reaches the doors he turns
around once more. "With all due respect, Sir, stay away from
him. He's kind of confused at the moment, he doesn't need you
"I'm not exactly sure what you're implying here, Harry."
"I've seen the way you look at him. I know how you feel about
I clear my throat. "I can assure you, Ensign, that I have no
intentions of complicating matters."
"I'm glad to hear it."
He marches out, leaving me completely speechless.
This is not good. Not good at all. Harry has decided to
defend my honor, in a manner of speaking.
Me and my big mouth. I shouldn't have told him what happened.
I should have guessed that he'd react that way.
I can just imagine what's happening in that room right now.
Harry, so full of righteous indignation.
I should have told him everything. I should have told him how
much I enjoyed the whole damn thing. He would have been even
more shocked, but at least he wouldn't be blaming Chakotay for
The ready room doors swish open and Harry marches out. I swivel
around to look at him, despite the fact that I'm sure the
Captain won't be pleased.
He looks back at me, his cheeks flushed, and then makes his way
back to his console. I follow him with my eyes, trying to gauge
The Captain clears her throat, and I look back to her. She's
glaring at me and tapping her foot. I can feel myself blushing
as I quickly turn around. I can't help wondering why Chakotay
hasn't come out yet.
He makes an appearance some time later, but after a short
conference with the Captain, leaves the bridge to work in his
I resist the urge to turn around and watch him leave.
Meeting with B'Elanna after shift, I try and make amends for
hurting her the way I did. I'd really like us to be friends.
She misinterprets my overture and tells me that she's decided
to give me one more chance.
I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this. I didn't like the
way things had ended between us, but I didn't really want to
continue the relationship, either.
However, I've hurt her enough, so I agree to give it one more
We celebrate with a candle-lit dinner and some replicated wine.
Spending a relaxed, romantic evening together, I tell myself
that I've done the right thing. That B'Elanna and I are meant
I watch Tom and B'Elanna as they eat their breakfast. They're
tense and silent, occasionally glaring at one another as they
chew. I heard through the official grapevine that they'd broken
up three days ago. The break-up had lasted for two full days
before they'd gotten back together again.
That was only the night before last and already there appears to
be cracks forming. I blame myself. Tom is still obviously
tormented over the situation between us and is suffering because
B'Elanna's unable to understand what's wrong with him and it's
causing a huge strain in their relationship. I'm positive that
Tom hasn't told her what happened. I'd be dead now if she
I'd like to put things right between them and assuage some of my
guilt at the same time. If I confessed to B'Elanna what I did,
it would help her understand Tom's emotional state at the moment.
However, I don't want to die, so I remain silent and racked with
remorse, hoping that things will settle between them.
A figure slips into the seat across from me. "Chakotay, you
look completely miserable."
I sigh sadly. "I'm all right, Captain."
She pats my hand. "I don't like to interfere, but why don't you
try speaking with him again?"
I look up at her, startled. "You know?"
"I guessed. You just confirmed it."
"You're not shocked?"
"No. I was a little surprised, however. I can't really
picture the two of you together. I have a hard time picturing
you with a man, Chakotay."
"I've always been bi-sexual, Kathryn," I say quietly.
"Well, obviously, so is he. That did come as a bit of a shock."
"I'm not so sure that he is."
"I see." She sounds a little doubtful, however. "No wonder
you're so dejected."
"I'm riddled with guilt, Kathryn. I took advantage of him.
I told him to press charges, but he refused. He blames himself.
He says he led me on, but it wasn't his fault."
Her mouth opens in shock. "What are you saying? You had
non-consensual sex with him?"
I hesitate. "No... well... in a way... yes. He didn't really
know what he was doing. I thought he wanted it as much as I
did, but he wasn't in any fit state to make that decision. My
only excuse is that I didn't realize it at the time."
She shakes her head. "Now I *do* see. What has he said about
"I told you. He blames himself. He said it was just one of
those things and not to blame myself. Considering the
circumstances, that's all I *can* do."
"Oh dear. No wonder there's so much anger there. All those
icy glares he sent your way now make sense."
My heart sinks. I hadn't even noticed Tom giving me the evil
"Well, he obviously has a problem with what happened between
you, no matter what he says. You really need to sort something
out. This hasn't really affected your duties so far, thank
goodness, but it has his. His performance is way below par. I
had to speak to him three times yesterday. He's distracted and
"You did?" I say in surprise. I don't remember that, but I try
to avoid looking at Tom as much as possible these days.
She nods. "As much as I hate to interfere, I think I'll have to
step in here. I'll have a talk with him. Get him to tell me
what he feels."
"I understand. I should have put myself on report immediately."
She pats my hand once more as she stands up. "I don't think
that's necessary. Drunk or not, Harry would never have had sex
with you if he didn't have feelings for you."
I watch her retreating figure dizzily. "Captain..." I croak
out, attempting to call her back. She doesn't hear me and
continues to weave her way out of the mess hall.
I can feel eyes upon me and I turn my head to find Tom watching
me with concern. Our eyes lock and I can feel the flush
Fighting back the panic, I jump up and race after Kathryn.
To be continued in part 10