No Regrets - Part 32
Please see part 1 for disclaimer, codes, summary, etc.
I can't believe I'm awake again already. I've been asleep for
just over an hour. Sighing heavily, I climb out of bed and pace
around my quarters, feeling more than a little restless.
Today had been almost unbearable. First, I wake up to find
myself lying naked in bed with Harry, and before I can wrap my
mind around what I did, there's B'Elanna, blowing kisses to us
from the doorway.
What she was doing there, I don't know. However, it must have
been obvious to her what had happened. I would have preferred
no one else knowing what Harry and I'd done, but I could tell
from the look on B'Elanna's face that it was too late for that.
She probably thinks she was right all along and I *am* in love
with Harry. At least I know I can trust her to be discreet. I
tried to talk to her today, to set her straight, but there was
some sort of crisis down in engineering and she was too busy.
Harry and my friendship is still as strong as ever, and I'm very,
very grateful for that. I made a terrible mistake that could
have ruined everything, and although Harry is glad we slept
together, I'm not. I took advantage of his feelings for me.
That it's all turned out all right in the end is pure luck.
I just wish I could do something about my feelings for Chakotay
and everything would be fine.
Deciding that I'm too unsettled to try to go to sleep again, I
head out the door and make my way to Sandrine's to unwind a
little. Just to be safe, I ask the computer Chakotay's
location. He's still in his quarters, so at least I won't run
It's been a rather upsetting day. Poor Chakotay! I hate seeing
him so upset, but I'd hate to see Harry upset too. I don't
think he could handle it as well as Chakotay.
Not wanting to retire right away I head down to Sandrine's for
some company, and as I walk in the door, the first thing I see
is Harry sitting at a table with Greg Ayala. To my complete
shock they're holding hands, and Harry is definitely flirting.
Harry? Harry is two-timing Tom? The very first day they're
together? I can't believe it. But it's happening right before
Their heads are almost touching as they whisper to one another.
Harry is blushing and looking up at Ayala coyly. Rage engulfs
me as I watch Harry's innocent-seeming face. I would never have
thought him capable of this. He's been in love with Tom all
these years, and now that he has him, he can treat him like
Intending to leave, I turn around abruptly, and to my dismay,
come face to face with Tom, standing in the doorway.
"Captain, fancy meeting you here."
"Tom! I thought you were having an early night."
"Couldn't sleep and I was sick of prowling around my quarters."
"It's rather crowded in here," I say quickly. "Why don't we go
for a walk instead?"
He looks at me in surprise. "A walk?"
"Why not? Or are you embarrassed to be seen with your Captain?"
"Of course not," he says gallantly. "That would be very nice."
If I can maneuver him out the door right now, he'll never
realize Harry was here. "Where did you want to walk to?"
"Oh, just around," I answer vaguely, leading him out the door
and sighing with relief.
We almost bump into Chakotay as we enter the corridor. I can
feel Tom stiffen next to me and Chakotay pales significantly.
"Commander, what are you doing here?" I ask, not knowing what to
"I felt like a change of scenery," he says softly, keeping his
eyes on me and away from Tom.
"You're going to Sandrine's?" I say nervously.
"Just for a little while. Excuse me." He passes us and enters
the holodeck and I stand there rooted to the floor. Tom doesn't
seem to want to move either.
"Can we take a rain-check on that walk?" I ask quickly, hoping
that he won't follow me back inside.
"Sure," he says quietly and then, thankfully, hurries away. I
race back into Sandrine's to find Chakotay just inside the
doorway, glancing around the room.
"Where's Tom?" he asks.
"He's gone back to his quarters. Why don't we go for a walk?
It's so crowded in here." It'd worked for Tom, maybe I can get
Chakotay out of here the same way.
"A walk?" he repeats. "You want to talk to me?"
"Yes, yes, I do," I say quickly. He still hasn't seen Harry.
My luck's holding.
He crooks his arm towards me. "Very well."
I sigh with relief and take his arm, but he suddenly goes rigid
as he stares straight at Harry and Ayala, flirting unashamedly.
"What the hell?"
"Let's go," I say hastily, trying to turn him around.
He pulls away and steps further into the room, his eyes
narrowing dangerously. "Did Tom see that?"
"No. At least, I don't think so. I got him out of here before
My heart sinks as Chakotay pushes past me and stalks angrily
across the room.
I can't believe what I'm seeing. Harry - the weasel - Kim is
flirting with Greg Ayala. Tom and he have been together for
less than twenty-four hours and he's already straying.
The prick. The totally unprincipled little bastard. I'd always
known he was more than he pretended, but I'd thought all he ever
wanted was Tom. So what's this all about? Now that he has Tom,
he doesn't want him anymore?
A blind rage fills me and all I want to do is knock his teeth
down his throat. Without even realizing what I'm doing, I shove
Kathryn out of my way and move in for the kill.
I've almost reached him when a hand grabs my arm and jerks me
around with surprising force. It's Kathryn, half my size,
glaring up at me angrily.
"There will be no scenes in front of the crew," she says in a
voice colder than ice. "You're the first officer on this ship
and you'll behave that way. Is that clear, Commander?"
I try to jerk my arm away, but her grip is like iron. "Am I
making myself understood, Commander?"
"Yes," I force out. "So what am I supposed to do? Let him
treat Tom like that?"
"It's not our business. It's between the two of them."
"How can you say that? You know how I feel about Tom."
"Yes, I do. And I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to Harry, but
killing him isn't the answer."
She lets go of my arm and I take a deep breath to steady myself.
"I wasn't going to kill him. I was just going to hurt him a
"Not in front of the crew. You have your position as second in
command to maintain. How do you think the crew would feel if
they suddenly saw *me*, mad with rage, attacking ensigns all
over the place? Don't you think their confidence in me as their
leader would falter, just slightly?"
"Probably," I say, trying to get the image of Kathryn going on a
wild rampage out of my mind. "But I'm not their leader."
"If anything happens to me you will be."
I frown at the thought and she gently leads me away. "I'm just
as shocked as you are to see Harry acting like that, but we have
to remain calm."
The likelihood of that happening is zero as somebody taps me on
the shoulder, and to my utter disbelief, I turn around to look
straight into the innocent-looking face of Harry Kim.
"Commander, I hope now isn't a bad time, but I really need to
talk to you. It's about Tom." I can't believe his audacity and
I hear Kathryn suck in her breath behind me.
"I've been wanting to talk to you all day," he continues. "Can
we go somewhere private?"
"That's a good idea," I say through gritted teeth.
"No!" Kathryn says sharply, stepping out from behind me.
"I think *I* would like to speak with you in private, Ensign."
"Harry asked to speak with me," I tell her calmly.
"And I don't think that's a good idea at the moment. *I'll*
"You, Captain? Begging your pardon, but this is a personal
He gets no further as Kathryn grabs his arm and propels him from
the room. Marching down the corridor she keeps a firm grip on
him the whole way. I follow along behind.
"Captain, is something wrong?"
"Not a word, Ensign. We're going to my ready room. Chakotay,
you're going back to your quarters."
"Yes," she barks. "I'll speak to you later."
I watch in utter confusion as the Captain and Chakotay argue
about whether he should come with us or not. I don't understand
any of this.
What the hell does the Captain think she's doing? All I wanted
to do was talk to Chakotay. Tell him he was wrong about Tom and
me. I wanted him to know that Tom's in love with him and
there's no reason why they can't be together.
I don't like the way she keeps calling me 'Ensign', either. She
sounds as if she's furious with me, but I have no idea why.
Chakotay *is* furious and stomps off angrily as the Captain
leads me into the ready room. She still has hold of my arm in a
death grip, and her mouth is a thin, angry line.
"Sit!" She practically throws me into the couch and I watch her
nervously as she paces around the room. Why the hell is she so
mad at me? What have *I* done?
"I thought you were having an early night."
"I-I was," I stammer, completely bewildered by the statement.
What does *that* have to do with anything?
"So, what happened? You were bored?"
"I... I didn't feel tired and Greg Ayala invited me to meet him
for a drink."
"And, without a moments hesitation, you just met him?" Her
voice rises incredulously.
"Well... I did think about it for a while." What the hell?
"You were holding hands, don't try to deny it because I saw
"I don't understand. Isn't... isn't that allowed?"
She stops her pacing to look at me in astonishment. "Allowed?"
"I don't think that's very fair, Captain." I can feel myself
becoming a little outraged now.
"Fair?" she hisses at me angrily.
"I'm sorry, Captain, but it isn't. You didn't say anything
about public displays of affection, and if we're not supposed to
then you should have said so."
She looks at me completely stunned, but I'm feeling righteously
indignant now. Not only did she mess up my chance of speaking
to Chakotay, she's mad at me for something that isn't even my
fault. *And* she hurt my arm!!
"I mean, I know you said you wanted the senior staff to set an
example. And we had to think very seriously and carefully
before we entered into a relationship, but... you didn't say we
couldn't hold hands in public. I just think you should have
clarified our boundaries a little more."
I have the satisfaction of seeing the Captain speechless before
she steps up to the couch and leans down over me. "And here I
was not wanting to see you upset. I really don't know you at
all, do I?"
"I don't know what you mean, Captain. You're acting like I've
done something really wrong and I haven't."
"Most people would disagree with you there, Harry. You were
flirting quite blatantly with Greg Ayala and that really *is* a
bad example to set for the rest of the crew."
"It is?" I say, completely astounded.
"Of course, it is."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know you weren't allowed to flirt."
Annoyance flashes across her face and I honestly don't know why.
How am I supposed to know all this stuff if she doesn't tell us?
Is this a rule just for the senior staff? You couldn't possibly
enforce it ship-wide.
"Harry, it seems I'm going to have to spell it out. I know
about you and Tom and I can't allow..."
"Me and Tom?" I can feel all the color draining from my face.
I think I'm about to faint. "You know what we did last night?"
"Yes, Harry. I'm still finding it hard to believe that you
could get together with Tom and then try and cheat on him so
soon. I can't allow that type of behavior."
How'd she find out? B'Elanna? Why the hell did B'Elanna tell
the Captain? Talk about embarrassing! The Captain knows Tom
and I slept together. I can feel the flush creeping up my neck
and flooding over my face.
"You've been with Tom for less than twenty-four hours. What
sort of message is *that* sending to the crew?"
All of a sudden her meaning penetrates my crowded thoughts.
"Oh, no, Captain. You've got it all wrong. Tom and I aren't
together," I gasp out.
"You aren't? You didn't sleep together last night?"
"Well... yes... but..."
"Harry, don't lie to me. B'Elanna found the two of you
together and I trust her instincts, not to mention her nose."
"B'Elanna had no right to blab that all over the ship," I say
"She didn't? Then how...?"
"We were looking for Tom last night. We were worried."
"Chakotay, B'Elanna, Neelix and myself. We're the only ones who
know about the two of you. No wonder you want to keep it secret,
if this is the way you intend to behave."
Chakotay? Chakotay knows that Tom and I slept together? He
knows that we had sex? Oh no! Oh no!! Oh... shit!!!!
To be continued in part 33.