No Regrets - Part 27
Please see part 1 for disclaimer, codes, summary, etc.
I walk slowly out of Harry's quarters, feeling dazed and
confused. Harry's in love with me. And I hadn't seen it. Not
at all. If I hadn't walked in on him tonight, would I have ever
I can't believe how blind I've been. But Harry's wrong. I
won't let things change between us. His friendship's too
important to me. *He's* too important to me.
So, the fleeting thought I sometimes had, that *I* was the naïve
young ensign, turns out to be true. Harry's slight warning
earlier this evening, telling me I didn't know him as well as I
thought I did, was true too.
Do I really know anybody? I'd thought I'd known B'Elanna. I'd
thought I'd known Chakotay too. I'd never imagined he could be
capable of the things he's done. *If* he's done them. There's
a small niggling voice in the back of my mind insisting my whole
theory is insane.
I reach my quarters and stop in surprise as B'Elanna steps out.
"Tom, what are you doing here?"
I look around the corridor in surprise. "I live here, don't I?"
She shakes her head. "You're impossible. I thought you must
have been at Harry's."
"I was," I say sadly.
She steps back inside and I follow her in.
"I brought your clothes back from the holodeck and decided to
leave them on the couch over there. I didn't think you'd want
everyone speculating on why you'd left them at the beach."
"Oh, yeah, thanks."
"What are you doing wandering around still in your swimming
trunks? And why the hell did you take off like that in the
first place? You were talking crazy. Saying stuff about
Chakotay breaking us up and him wanting me for himself. Are
you out of your mind?"
"I don't know," I mumble.
She ignores me. "Tuvok thinks your overreaction to the thought
of us being together may be because you still have some residual
feelings for me. I told him what I thought of that little
theory, because I know it's not true."
"Tuvok? Why were you talking to Tuvok about all of this?"
"Why shouldn't I? It does concern him too."
She frowns at me. "What do you mean, how? Are you all right?
Did you hit your head or something? Maybe we should go to
I wave away her concern. "I'm fine. I just don't understand
what's going on around here anymore. Nothing makes any sense.
You talking to Tuvok..."
"Listen, Tom. You'd better get used to this whole thing between
Tuvok and me, because it's going to happen. And I have a
feeling that after it's over, the two of us are going to be very
close. You just can't go through something like the ponn farr
and not be."
"Ponn farr? Tuvok and you? Oh my god!" I sink down on my
couch and look up at her in horror.
"Tom, what the hell's the matter with you?"
"Tuvok propositioned you?"
"Of course. Who did you think I was talking about before?
I gulp and look down at the floor. It's official. I *am*
"Tom! You didn't? Kahless! You did! Tom, how could you think
something like that?"
"Shit! He doesn't want you. And he was right about Harry
and... and... Oh shit! What have I done?"
"Maybe you'd better tell me."
"I accused him of..."
"I said he took advantage of me in that lift, and made sure what
had happened was gossiped about by keeping Vorik curious. I
accused him of making sure we didn't get back together again by
telling you what had happened and pushing me towards Harry."
"I see. And did he deny your accusations?"
"No, he was angry, I think."
"That's understandable. I'm a little angry with you too. How
you could even think..." She shakes her head and sighs loudly.
I stand up and head for the door. "I'll save you the trouble of
kicking me out."
"Three for three. First Chakotay, then Harry, now you."
She grabs my arm. "Tom, these are your quarters."
"Harry kicked you out? Why?"
"He was embarrassed."
I hesitate for a moment, but then blurt it out. "He's in love
"I know. I think I'm going to have to have a little talk with
the boy. He's in love with you and you're there in his quarters
dressed, or should I say, *not* dressed like that and he asks
you to leave?"
"It's not funny, B'Elanna. He was really upset."
"So what happened? Why'd he kick you out?"
"Isn't it obvious? I found out. He got mad about the whole
thing. I'd started that whole speech about how honored I was
and how wonderful he was and he naturally told me to leave. I
don't blame him. It's the last thing he wanted to hear, of
"I agree, but I don't understand why you did that. Why didn't
you tell him how you really feel? Don't tell me you're still
"I'm not in love with Harry, B'Elanna."
"Yes, you are, Tom. I just can't believe you still won't admit
it. Poor Harry!"
"I know. But you're wrong. I wish I *was* in love with him.
I really do. But I'm not."
"You can be such an idiot sometimes, Tom."
"I know and I'm sorry."
She pulls me into her arms and hugs me tightly. "Just be
"I think I've messed up any chance of that. I have to
apologize to Chakotay for everything I said earlier tonight."
"Chakotay?" She pulls away from me to stare up at me instead.
"You have feelings for Chakotay?"
At my nod she drags me over to the couch and pushes me down into
it. "Since when? Don't tell me, I can guess. The lift? Oh,
Tom! Don't you see? Chakotay's the first guy you've ever done
anything like that with, isn't he?"
"I guess so. Unless you want to count when I was a kid and my
best friend and me used to jerk each other off?"
"No, I do not want to count that," she says firmly. "Anyway..."
She clears her throat. "What was I saying?"
"You think I'm mistaking that special first-time rush for
"No. I'm not some naïve kid, B'Elanna."
"You can be sometimes. And you haven't exactly been yourself,
lately. Just look at all the crazy assumptions you've been
jumping to. I think you're confused."
"I know I've been acting crazy, but a lot of that's to do with
my feelings for Chakotay." I jump up abruptly. "I have to sort
this out tonight."
"Where are you going?"
"To see Chakotay. To apologize and to tell him how I feel."
"It's after midnight."
I ignore her and head out the door. She races after me, so I
make a dash for the turbolift in case she tries to stop me.
As the doors close behind me she yells, "You could at least put
some goddamn clothes on."
Somehow, I've managed to pick myself up off the floor and am now
roaming restlessly around my quarters, too wound up to sleep.
Tomorrow I'm going to have a little talk with Tom Paris and set
him straight, and then I'm going to ignore him for the rest of my
The chime on my door sounds and I look over in surprise. Who
the hell can that be at this hour? I don't feel like talking to
anyone. All I feel like doing is strangling someone. It would
give me great pleasure, actually.
The chime sounds again and I go over there impatiently. They
can come back tomorrow. I don't care who the hell it is.
I open the door and gasp in surprise. Tom's standing there
and he's still not wearing any goddamn clothes. What the hell
is he trying to do to me?
"What do you want, Paris?" I say gruffly. "If you're here for
round two, I'm just not interested."
"I'm here to apologize," he says softly. "Can I come in?"
Dressed like that? Sounding like that? Not a good idea. Not a
good idea, at all.
I step back and wave him inside. What am I doing? I'm going to
regret this. I know I am.
Making sure I keep some distance between us, I eye him
cautiously. "I take it you've discovered your mistake?"
He nods miserably. "I just spoke to B'Elanna. I don't know
what to say. I'm so sorry."
"You know the thing that really gets to me in all of this is
the fact that you could believe me capable of that sort of
manipulation in the first place," I say, my resentment a tight
knot in my chest.
"I know. It was crazy."
"It was more than crazy, Tom. It was downright insulting." I
can feel myself getting more worked up by the second. "Well, at
least I now know what you really think of me."
"No. I don't think that at all."
I ignore him. "You obviously think I'm some sort of ruthless
bastard that will do anything to get what he wants."
"I resent the fact that you're acting like some lily-white
virgin and I'm the big bad wolf that took advantage of you.
You could have stopped what happened in that lift. You wanted
it as much as I did, so why don't you admit it?"
"You're right, I did."
That stops me cold. "You admit it?"
"Why shouldn't I? But, I'll tell you something, Chakotay. I
have *never* acted like some lily-white virgin and I really
resent the implication."
"What's this whole, 'poor little Tom' act been all about then?"
"What 'poor little Tom' act? What are you trying to say?"
"Everyone treated me like I'd practically raped you or
"Are you saying I encouraged them to think that?"
"No, I damn well did not," Tom shouts. "Who do you mean by
everyone, anyway? There are only four people on board that know
what really happened."
"That's right. And they all treated me like I was scum. You
know how B'Elanna and Harry reacted, and I've had to put up with
the Doctor's biting sarcasm ever since. As for the Captain..."
"That's not my fault," he yells. "You're the one who's been
insisting all the way through that you took advantage of me and
I was completely blameless. You're the one who said all that,
not me. Now you're blaming me because they believed you? You
really *are* a bastard, you know that?"
"So everyone keeps telling me," I yell in return. Some part of
me knows I'm being unfair. Right up until tonight Tom has
always denied that I'd taken advantage of him. He'd insisted
that it was mutual and had been vehement in his refusal to lay
charges. I know this, but the desire to retaliate and hurt him
as much as he hurt me is too strong to resist.
"You know what I think?" I shout, stepping closer to him in my
fury. "I think *you're* the one who saw a golden opportunity
and took it. *You're* the one who's been taking advantage and
milking this for all it's worth ever since. You soon realized
just how much potential there was to gain everybody's sympathy.
Poor little Tommy. Poor little victim."
Tom's face drains of all color and I tell myself I may have gone
too far. Before I can react, Tom throws himself against me,
screaming something in Romulan. The impact sends us both
crashing to the floor and I barely have time to put up my arms
to form some type of defense before Tom starts to hit out at me
He's screaming insults at me in Klingon now, with a few words of
English thrown in here and there. Summoning up every bit of
strength I possess, I bring my hands up to grab his shoulders
and flip him off of me. Immediately rolling over and onto him,
I pin his arms over his head and then sit up over his stomach to
give myself some leverage.
Just in time, as he begins to thrash wildly beneath me trying to
throw me off. My position gives me an advantage and his
movements become even more desperate.
"Calm down!" I yell hoarsely.
His response is to buck even more furiously beneath me, but I
just tighten my hold, determined not to let him go until his
temper's under control.
Looking down at the flushed body under me, there's no way I can
curb the pleasure that's coursing through my veins. I have
this body, this glorious body, beneath me, and the sudden
adrenaline rush the thought creates races straight to my groin.
Tom's frantic squirming is beginning to weaken, and before I can
even think about what I'm doing, I lean over and capture his
mouth with mine.
His struggles cease immediately, and after a few stunned seconds
his lips yield to my insistent demands, and his mouth begins to
move under mine. Our tongues are soon entwined around one
another, battling for supremacy.
With a groan, I relax my hold on his arms and pull my mouth away
to greedily begin sucking and then nipping at the hollow of his
neck. I can't get enough of him, of the taste of his skin, or
the feel of his chest rubbing against my shirt.
I move down lower, moaning in need, and am rewarded by a jolt of
pure electricity as our groins meet. He arches up against me
and I thrust back desperately.
Suddenly he rolls me over and it's me lying beneath him as he
suckles at my neck and then moves up to nibble on my ears. I
can't stop moaning as he runs his tongue along the side of my
jaw and then moves in for another soul shattering kiss.
Tom moans loudly into my mouth as I squeeze his buttocks and
then start to run my fingers up and down his spine in light
feathery touches. Not enough to truly tickle, but he squirms
against me and deepens the kiss.
Hooking my thumbs into the band of his swimming trunks, I begin
to slowly slide them down, over his ass. My fingers push at the
skimpy trunks as we continue to kiss and Tom helps me in my task
by lifting his groin up off of me so that I can reach under him
to slide the material over his penis.
He whimpers at the sensation and then rests his erection gently
against my troused thigh. Running my fingers over the soft,
smooth, bare skin of his ass, I savor the sensation, before
cupping the cheeks in my hands and starting to knead them
Tom's breathing has turned into small gasps for air and it
suddenly dawns on me that I've got far too many clothes on.
Far too many!
We're still kissing, and I don't want to take my hands from
Tom's ass for a moment, but somehow I have to free my own
painful erection from its confines. "Tom," I mumble into his
mouth. "My pants. Please help me. Undo them."
I have to say it twice before I get any reaction. Tom stiffens
above me and the kiss stops abruptly. His eyes are wide and he
looks down on me in amazement. I can almost hear the words,
'What the hell am I doing?' rolling off his tongue.
And suddenly, as if the meaning of the words finally register
in my brain, I think the same thing. What the hell am I doing?
What the fuck do I think I'm doing?
Tom closes his eyes and settles against me once more, his hands
reaching down to the fasteners on my trousers, his mouth sucking
on my neck. He's obviously decided to continue, but the spell's
broken for me.
I gently roll him away and pull his trunks back up and over him
instead. Sitting up, I stare into his incredulous eyes. "I'm
sorry, Tom. That should never have happened."
His mouth opens and closes as he looks at me in bewilderment.
"This is wrong," I continue. "You don't even like me. You'd
regret this afterwards and I don't think I could live with
myself. You should be with Harry, not me."
I close my eyes on Tom's stunned statement.
To be continued in part 28.