MISLEADING MEMORIES By T'Pam Disclaimer: Tom Paris, Captain Janeway and all the Voyager crew belong to Paramount. No profit will be made from this story as it’s just for fun.   Part Five Three weeks had gone by since Tom and B’Elanna had broken up. In the end it had been quite amicable, much to everyone’s surprise, including their own. Once they had started talking - really talking, they realized that they should never have taken their relationship past the friendship stage. They agreed that they loved each other, probably would always have special feelings for each other, but they were not in love. They did not share the deep abiding love that was needed for a fulltime commitment. It had been fun, but it was now over. Tom seemed a little more upset than B’Elanna as the days went by and he wasn’t sure why. He missed her, of course, but their friendship was now better than it had been before. He didn’t understand it, as he knew in his heart that they’d done the right thing. However, his stomach would curl up in knots for no apparent reason and he still felt depressed. He continued his way to the holodeck. A game of Talaxian Frisna was scheduled to start soon. Neelix had delighted in showing the Voyager crew the games his people played and this unusual card game had taken everyone’s fancy. There was no skill involved at all, or luck for that matter. It all depended on your outlook on life, quick thinking and your own general past. Tom smiled slightly as he remembered the last time that he had played the game. Tuvok had been absolutely hilarious as he attempted to bring logic into a game that had none. Tom determined that if Tuvok were there, he’d definitely be in his group. He needed to laugh - badly. As soon as he entered the holodeck, Harry waved him over. "I didn’t have any trouble getting us into Tuvok’s group, but I still don’t understand why you would want to. Everybody said he spoilt the game last time, so nobody wants to play with him this time." "Trust me Harry. You weren’t here last time. It was a barrel of laughs. We need Neelix to make it perfect." "That was a little harder. Everyone wants him in their group, but I’m working on it." Just then the bubbly little Talaxian scurried past them. "Neelix," Harry called out. "Have you decided whose group you want to play with?" Neelix hurried back to them, his face beaming. "Not yet, no. I’m very flattered by all this attention, I must say. Everybody seems to want me." "That’s because you’re so good at it," Megan Delaney told him, as she walked up and linked her arm through his. "The game runs a lot smoother and quicker if someone knows all the rules without having to look anything up." "You will play in our group, won’t you Neelix?" Jenny came up and linked his other arm through hers. "Why yes, of course." Neelix looked slightly flustered. "It looks like my decision has been made," he told Tom and Harry. Tom couldn’t keep the disappointment off of his face, and Neelix - always quick to pick up on other people’s moods - turned back to him. Tom was definitely not himself these days and he’d been trying to cheer him up for weeks. "I’m sorry ladies," the little Talaxian said. "I forgot I’d promised to play in Tom’s group this time. But next time I’ll definitely play in yours." As the twins walked away in disappointment, Tom smiled in delight. Neelix felt that his small sacrifice had been well worth it. After all, he was supposed to be the moral officer. He beamed back at him. "Who else is in our group?" he asked. "Joe Carey, Chakotay, Tuvok and us so far," Tom told him with a smile. Neelix felt the smile slide off his face. "Oh dear! Commander Tuvok is playing? He was really rather annoying last time we played Tom. Don’t you remember? He kept questioning everything we said and insisted that it was not logical." Tom nodded. "I thought he’d probably be better with a bit more practice. And anyway, we have a solemn duty to see that he enjoys the game." "Of course. You’re right Tom. Leave it to me." Tom nodded again and winked at Harry. "This is going to be fun." As soon as everyone had arrived, Neelix set up the groups and it wasn’t long before loud laughter and yells could be heard. Tom had been disconcerted to see the Captain accompany Chakotay into the room and then join their group. His stomach lurched awkwardly and his heart began to thud. He soon felt better however, as Tuvok and Neelix kept them all entertained in a battle of wills. As the game progressed, he found himself watching the Captain out of the corner of his eye. He was usually pretty good at this, but every move he attempted to make, she was able to counteract. She was even second-guessing him half the time. It was like she knew exactly what he was going to do and how he would react. When the game finished and Janeway had won easily, everybody adjourned to the mess hall for some light refreshments. Tom managed to maneuver it so that he was walking next to her along the corridor. "How’d you do it, Captain? You knew what I was going to do, even before I did, half the time." Janeway blushed. "I guess I just know you better than you thought." Tom laughed. "It sure looks that way." He sobered suddenly. "But there was some stuff that I didn’t think anyone knew - not even Harry. Like the time when I was five and I got my hand stuck in that favorite vase of my aunt’s. How did you know about that?" "Believe it or not, you told me. In my memories." "Well Captain, I hate to say this - but you cheated. In future, when we play Talaxian Frisna, we have to partner each other - just like the Delaney twins have to. It’s the only fair way." "You’ve got yourself a deal," the Captain laughed. Tom smiled down at her, relieved beyond measure that they could relax with one another once again. "Hey, I hope I didn’t tell you about everything I did as a child. This could be embarrassing." "Prepare to be embarrassed, Ensign." "Damn it!" Tom laughed as he watched her walk ahead of him and couldn’t help admiring the way she moved. She was a beautiful woman. She stopped and turned around to see why he was no longer with her and he felt himself begin to blush. His heart started thudding heavily in his chest as he gazed into her eyes. "Tom?" she asked softly. He tried to tear his eyes away from hers, but he couldn’t. Everything had now become crystal clear. Katherine stopped outside the holodeck doors and took a deep breath. When she’d received Tom’s message that afternoon to meet him here, she’d almost made up some excuse, but her heart wouldn’t let her. Smoothing down her cream pantsuit she slowly entered the holodeck and was immediately surrounded by a beautiful sunset. She was standing at the top of a mountain and the view was breathtaking. "Hey." Tom, who had been sitting on a seat overlooking the landscape below, came towards her. "What do you think?" "It’s beautiful Tom." "You’re the real beauty around here Kath. You look absolutely stunning." "Thank you." She felt herself flush with pleasure. Nobody had called her Kath for years. It felt wonderful and sounded so natural on his lips. "I wasn’t sure whether you’d come. I know you still feel uncomfortable around me." As she was about to deny this, he held up his hand. "It’s all right. I understand. I truly do." "Why did you ask me here, Tom?" she asked softly. "Please don’t get upset. I spoke to the Doctor today. There were still some things I didn’t understand about your mind implant. I put two and two together and I hope I didn’t come up with five." "I see. Just what do you think you came up with?" "The memories that you have of me are so real because the Mostreterians took everything they needed from both our minds and turned it into a love story. I’ve finally woken up to the fact that I had feelings for you that they accessed and that’s why it seemed so believable to you. And you must have had feelings for me too. It’s the only way it could have worked." He pulled her towards him gently. "Am I right, Kath?" Katherine sighed deeply and nodded. "My implanted memories were what I was subconsciously wishing would happen in real life. What I was hoping would happen one day. I’m so sorry." She looked down at the ground embarrassed. Tom pulled her chin up so that their eyes would meet. "Don’t be sorry. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’ve been so dense. It took me so long to work out what I was truly feeling for you, I was so confused. My stomach was in knots every time I thought of you and I didn’t know why. I guess falling for my Captain wasn’t anything I ever envisioned doing." He smiled self-consciously. "I love you Tom. I have for a long time. Maybe from the very first time I saw that picture of you on your father’s desk. Those bright blue mischievous eyes just twinkled out at me. You were so adorable. I just wanted to hold you to me." Katherine hugged him fiercely, to prove her point. Tom pulled away from her frowning slightly. "You don’t have some sort of maternal love for me do you Kath? Because you’re not old enough to be my mother. You’re only ten years older than me and that’s nowhere near old enough." "Thank you for the ‘only’ Tom. But, ten years is quite a bit of a difference." "Only when I was ten and you were twenty. Ten years is nothing." "It’s not nothing Tom. I can’t help feeling a little uncomfortable about the whole thing." "Well you shouldn’t. If it was the other way around, it wouldn’t have even come up in the conversation." "You’re right. And my love for you is definitely not maternal. Oh, I tried to tell myself it was at first. Maybe it was a little back then, but I’ve fallen completely and utterly in love with you over the last two years and I’ve spent the whole of that time denying it to myself. I can’t do it any longer." "I don’t want you to," Tom said softly. She gazed up into his mesmerizing eyes. "I told myself that it wasn’t right to feel this way about you. That I was the Captain and couldn’t have a relationship with anyone, especially someone on the bridge with me." Tom sighed. "You’re a person too Kath. If we were back in the alpha quadrant I could be assigned somewhere else. But we’re in the delta quadrant, and everything’s different. Surely you should be allowed some sort of personal life too." "You’re right of course. I just wouldn’t want it to affect our working relationship." Tom looked thoughtful. "I don’t believe it would. We’ve both been brought up living and breathing Starfleet, Kath. I think we can distinguish between work and off duty." She smiled up at him. "How’d you get to be so clever?" "I was born that way," he answered and her smile widened, only to become serious again. "Some people on board this ship are going to have a lot to say about us. B’Elanna could be a problem." "B’Elanna and I are over. We’re slowly becoming friends again, and that’s the way we should be." "I know that Tom, but some people will think I pinched you off of her. And in a way they’re right." "B’Elanna and I would never have made it in the end. We weren’t meant for each other, Kath. Don’t get me wrong. It was fun and exciting with her, but it always felt like we were playing. When things got serious, we weren’t there for each other. She never wanted me to be." She nodded as she looked up at him. "You know how I feel. I need to know how important this relationship is to you. Is it worth all the problems that we could face? It is to me, but it could be a lot worse for you." Tom looked at her seriously. "Sometimes I find it hard to say what I really feel, so I hope you understand me. You are more important to me than anything. Whatever anybody else says or does or thinks, means nothing to me as long as I have you. I love you more than I ever thought I was capable of loving anybody. And every day, that love grows. I just can’t believe that it took me so long to realize it." "I don’t think you were ready for a proper relationship with me before now. You had a lot of issues to deal with. A lot of growing to do." "A lot of growing up, you mean." She laughed softly. "If we had gotten together before now, it wouldn’t have lasted. We both had a lot of growing to do. Neither one of us was ready for a serious commitment until now." "And are you ready now? To commit to a relationship with me?" "Oh yes," she answered breathlessly. Tom pulled her to him. "Me to," he said, his voice cracking a little. They kissed passionately for a few minutes, before pulling apart. Tom grinned down at her mischievously. "Well, now that I have some pull with the Captain, does this mean I get to sleep in?" He batted his eyelashes at her. "Just because we were once married in my mind, don’t think you can take liberties Mister," she growled at him playfully. "Me?" Tom tried to look as innocent as he could. "Yes you. You will report for duty at eight hundred hours the same as usual." "Damn! You’re no fun." He pouted, but couldn’t keep the smile from his eyes. "Oh, I can be fun Tom. Lots and lots of fun," she purred invitingly. Tom laughed loudly. "Is that a promise?" "Definitely," she flirted outrageously. Tom picked her up into his arms and yelled, "Kiss me Kate!" "What?" she laughed up into his handsome face. "Okay, there’s the sunset, but where’s the damn horse?" "What are you talking about?" "We’re supposed to ride off into the sunset now." At her puzzled look, he laughed. "Actually, it’s just something the Doc said, of all people." "Well, put me down. That’s an order." "Yes Ma’am." As he placed her gently back down on the ground, he kept his arms around her. Smiling into her eyes, he asked. "Permission to kiss the Captain, Captain?" "Permission granted Ensign." The End.   Thanks Kendra, for giving me the inspiration for this story. Please let me know what you thought. This is my first attempt at J/P and I would love some feedback. t_pam@yahoo.com