Comparisons
By T’PamDisclaimer:Voyager and all her crew belong to Paramount/Viacom. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit will be made, as this story is just for fun.
Part Six
The days and then weeks went by as Voyager continued on its quest for home. Tom continued to work diligently in sickbay and was quite pleased with his progress. He had even learnt to appreciate the Doctor’s rather dry sense of humor, although he and Kes seemed to be the only ones who could see it. The EMH had even told him that he might be of some use after all, which was high praise indeed.
The only cloud in his otherwise bright horizon was the improvement in his hands. Or lack of it, he amended. He hadn’t been able to notice any discernible difference in them for over a week now and was becoming seriously worried. He had known it would take time and a lot of hard work and he was prepared to be patient, but nothing seemed to be happening at all.
On this particular day he had gone down to sickbay a full hour before he was due to start his shift, hoping that the Doctor would help him plan a new therapy program. As he entered sickbay he could hear voices coming from the Doctor’s office.
"I think you should talk to him Captain. He is becoming more agitated each day, but refuses to listen to me."
"If you think I can help, but I know the Commander has already tried to speak to him, on more than one occasion."
Tom wondered idly who they were talking about. He decided to go and clean up the cupboard on the other side of the room, while he waited, to give them a little privacy. He had just turned around when the Doctor’s next words froze him in his tracks.
"Lieutenant Paris is determined to pretend that he will fly again. I thought that by having him work in here and increasing his medical knowledge, he would gradually accept the truth of his situation for himself. But this has not been the case. He refuses to accept that his hands will never be any better than they are now. He continually speaks of when he will fly again. It is a fantasy that has kept him going until now."
"No," the protest was ripped from his throat.
A hand on his shoulder made him turn around. "Tom, we didn’t realize that you were here. I’m sorry that you heard that, but perhaps it’s for the best. It’s time to face the truth."
"No," Tom protested again. "How can you listen to him Captain? He’s wrong. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s not even a real Doctor. He’s just a hologram."
"Insulting me will not change anything, Lieutenant."
"Shut up!" Tom yelled.
Janeway took a step towards him but Tom took two steps back. "Tom, please come and sit down. We need to talk about this."
"There’s nothing to talk about. It’s not true." Tom backed away a few more steps. This wasn’t happening. It was a nightmare. He’d wake up soon.
The Captain stepped towards him again and he bolted for the door. He didn’t know where he was running to. He just knew he had to get away.
"Well, I do not believe that went particularly well," the EMH commented and Kathryn turned around to glare at him.
She headed for the door. "I’ll find him and try to calm him down," she said.
Hurrying through the ship she was alarmed when the computer announced that Tom was headed for the shuttle bay. Slapping her commbadge she ordered. "Tuvok, meet me in the shuttlebay. We could have a problem."
"At once Captain," Tuvok replied calmly.
Tuvok arrived at the shuttle bay doors the same time as she did. She quickly told him what had happened and they entered the room carefully.
"Tom?" Kathryn called out. "We know you’re here. Come out where we can see you." There was no answer.
Tuvok indicated a shuttle at the far end of the room, and they hurried over. He had a keen sense of hearing and Kathryn guessed that he must have heard something.
Cautiously climbing into the shuttle they saw Tom sitting at the helm. "Tom?" Kathryn came up behind him.
He didn’t turn around. "I was going to take the shuttle and run away." He gave a small laugh, but there was no humor in it. "I was always running away when I was a kid."
Kathryn squeezed his shoulder and sat down in the co-pilots seat.
"My fingers won’t stretch far enough to fly properly. And they’re never going to be able to, are they? This is as good as they’ll get."
"I’m sorry, Tom."
"The Doctor was right you know. I knew it all along. I just didn’t want to accept it." He held his hands up. "They’re useless. I’m useless."
"No Tom. That’s not true. There are plenty of other things you can do. The Doctor says you have the makings of an excellent field medic and nurse."
"I can’t do that properly either. My hands haven’t got enough feeling in them and some of the equipment I can’t even use."
"There will be limitations, I know."
Tom snorted. "Let’s face it. I wouldn’t be much help."
"Well the Doctor seems to think otherwise."
"He’s just saying that. He doesn’t mean it."
"Oh? I’ve never known the Doctor to say anything he didn’t mean. I realize that I don’t know him as well as you do, and that Kes and you have managed to soften his attitude a little, but I still don’t think he’s capable yet of saying something that wasn’t true, just to make some one feel better."
Tom sighed. "I guess you’re right."
Kathryn squeezed his arm. "I know it’s going to be hard for you. I know how much flying means to you, but there are other things. Now’s your chance to find them."
"I’d like to go back to my quarters now, if it’s all right?" Tom asked quietly.
"Of course," Kathryn answered softly.
Over the next few days Tom kept to himself as much as possible. He did his duty shifts in sickbay and spent the rest of the time in his quarters. Even Harry and B’Elanna didn’t see him. After three days they decided that he had been left alone to brood long enough and went to his quarters as soon as they had finished their shifts.
"Hi Tom," Harry said brightly as their friend answered the door. He was a little surprised to see Tom wearing the blue uniform of sciences instead of the red one he usually wore.
"Hi," Tom answered. He didn’t step back as he usually would have, to let them in.
B’Elanna pushed past anyway and Harry sheepishly followed. "We thought we’d come and see how you’re doing," he explained.
"I’m fine," Tom said shortly, still standing by the door.
"What’s with the change in uniform?" B’Elanna demanded.
"It seemed more appropriate," Tom answered shortly.
"This place is a bit of a mess, isn’t it?" B’Elanna screwed her nose up.
"It’s as neat as I can manage these days," Tom said a touch of anger in his voice.
Harry immediately felt guilty. "We can help you clean it up," he offered.
"No, it’s all right, I can do it." Tom stepped away from the door. "I’ve just been kind of tired lately. In fact, I was just about to go to bed now."
"Tom, it’s not even eighteen hundred yet," B’Elanna protested.
"Well, it’s been a busy day. I’m tired."
"We’re going to the holodeck tonight and wondered if you wanted to come with us?"
Tom shook his head at her. "I don’t think so."
"Come on Tom. It will do you good," Harry pleaded.
"Thanks, but I really don’t feel like it."
Harry tried again. "You’ll feel better once you get there. There are all sorts of great programs in the data base."
Tom shook his head. "I don’t want to."
B’Elanna growled angrily. "You’re coming and that’s the end of it."
Tom crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at her. "What’s the matter with you Torres? Can’t you take no for an answer?"
She glared back at him. "You’re not holing up in here, feeling sorry for yourself, any longer."
"I am not holing up here," Tom hissed angrily. "Will you get out of here and leave me alone?"
"No!"
"B’Elanna, maybe we should----"
"Shut up Harry! We’re going to the mess hall for something to eat and then we’re going to the holodeck - and he’s coming with us. Even if I have to carry him."
Tom faced her angrily. "Just try it Torres and see how far you get."
Harry nervously stepped between them. "I really don’t think this----"
"Harry - shut up!" B’Elanna pushed him out of the way.
"Hey! Don’t push Harry!"
"I will if I want to."
"Hey, now wait a minute," Harry stepped between them again and B’Elanna pushed him away again.
"Stop pushing Harry around," Tom yelled furiously.
"And who’s going to stop me?"
"I will!"
"I seriously doubt that Paris." Before Tom even had time to blink she hurled herself at him and tackled him to the floor.
"B’Elanna!" Harry cried out, trying to pull her off of Tom, as he struggled beneath her.
B’Elanna started yelling in Klingon and Tom was yelling in all different languages. "Stop it!" Harry shouted as loud as he could, trying to be heard above the two of them.
"What the hell is going on in here?"
Kathryn slowly made her way to Tom’s quarters. She was worried about him. The Doctor had reported that Tom had barely spoken over the past few days and no one else had even seen him. She wanted to make sure he was all right.
As she neared his quarters she could hear raised voices and by the time she reached his door all hell seemed to have broken loose. Without hesitating she overrode the code on the door and hurried inside. The sight before her froze her in her tracks for a few seconds. B’Elanna had Tom down on the floor and Harry was trying to pull her off of him.
Janeway’s voice seemed to ring around the room and the three on the floor, stilled - as one - and then hastily scrambled to their feet.
"C-Captain," Harry stammered, helping Tom to stand up. The three stood stiffly at attention before her.
"Can some one please tell me what’s going on?" she asked coldly.
"It’s my fault Captain. Please don’t blame them."
"I see." Kathryn studied Tom for a few moments. "It appeared that Lieutenant Torres was attacking you and Ensign Kim was trying to stop her. May I ask what you did to incur her wrath?"
Tom flushed a little. "It’s kind of personal Captain."
"Really? I’m still waiting."
Tom flushed even brighter. "I wouldn’t go to the holodeck," he finally mumbled.
"Well that sounds like a good reason to attack a fellow officer," Kathryn said sarcastically, glaring at B’Elanna.
B’Elanna looked mortified. "I’m sorry," she said shakily. "I lost control."
"It would appear so. I will not have senior officers behaving in this way. Is that understood?"
"Yes Captain," all three answered together.
"Ensign Kim, please take Lieutenant Paris into the bathroom and help him to clean up. His lip is bleeding."
As soon as they were gone she indicated to B’Elanna to sit down on the couch. Glancing around she noticed for the first time, just how messy Tom’s quarters were. "It would appear that Tom hasn’t bothered to do much housekeeping."
B’Elanna seemed a little surprised, but answered. "He says he’s been too tired. Harry and I were going to give him a hand, but he didn’t want us to."
Kathryn sat down on a chair opposite her. "I know you care about Tom, but what do you think you were trying to do?"
B’Elanna sighed. "He just made me so mad. Harry and I have been worried sick about him. We thought he needed to get out a bit. Get back into life, so to speak. He refused and I just lost it. I’m so sorry Captain. The Klingon part of me is hard to control sometimes."
"I understand that B’Elanna and I know you wouldn’t have reacted so strongly if you didn’t care so much. The Klingon blood in you will always make you a little volatile and I’m willing to accept that. It’s part of who you are, but you’re going to have to learn some restraint. Learn to control your temper a little. We can’t have you attacking every one that displeases you. It would become rather disrupting to say the least. I’m wondering if Lieutenant Tuvok may be able to help you."
"I’d be willing to try, Captain."
Kathryn smiled. "Good. I’ll speak to him about it." She stood up as Tom and Harry re-entered the room. "B’Elanna, Harry, you may go now. I’d like to speak to Tom alone."
"Yes Captain," they both said, and with one last glance at Tom, they left.
"Tom, come and sit down. I came to see how you were actually. The Doctor is rather concerned about how quiet you’ve been."
"There hasn’t been much to say," Tom said quietly, sitting down on the couch.
Kathryn sat back in the chair and regarded him thoughtfully. "I can only imagine how devastated you must feel."
Tom stiffened. "I’ll get over it. As you said, there are other things in life. I just have to find them."
"Yes, that’s true, but you’ve lost something very important to you. Flying was a part of you and I know it’s going to be hard for you to readjust."
Tom shook his head. "Don’t worry about me Captain. I’ll be fine."
"I know you will, but if you need to talk, I’m more than willing to listen. And I’m not the only one. The Commander has offered his services also."
"Talking isn’t going to change anything," Tom said and there was a trace of bitterness in his voice. "Besides, I’ve already said it all. There’s nothing else to say."
And Kathryn had to leave it at that.
B’Elanna cursed, as the console in front of her beeped once again. Slapping her hand down on it angrily, she struggled to control her temper. Taking a deep breath she felt herself calming down and even managed to say to Carey, in a normal tone of voice, "You’d better do this. I can’t seem to concentrate."
As Joe Carey took over, she told him she was going to go and grab a late lunch and headed for the mess hall. When she entered, she saw that there was hardly any body in there, but Tom was sitting by himself at a table at the far end of the room.
She had been hoping that he would be. She had only seen him twice in the past week and he’d barely spoken. She knew that Harry hadn’t had much luck either. Tom was taking late meal breaks and skipping some meals all together. Picking up the first thing she could see, she dumped it on her tray and hurried over to him.
"Hi," she said, slipping into the seat opposite him. "How are things?"
"Fine," Tom answered. "How are things with you?" He quickly looked down at his tray again, as if the pudding-like concoction on it had suddenly become fascinating.
"Good. Actually, you should congratulate me." At Tom’s quizzical look, she explained. "Tuvok’s sessions seem to be helping. I managed to calm myself in just a few seconds, a couple of minutes ago."
Tom looked back down at his tray again. "That’s good."
B’Elanna gave a small sigh. "Anything exciting happening with you?"
"No."
"Nothing in sickbay?"
Tom shook his head. "No."
B’Elanna sighed again - louder this time. She could feel the anger starting to surface and decided to count to ten, as Tuvok had taught her. They ate in silence for a while.
"Have you seen Harry lately?" she asked suddenly. They were the only ones in the mess hall by now, except for Neelix, who was pottering around behind the counter.
Tom didn’t look up. "I saw him last night."
"How is he?" She already knew that Harry was fine. She’d called in on him herself this morning. But she thought it might get Tom talking.
"All right. He doesn’t have any memories of being turned into photonic energy."
She already knew that too. "The Doctor did a good job getting Chakotay, Tuvok and Harry back, didn’t he?"
Tom nodded. "Yes."
"Who would have thought of Harry as Beowulf? I’m going to have to tease him about that."
Tom didn’t say anything to that and B’Elanna gritted her teeth and counted to ten again. You’re not mad at him, she kept telling herself - you’re worried. The friendly, cheerful, outgoing man she had come to know, was now quiet, withdrawn and completely anti-social. On top of the fact that her best friend in the Maquis - Seska - had turned out to be a Cardassian spy, betraying them to the Kazon, it was all too much.
"Tom, how about coming to the holodeck with me tonight? Harry doesn’t want to, after yesterday’s fiasco with the photonic beings. I’d really like some company. I’ll even let you pick the program."
Tom shook his head. "No thanks. I was going to have an early night."
B’Elanna growled. "You’re always having early nights. You never want to go any where or do any thing." She wondered why she cared so much. He’s a friend and he needs help, she told herself.
"I’m just a little tired."
"That’s what you always say. I don’t believe you."
Tom stood up abruptly. "I’d better get back to sickbay."
B’Elanna grabbed his arm. "We haven’t finished talking."
Tom managed to break free. "Yes, we have."
B’Elanna jumped up. "Stop running away."
Tom turned around to glare at her. "I don’t know what you’re talking about. Did it ever occur to you, that I don’t want to be around every one feeling sorry for me? I can’t stand all that pity."
"The only pity around here, is your self-pity. You’re full of it."
"Will you mind your own business Torres?"
"Don’t make me hurt you Paris." She grabbed hold of both of his arms this time and determined not to let go.
Neelix, hearing the raised voices, hurried out from his galley. "Lieutenants," he said. "Whatever the problem is, I’m sure we can work it out."
B’Elanna growled at him, and he took a step back.
Tom struggled to get away, but this time she had a better grip. "Let me go."
"No. You’re not going any where."
"I said - let me go," Tom yelled, struggling even harder.
"Please, please," Neelix begged, trying to be heard over the top of both of them.
It was absolute chaos, and into this entered the Captain and Tuvok, about to have a very late lunch.
Tuvok’s eyebrow’s rose and Kathryn put her hand over her eyes. "Not again," she muttered.
"It appears Lieutenant Torres requires more sessions with me," Tuvok commented before hurrying forward to try to separate the two.
"Enough," Janeway bellowed in her best command voice and B’Elanna let go of Tom abruptly. Tom staggered backwards and Neelix steadied him.
"May I ask what is happening here?" Kathryn’s voice was frosty.
B’Elanna gulped and opened her mouth to confess; only to have Tom beat her to it.
"I’m sorry, Captain. Things got a little out of hand. It was all my fault."
"No, it wasn’t," B’Elanna hastily said. "I lost my temper again."
"Yes, but I made her Captain, so it is my fault."
As B’Elanna was about to argue, Janeway held up her hand. "I don’t care whose fault it is. I just want to know, why it happened. What’s going on this time?"
Tom looked at B’Elanna and B’Elanna looked back at Tom. They both hesitated. B’Elanna certainly didn’t want to admit that she had lost her temper because Tom wouldn’t go to the holodeck with her - again. She didn’t think the Captain would be particularly amused or as understanding as the last time.
Tom didn’t want to admit that he was feeling sorry for himself and pushing his friends away.
"Oh, let me tell you, Captain," Neelix offered. "Lieutenant Torres wouldn’t let Tom leave here because she was trying to get him to go out with her, but he doesn’t want to go out in case everyone feels sorry for him, and she says he’s full of self-pity and he wants her to mind her own business and she wants to hurt him - I think - and oh - I nearly forgot - she thinks he keeps running away."
He took a deep breath but before any one could say anything, he rushed on. "Lieutenant Torres wouldn’t let Tom go, no matter how much he struggled. I was about to suggest that he kick her in the shins or trip her up or something, but I wasn’t sure if I should. Some species frown upon a gentlemen physically fighting with a lady, but I think under these circumstances it would have been acceptable. After all, she is so much stronger than he is and---"
"Thank you Neelix," Janeway finally managed to say. She turned to Tuvok, who was watching Neelix as if he were the most unusual thing he had ever seen and she had to struggle not to laugh.
"Oh my pleasure Captain. I’m just glad that I could be of assistance." Neelix beamed around at every one. B’Elanna glared at the Talaxian, while Tom studied his shoes.
Kathryn turned back to Neelix again. "I’m sure we’ve kept you from your duties long enough."
"Why no Captain," he interrupted. "This is much more interesting."
"I’m sure it is, but you must be very busy." She wondered if the Talaxian could take a hint.
"Not at the moment Captain. I have the next few hours to myself, until I have to start preparing the dinner. I’d be more than happy to stay here and help in any way that I can."
"Thank you, but that’s not necessary."
"Oh, but I don’t mind."
She decided she would have to be straightforward. "I do. I would like to speak to the two Lieutenants in private."
"Oh! Of course Captain. You should have said. Come along Mr. Vulcan. We have to go now."
Tuvok looked at him in amazement and then turned to her. "Do you require me to leave Captain?"
Kathryn shook her head. "No. I’d like you to stay, thank you Tuvok."
"Oh! I understand," Neelix bobbed his head up and down. "In case Ms. Torres becomes uncontrollable, you will need Mr. Vulcan’s superior strength to contain---"
"Goodbye Neelix." Kathryn glared at him.
"Um, goodbye." Neelix bustled from the room and they all breathed a sigh of relief - even Tuvok.
Kathryn turned back to Tom and B’Elanna and folded her arms. "Although Neelix’s account of what happened was rather amusing, I’m no longer amused. I will not have my crew behaving in this manner. It was just a bit of luck that there was no one else in here to witness this little spectacle."
"I’m sorry Captain," B’Elanna said miserably.
"I’m sure you are, but that doesn’t really change anything. This is becoming a serious problem. Tuvok, do you think that you can help Ms. Torres to achieve some self-restraint?"
"Yes Captain, I do. But it will take time."
"Very well. I want you to increase your sessions with her, to as frequently as you deem appropriate - daily if necessary." B’Elanna looked as if she were about to protest. "Yes Lieutenant? You have something to say?"
"No Captain."
"Good." She turned to Tom, who was still studying his shoes. "Mr. Paris. I would like you to speak to Commander Chakotay. I believe you need some counseling to help you readjust."
Tom looked up at her in surprise. "That’s not necessary, Captain."
"I think it is."
"I’m fine," he protested. "Just because I don’t want to go out partying every night."
"It’s a lot more than that and you know it, Tom."
"If Torres would just quit bugging me, I’d be all right."
"You are going to speak to Commander Chakotay, that’s an order Lieutenant."
"Yes Ma’am."
"Now both of you get back to work and I never want to hear of anything like this happening again. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes Captain," they both said at once, marching towards the door.
As they stepped out into the corridor she heard Tom hiss. "This is all your fault Torres."
"My fault?" B’Elanna hissed back. "If you weren’t so stubborn---"
"And if you weren’t so interfering."
"Interfering?" B’Elanna’s voice rose to full volume. "I’m trying to help you, you pig-headed pig."
Janeway rolled her eyes and looked towards Tuvok, who merely raised one eyebrow.
"Some help. And who are you calling a pig, Pinocchio?"
"P’tahk! What’s a Pinocchio?"
"It’s a creature that sticks its nose where its not wanted and each time its nose grows." Janeway raised her eyebrow, herself. She hadn’t heard that particular story told in quite that way before. "It’s a wonder your nose hasn’t made its way back to engineering by now."
A loud thump was heard after that, followed by a yelp.
Kathryn shook her head. "I did not hear that Tuvok. Please tell me, I didn’t hear it."
More thumps could be heard, then a loud groan. "You didn’t hear that either Captain," Tuvok said dryly.
As the bangs and thumps grew louder, Kathryn hurried to the door. "I’m throwing them both in the brig this time Tuvok. I mean it."
"Indeed!"
End Part Six