Comparisons By T’Pam Disclaimer:Voyager and all her crew belong to Paramount/Viacom. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit will be made, as this story is just for fun.   Part Five "How is he?" Janeway asked as the EMH program hovered around Tom’s bed. Tom was still unconscious. "There is severe muscle and nerve damage," he answered sternly. "May I ask just what he thought he was doing? He should not have been crawling around anywhere in the condition he was in, not to mention whatever else he was doing. There are extensive injuries." "He didn’t have much choice at the time," B’Elanna said fiercely. "Well be that as it may. There may be permanent damage to his hands. The scars on his face will be easily taken care of with some deep tissue regeneration, but his hands are another matter." Tuvok commed the Captain. He was back on the bridge as he had only had a slight concussion. "Captain, the Kazon are insisting that we leave this area of space. They say they do not want us near the Array. They have threatened to use force if necessary." "Understood. I’m on my way." "Captain," the EMH interrupted her. "You shouldn’t be walking on that leg yet." "Thank you for the advice," she answered, heading for the door. A sudden blast rocked the ship and Chakotay beckoned to B’Elanna. "Come on. We’d better get back to our ship. They may need some help." "I wouldn’t advise that you leave yet," the EMH told B’Elanna. She nodded to Harry. "See you later Starfleet," she said. Harry also got off of his biobed and headed for the door. "That goes for you too, Ensign." The EMH stood in front of Harry blocking his way. Harry neatly sidestepped. "Take care of Tom," he said. "Well naturally. That is what I’m programmed to do," the EMH replied a little huffily. Neelix and Kes looked at each other and then promptly left the sickbay as well. "Well really!" When Tom woke up, he could see the Captain sitting on the chair next to his bed, dozing. He watched her for a few moments, feeling a little surprised to see her there. He lifted his hands up into his line of vision and saw that they were heavily bandaged once again. The movement caught the eye of the EMH, who hurried over. "Good morning Lieutenant." "Hi! Doctor - um. I don’t think we’ve met." "I am the emergency medical holographic program." "Oh! Where are the proper doctor and nurse?" "They are both dead." "You mean you’re the only medical staff we have?" "That is correct. Do not concern yourself. I am programmed to treat any injury or disease. My program is a technological achievement of vast proportions--" "I’m sure it is," Tom interrupted. "But what about my hands and face?" "Of course. The scars on your face have been completely healed. The skin is still a little red, but that will fade in a day or two." Tom heaved a sigh of relief. "And what about my hands?" "Your hands will require further treatment. There has been extensive damage to the muscles and tendons." "How extensive?" "There has been severe nerve degradation." "I see. Well as soon as we get home they’ll send me to the best medical facilities to deal with these types of injuries." "I’m afraid that won’t be possible Lieutenant." "Why?" Tom’s voice rose a little and the Captain awoke with a start. "We are stuck in the Delta Quadrant. So unless you prefer to wait for seventy five years for treatment, we are going to have to discuss other options." "Doctor," Janeway said sternly. "I wanted to break the news to him myself." Tom turned to her in confusion. "What’s he talking about Captain? Won’t the caretaker send us home? Surely you haven’t given up?" Janeway explained to him all that had happened on the Array and her heartbreaking decision to destroy it to save the Ocampa people from the Kazon. "So now we’re stranded," Tom said flatly. "I’m afraid so," Janeway answered. "But I’m not giving up. We’re looking for wormholes, spatial rifts, and new technologies. Anything to get us home faster. And don’t forget - there’s another caretaker out there. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find her." "Not in the next few days or even weeks though, right?" "No, I wouldn’t think so," she said sadly. "So where does that leave me? What about my hands?" "I can assure you Lieutenant," the EMH quickly intervened, "I am more than capable of dealing with your injuries. I may have been meant for only short-term use, but I have been programmed with all the latest skills and techniques. Your treatment will be no different than what you would receive back on Earth. In fact, if I do say so myself, it may even be a little better." "Well that’s a relief." Tom looked up at Janeway and smiled, but the look on her face sobered him immediately. "What’s wrong?" "The nerves in your hands have been severely damaged---" "The Doctor explained all that," Tom interrupted. "But he can fix it. Can’t you?" he asked, turning back to the EMH. The Doctor shook his head. "I can certainly give you back some movement and grip, but even our modern medical knowledge can not heal the type of extensive nerve damage that you have suffered. It will be impossible to restore your hands to their original state. I cannot say for certain how badly damaged they will remain, but you must prepare yourself. Your fingers will never have the dexterity that they had before." "I’m sorry Tom," Kathryn said softly, placing her hand on his arm in a comforting gesture. "Are you saying I won’t be able to fly again?" Tom choked out. "I do not believe so - no," the Doctor answered. Tom stared down at his bandaged hands as if he’d never seen them before. "You’re wrong," he said quietly. "I will fly again. I’ll get back full use of my hands and I will fly again." "That is not possible Lieutenant." "Yes, Yes it is." "Lieutenant, as I have just explained---" "Doctor, please. Leave him alone for now. He needs to digest what you’ve told him." "Very well," the EMH said huffily, walking away. Tom looked up at her. "He’s wrong Captain. I know he is." Kathryn shook her head sadly. "I pray that he is Tom. I pray that he is." B’Elanna hurried along the corridor towards sickbay. Two weeks had gone by since she and the rest of the Maquis had been forced to join Voyager. After a rocky start, she was now Chief Engineer and loving every minute of it. The Starfleet crew seemed to have accepted her without too many problems - perhaps her friendship with Harry and Tom had had something to do with it, she mused. She was worried about Tom but couldn’t exactly say why. He had been working hard at his physical therapy sessions, determined to prove the Doctor wrong. So far he had been doing extremely well, better than the Doctor expected, and he could already use his hands to hold things and do easy tasks. He was bright and cheerful and full of good humor, which she knew she wouldn’t be if she had been in his situation. She winced as she thought about how she would probably react if her hands had been injured the way Tom’s had been. No - it wouldn’t have been pleasant. She heard laughter as she entered the room and saw Harry sitting on Tom’s bed with him. "Hey Torres," Tom called out. "Look at this." He held up his hand and with a frown of concentration, wiggled his fingers. He then did the same with the other hand. He looked over at her and smiled, his eyes shining brightly. She smiled back and hurried over to give him a quick hug. "That’s wonderful Tom," she said as she perched up on the other side of the bed. "I think this calls for a celebration," Tom said with a laugh. "Well, I hope this celebration doesn’t get as noisy as the last one," the EMH said, coming over to them. Tom sighed. "Don’t worry Doc. We’ll keep it down." "Now let me see," the EMH continued. "This celebration is for wiggling your fingers. The last one was for being able to go to the bathroom by yourself, if I recall." "Yeah, well, that was pretty important to me too." "Yes, I must say I felt like celebrating as well. I no longer had to tag along behind you to, lend a hand - so to speak." Harry and B’Elanna burst out laughing, as Tom shot the EMH a dirty look. "Computer, deactivate the EMH." "Hey Tom. That wasn’t very nice," Harry scolded. "He’s not very nice," Tom scowled. "I don’t know who programmed him, but he could use a little work on his personality." "He can be a little rude at times," Harry admitted. "A little? You have no idea how bad he can get. And that’s another thing. I don’t think the Captain’s going to get any one to be able to train with him. He’s that impatient with every one. There’s been four different trainees in here this past week and Jenkins, the last one, told me that he’d rather be thrown in the brig than work in here, so I doubt if he’ll be back." "Well, I know I wouldn’t like to work with him," B’Elanna said shortly. "Yeah, and I can’t wait to get out of here. A few more days and I should be able to go back to my quarters." "Hey, that’s great," Harry said. "We really should celebrate." "We are," Tom answered, getting out of bed and going over to the replicator. He came back cradling a bottle of something in his arms. "B’Elanna could you please get some glasses. I don’t trust myself to carry them yet." "Sure," she said jumping off the bed and coming back with three. "Tom," Harry said in a shocked voice. "That’s a real bottle of champagne. We can’t drink that in here." "Why not? We’re celebrating." "Well yes, but I thought we were going to have lemonade or root beer or something. I shouldn’t drink alcohol. I have this acid stomach." "Oh for Pete’s sake Harry. Lighten up. We’re in sickbay. I’m sure I can find something in here for your stomach. And anyway, we’re talking about one glass. That won’t hurt you. Your not on duty." "Tom’s right Harry. One glass won’t kill you." B’Elanna popped the cork. "We’re senior officers B’Elanna. We could get called to the bridge at any moment, or to the briefing room or something." "Fine. Don’t drink it then. But I’m going to," B’Elanna said with a toss of her head. Harry sighed and held out his glass. "Don’t blame me if we get caught." "I’ll take full responsibility," Tom said solemnly as B’Elanna poured the champagne. They all perched back up on the bed and clinked their glasses. "To wiggly fingers," Tom said. "To wiggly fingers," B’Elanna and Harry echoed. They sipped their champagne and Tom started to laugh. B’Elanna soon joined him and then Harry did also. "Well, this looks cozy." Harry almost choked as Chakotay walked up to them. "C-Commander," he stuttered, jumping off the bed and trying to stand at attention. "At ease Mr. Kim. May I ask what’s going on here?" "We’re celebrating," Tom answered. He didn’t seem too perturbed that the First Officer had just caught them all drinking alcohol in the sickbay. "I see." Chakotay picked up the bottle of champagne and studied the label. "With only the best too." Tom nodded. "It was my idea. Don’t blame them." "I see," Chakotay repeated. He looked at them all in silence. "Somehow you forced them both to drink this," he finally said. B’Elanna snorted. "Don’t report Harry, Chakotay. We did kind of talk him into it." "I take full responsibility for my own actions Sir," Harry said, standing stiffly at attention. "Naturally," Chakotay answered. "May I ask just what it is you’re celebrating?" "I can wiggle my fingers, Sir." Tom sounded a little worried himself now. He wiggled them to demonstrate. Chakotay broke into a wide smile. "That’s great Tom." He looked over at Harry. "For the sake of the spirits Ensign - relax. I’m not going to report any one. Although I will ask you not to make a habit of this." "Yes Sir. Thank you Sir," Harry gulped gratefully. "Why don’t you join us?" Tom said, indicating the bottle. Chakotay shook his head with a smile. "I’m willing to turn a blind eye, but I’d better not implicate myself." "Good judgment call Commander." They all started in surprise. This time Harry did choke, as the Captain came up to them. B’Elanna pounded him on the back. "Captain! Maybe you’d care to join us instead?" Tom recovered quickly. "I don’t think so Lieutenant. I think the Commander has the right idea. I’m going to pretend I didn’t see this. Just this once. Is that understood?" "Yes Ma’am." Janeway smiled and squeezed Tom’s shoulder. "I’m pleased to hear your good news. Your hands seem to be improving every day." Tom nodded. "They are. I’ll be back at the helm in no time." "You will?" The Captain sounded surprised. "Did the Doctor tell you that?" Tom snorted. "Him? He’s the voice of doom. I’ve decided to ignore him." B’Elanna noticed that the Captain looked a little worried, just as she had felt all along. "I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Tom. It’s important that you keep a positive attitude, but you should still heed his advice." "If you say so, but he says I won’t be able to fly again, and I’m not listening to that." "I see. Well it’s probably a little too soon to say anything for certainty." "Well, I can. I’d rather be dead than not be able to fly again." Tom’s voice was intense. The light cheery atmosphere seemed to have darkened and B’Elanna saw the Captain and Chakotay exchange glances. "Tom, don’t say things like that," Harry urged, his discomfort in front of the Captain and Commander forgotten in his anxiety. "You don’t mean it." "Yes I do. Flying is everything to me," Tom insisted. "It’s all I’ve ever done. All I’ve ever wanted to do. It’s all I can do." "That’s not true," Janeway said crisply. "There are plenty of things you can do." "No, there isn’t Captain. It’s the only thing I was ever any good at." He looked down at his hands and then back up at the group of them, forcing a smile. "Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get all maudlin on you. I don’t know what started all the gloomy talk. I will fly again and that’s all there is to it." There was an uneasy silence. "I’m sorry," Tom apologized again. "I’ve really spoilt the mood, haven’t I?" "No, of course not," B’Elanna said brightly. "Come on Harry, drink up." "We’ll leave you to it," Janeway said with a smile, squeezing Tom’s shoulder lightly again. She motioned for Chakotay to join her and they left the sickbay together. As soon as they left, Harry turned worriedly to Tom. "You didn’t really mean what you said, did you Tom? That you’d rather be dead?" He was deeply upset. B’Elanna felt sorry for him. The three of them had formed a very close-knit bond. "Of course he didn’t," she glared at Tom. "He was just being melodramatic." Tom hesitated a little, so she frowned at him fiercely. "I didn’t mean the bit about I’d rather be dead," he reassured them, "but I did mean the rest of it. I really can’t do anything else but fly." "That’s because it’s the only thing you’ve ever done," Harry said quickly. Tom started to say something but then stopped. "What are we talking about this for?" He smiled suddenly. "We’ve got a bottle of champagne here to finish. If I can wriggle my fingers today, imagine what I might be able to do with them tomorrow." B’Elanna shook her head. "I can. And I really rather wish I hadn’t," she said dryly. Tom burst out laughing and B’Elanna and Harry soon joined in. "I think we could have a problem with him," Kathryn said as they made their way to the turbolift. Chakotay nodded in agreement. "There really is no way he’ll be able to fly again, is there?" "Not according to the Doctor. He has tried to explain that to Tom many times, but Tom refuses to accept it." "I suppose it would be a little hard. He sees himself improving every day. In his mind, why wouldn’t he keep on improving?" Kathryn nodded. "I know. But soon he’s going to reach the point that there can be no more improvement. I’m not sure how he’s going to handle it." "Do you think he meant it, when he said that he would rather be dead?" Kathryn sighed. "I’m not sure. But I have a horrible feeling that he did. Flying really is everything to him. It really is all he’s ever done. All he’s ever prepared for." She shook her head sadly. "Some of the stories I’ve heard about his flying skills are unbelievable. I never got a chance to see any of them of course, but he is acknowledged as the best pilot in the fleet." Chakotay followed her into her ready room. "It’s going to be very hard for him." Janeway sat down heavily in her chair and Chakotay pulled up a chair across from her. She nodded thoughtfully. "Did you know that he could pilot a shuttle all by himself, and better than most of the cadets at the academy, by the time he was five?" Chakotay whistled. "A child prodigy." "I would say so yes. Although he has only ever bothered about flying, I suspect he is highly intelligent. We need to find something else for him to do. Something that doesn’t involve his hands so much, well at least, not to the same degree as flying does." "I’ll see what I can come up with. If we can help him to feel useful, it may help his spirits." Tom watched in concern as Neelix gasped and struggled for breath as the Doctor battled to stabilize him. Only the night before the Talaxian had visited him full of his plans to make a galley in the mess hall. The ration packs were not too popular with the crew and the replicator had to be used sparingly. Neelix, who said he loved to cook, wanted to help out. He wanted to give something back to the people that had given him so much, he said. Tom had thought it was a thoughtful gesture, but had warned that he should get permission from the Captain before making any drastic changes. Neelix had wanted to surprise her however, and Tom had joked that she would certainly be surprised. Now Neelix was fighting for his life. The away mission, that the Talaxian had been so excited about, had gone horribly wrong. Tom listened in horror as the Doctor explained to the Captain that Neelix’s lungs had been removed and he would die if they could not be retrieved. Chakotay raced around trying to help the EMH as best he could, but it was obvious he was out of his depth. Tom, who had thought it was best to keep out of the way, hurried over to him. He pointed to a strange oblong instrument in the drawer that Chakotay was sorting through. "There Commander. That’s what the Doctor’s talking about." Chakotay looked up at him in surprise. "Are you sure?" Tom nodded. "Positive." "Thanks." Chakotay grabbed the instrument and raced back to the biobed. Tom went back over to his own bed and sat down again, wishing he could do more. He waited until the Captain had left to take a team back down to the surface and Neelix was stabilized for the moment, and then asked if he could do anything to help. The Doctor looked him up and down for a moment before replying. "Actually Lieutenant, there is. You can monitor Mr. Neelix’s life signs for me. You seem to know a little more than the Commander here and I’m sure your hands are up to pushing a few buttons here and there." Tom nodded eagerly and jumped down from his bed. "Well, I don’t think there’s anything I can do here so I’ll get back to the bridge," Chakotay told them. He gave Kes’s arm a comforting squeeze before hurrying from the room. "Really, what it is to get good help around here," the EMH remarked with a sniff. "Well, you don’t make it too easy you know Doc. You just expect everyone to know everything and that’s not how we poor non-computer programs work," Tom commented. "We have to be taught - shown things." "Of course," the Doctor sniffed. "I realize that. The Captain has already explained to me that I must train replacement medical staff." "Yeah, train them - not terrorize them. You’re not a very patient person." The Doctor looked a little surprised. Whether it was because Tom had called him a person or he was trying out the concept of patience, Tom wasn’t sure. He turned back to watch the monitor in front of him. "If I was sent some one that was trainable, I’m sure I would be patient." The EMH had to have the last word. Tom decided to ignore him. Over the next few days Tom helped nurse Neelix and then Kes, much to their relief, as they recuperated from their lung transplant. The EMH’s bedside manner was terrible. Tom had been discharged from sickbay, but spent most of the time there anyway while the Doctor grumbled and complained about his inexperience. Nevertheless, he continued to find things for Tom to do that he could handle. Kes was released after a couple of days and Neelix the following week, but still Tom gravitated towards sickbay. He had to go there for his physical therapy and tended to stay there once he was finished. It was boring hanging around in his quarters when all his friends were working. He couldn’t wait to get back to the helm. And then came the day that Chakotay came to see him about becoming a field medic. Tom had been surprised at the time. "Isn’t Kes training to help the Doc? I’ve just been filling in time down there." "Kes is training to become his assistant but the Captain’s not keen to send her on away missions. You’d be perfect for the role. Even the Doctor thinks so. He suggested it actually. He says you’re spending a lot of time down there anyway and have already learnt quite a bit. The Doctor needs more help than Kes is able to give him. Kes has to divide her time between sickbay and airponics as it is. That’s not to mention when she’s not helping Neelix in the kitchen." "I know that Kes is always on the go, but I don’t know whether I’d be much good. There’s a lot of things I can’t do at the moment because of my hands." "He’s not expecting you to do microsurgery or anything. Just basic first aid, and your hands can cope with that now. Once your hands have improved, your training will extend as well." Tom shook his head. "I don’t know Chakotay. I want to help out where I can, but once my hands are healed I’ll be back at the helm, full time. It would be wasting the Doc’s time. He would have to get some one to replace me, anyway." "Maybe you could do both, part-time. It will give you something to do for now and the medic training will certainly come in handy. Who knows, you might even like it better than flying?" Tom laughed. "No way Commander. I will admit I like helping in sickbay - helping people - but flying is a part of me. There’s nothing better to me and never will be." "I’m a pilot too, you know Tom, and I’ve found there’s more to life than flying." Tom frowned, wondering why Chakotay was telling him this. "Maybe for you Commander, but not for me." Chakotay sighed. "Well, are you willing to give this medic thing your best shot? We really need you." Tom nodded. "Sure. There’s one thing though. Harry’s pretty good with computers. Do you think he could reprogram a bit nicer personality into the Doc? He’s a bit hard to take sometimes." Chakotay smiled. "Kes is already working on that. She thinks the Doctor can learn to become a nicer person. She believes that between the two of you, you can teach him." Tom laughed. "It’ll certainly be interesting. I still think it would be easier just to reprogram him though." "His program is very complicated. It’s not a good idea to start messing around in it." Tom sighed. "Well it was worth a try. When do you want me to start in there?" "How about, right now?" End Part Five