Codes: Chakotay/Paris, Chakotay/Tomas’
Archive: Ask and we shall see please.
Warning: Mention is made reference to of the Voyager episode “Equinox” Summary: Chakotay has his own private illusions until Tom walks in on him and calls him out on it.
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Disclaimer: They belong to Paramount and I just take them out for playtime and than put them back although sometimes I keep them over night. No monetary gain intended.
IN THE DELTA QUADRANT
Chakotay was glad he kept the data chip on him as a good luck piece when he crashed his ship Crazy Horse into the Kazon warship to save Voyager. Seeing Tom Paris on the bridge had been a blow and his hatred had blossomed over the traitor especially when Tom saved his ass on Ocampa. Tom had the gull to say that Chakotay’s life had belonged to him after that.
By becoming First Officer of the starship Voyager under her capable Captain Kathryn Janeway was a plus instead of sitting in the brig for the next seventy years or so as they combined both crews of Maquis and Starfleet into a cohesive team.
In his spare time, when he actually had an hour or so to himself in the holodeck, he had worked on making a cabin by a small lake that was in remembrance of his home world of Dorvan V. With the Tomas’, they turned it into a home for the two of them. Chakotay was always careful to keep Tomas’ a separate program in his own data chip so no one would know about his one great love.
Over the years on Voyager when the razzing and the being made the butt of Paris’ jokes got to him, Chakotay would retire to the holodeck into Tomas’ loving arms. If Tom Paris wanted to drive Chakotay away he was doing a fine job since the Chakotay refused to get angry with Paris and let go of his temper to call him out on it because that would mean that Paris won.
First Officer Chakotay took being a man of peace very seriously and nine times out of ten; people quailed before the wrath in his voice. Seldom did he have to resort to Maquis discipline and it seemed that Tom Paris could do with a dose, but he was also Janeway’s pet project with left Chakotay feeling like the pilot was hands off.
Learning to ignore Paris became easier over the years even as the First Officer watched him mature into a fine young officer thus becoming a valuable member of the crew and ship. However, the First Officer knew something was bothering the younger man as the tensions lessened somewhat and they became a little more civilized towards each other on duty and on the bridge.
As the years passed, Chakotay’s love for the gentle Tomas’ grew while his anger and hatred at the real Tom Paris remained intact and no one could see it beneath the surface of his façade.
He knew that Tomas’ was becoming an addiction to him and there was many a time he nearly pushed the delete button or ordered the computer to ease the program. However, he always backed out at the last moment.
Despite his swearing it off for the umpteenth time, he entered Voyager’s holodeck calling for a privacy lock as the doors closed. “Computer, run Chakotay Program Lake Resort.”
The holodeck vanished to be replaced by a small log cabin sitting on the edge of a small clear blue lake in a pleasant valley setting reminding him of home on Dorvan V. Walking over to an oak tree, he opened up a panel to the holodeck controls and inserted a data wafer than shut the panel to continue his walk to the rustic log cabin.
“Computer activate Tomas’,” Chakotay said as he entered the cabin and was greeted by the homeliness of the place that always welcomed him.
A replica of Voyager’s blond pilot shimmered into view in front of the First Officer. Only this one was different, he had none of the hate, bitterness and disappointment that seem to follow the real one. Tomas’ had shoulder length blond hair, the same bright blue eyes, a smile that could light up the sun and was a totally interactive hologram that Chakotay had played with for the last eight years. Tomas’ had learned a great deal from Chakotay over the years and his personality routines let him voice his own opinion over a variety of subjects.
“Kotay, it is so good to see you. I miss it when you are not around,” Tomas’ smiled as he put his arms around Chakotay’s waist and leaned in for a kiss on those full sensuous lips. Chakotay groaned in response and crushed the hologram in a bear hug causing Tomas’ to issue a small whimper.
“I’ve missed you too, sweet one,” Chakotay replied when he came up for air from the sweet lips of the slender man in his arms. “I keep wanting to delete you, but I find myself quite addicted to you. I could make a lifetime research project out of you.”
“Why don’t you, Kotay? I would love to stay online all the time so I can take care of you,” Tomas’ kissed the tip of Chakotay’s nose and worked his way down to the bronze neck.
“Let’s get more comfortable on the bed, Tomas’,” he groaned in response. He always forgot that Tomas’ knew all of his hot spots and was always looking for new ways to make love to him.
With the grueling session of the Equinox crew and the death of Captain Ransom, Chakotay knew he needed a couple of hours in the holodeck with Tomas’. They had a wonderful time and Chakotay fell asleep as soon as he got back to his cabin. Tomas’ had eased his tension and headache with a picnic and a long lovemaking session.
Chakotay forgot his data wafer containing Tomas’ one night. Tom Paris was in search of an empty holodeck since he can’t sleep finds it in the holodeck control panel and is curious enough to activate it. He is shocked to find Tomas’, his double, appear in front of him.
Tomas’ had been programmed to automatically call for Chakotay to come to his rescue in a situation like this. When a sleepy Chakotay enters the holodeck a few minutes later, he is shocked to find Tom Paris with his Tomas’.
“How long have you had this hologram, Commander?” Frosty blue eyes glared out from the bitter face standing there with his hands on his hips.
“Since you were captured by Starfleet. I wanted to remember that one night we were good together,” Chakotay said quietly while Tomas’ shivered behind him. “Computer, deactivate Tomas’.” His hologram vanished with a sigh of relief.
“How dare you invade my privacy like this, you bastard,” Tom sneered trying to get a rise out of his former lover.
“How dare I?” He exploded in the pilot’s face. “At least a pale imitation of the gentle young man I loved that night and once saw with brightness is better than the bitter hateful man in front of me now.”
Pushing the blond out of his way, Chakotay pulled the data wafer out of the console slot, put it in his pocket and calmly left the holodeck. As the doors closed, he heard the wail of anguish from a shattered man but kept going to the turbolift, keeping his heart locked on the gentle face of Tomas’.
Biting his lip, Tom stepped nervously into the First Officer’s office following the open door policy that anyone could talk to Chakotay about anything during this time and suffer no reprisals. Chakotay was sitting behind his desk working on a report when he looked up and found the pilot standing in front of him with tension lines around the blue eyes.
“Is there something I can help you with, Mr. Paris?” Chakotay was totally professional in his tone and mannerisms.
“Yes, Commander. May I ask a personal question?” Tom swallowed nervously putting his hands behind his back to hide their fluttering of his nerves.
“You may ask, but that doesn’t mean I will answer it.” The became cool and only a slight twitch of his eyebrow gave away his surprise at this turn of events.
“What…what would I…have to do to get…back in your life, Chakotay?” Tom got out the hardest question he had ever asked in his life and now waited for expected rejection to come from the one man he had loved for so long. He looked at his shoes so he wouldn’t see the disdainful eyes glaring at him.
There was only silence to his ears until he glanced up and saw the tears flowing unchecked down Chakotay’s face. A great sob tore from his chest as he put his hands over his face scaring Tom half to death who came around the desk and fell to his knees beside the crying man.
“God, Chakotay. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Tom felt tears welling up in his own eyes wondering why he felt so guilty. He had come to lay his cards on the table so to speak and bare his soul to Chakotay hoping to get one last chance to love again.
Chakotay felt the façade that he had been living behind all these years crumble before Tom’s question. His eyes were the blue of that one night in Marseilles open, honest and sincere in his intentions. “Yes, Tom. Just like this.”
Now Tom was confused. “I don’t understand.” He frowned.
Chakotay cupped Tom’s face gently in both hands, “Just like this, Tom. Coming here and being open, honest and sincere with me. When you come out from behind the play boy façade and let me in, I love you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this years ago, Cha?” Tom let his tears fall as he gazed into the dark brown eyes full of love.
“Because every time you made me angry, you drove me away. I’ve never responded to those who made me an object of ridicule and you did that quite often,” he gently kissed him on the forehead.
“I was hoping to make you angry enough to come after me,” Tom confessed as he was pulled into the broad arms he remembered so well.
“Sorry, I don’t hit brats, I only spank them. I try to be a man of peace,” Chakotay deadpanned so seriously that Tom tried to pull away until he caught the gleam in the dark eyes and they both laughed.
“We have a lot to talk about, don’t we?” Tom said as he sat in Chakotay’s lap.
“Yes, we do. How about dinner tomorrow night in my quarters?” Chakotay asked as he enjoyed holding the pilot once again in his lap.
“Why not tonight?” Tom tried to pout but it failed when blunt fingers tickled his ribs making him laugh and Chakotay loved the sound of his laughter.
“I have to say good-bye to someone tonight so tomorrow I can start fresh,” Chakotay told him honestly and heartfelt. Tom knew that he meant Tomas’, so he did not protest. The hologram had been a part of Chakotay’s life for a long time. “Would you tell him thank you for me?”
“I will,” he pulled the pilot in for a long deep kiss to start the healing and start a new beginning.