TITLE: The Three little Fleet officers and the Big Bad Maquis
AUTHOR: Kim R. a.k.a. MYSTIC / Mysticmcknight
PARING: C, P, K, and Bashir (No, I'm not telling who is with whom!)
RATING: R? Not really. 
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own any of them, for if I did, the shows would have been a lot different and not going off the air. Meaning, I get nothing out of this but the fun of writing it. 
NOTE: This is part of my “Cracked Tales” series, most of which are (Julian/ DS9 based and found on Fcanon and www.slashheaven.com I have takes on Cinderella, Rumplestilskin, Puss-N-Boots, Little Red Riding hood, and Goldie locks and the three bears) (Voyager based: Chak and the BeanStalk, Alice in wonderland,) (This is the first Voyager/ DS9 based.) 
SUMMARY:  A modern three little pigs
ARCHIVE: If you let me know where first. 
FEEDBACK: Oh please! Mysticmcknight@hotmail.com

"The Three little Fleet officers and the Big Bad Maquis" 

Once upon at time there lived three…

"Hey, hold on a second!"

"Ah, can't we wait to mess up this story?  I mean, we haven't even gotten started?" 

"No it can't wait. We need to know who's playing what role?" 

"Didn't you read the script?" 

*Silence. *

"Very well, You play the youngest, you the oldest, and well that leaves you middle. Got it?"

*Grumble, grumble, and grumble. *

"Good, now, shut up and get to work! Sheesh, I never knew casting could be so difficult. So, where was I, oh yes…"  *Clears throat. *

Once upon at time there lived three young StarFleet officers that all attended the academy about the same time. As fate would have it they were friends and when time came for their survival course final they had pulled a few strings so they could do the test together. The youngest of them all was Harry Kim, he was a talented musician, and took things rather easily, for he was a go with the flow type person, easy to get a long with and not the type to usually stir up trouble, on his own. 

But when it came to trouble Harry found his share by hanging out with his older friend, Tom Paris. Tom was also musically inclined, he could sing very nicely, and he too was friendly, but he didn't wait around for life, he went after it, even if he had to break a few rules to get it. Tom was always leading young Harry into one form of situation to another, but Harry, being the true friend he was, went along for the ride. 

Tom was able to get himself and Harry out of most scraps, but every once in awhile they needed the help of his older friend, Julian Bashir, a bright medical student going places. Julian didn't seem to share any musical talents, but he was friendly, but Tom knew Julian used his gift of gab to cover up his shyness. The older man was a genius, and Tom for the life of him couldn't understand why Julian liked remaining in the shadows. But that was how Julian was, but he was always there when Tom needed him and always managed to pull him and Harry out of jam, when Tom couldn't do it himself. 

Though Tom was the middleman between his two best friends, they all were friends and that was what counted most. So, the day of their survival test arrived and the three were to set down on a remote area with a few personal things but next to nothing else survival wise, and had to separate. Their goal was to make shelters and survive, but they were allowed to interact, but had to maintain three separate camps.  So, with their few bags packed they beamed down…

"Okay, we should take a few minutes to go over what we have and make a list. Then we make a list of what we need…" Julian started only to be cut off by Tom. 

"Pa…leeee…zzz, we know what we have and what we need. We need to make a shelter and then we can relax for the next few days, what's the big deal?"

"Yeah, the weather couldn't be better?" Harry added. 

"We can't just go off and throw something together. We need to plan, to…" 

"Julian, you asked me once to tell you when you were acting too uptight…I'm telling you," Tom grinned. 


"Just relax, Julian. Harry and I will head just over that ridge, for it says separate, the minimum was the distance it takes us to cover in ten minutes. So, you stay here and plan, we're going to get started that way and we'll be back ready for some fun in no time," he smiled that cocky smile. 

"Harry, surly you know…"

Julian was cut off again, "Tom's right. A simple shelter is all we need and then we can relax. If I were you," he grinned, "I'd just set up something and get a fire started, we're going to be hungry by the time we get back, and I believe you have to cook tonight."

Tom and Harry took off over the small ridge laughing, seeing the look of anger and frustration on Julian's face. They loved him as a friend, but at times he was just too ridged for his own good. 


"Don't interrupt!" 


*Clears throat… * So Tom and Harry went off to set up their camps. But the three young officers were not the only one prowling around the woods that day. No, the Maquis were thinking of using this remote location for one of their bases and it needed to be checked out. They sent their most bravest, most cunning, most handsomest…

"Stop, your going to give me an ego." 


Anyway, they sent one of their top men to check out the area, Captain Chakotay. He had landed a shuttle and hid it so it wouldn't be seen on any sensors and proceeded to look the area over. He heard the noise from a distance and moved to check it out. He saw from the ridge via his binoculars the three officers. He could tell from their stuff that they were here on their survival final. He knew for he once was fleet and had done this himself not that many years ago. He couldn't help it; they were all very handsome, young, viral, sexy…

"Hey! Either move on or provide a cold shower."


He saw three guys, got and wicked idea and moved to set his plan in motion.


"Much, thanks!" 

Meanwhile, Tom and Harry were moving through the woods when they came across a large pile of broken tree limbs. 

"Hey, I think I'll use this to make a shelter," Tom stated, as he moved to sort through the large pile. "I guess that leaves you another ten minutes of walking," he smirked. 

"Gee, Tom. I’m tried. Can't I just stay here with you a little while?" Harry whined. 

"I'm not whining!"

"Yes you are."

"No I am not!"

"Yes…you…are." The ground shakes violently. 

"Harry! It's one thing to complain to the narrator, but never, and I mean never argue with them," Tom advised, wisely. 

"Thank you."

"Your welcome, Tom." 

Harry sulked, and yes, I mean sulked, like a big overgrown baby!  *Clears throat * Then he shrugs his shoulders and starts walking over the next mount to find he had a very big hill to climb.  *Hehehehehe * Tom sighed with concern for his friend's foolishness but simply turned and got to work setting up his shelter of sticks. 

Harry of course was very fortunate that the narrator wanted to get the story moving so the big hill was not quite as bad and Harry found a nice spot where he could use as a camp site. Not wanting to be too strenuous, he took out a heavy blanket; for there was no straw for miles around, and flung it over a branch and tied it down to make a tent. 

Once Harry was done he moved his stuff inside and pulled out a bit of rations and his clarinet and started play after a small bite. He played one of his child hood favorites, 'whose afraid of the big bad wolf' and since it was a large blanket, he stood up and danced around as he played like a big prissy doll. 

*Grrrrr * 

"Watch it!" 

Just then there came a noise from outside of his tent. Harry peeked out and saw a big strong, dark skinned man dressed in Maquis leathers standing not too far away. He had mirrored glasses that covered his eyes, but there was a strange tattoo over his left brow, and he also wore a strange Cheshire cat smile. 

"Oh shit!" Harry exclaimed as he dashed back inside and started to gather his stuff. From outside he heard a deep voice call out. 

"Little Fleet, little Fleet, let me in, or I'll huff and I'll puff and blow your…tent down." 

"Not by the hair of my chiny chin chin!" Harry replied as he started stuffing his backpack hoping to slip out the back way. 

"You have no hair on you chin, Little Fleet. Now, I grow inpatient. Let me in now!"


Then Harry heard someone taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowing, as if preparing to expand their lungs deeply. Then he heard another deep breath and suddenly the force of wind that hit was that of a full gale hurricane! The only think Harry could do was hold on to his clarinet as he went flying. 
"Damn! Where did all that wind come from?" the gorgeous Maquis asked as he brushed off the dust and dirt from his dark black leathers. 

"Thanks for the compliment, but it wasn't me that did that. What happened?"

"Sorry, can't tell you. You have to wait till the end of the story…so better get going. Tom's getting restless and he may try skip over to the Hansel and Grettel set. He was eyeing the Father something awful." 

"I'm going, I'm going!" 

* Taking deep breath, lets out, *  "Okay Tom!" 

"About time!" 

"Are we talking back? I think poor Harry is seriously reconsidering his actions now that he's over the hill at Grandma's house, getting the full treatment." 

"Not complaining, everything's perfect," Tom smiled. //the grandmother treatment! Poor Harry! Forced to eat bad food beyond your limits, treated like a five year old, you cheeks being pinched…// Tom shivers at the thought.  "Any time your ready, Boss!"

"That's a boy!" 

Tom had successfully made a nice shelter out of the broken tree limbs. In fact, it looked like a tiny cabin. For Tom had been blessed with the favoritism of the narrator who happened to also be the writer. Tom was just finishing putting the final touches on his place, humming his favorite tune, 'whose afraid of the big bad wolf' as he moved gracefully around the room when he heard a knock at the door. 

Tom moved to the tiny door and looked through the crack between the wood to see a big, dark sexy man dressed in black Maquis leathers standing outside. He removed his mirrored glasses and Tom could see into deep gorgeous brown eyes. 

"Wolf, wolf," Tom grinned.  Hey, that's night right?

The big man stepped back, "Little Fleet, Little Fleet, let me in or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in," he grinned. 

"Save the huffing and puffing for something else," Tom stated as he tried to open the door, but found it was stuck. 

"Tom, that's not the line," Chakotay whispered. 

"To hell with the line! Why won't this door open?"  Tom asked in frustration. He looked up; "Did you do this?" 

"Are we getting mouthy?" 

"No," said Tom. "But…"

"No, I didn't do it. But I'm not telling you what's going on. So move on!" 

Chakotay, being the wonderful guy he is, tries to help Tom, but the door won't budge. He steps back, "Guess I'll have to huff and puff after all," he smiles.  Then he takes five steps back, "Hold on to something," he states. Chakotay huffs, and puffs and then blows the house down! 

Chakotay feeling bad that he over did it, goes in search of Tom, but the tiny cabin went far into the woods, and there was not trace of him.  

"He's alright, isn't he? I mean, he didn't…you know." 

"No, he didn't get the grandma treatment. He's fine, and he'll be back in the story soon enough, so it's okay to move on, trust me." 


Back at the first campsite Julian had…

"Ah, Julian? Where did the house come from?" 

"They finished at the Hansel and Grettel set so I asked to borrow it. Part of survival is improvising, right?"  He smiled his best sexy smile. 

*Sigh * 

Back at the first campsite, Julian had finished with his…arrangements and was sitting in a lounge chair, relaxing as the sound of the Bar-BQ grill…

"Bar-BQ! Ah, never mind." 

Just then Julian looked up to see the big sexy man dressed in… "Oh, forget it!" 

"Want some lemonade?" Julian asked as he got up from the chair and poured two glasses. 

"That would be nice," Chakotay smiled as he walked over to the golden skinned young man. "Nice house. I take they finished on the other set."

"Yeah," Julian replied as he handed Chakotay his drink. 

"You know, in the original based story, the wolf ended up in a stew pot. Instead of you ending up in a pot, fire or whatever, how about we end up in that nice large bed upstairs," Julian asked seductively. 

Chakotay blushed, "I thought you were the shy one?" 

"There's shy and then there's stupid. You're the most sexiest man here, you didn't think I'd stand by and let someone else get their hands on you?" 


Both men turned to see a very annoyed Tom Paris. 

"You glued my door shut!" Tom shouted.

"Damn right!" Julian smirked. "I knew that you'd break script and try and jump him. I wasn't about to let that happen."

Tom growled as he marched forward. 

Chakotay blushed; he never had two sexy, beautiful men fight over him before. 

"Thank you!" both said looking upward, then glared back at each other. 

Chakotay continued to sip his drink then it occurred to him, "You fixed the special effect so it was on hurricane…Harry!" 

Julian blushed from a bit of guilt. "Yeah, but I had nothing to do with were he landed," he stated in defense. Then he turned to Chakotay, "look, you and Tom get to have lots of stories about you two…getting it on. I think you're sexy, gorgeous, and…well, I want to be with you, is that so bad?"  He then turned to Tom, "It doesn't mean that the few stories we shared don't mean anything, Tom. But think about it? You always get someone nice looking like Chakotay here. I get what? A Cardassian here or there, or a Trill that can't make up her mind. Sheesh! Nothing against Garak, I care about him, but look at Chakotay! Can you really blame me?" 

"Now I know I'm going to get a swelled head," Chakotay blushed. 

"Not quite yet, big man. Just give us a moment here and you will," Tom leered. Then he moved with Julian to the side.  "Okay, I understand. How about this, for this story we share him. Then I'll put in a good word with the writer…oh!" Tom said as enlightenment struck him. He looked up; "You want to see Julian and Chakotay together, I get it now."

"Yep! But I like you too, Tom. That's why I've written a few stories getting all three of you guys together, and I think I'm going to continue, if you don't mind." 

"No, not at all," Tom smiled, leering at his friend and over his shoulder at Chakotay. 

"Great!" Julian replied very happily. 

"Do I get a say in this matter?" Chakotay asked. 

Tom and Julian turn with concern to face the big sexy Maquis and waited for the narrator…that's me, to reply. 

"Of course." 

Chakotay thought about it and slowly moved over and stood between Tom and Julian, then looked up. "I think I can handle it," he grinned. Then he turned to kiss Julian deeply on the mouth. Then he swept the young doctor up into his arms. 

"Hey, what about me?" Tom asked. 

"Get the door, Bright eyes," Chakotay grinned as he moved to carry Julian to the bedroom. 

Tom looked up; "This is payback for that 'about time' crack isn't it?" 

"Yep! Go get the door, Bright eyes. For even if you don't get the romantic treatment, at least your not getting the grandma treatment…unless?" 

"Getting door!" 

The three of them settled in to the upstairs bedroom and made love with each other for the next several days. Since it's my story, when their time was up here, the two joined Chakotay in the Maquis and a whole new Alternative universe was born.  

Mean while…Harry suffered from the grandmother treatment for his time of the fleet test, and when it was done he never and I mean never argued with the narrator/ writer again! 

<The end…for now! >