Title: Prelude to a Kiss
Series: Dark Desires (this is part I)
Author: Kim R. a.k.a. MYSTIC
Pairing: C/m
Rating: R for language and m/m sex
Disclaimer: Paramount owns these boys, for if I did, do you think I'd share?
Summary: Chakotay's tired of the way things are and then gets an unexpected
offer that may change is life forever.
Archive: Please, but remember this is my story. If you want to use any of
the idea, just ask me...thanks.
mysticmcknight@hotmail.com (please)

"Prelude to a Kiss"

"That's nice, Commander," Janeway replied off the cuff as she paid
attention to what Neelix and Tuvok were saying about the up coming system.

//Bitch did it again! // He roared in his mind, though to all around him,
he was quiet, his usual quiet self. He had tried to bring some other
perspective to this conversation on whether or not to contact the Vampirs,
the ruling class of this system that was hundred light years across no
matter what direction they wanted to go, except back. But once again Janeway
dismissed her First officer as if he had said nothing at all. He was getting
very tired of this. At first he understood that he had to prove himself, for
the crew union was fresh, and in fact she needed him. But now, all these
years later, especially the last three, Janeway hadn't needed him for much
of anything except a figurehead, and he was getting tired of it.

The decision on how to handle things was made and once again Seven's
opinion held more weight then his own, so after a few minutes of proper
protest he gave up, like the Captain knew he would. //What's the point,// he
thought. //She's going to get things her way, so why bother. // He thought
as he moved back to his chair and dabbled in his second form of
self-torture, staring at Tom Paris.

Being a useless First Officer was bad enough, but he still could do some
stuff and some of the Marquis did still look up to him, though fewer and
fewer as time went on. But his discovery that he was in love with Tom Paris,
ships lady's man, was the worst and had coincided with his three years of
hell. It was more than the fact that Tom was straight, it was that no one
saw him as anything but the perfect prim First Starfleet Officer and not a
man with wants and needs. This persona was becoming unbearable.

He sat quiet as the Captain spoke with a member of the Council that was
part of the Vamir class that ruled Dark Haven (roughly translated). He first
stared at the blond wisp of Tom's hair, then his delicate fingers across the
helm and once again wondered what it would be like to know that touch. But
then his mind flashed back to all the times he tried to get to know Tom.or
anyone really. Last night was a prime example. He worked so hard into being
the perfect officer, an example that the Marquise could follow, that he
found that people believed that was all he was.it wasn't true. He had been
in the bar, something he tried doing to spend time with folks, but he knew
that his very presence brought the tone of the place down, even more so than
the Captain's did. Last night he tried to test the waters at just being
himself, it was a total disaster.

He had been sitting there quietly watching Tom play pool and win another
days worth of rations when he finally had enough of just watching. He put
his coffee cup down, which really had scotch in it, no one could believe
that he drank, but that was his fault. He put up the false facade now had to
deal with it. He moved up and said hello to Tom, going to ask him for a
game, but when he saw all the eyes of all the crew in the bar stop what they
were doing and stare, the best he could manage was "Nice game," and made his
way back to his quarters. Yeah, he painted himself in a corner and it didn't
help that no one wanted him out of it but himself.

He was tired inside and out, and he was lonely, not just for a lover but a
friend. What he thought he found in Kathryn was not strong and in fact since
Seven arrived, it had been less and less, leaving him on his own. It's not
the first time he's been on his own, but he was tired and getting old and he
felt like a man in a vast Paradise that had all you need to survive and he
was dying of starvation and thirst for it was all denied to him.because he
was the 'Mystic Warrior, the Prefect Officer, the Strong man that doesn't
need anything' Bullshit!

He went about his shift more and more quietly, the only one even noticing
was Tom who doubled his efforts to annoy him, but lately none of it got
through. When the Captain ordered him to take shore leave, figuring she get
a protest, she didn't. //anything to get off this ship,// he thought, hoping
some fresh air might ease how he was hurting inside. Just before he left to
go down to the planet of ShaNo, Kathryn actually took a moment and asked if
he was all right. But it had been far too long and too much had happened or
didn't happen that he wasn't inclined to speak with her on any personal
issues anymore. He didn't tell her that over a year ago he couldn't even get
in touch with his animal guide, though he's sure it's because he's still
angry at her for laughing at him. "You made you nest, now either lie in it
or make a new one," she had said with amused eyes. He was furious, didn't
she understand, that he couldn't take it anymore, and no one would let him
change, any attempt was met with suspicion and concern and his fear of the
crew not accepting him was too much. No.he was in hell, a hell of his own
doing with no way out.

He beamed down to the dark planet, for it was in the dark or grey over 85
percent of the time. He saw Harry begging Tom to follow him, and as much as
he wanted to get to know Tom more, for he knew him better than people
thought, for he observed him so much. He knew his mouth was a defense for
his deeper feelings. He knew he was a good and kind person that would risk
his life in a second for others. He knew he loved him, not just because Tom
was beautiful on the outside, but because of how beautiful he saw him to be
on the inside. Sadly, Harry won out and he just gave them his blessing as it
were and moved away. He didn't have plans so he just wondered around the
city, taking in the sites and the people.

He didn't have a clue as to where he was going nor did he care. He walked
and saw some of the crew in the distance and would turn down another road,
trying to escape their ever-prying judgmental eyes. He was now moving down
a long populated side street when he saw the little girl about to be
seriously injured as she was playing along the stone wall that boarded the
old fashion type bridge, as an older style of transportation, a carriage,
passed. It happened fast, but he was able to see that it was going to be an
innocent accident. The girl shouldn't have been up there and the vibrations
of the carriage was enough to cause her to lose he balance. Chakotay burst
into action and caught the little girl by the foot as she was about to
plummet fifty feet to the river below. A woman had screamed and just as he
had the little girl up and safe an older woman grabbed the child, blessing
him for being there.

As he stood there letting his own heart beat get back to normal as he
watched a grateful mother and child head home, he noticed that the carriage
had stopped and someone had gotten out and was standing at the edge of the
bridge. Figuring that they were concerned he moved over toward them. He saw
a beautiful woman, blond hair, bright eyes, and a warm friendly smile.
Chakotay didn't know why, but he liked her immediately, he wasn't attracted
to her, but he liked her, she seemed.kind. "The girl is fine," he said

"I can see that, thank you," she replied warmly. "The drive is most beside
himself, he didn't notice the girl on the wall or he would have slowed
down," she smiled. "If.well, we are very glad you were here," she finished.

"I'm just glad I didn't miss," he laughed, the nervous thought now shook
through him.

"His Lordship, Lord Nolan, would like to thank you as well, if you don't
mind that is," she said softly.

Chakotay looked at the young woman, "Lordship? I didn't know there was a
royal structure here?" he said innocently.

"Ah, well, the Catel are governed by the Council, but the Vamir are in a
rank structure, and our Lordship is.our Lord," she laughed.

Chakotay couldn't help but smile, the woman's laugh was like life, warm and
friendly. "I would be honored to meet his Lordship, so long as he won't take
my scruffy appearance in offense," He said softly.

"Not at all. He was taken by your bravery. This way, please," she said as
she started back toward the old fashion carriage and the four horses. "By
the way, I'm Rebecca St. Cloud," she says warmly. "And you would be?"

"Chakotay. Commander Chakotay of the USS Voyager. My people don't have
last names," he say so there wouldn't be any offense.

"A very strong name," a light strong voice rang forth from the carriage.

Chakotay looked up and saw the second most beautiful man in the universe,
Tom being first, this man ran a close second. His long dark Auburn hair
cupped his strong delicate features and enhanced his violet eyes that had a
soul-piercing gaze to them. His breath gave a small catch, and then he
composed himself, glad that it wasn't obvious that this young Lord had
stirred long neglected feelings. "Your Lordship," Chakotay said with full
respect. He couldn't help but feel that he was being drawn in and captured
by the deep Violet eyes, but where others may have felt fear, he felt wanted
and warm, so when he found he could blink, all he could do was smile.

"You are a kind and giving man to act so selfishly without thinking," the
Lord smiled easily. "Commander Chakotay.do you mind if I call you Tay?" he
asked casually.

"Not at all, your Lordship," Chakotay responded, not concerned if the first
name was one sided.

"I take it you are on some R&R, do you have any compatriots with you?" Lord
Nolan asked still warm and causal.

"Ah, no, Lordship. I was merely taking a long walk enjoying the sites of
you city, I guess the spirits moved me here in time to save the child," he
said, a smile of his own still on his face.

"Ah.a spiritual man, I see. Well, Tay, I was heading in town with Lady
Rebecca here, perhaps you would care to join me and some of my friends in an
evening of festivities, it is the lest I can do to thank you.and your
spirits for your gracious act," The young handsome Lord proposed.

//His eyes are so deep, // Chakotay mused, realizing where is thoughts were
going he shook them out of his head. "I am honored.."

"Then say yes," Nolan quipped.

"Yes, Tay. Please join us, I think there are many whom you would find
appealing company besides myself and his Lordship," Rebecca encouraged.

Chakotay thought about it a brief moment, "I'd be glad too, but my dress."

"Easily taken care off when we arrive," The Lord said as the carriage
driver opened the door and aided Lady Rebecca inside then waited till
Chakotay entered inside the large plush ride.


It was late even by his standards and he couldn't bring himself to bring an
end to such a wonderful evening. Though Lord Nolan was only present at the
large gathering of the Vamir at one of the more refined taverns, a short
time, Lady Rebecca stayed and introduced him around. She was able to ease
past all his built up walls and encourage him to 'be himself' and for once
in a long time he was. He was laughing, joking, singing for pete's sake, and
even playing games with many of the others he had met.

He found Rebecca to be the epitmy of a true friend and loved her company
through out. She was the kind of women that could go from soft to one of the
boys in a heartbeat with no discomfort or lack of grace. Chakotay had first
started to envy her this ability, but as if she was reading his mind, she
said that she knew Chakotay could blend in anywhere he chose, but try just
being Chakotay and no one else for tonight.

He did so and renewed long forgotten aspects of himself as he found others
he enjoyed spending time with. A tall dark haired, blue eyed man called
Jarrod McKnight, and a red headed brick of a man called Yonish Tallot. In a
matter of hours he found out that Rebecca, Jarrod and Yonish served on
several ships with in the Lordships Amada, and that all things belonged to
the very powerful and well respected young Lord. He discovered that he had
so much in common with these people that after ten hours of time, he felt he
knew them all his life, and they were friends.

"It is good to have met you, Tay" prompted Jarrod, as he stood to go from
the table. He stretched, "I had a wonderful time and hope to see you again,"
he smiled. "But some of us have to get some rest and work tomorrow.or should
I say later today," he teased. He reached out his hand to Chakotay.

"Jarrod, the pleasure was all mind, and I do hope we can do this again
before I have to leave," he said, only with a touch of sadness at the

"I do as well," Jarrod returned and then whacked Yonish on the shoulder,
"Don't you have to check up on that aid of yours?" he said, as if some bad
cue to let their new friend get some rest.

"Ah.yes, yes I do," He said as he jumped up and shook Chakotay's hand like
iron. "If you about later tonight.I'll be looking to get even, I have a
reputation to keep up you know," he chuckled.

"I bet," Chakotay joked back warmly. "Don't think I don't know that you let
me win, I have no intentions of being the sacrificial lamb to your
slaughter," he laughed.

Yonish looked astonished, "You knew?"

Chakotay couldn't stop laughing, "Oh, yes. I Knew. We have someone on board
who's tried the same stunt on many, I know the set up well," he laughed.

"Damn! Taken in by a rookie," he whined as the others all laughed. "Ah,
well. Perhaps another game and I won't take it so easy on you," he smirked

"I look forward to it. Good night," He bided the two men as they left. Then
he turned to Rebecca. "I can't say when I have had a more glorious time,
thank you."

Rebecca laughed, "No, Tay, thank you. I even saw his Lordship had a good
time till being called to tend his duties, and it has been.a while since he
has smiled so much, and I would know, so thank you. A room has been arranged
for you to stay here the night. Perhaps if your not so tired, we can do
lunch?" he asked.

"I would like that very much," Chakotay smiled and gave a small bow and
watched Lady Rebecca laugh as she bided him good night and left herself.
//Oh Spirits! This was wonderful! // He beamed. He moved to the innkeeper
and asked about his room. He was given a key and a note, which he read in
the confines of his room. It was an invitation to dinner tomorrow night. As
Chakotay got ready for bed by striping down to his short, he couldn't deny
how his heart jumped at the prospect of seeing the Lord again. //Smart,
witty, charming, intelligent, and very beautiful, // he thought as he turned
the lights out and laid down to sleep. His mind filling of fantasies of full
kissable lips, soft auburn hair, violet eyes, and strong delicate fingers
dancing across his skin.


Chakotay was quiet surprised to find that clothes that fit him had been
sent by his Lordship for his stay here. He chose to wear them, not only
because he didn't want to offend anyone, but he rather liked their simple
elegant style. He also noticed that all the shirt he was sent bared the
markings of the Vamir, that which noted the ruling class from the rest of
the Society. As he dressed he reviewed what he saw during his walk, and he
was most impressed.

The planet was just as technically advanced as Earth or better, but still
in some ways kept to more conventional methods. Like the Lordships carriage,
when there were shuttle capability. The cobble stone streets that marked the
side ways as other areas were very modern. The only way he could describe it
was old earth and new earth combined. Plus the people seemed genuinely
happy, fulfilled with their lives. They were not over such, or under such,
but what he would expect from living in a good place. He found he liked it
here and with such wonderful people as those he met last night, he couldn't
begrudge them anything. //Only if I didn't have to go back, // he thought
for a moment. But he dismissed it as impossible and made his way to enjoy
lunch with his new friend Rebecca.

She was dressed much more casual than the lovely dress from last night. She
looked like a woman that could easily be a Starfleet Officer her self, off
duty, for her long blond hair was down. "Morning, Tay," she chimed with a
light tease.

Chakotay warmed immediately to her voice and presence. "Good afternoon,
Rebecca," he replied. "Did you get enough rest last night?"

"Oh indeed so," she laughed. "Did you?"

"Oh yes, I slept like a baby," he chuckled.

"Oh," she said sadly. "Up every other hour needing to be feed, I'm sorry."

Chakotay couldn't help but laugh at the silly quip. "Well, perhaps as a

Rebecca looked like another quip was on her lips but she swallowed it and
drank of her wine.

"Wine? So early in the.it is afternoon isn't?"

She laughed, "Ah, one must start early if one is to be prepared for the
evenings events," she joked and dismissed the rest of the subject. "And yes,
it is afternoon. The equivalent of 1300 hrs your time," he replied.

"Oh, I hope."

"Not at all, I though I was late, just got here myself," she assured him.
"I took the liberty to order you some food, hope you don't mind. Though I
was hungry earlier, so I've eaten already.hope you're not upset," she said

"Not at all. If your sure my eating won't offend you, for I'm starving," he

"Not at all, Tay." She smiled brightly. "Tay, why don't you tell me a bit
more about your self and your ship.more your crew and why your spending this
R&R all alone?"

//Boy, just like B'Elanna. Doesn't pull any punches, // he thought. "Well,"
he said not sure what to say. Then he looked up at the woman he felt a close
friendship too, "It's a long story," he replied.

"I happen to like long stories," she quipped and sat back and listened to
Chakotay tell of his tale of the Marquise, the Caretaker, the two crews
becoming one, and his situation which he now found himself in. Then for some
strange reason he found himself telling her about Tom Paris. Before he knew
it, he had spilled his guts as it were, and she was there with him every
step of the way, interested and supportive.

"I'm sorry," he offered. I've spent the entire time talking about myself,
I'd like to know more about you," he added, feeling a bit off having been so
one sided.

Rebecca laughed warmly, "Oh please, Tay. I wanted to know. Any way, you
wanted to talk. A perfect match if you ask me," she laughed again. "But as
for myself, it'll have to wait. It's rather late and I do believe you
mentioned that you are to have dinner with his Lordship?" she asked a
knowing twinkle in her eyes. "Since he eats at 1900hrs your time and it take
close to twenty minutes by craft, two hours by carriage, you best be getting
ready," she finished.

"Ready? What time is it?"

"Oh, 1700hrs," she said nonchalantly, then grinned at Chakotay.

"1700hrs! You mean I've been talking for almost four hours?" he said a bit

"Yes. And I loved every minute of it," she replied sincerely. "I'm sure his
Lordship will send a shuttle for you, so." she says as she stands up. "I
hope to see you again before you leave," she says as she offers her hand.

"I do too," he replies with sincerity and hope in his tone. Then he shook
her hand and watched her leave. //Spirits! Four hours? // Then he
remembered, //that only give me less than two hours to get ready! // And
dashed upstairs to get dressed with great anticipation.


The mansion was not only large but also very beautiful and very elegant,
and done in a simple taste that showed great refinement. Chakotay felt his
stomach fluttered, here he has shared meals with Kings, Queens, Presidents,
Empress, and more, and as he walks through this grand hall he is more
nervous about having dinner with Lord Nolan. //Relax old man, its just a
meal, // he told himself, but he knew deep down he was hoping for more.

He entered in the room shown to him by one of the ushers and found it to be
of normal size and a classic oak table, set for two by the fireplace. //It's
just a meal, // he told himself again, as the flutter hit is stomach again,
as his eyes took in the romantic scene. //You couldn't be that lucky, // he
thought as he moved in and helped himself to a drink, after being told his
Lordship would be a few minutes late and to make himself comfortable.

He poured himself some brandy, knowing the laws about the wine and not
wanting to offend anyone. He wandered through the richly decorated room of
earth tones and find paintings of forests and horses. He noticed the fine
book collection and found himself staring at so many titles he never heard
of and even was compelled to pull one down from the shelf. Be it fate or
coincidence, it was a book of poetry. The first page he turned too spoke
volumes to his heart.

What is more prominent for my soul,
To stand in the midst of people and be alone
Or to stand in the midst of the forest and be accepted?

What more sings to my heart,
The sounds of obscurity of so many
Or the quiet lull of content silence?

What more moves me to joy
The dreams of others for me
Or my dreams within me?

What more makes me sorrow,
The empty touch of thousands
Or the single touch of love?

What more brings loneliness,
A world full of nobody
Or a world full of the one?

What more am I?
What more can I?
What more will be?
What more.

//What more indeed?// he asked himself as he closed the book.

"That's a good question, Tay," Nolan's voice echoed in the air.

Chakotay turned to see Lord Nolan standing by the table, dressed in a
simple white silk shirt with the Vamir crest and tight black pants. It was
again the simple aspect of it all that made him look so elegant and beyond
reproach. "Your Lordship?" he asked, unsure as to what this exquisite young
man was referring too.

"What more, Tay? What more do 'you' want from life?" he asked as he moved
closer to the older man and his eyes danced with concern and question.

Chakotay laughed slightly, "Oh, I didn't realized I. the poem," he said
gesturing to the book he just put back.

"Yes.the poem," Nolan stated knowingly as he now stood close to the dark
man before him. "I chose this room to have dinner in, for out of all the
rooms in all my homes, this one.this one has a way of.brining things
together," he said with a touch of mystery.

The Commander smiled and raised an amused put puzzled brow, "Together?"

"Yes, Tay. Together. Like you and that poem, you.and me?" he smiled
charmingly. "Think about it, Tay. Out of all the books in this room, and all
the pages, you chose that one book, that one page that reflected your soul.
Fate? Coincidence? Perhaps, but I chose fate. Just like I know it was fate
that on the one day I decide to ride through town our paths cross, when on
no other day would it had been possible. I call this fate, Tay. What would
you call it?" he asked as he moved even closer and was only inches away.

Chakotay could feel Nolan's presence like it was all encompassing and
struggled to breathe, though a good part of him only wanted to drown in it.
"My people would call it the hand of the Spirits," he replied, hoping that
his voice was more calm than he felt.

"I'd say that would be pretty much the same, no?" Nolan smiled. Then he let
his eyes lock with the older man's dark pools and let their souls mingle.
"Tell me, Tay. What do you want?" he whispered.

The violet eyes of Nolan pulled him in and he felt warm, welcomed, wanted,
and free like he never felt before. "This" he replied in a breath, "All
this." Then he felt cool lips brush against his own and his eyes closed as
the heat of passion filled him. He felt strong delicate hands slip around
his waist and pull him close. He felt a flick of a tongue and opened his
mouth to allow Nolan in and take and give all he wanted. When the kiss
broke, he found his heart pumping hard and his breath coming to him in
gasps, the kiss had been so intense.

"You are such a passionate creature, Tay. Why do you hid yourself, my
love?" he asked as he let his fingers caress the dark bronze skin of the
strong man before him. "I can't give you what you want, for you already have
it. But I can offer you the key to release it?" he said in a hushed tone.
Then he leaned in and kissed Chakotay again. This time harder with more
passion and let his body be grabbed by strong hands that pulled him in tight
and ran up and down his body, trying to take in all the need it had been
neglected for so long. When the kiss broke this time for need of air, and
Chakotay's heavy panting, he leered deep at the beautiful strong man, "May I
bed thee?" he asked in a whisper.

"Yes," he replied in a huff of air, his body and mind lost in the fire that
filled him, for he wanted whatever this man had to give him or take from
himself. Then he felt Nolan's lips caress against his again and he tasted
all that this young man had to offer, and it felt like the ages of passion
was flowing from his lips. Chakotay closed his eyes and allowed himself to
be lost in the fire, the flow of long pent up passion and allowed himself to
soar in this man's embrace. The next thing he knew they somehow had moved,
//Damn he's good, I didn't even realized we moved,// he though briefly as he
was being laid down on a soft bed and his shirt was being opened by skilled

"Allow me three things this night, love. Let me make passionate love to
you, then let me share my world with you, and then last but far from lest,
let me ask a question of your soul," Nolan said in soft hushed tones. Though
he didn't give Chakotay a chance to answer as he returned to kissing him
senseless, as he continued to remove the shirt that stood between him and
the strong bronze chest of this dark godlike specimen of a man.


By the time he came too and could breath again, the only thing he could
feel was being completely sated and filled. He had been with men before, but
always the aggressor.the typical top. He'd never been attracted to the kind
of men that would take him the way Nolan just did and couldn't for the life
of him understand why. He never felt this good in his life. When his vision
focused again, he saw the lovely view of Nolan resting on his hand and
elbow, staring at him, smiling from ear to ear, a look of pure joy on his

"Welcome back, love," Nolan teased warmly.

"That was.wonderful," he breathe out and gave a sincere laugh of joy. Then
he turned and let his eyes lock with the deep violet that held so much
intensity for him. "Why do you call me your love? I know that I do care for
you, but we just met."

"Love, Tay. I call you what my heart tells me is right. I see no reason to
hid what is with in me as I believe you have come to understand yourself,"
he smiled. "I have a few loves in my life, and each one unique and special
to me, just like you, Tay." He sat up and let his long auburn hair drape
down his smooth sculptured chest. He shifted so he could hold Chakotay's
back to him as they both sat up in bed and rested in each other's arms.
"Love, I have shared my passion with you, now let me share my world with
you," he said warmly.

Chakotay looked up puzzled, "By what do you mean share you world?" he asked,
not wanting to jump to any conclusions.

"My people, the Vamir are much more than we appear to be," he said warmly.
"Some can accept what we are, others can not either grasp the concept or
they don't want to. But I have the power of the mind to share information
that what would take hours even days of discussion with you, but I won't if
your not willing." He said reassuringly "Tay, I want to you to understand
what my world is all about.all of it, the good and the bad. May I?"

Chakotay thought about what was being said to him. He had experienced mind
melds and other forms of telepathy before, some pleasant others not so. He
looked up into Nolan's eyes and felt safe, safer than he ever knew he needed
to feel, having been so use to taking care of others, it was truly a welcome
feeling to have someone looking out for his welfare. "All right," he
answered confidently.

"I shall warn you, it will not be all pleasant, perhaps frightening, but I
promise you, no matter what, you will never be harmed, my love. This I
swear," Nolan said as he caressed the side of Chakotay's temple and let the
dark eyes close as he opened his mind to share all that needed to be given
to the other man. Nolan having done this before, and knowing the older
looking man's mind and heart, would ease the information of the ages to him,
allowing him to take in all of it. He wouldn't lie, this was too important,
but he would be careful as he delivered the dark parts of his world. He felt
Chakotay's body tremor as his mind took in the dark secrets his people held,
and so ran his hand gently down the strong bronze chest to sooth him, to let
Chakotay feel that he was safe and protected as the rest of the knowledge
filled his mind. Nolan made sure that any question he could predict that
Chakotay would ask was answered and let it know that any other questions
would be openly welcomed, but that Chakotay could not share this information
with anyone outside of the Vamir.ever. If he could agree they would talk, if
not, then Nolan would take it back, and all would come to an end.

When Chakotay opened his eyes, he was trembling all over, though he still
felt safe, the experience was more than he expected, and he was taken back
by it all. He looked at Nolan with new eyes, "It's all true?" he asked in a
soft and shaking voice.

"Yes, love. It is all true, I wouldn't lie to you. Though I am very capable
of lying with the best of them," he quipped, "I wouldn't lie to you, for you
are one of the special ones that I know will always matter to me," he added.
"Now the question. Do you want to join us? Be one of my.chosen as it were?
You know all there is that I have to offer and what opportunities there are
for you to chose from. But it is a choice that once made can not be undone.
I know your ship is leaving soon, if you simply leave with them I 'will'
take this knowledge back, though not our night together. But the offer will
never be extended again." Nolan caressed the soft dark skin, "Tay, I learned
a long time ago that this has to be a gift and not a curse, or the days of
old will return, and I know no one truly wants that. I see this as a
blessing for you, but it 'is' your choice, and your choice alone. You may
speak with the Vamir all you wish and your crew, but they can not know any
of this part, though I know you understand this," he says as he slowly slips
out of the bed. "I shall leave you to think on this as long as you want, for
if you were to say yes, I'm sure you will before your ship leaves.that in
itself would be a decision, love."

Nolan leans down and kisses Chakotay lovingly on the lips than lets him
witnesses his vanishing into mist and was gone. Chakotay just laid there in
awe of the situation that he was in, and confused as to what he should do.
He needed time to think. He washed and dressed and went for a long walk in
the countryside. He world was about to change, but how and in what
direction. He didn't think about duty or the fact that he was late for
reporting back to Voyager. No, he thought about his heart, his soul, Tom.the
only one on Voyager of any real worth to him, though he was beyond his
reach. He did care for them all, but was it worth the years of pain and
loneliness to do a job that was almost meaningless? Could he make the
commitment attached to any choice he made.either of them were for life.his

By the time he made it back to the manner, he was fired up on all the
incidents in which either himself or others forced the façade of the perfect
officer to remain in place. He knew he couldn't go back to that.ever. He had
made his choice, but didn't want to deal with good byes, most of which he
didn't feel would have been meant anyway. Nor could he bear any real moment
with Tom, the one who would always hold a piece of his soul. As he entered
the door of the manor he was met by Rebecca.

"Tay, Morshen of the high council has informed me that your people are very
worried and looking for you," she states, and rest a concerned hand on his
shoulder. "I see that Nolan has asked you to join us. But the anger? Where
is it directed and is it just?" she asked like a warm true friend would.

Chakotay wanted to snap, but one look into Rebecca's face he knew that
would be wrong. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

"For what?" she asked.

"Lord Nolan has indeed asked me to stay and as I have been in thought of my
decision, I.I have found myself filled with the anguish and regret of my
past, even though I know it is not really their fault," he replied. "But I
still feel they not only helped, but some how enforced that I couldn't

"That's okay, Tay," she offered warmly and sincere. "But you should let
them know you are okay and perhaps your decision if one has been made." Her
bright green eyes filled with curiosity and a bit of anticipation of hope.

"I have. If you would be so kind to let Lord Nolan know that I have decided
to accept his offer, I shall let my.Voyager know," he said, some anger still
in him as he thought about Captain Janeway and many of the others.

"Very well, Tay. There is a carriage to take you to town where you can
access a communication console, for as you know, his Lordship does not
permit technology in his home," she smiles warmly, her eyes all a light with
hearing Chakotay's decision. She watched as Chakotay nodded his agreement
and moved to the door. "Tay, for what it's worth.I'm very glad that you'll
be joining us," she smiled, and then glad to see her words did indeed matter
to the other man. As the door closed she allowed herself to beam as she
moved to inform the Lord of Chakotay's decision.


Chakotay had gone to the town hall and met with Morshen, a fine looking
young man, and very pleasant. He didn't even ask questions, he knew Chakotay
was here to use the communications equipment. He moved the two of them to a
privet room and signaled Voyager and promptly left Chakotay alone. When the
screen filled with Kathryn's face, all the anger of being dismissed, treated
like a second class citizen by the women that he once loved, filled him. "I
heard you were looking for me," he said dryly.

He watched her face flicker as if in disbelief. "Commander, I was more than
looking for you," she replied coolly. "You are more than ten hours over due
to report back and all you have to say for yourself is that you heard I was
looking for you? Mister." She took a deep breath. "Beam back here now, and
we'll discuss this in my office," she growled.

"No," the Commander stated flatly. The feeling of triumph filled him. He
found it so easy to stand up to her now. He no longer carried the burden of
others wants and needs inside him. He knew she'd keep them all safe and get
them home, she had proven to him over the last three years that she and
Voyager really didn't need him. "In fact, I've decided I'm staying here. So,
give everyone my best, if it matters to them, and have a good trip home," he
said dryly folding his arms around his chest.

"Mister, you get yourself up here, NOW!" Janeway growled.

Chakotay laughed he found Janeway's temper amusing. "You seem to be under
the impression that I was asking you if I could stay? Well, I wasn't. I'm
staying, now leave me the fuck alone," He said flippantly, and cut the
signal. Though he was angry, he felt a sense of relief he didn't expect and
smiled. //That's telling her!// he thought to himself as he started to move
out of the room. //Put Tom?// the haunting thought spoke. Chakotay stilled
himself. //I will always love him, but he doesn't need me either.so, all is
better this way,// he replied to his self and headed back to the manor.


The passion was incredible as Nolan moved his skilled hands up and down his
body as if he was an instrument and Nolan an accomplished musician. His
moans of pleasure filled the air as Nolan took him higher and higher in
sweet ecstasy, then as his body exploded in white fire, a sudden sharp pain
around his neck was but a moment, then the intensity of the white fire
burned beyond anything his mind could comprehend. He couldn't move, nor did
he want too, for every cell in his body was on fire as the electricity of
bliss fired none stop, then he felt the slow ease into the mild darkness
that would some times come after a trip to heaven. He felt more than knew
what was going on, but all he could do was pant and trust Nolan to take care
of him.

Suddenly he felt warm, moist liquid drop into his mouth, the taste was
unique, a touch of metallic and salt. He automatically swallowed it and felt
it drip down his throat. He felt the liquid move through his body every inch
of the way till it reached his heart where it was pumped all throughout his
body, then the pain came. //No!// he mind screamed.

//Shhh, Love. I am with you, you are safe, but your body is dying.but you
are not.//

Nolan's reassuring voice helped ease some of the panic, but not all of it.
He heard his heart stop beating and then his lungs wouldn't take in any air,
even as it struggled to do what it had been doing for over forty years. His
senses were being filled by the darkness, this time he was afraid.//I'm
dying!// his mind cried out, though his voice was silent. //I don't want to
go into the darkness, I don't.//

//I'm here, Tay,// Nolan's thoughts broke through the darkness. //I will be
here and you will wake from the darkness, changed, and never alone
again.this I swear.//

Hearing and believing Nolan's words.Chakotay let go.

Continued in: DARK KISS (Part II of the Dark Desire series)