Title: What is meant to be will be
Author: Kim R. a.k.a. MYSTIC
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Paramount. Again since they are
no longer using them I've decided to take our boys out of the 'closet'
and let them play and be happy. Enjoy.
Summary: Tom has postponed the wedding for he can't let go of an old
flame he believes in his heart he was meant to be with.is he?
Rating: Nc-17 (some sex)
Pairing: P/B
Feedback: Please!

Tom looked suddenly serious, "Any regrets?"

"Only that fate has been cruel to keep us apart, but not for loving
you. You?"

Tom felt a few tears of frustration in his eyes. "Only for being an
idiot and not turning to you when things started to go down hill. I
could have avoided this whole mess and we could have been together,"
he replied with some pain in his voice.

It was Julian's turn to comfort Tom, as he caressed the creamy
white skin beneath his fingertips. "We can't change the past, so let's
not waste anymore time or energy on it," he replied in a seductive
tone, knowing that it would snap Tom out of his sorrow mode. Julian
leaned in and kissed deeply of Tom's lips, pushing his tongue only
slightly to gain entrance into the moist hot mouth. Julian moved his
hands up and around Tom's back pulling him closer, letting the passion
of years of unfulfilled love flow between them.

Tom moaned into Julian's mouth as he caressed Julian's chest
with one hand as he pulled the slender body tighter to him. Tom made a
mental note about not liking this jumpsuit that Starfleet had moved to
in its new design, as he pulled down the hidden zipper in the back so
he could touch the warm golden skin he desired so much. He could feel
the heat off Julian's body even through the fabric, as well as the
hardness between Julian's legs as Tom pulled him onto his lap, his
legs straddling him. Tom leaned back on the sofa so he could look up
at Julian on his lap, as he pulled off the top of Julian's jumpsuit
and the purple undershirt, exposing his sculptured muscular chest. Tom
ran his hands up the smooth chest and stopped to caress dark nipples
that hardened at his touch, causing Julian to give a soft moan.

"So beautiful," he whispered as he brought his lips to kiss
Julian's chest and up to his neck.

Julian reached down and pulled off Tom's red shirt, then let
his hands caress the soft creamy skin of Tom's strong back. "How I've
missed you, love" he replied.

Within a couple of minutes, Julian was back straddling Tom's
lap again, this time completely naked as was Tom. The sweat was
glistening off both their bodies as they touched, caressed and kissed
one another.

"I want you inside me," Julian said in between kisses.

"I want that too," Tom replied, "but we don't have any
lubricant, and the replicators are offline," he finished while still
kissing Julian.

The dark beauty sat up and gave a wicked grin. "Never stopped
us before," he smiled, as he slid down Tom's lap till he was kneeling
on the floor before the beautiful pilot. He lowered his head in
between Tom's legs and with his mouth sucked up the long swollen cock
that was waiting for him. Julian bobbed and weaved his head and tongue
up and down the flustered pink member with a passionate hunger.

"Oh! Yes!" Tom cried as he felt he could come any second. He
couldn't remember being this hard in years.

Then Julian stopped, much to Tom's dismay. He climbed back on
Tom's lap, shoving the pilot down a bit more on the couch and
straddled above the hard member now properly lubed up for what he had
in mind. He positioned himself over the hard cock and pushed down. "Oh
Tom!" he cried with pleasure.

Tom watched the pleasure cross Julian's face as he was
completely inside him. He could feel how tight and hot Julian's body
was and he so desired to not only stay this way, but fill his love
completely with sexual satisfaction. He could feel Julian start to
rock his hips, causing waves of pleasure to flow through both their
bodies. Soon the room was filled with the sounds of their lovemaking.
Tom was so hard, and Julian rode him like there was no tomorrow. Then
came the explosion, as Tom climaxed into Julian's body and Julian
climaxed all over his chest. It was the most beautiful thing Tom had
ever experienced in years.

Julian was still breathing hard, when he opened his eyes
looking at the beautiful glow of his love beneath him and smiled.
"That was wonderful," he said with a huge grin.

"I think that's the best I ever had in years," Tom teased.


Tom laughed, "Okay, I know," he smiled.

"Tuvok to Dr. Bashir."

Julian rolled his eyes in a "just-great" fashion. He let Tom
slip out of him slowly as he moved to reach his com badge that was on
the floor near by. "Bashir here."

"I do not wish to disturb you so soon, since I know you are
still trying to adjust to your new surroundings. However, there has
been a small accident on deck 23 and several crew members are on their
way to sickbay."

Julian was glad it wasn't a full emergency. "I'll be there in
a couple minutes; Bashir out." Then he looked at Tom. "I have to jump
in the shower and rush off to sickbay," he smiled. "We can finish this
and our conversation.say later tonight over dinner?"

Tom was about to say yes, but instead said, "Oh, wait. I have
to talk with B'el tonight. Though I am going to be honest about us; if
that 's okay with you?"

"I have nothing to hide, well, not anymore," Julian smiled.
Then he got a bit serious. "Though your support will be appreciative
when it comes to telling Janeway."

"Do you have to tell her?" Tom asked as he watched Julian move
from in front of him to the bathroom.

"If I don't tell her soon and it comes out, she won't believe
me that Starfleet was okay with it. She'll only ask me why I didn't
say anything sooner if it was all above-board," Julian replied from
inside the sonic shower.

"You have a point," Tom shouted so Julian could hear him.

Julian showered quickly and jumped out, pulling his uniform
back on. "Look, I'm not thinking for one second that things are going
to be easy for us; but it seems to be what we both want. If it is,
I'll stand by you all the way; even if it means facing an angry
Klingon," he smiled.

"Half-Klingon," Tom said as he jumped into the shower.

"Well, that's worse," Julian retorted.

"But it is what 'I' want, always has been!" Tom shouted again
so Julian could hear him.

"Good, because it's what I want too," Julian shouted back.
"I'll be in sickbay making heads or tails of what I have to work with,
if you need me, Good luck, love!" he shouted, then was out the room.


It had not even been a full day and here Julian was, in charge
of a new sickbay, on a new ship in the middle of the Delta quadrant,
reunited with his long, lost love. He was filled with both joy and
apprehension as a result. Things had never been easy for him and Tom,
and he didn't think things were going to start being easy now.

The wounded from the accident were minorly injured; some cuts,
burns, a broken bone here and there, but nothing serous. When he'd
finished tending to them he did a survey of the supplies he had to
work with while the replicators were down. Then he started
reorganizing the infirmary, while going over the medical logs the holo
doctor had been keeping. There was a lot to learn, and a lot that
needed doing. He found the list of names of those in medical training
and laughed when he saw Tom's name at the top of the list. He looked
over the records and saw that it was because Tom was the only one who
had extensive background in biology, thanks to Admiral Paris. Being on
the list was definitely not Tom's doing. Julian knew Tom would never
be happy in the infirmary, even if it meant their working together.
Tom was a fly-boy, always had been, always would be; for it was in his
blood, just like being a doctor was in Julian's own.

Julian was now alone in the sickbay. For the sake of time, he
allowed the files to move across the screen as fast as his brain could
comprehend them, as he had a perfect, photographic memory. He was so
involved in what he was doing, that he didn't hear his visitor enter.

"What are you doing?" Janeway asked, puzzled by the speed in
which the computer files were flashing by while Julian watched as he
moved stuff around.

Julian jumped, startled. "Computer, stop medical logs," he
said while giving her a bashful smile "Captain.I.I didn't hear you
come in," he said nervously.

Janeway smiled back at the young doctor. "I didn't mean to
startle you; but what were you doing with those medical logs?" She

Julian just wanted to reply, 'reading them'; but he knew he had to
give a full explanation now, instead of later. "Well, I was going to
talk to you about that tomorrow at my ship briefing," he smiled even
more nervously. "Um, perhaps you should take a seat," he said,
gesturing toward the office.

Janeway raised an eyebrow in Vulcan fashion but moved into the
office and took a seat, waiting till Dr. Bashir was also sitting.

Julian let out a deep breath. "Well," he said. "I'm not sure
where to start,"

"How about from the beginning," she replied coolly, unsure
what this was all about.

"Yes," he smiled "the beginning. " He leaned back in his
chair. "I was seven years old and didn't have a clue as to what was
being done to me," he said.

"Done to you?" Janeway inquired as she moved to sit on the
edge of her seat.

"Yes, Captain. Done to me. You see.I'm.I'm genetically
enhanced; and yes, Starfleet knows about it and my Father is finishing
up his sentence in jail." There, it was said; now, let the chips fall
where they may, he thought with a sigh.

Captain Janeway stood up, in disbelief of what she had just
heard. She was shocked. Genetic mutants were illegal in most of the
Alpha quadrant and 'not' allowed in Starfleet. Though from what little
information she had on Bashir, he was a good officer and a good
doctor. Then again, that information was years out of date. "Are you
telling me that Headquarters has sanctioned you to being in
Starfleet?" She never would have thought she'd react to a situation
like this so judgmentally. In her defense, though, she'd grown up on
the horror stories of the genetic wars, as had most other people.

Julian stood slowly to meet her gaze. "Yes, Captain, they
have. Otherwise, why would I risk telling you? I know just how lucky I
was that Starfleet was willing to sanction me to stay in Starfleet.
I've done everything in my power to prove their decision was the right
one. I'm a good doctor. I've faced a lot of diversity because of my
condition, but 'I' didn't ask for it. Yes, I lied to get into
Starfleet, they know that. They also know how hard I've worked to
prove myself over the years. If you give me the same chance they did,
I'll prove it to you too."

Janeway was impressed by the young man's spirit, but she
needed time to consider the situation. They needed a doctor and here
one was, but there was a problem, she somehow knew there would be.
However, she knew a problem would inevitably arise as a result of the
doctor's condition."Does Tom know?" She asked. She needed to know who
else on the ship knew Julian's secret.

"He does now, though he didn't when we last met," Julian
replied, hoping not to get his love into trouble.

Janeway sat back down. She noted that Julian did not, so she
gestured for him to take a seat. "I'm not sure how people will react
to you. We have some naturalists on board, the First Officer being one
of them. I just may want to keep this under wraps for a while."

"I understand, Captain. But I've spent most of my life hiding
in the shadows, trying to hide what I was. Afraid of what would happen
to me. I was blessed with good friends to stand by me when the truth
came out, though, and they stood by me all the way, including Captain
Sisko. I realized after I was sanctioned to remain in Starfleet, that
I didn't know my full capabilities. I had been too afraid to ever find
out before.

Even with my enhancement, I know I have shortcomings, Captain. But I
have no intentions of going back in the closet. As I have to deal with
who and what the crew around me are, they also have to deal with who I
am. If they are too damn stubborn to accept my help, then there is
nothing I can do about it, unless they're unconscious," he finished
with a smile.

(Beautiful, intelligent, and fiery,) she thought. "You're not
giving me much of a choice in the matter," she mused.

"I'm sorry, Captain. But like you, I don't have a choice in
this either. I can't go back to the Alpha quadrant anymore than you
can, and I refuse to be anything less than who I am."

"Very well," she replied. "I'll make a brief report and we'll
see what happens at tomorrow's briefing. Okay?"

"Thank you, Captain," Julian smiled, glad that she was at
least willing to do this his way.

"Out of curiosity, what were you doing with those files?"

Julian smiled warmly. "Reading them."

"At that rate?" she asked, astonished.

Julian blushed, "Um.yeah. Good memory," he said shyly.

Janeway stood up, shaking her head, "Well." She looked at her
new doctor. "Then I expect a full report on your abilities as soon as
possible. Since you were up front with me, I'll give you that chance
you asked for. But I do have a good feeling about you," she smiled.

"Thank you, Captain. I'll do everything I can to make sure you
don't regret it," he said as he stood up and extended his hand. He was
glad to see Janeway accept it.

"Well, you have your hands full, Doctor. I'll leave you to it
then," Janeway stated, then left.


Tom had eaten dinner in complete silence as he listened to
B'Elanna rattle on about how she needed things to change. With the
replicators down, her cooking was not much better than Neelix's; but
he wasn't about to complain. He was still trying to figure out how to
tell her the truth and live to see another day; for this woman scared
him. He then envisioned going through with the wedding, knowing his
heart belonged to Julian. That thought alone, gave him the courage he
needed to tell her. He finished his soup and gathered up the dishes,
putting them in the recycler. He made sure to gather up everything
that was sharp, while he was at it. B'el, meanwhile, continued to
ramble, oblivious to the fact that he wasn't really listening.

He then moved near the exit. He leaned his back against the
wall, arms folded and waited till she noticed that he was waiting to
say something. She finally stopped talking and looked at him. "B'el, I
have something I need to tell you," he said softly.

She gave him a small smile. "Can't be good if you're hovering
by the exit," she teased, feeling a knot in her stomach.

"No, it isn't good. However, I hope we can discuss this
without me winding up back in the infirmary. In fact, I'm a bit tired
of having to tread softly around you," he retorted. He wasn't sure
where all the pent up anger had come from, but knew it had no place in
the conversation. He took a couple of deep breaths and soothed it away
from him [forcing himself to calm down]. "I know you may not believe
me, but I do love you."

"But?" she stated, feeling her temper starting to rise.

"But, I don't want to marry you," he said. He wasn't sure if
the direct route was the wisest, but he had stalled for far too long.
"I love someone else and I want to be with that person. I always have.
I just.just never thought I could be," he said, getting ready to bolt
at the first sign of her charging at him.

"I.I don't understand," she stammered. "First you told me I
was competing with a memory and now.what? What do you mean you never
thought you could?" she said from between clenched teeth.

Tom sucked in some air to give himself more courage. "Remember
what I told you about that special someone I left behind?"

"Yeah," she growled.

"It was Julian," he said. He was ready to run, but more ready
to defend his love from her if he had to.

"What?" she smiled in disbelief, as if she suddenly thought it
was a joke. "Oh, Tom, you almost had me going there for a minute; but
this wasn't funny."

Tom realized that she didn't believe him. "B'el, I'm not
kidding. I have loved Julian for more years than I've known you. I
know saying I'm sorry isn't even close to being enough, but I can't
marry you knowing how I feel. You were right the reason I kept
postponing the wedding was because of my feelings for him. I couldn't
let go of him; and now that he's here, I."

"Are you dumping me so you can jump in 'his' bed? How the hell
do know if he even wants you?" she growled, her eyes becoming dark
with fury. "Nevermind, I don't give a damn! I was beginning to see
that you had no honor, but I never figured you for a disgusting
pervert too!" she shouted. She moved to tear the table from the floor
and throw it at Tom, but he was already heading out the door by then.

Tom was halfway down the hall when he heard the crash. Harry
had chosen just that time moment to exit the Turbolift. He was heading
toward Tom, when he saw B'el exiting her quarters with murder in here
eyes. She yelled a Klingon war cry, along with several other things
which the translator wouldn't translate, and ran at Tom. Harry got
knocked into the wall as Tom ran by him to the lift, yelling his deck

Harry watched as Torres clawed at the turbo doors. He knew
better than to even breathe hard, causing her to take notice of him.
He didn't move an inch till she was behind the turbo doors herself,
then he hit his com badge. "Kim to Security, B'el is on the war path
again, heading to deck seven."

"Did Tom get a good lead on her?" Janeway replied, though
keeping her tone neutral.

"Yes, but she looks worse than I have ever seen her. She left
claw marks on the door," Harry stated with dismay.

"Oh, dear," Janeway said softly.

The next thing Harry heard was a ship-wide bulletin. "All
personnel are to avoid Lt. Torres, and Security is to apprehend her as
quickly as they can. She is to be considered dangerous, though she is
not to be harmed."

"Oh, Tom, what the hell did you do this time?" He sighed with
frustration, knowing that both his friends were in big trouble.


Tom didn't go to his deck. Seconds after the doors closed, he
changed his destination knowing that she had heard him say deck seven.
He headed for the infirmary where Julian was instead, just in case she
decided to go after him instead of Tom.

He entered the room in a hurry, "Julian!" he cried, hoping the
other man was okay, even though there was no reason to think

"Tom, what's wrong?" Julian asked as he walked out of the
office and saw his love in a state of panic.

"She didn't take it at all well," Tom replied, laughing to
release the tension he was feeling. "She's gone nuts!" he added as he
hugged Julian tightly.

"Where is she?" Julian asked.

"I hope heading for Deck seven; but she could have decided to
come after you and that's what scared me," he stated.

"Computer, location of Lt. Torres," Julian asked. <In
turbolift 3 heading to deck ten> the computer responded. "I guess
she's coming this way after all. I can't medically seal this place, my
authorization codes haven't been put into the computer yet." Bashir
stated calmly.

"I can," Tom stated flatly, "Computer seal sickbay,
authorization Delta Gamma Paris seven," he said and heard the hiss of
the doors sealing. "But that won't keep her out forever. She's the
head of Engineering and a former Marqui; it'll only slow her down a
bit, hopefully long enough for security to get here."

"Well, you let security know that she's coming and I'll get a
little surprise ready for our Lt. Torres ready," Julian smiled as he
moved out of the room.

Torres stopped outside of sickbay, "Two for the price of one,"
she growled. She stepped forward, but the doors didn't open. "Who the
hell are you kidding," she snapped as she ripped off the side panel
and crossed a few wires. Immediately the door opened and she charged
in. She saw Tom backing away from her.

"Now, B'el. If you don't get a hold of yourself, your going to
be spending the rest of your life in the brig," he stated, still
moving back slowly.

"At least I'll still have a life, you filthy, disgusting,
cowardly pig!" she roared.

"Don't say that about the man I love!" Julian stated, suddenly
right behind her applying a hypo. It knocked her out immediately and
he caught her before she hit the ground.

"Good thinking," Tom smiled, as he moved over to Julian and
gave him a chaste kiss.

"Thank you. Now help me get her over to the bio bed and
restrain her, level ten, if you don't mind."

"Oh, no, I don't mind one bit," Tom replied, thinking that it
still might not be enough to stop the blood crazed woman he was
helping to carry.

Just then security came in, led by Mr. Tuvok. "I see you
managed to handle the matter," he stated.

"She'll be out for about three hours, though I do think severe
counseling is in order here," Bashir stated. He placed her on the
biobed, then stepped back so Tom could activate the level ten

"Do you not think that is a bit of an overreaction?" Tuvok

Tom just stared at the Vulcan like he was nuts for even
asking, knowing how B'Elanna was. But thinking Tuvok possibly needed
to understand further, he stated, "I called off the wedding."

"Ah, then, on second thought, level ten would best serve this

"No, kidding," Tom replied, a bit sarcastically.

Harry arrived two seconds before Janeway. "B'el!" He cried as
he moved to her side, only to be stopped by Julian.

"She's restrained," he said softly "and sedated. She won't be
able to hear you for at lest three hours."

"You bastard!" Harry shouted at Tom "What the FUCK did you do
this time?"

Tom raised an eyebrow, realizing that Harry didn't notice the
Captain right behind him. "The right thing," he said, quietly, though

Before Harry could go off again, Janeway cleared her throat.
"Ensign Kim. As much as I understand your feelings in this matter,
this is not the place or the time for them. You are dismissed."

"But." he started, but he saw the Captain's serious look and
caved in. "Yes, Captain." He moved out of sickbay, but not before
giving Tom a very dirty look.

Julian could tell the Captain was glaring, but he was
surprised to take note that it was he who she was glaring at. (Does
she know?) He thought. "Captain?"

"I'll take it from here, Mr. Tuvok. Dismissed." She stated
coolly. She stood perfectly still till all that remained in the room
were Tom, Julian, a sedated Torres and herself. The she looked up with
cool eyes toward Tom. "I take it you called the wedding off," she

"Yes. I had to," Tom replied quietly, feeling the dark glare
from the Captain.

Janeway then turned to face Julian. "I'm going out on a limb
here, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you have something to do
with this, yes?"

Julian looked at Tom who gave a go-ahead shrug. He then turned
back to face Janeway. "It's not like it was planned, Captain. Tom and
I have known each other for years. We both have held dearly to how we
feel for one another. It is not 'my' fault that 'she' can't control
her temper," he started to snap. Then, seeing the dark look from
Janeway, decided it was best to keep control of himself.

"She's half-Klingon," Janeway said.

"That's a poor excuse, Captain and we both know it," Tom

"You're right, but she's also very hurt right now," She

"I understand, Captain. That's why, even if you wanted me to,
I wouldn't press charges. However.she can't go off like this just
because she's hurt and angry. You wouldn't tolerate it from anyone
else, you shouldn't tolerate it from her." Tom replied.

"Again, you are right, Mr. Paris. I don't intend to tolerate
it from her. But And I have no intentions of asking you or anyone else
to press charges. I will handle her behavior accordingly.

"But as for you two," she continued angrily, "I already have enough to
deal with, I don't need a livid crew wanting a lynching too.
Unfortunately, with all of the power plasma the two of you have
brewing here, it's a powder keg ready to blow. So this is what we
'are' going to do." She turned to face Julian. "I can't conceal your
relationship; for as soon as B'Elanna's up and able, it'll be all over
the ship. That's going to be against you as it is. So, as far as that
little tidbit you shared with me earlier."

"Tidbit?" Tom interrupted.

"I told her about the enhancements," Julian stated softly.

"I thought you were going to wait?"

"Gentlemen!" Janeway shouted to regain control of the
situation; her patience was already thin from a very long day. "It's a
good thing I found out early, because now I can prevent a bigger
problem." She looked back at Julian. "I don't care at the moment that
you don't want to go 'back in the closet' as you put it. Till things
settle down, that is exactly what you'll do."

"Captain?" Julian pleaded.

"That's a direct order Mister," she snapped. "The two of you
are to keep the information about your enhancements quiet. I'm even
going to make sure there is no record of them in the computer logs. I
don't need this now. Though I promise you this. When things have
settled and I think the crew can handle it, we will be up front with
it. I know, as does Tom; but that's it for now, understood?" It was
obvious from her tone that it wasn't a question.

"Yes, Captain," they both stated.

Janeway moved over next to the unconscious form of Torres.
"Remove the restraint," she said softly. After Tom did so, "Janeway to
Tuvok, lock on Lt. Torres's signal and beam her directly to the brig.
Then post two strong security guards outside," she ordered.

Then Janeway turned again to face the two young men. "Tom, I'd keep a
low profile if I were you, for a while. Doctor, I'll see you at
tomorrow's briefing." Her words reminding her of something, she
reached for her com badge again. "Janeway to Chakotay: contact Seven
and inform her that she'll be taking over B'Elanna's duties for
awhile. Also tell her that she will be expected at the briefing at
0800 hours tomorrow." She didn't wait for a reply, closing her com
link. Then she started for the door where she stopped and looked back,
"It's been a very, very long day. I suggest you get some rest.in your
own quarters, if you get my meaning," she stated then left.

Tom just stood there looking at the doors when he felt Julian
wrap his arms around him. He returned the embrace with all his
strength. "What a day?" Tom sighed.

Julian laughed. "Always the adventure," he smiled warmly. He
backed up just enough so he could look Tom in the eye, "Promise me

"If I can," he replied.

"Promise me that this time, we'll work things out together,

"Promise," Tom smiled. "I know, as long as we're together,
that things will work out fine," he said, hugging Julian again then
kissing him lovingly.

"It's not going to be easy," Julian stated softly. "B'Elanna's
friends will think you a heel and me a homewrecker. Naturalists will
find out about me sooner or later. Also, we're bound to run into those
who still hold onto old prejudices about same-sex couples. With all
that to deal with. are you sure?"

"Oh, yes!" Tom answered without a moment's hesitation. "You?"

"Most definitely!" Julian replied, equally quickly.

They stood there hugging for a while before Tom finally spoke,
"You should get some rest," he said, seeing how tired Julian was.

"Your own quarters," Julian repeated in a mocking tone. "I
can't believe she said that!"

"Oh, believe it," the blond smiled. "And under the
circumstances, we'd better not push our luck. We'll see each other
tomorrow, and everyday after that, if 'I' have anything to say about
it," he laughed.

"All right," Julian replied, then gave Tom a deep goodnight
kiss. "Till tomorrow," he smiled then exited the infirmary.

Tom waited a few minutes, so he would not tempted to follow
Julian back to his quarters. He was tempted to not go back to his
either, for who knew what angry person was waiting for him. "Hmmm.
Computer, locate Ensign Kim." <Ensign Kim is in his quarters, Deck
12. > Tom was relieved and headed for his own quarters. He intended to
try to get some sleep, though he knew he would be dreaming of holding
Julian again. He knew Julian was right, things were going to be hell.
However, just being with him again made Tom not care about the
obstacles. They were together, just like he knew they were meant to

<The end? >

Continued in: "No Honor in Death"