“Faithless”
 

 //Damn sensitive ears…damn big mouths,// Tom growled to himself. It had taken him hours to convince Tay to come home after the Doc said he was fine physically. He wasn’t surprised that the big guy had withdrawn internally, it made a lot of sense, but it was a step in the right direction getting him to leave sickbay. 

 Tom also made sure no one mentioned to him what happened to the ship, and he was glad that Chakotay didn’t ask. But on the way back, taking the halls, which Tom was kicking himself over, they had passed some big mouthed crewmembers.

 “Damn, are you serious? All the damage and over twenty people hurt, all because the Commander had a mental fit? Shit!” 

 That had been more than enough for Chakotay to hear and Tom knew he had heard for he could feel Tay’s body shaking with emotions. “Don’t listen to them, Tay,” he said, hoping to get passed all this, and get him home, where they could put the outside world aside. 

 “It is true?” he asked in a small voice, as they rode the turbolift. 

 Tom wanted to lie, he wanted to say hell no, but that would only make things worse, it would affect his trust with Chakotay, and Tay seemed to have very little left at the moment. “There were…mental wakes during the process,” he stated, trying to play down the event. 

 “Was people hurt?” he inquired, his voice even smaller. 

 Tom didn’t want to answer that question, Chakotay was too vulnerable as it was after just finding out he was used to murder an Ambassador while still a cadet, by the man he had loved and admired in his youth. “Neelix is going to look after AJ till Sam is off work, and she and Naomi are going to watch her over night, this way we can get some rest…okay?”  Tom replied, helping him to their quarters after the lift doors opened. 

 They stepped inside, and Tom had to keep his gasp from slipping out, the place was a wreck, as was half the ship. He kicked things out of Chakotay’s and his way, “Things fell, nothing serious,” he stated, not a lie, for Tom had placed the delicate items away when Tay first lost his sight. 

 “How many, Tom?”’ Chakotay asked, as Tom had him sit on the edge of their bed. 

 “How many what?” Tom asked, though he knew what Tay was taking about, he just didn’t want to answer that question. 

 “People hurt, Tom. I…want to know.” 

 Tom was getting Chakotay ready for bed, finding the man all too pliable. After getting his night shirt over his head, he stood up and sighed, “Twenty, but nothing serious…” 
 “Twenty? Just what did I do, Tom?” he asked, a bit of fear in his voice. 

 “Look, Hon, we can talk about this tomorrow, right now, we both could use some rest,” Tom replied warmly, hoping that Tay would accept this. He felt relieved when he saw Chakotay lay back and scoot to his side of the bed, but his heart ached when he saw him curl up upon himself. “Tay, honey, I’ll be right back,” he said, rubbing Chakotay’s back. He needed to change and he needed to talk with the Captain. He tucked Chakotay in and then headed to the bathroom, taking his com badge with him. 

 Once inside, “Paris to Janeway” 

 “Go ahead, Tom, what is it?”

 “I was wondering, are you alone?”

 “I’m in my ready room, yes.”

 “I wanted to talk about Chakotay. He’s had some break throughts, but…well, without breaking a confidence…they were doozies. Plus, he found out that he was responsible for our ships current condition, he’s not doing so well at the moment.” 

 “How did he find out, I told everyone to keep it quite…” 

 “He over heard someone speaking in the hall…sensitive hearing,” Tom replied with a half sigh. “I just wanted to keep you informed,” Tom stated with some unease. 

 “Take all the time you need, Tom. We need both of you back here, and it sounds like Chakotay is going to need you.”

 “Thank you, Captain,” Tom replied relieved, feeling that he would need time to help his love heal. 

 “Oh, and Tom…”

 “Yes, Captain?” 

 “I’m glad he has you with him,” she stated, the undercurrent of acceptance was strong and Tom could feel it. 

 “Thank, you Captain.” Tom replied once more, and then closed the channel. Once he was changed he moved back into the bed room, he moved stuff out of the main walk areas so Tay would be okay, then moved to the bed and saw Tay still curled up, his eyes closed and tears down his face. He moved into the bed slowly and rubbed his back, small circles, just to let him know he was there, that he wasn’t alone. 

 Tom lay there still, except for his hand rubbing Tay’s back, till he felt his husband’s breathing had settled that he had fallen asleep. Tom then shifted the covers up on both of them, and curled up to his love and wrapped a gentle arm around him, hoping that morning would bring new prospects of healing. 

***********

 Tom was worried, over the last four days, Chakotay wouldn’t have anything to do with anyone, except him or AJ, and even then he said very little. Tom had tried to get Tay to talk about what happened, but all Chakotay would say was…he was there…he knew…there was nothing more to say on the matter. Tom tried to convince him that he was wrong, there was tons more to discuss, but Chakotay wasn’t receptive to much of anything, and then it got worse. 

 One again Chakotay had gone into the depths of despair, and his dependence on Tom was back, but this time it was different…this time, he couldn’t seem to make a decision. When Tom had tried what he did last time, leave Chakotay on his own, his heart broke, for instead of trying to figure things out like last time, this time, Chakotay only called out for him, asked the computer where he was…Tom had left his badge in the bed room, so Chakotay called in the bed room…over and over again, till he simply sat on the floor, crying…he was a basket case of emotions. 

 Tom moved back in and as soon as Chakotay could sense him, he grabbed him and held on tightly, “Please don’t leave me,” he cried. “I promise I won’t do it again,” he cried. 

 “Do what?” Tom asked as he held his love tightly, his own tears falling. 

 “What ever it was that made you leave me…I’m so sorry,” he cried, his shoulders heaving with sobs. 

 “Tay, you didn’t do anything wrong, baby. Please, you have to stop this, your scaring me, you got to tell me what’s wrong…please, why are you letting this tear you down?” Tom asked, having seen how strong Chakotay was and could be. “You’re better than this…” he was going to say Drake, but Chakotay interjected. 

 “No, no I’m not. I’m a danger to the ship and our daughter, a hindrance, to you, and I’m a murdering whoring fraud, that doesn’t deserve anything…but still, please, Tom…please…don’t leave me,” he cried. 

 Oh, it was much worse than he thought. “You hear me, Chakotay Paris; you are NOT a hindrance to me or anyone. You are NOT a danger to this ship and especially NOT to our daughter, she needs you…I need you. Plus, you are NOT, and I mean NOT murder or a whore…do you understand me? You are NOT any of those things. What you are is a good descent man that was manipulated as a child to do things ‘against’ your will and your knowledge…”  Tom tried to state. 

 “But I allowed him inside, I gave him permission…it was my fault…If I had been…”

 “Stop it! I was there, remember? I saw that no one gave you a chance to prove yourself. I saw that you truly believed, as did I, that Aaron Drake was real and sincere in his offer of friendship. He offered you what anyone your age…including me, wanted…acceptance. Damn it…stop looking at the negative side of all this!” Tom snapped his own emotions raw. 

 “You’re trying to tell me there is a positive side to this nightmare?” Chakotay asked with disbelief. 

 Tom was quiet for a moment, “Yes…yes there is. Aaron Drake kept you from quitting, open the doors so you could prove what ‘you’ had inside. It led you to many great achievements that made you who you are today…the man I love with all my heart and soul. Shit, Tay. You sit here and wonder how I can love you, a man that as a kid was tricked, and I have to retort, how can you love me, a kid that chose to do the wrong thing. That chose to be a drunk, and a…a…whore, to survive and pay for my drinks and drugs. If you…a good, descent man, who everyone looks up too, not because of anything but who you are, can love ‘me’ think me worthy of you…how can you think less of yourself?”

 “Tom, no…I…I…” 

 Tom pulled back, “Are you calling me a liar?” 

 “No…no of course not.”  Chakotay replied uneasily. 

 “Then your saying I’m trash, and a waste of space,” Tom snapped. 

 “No, heaven’s no! You’re the most wonderful, loving, caring…kindest, man I know. You’re brave, imaginative, not to mention talented…I would never say…” Chakotay stopped speaking, and became silent. 

 Tom became concerned; till he heard something he thought he would never hear again…a small laugh. “What’s so funny?” he growled softly. 

 “You tricked me,” Tay said softly. 

 Tom gave a soft smile, “I didn’t lie…”

 “No, but you did trick me,” Tay replied, a touch of life back into his unfocused eyes. 

 “Well, maybe just a little, but what I said was all true, Tay,” Tom said giving Chakotay a loving hug. 

 “Tom…?”

 “Ask.” 

 “How…how did you…?” 

 “How did I overcome it all?” Tom said, filling in Chakotay’s question. Seeing him nod yes, Tom gave him another hug. “I’ll tell you, but off the floor, okay?” 

 “Okay.” 

 Tom helped Chakotay off the floor, glad that he had family in the crew, for they were helping take care of AJ during what could be even more of a difficult time period. Tom took Chakotay back to their bed room and since Tay was only dressed in Shorts and a shirt, and Tom the same, they laid down and cuddled on the bed. “Well, I guess the best I can say as to when I started to try to turn things around was back in Marsalis. You see, I met this very unusual man, he was what people would call stoic…mystic almost, for he was known for doing the most amazing things against incredible odds; he was a Maquis Captain,” Tom smiled. 

 “Me?”

 “Shh, I’m telling a story here,” Tom scolded lightly. “And yes, for the record it was you. Anyway, this Maquis Captain offered me a job flying and took me on his crew. At first I thought he was simply desperate…”

 “Tom, I was desperate,” Tay interrupted some guilt in his tone. 

 “Geesh, did you interrupt you Father like this when he was telling you a story? I can see why he would call you contrary,” Tom once more scolded lightly. “Now, no more interruptions…please,” he said, kissing Tay on the forehead. “Now, where was I…oh yes, I thought at first  you were simply desperate, and yes you were…but…I found out that was not totally true,” he placed a finger on Tay’s lips to keep him quite. “Not long before my first mission, I over heard Greg Alaya taking to someone else, and I still recall his words. He said, and I quote, “He turned down three clean and sober pilots that we could have used and instead he took on that drunken whoring addict.” Tom felt Chakotay tense, and he hugged him to let him know he was okay about this, “The other person, who’s name I didn’t know, replied, you think the Captain’s going over the edge, and Greg replied, that or he can see something in that guy that we can’t…wouldn’t be the first time, you know.” Tom smiled at the thought.\

 “I didn’t hear anymore of the conversation for they had moved on, but their words stuck with me and for some reason I began to think that if a man like him could have faith in a fool like me, there had to be something to it. Of course I then went on my first mission and got caught, and I admit I did think for a few moments that you used me in some elaborate scheme, but then I knew that wasn’t true…you wouldn’t have set your other crew up like that.”

 “I wouldn’t have set you up either,” Chakotay said, moving Tom’s fingers from his mouth. 

 Tom caressed his love’s face gently, “I know that, and after a bit of time, I figured that out then too, which led me once more to reconsider what I heard, and I must admit, it was one of the few strings that held me together in prison, thinking that I had some worth if you believed in me…even a little. Then the whole caretaker thing occurred, and I hope by now you realize why I accepted Janeway’s offer…I had nothing to do with you…”

 “You needed out…I do understand, and like you, with time I figured it out on my own,” Tay replied, a small smile on his face. 

 “Yes, and then we were on the ship, and I admit, you treated me like dirt…”

 “Tom I…”

 “Didn’t I establish a no talking rule here?” Tom joked. “Now, yes, you were a shit to me, but… Once more, thanks to big mouths and being in the right place at the right time, I over heard some crew taking, namely B’Elanna and Greg. Well, they were not talking about me per say, but, Greg was complaining at how hard you were working Geron, and B’Elanna replied and I quote, “He drives the ones he sees has the potential to handle more, he obviously believes Tem has potential. Then my name came up as Greg chimed in with, your telling me that’s his reason for his behavior? Well, then he must think Paris is grade A-choice for he rides him more than anyone on this ship. Now, I pause here to state,” Tom shifts and places another kiss on Tay’s forehead, “That what B’Elanna said sounds negative, but…again it’s how one takes things that count.”

 “What did she say?” 

 “She said, I’m not so sure. I did him bitch, what a waste of officer material. The rest doesn’t matter, it was about Tem…but those words also sat with me awhile. I was hurt at first, hearing the words waste…but…after a while, I don’t know, I started thinking about it differently. I recalled the words officer material, even if you or she said a waste…the fact was, you did at some level see me as a potential officer; adding that to when you chose me over other pilots that were not half as fucked up as me…I once more took heart that even with all you animosity toward me, you believed in ‘me’ that I could be some one of value…and you were right; it only took ‘me’ awhile to find that faith in myself, but finding it in you first is what helped me pull through…and part of the reason I fell in love with you.” 

 There was silence for a little while, and Tom and Chakotay laid in each other’s arms, Tom wondering what Tay was thinking, but remained quite, his husband hand to think things out for himself, he could only do so much, the rest was up to Chakotay. 

 “Thank you, Tom,” Chakotay said softly, cuddling up more to his husband. 

 “No, thank you,” Tom replied, and then leaned down and kissed Tay softly on the lips. The kiss was soft and gentle full of love and only meant to last a few seconds, but feeling the tiny pressure on the back of his neck from Tay’s hand, Tom pressed his lips more to drink of Chakotay’s sweet mouth and the kiss deepened. 

 “I don’t know what I would do with out you,” Chakotay whispered softly as Tom’s lips were lifted from his but still close, for Chakotay pulled Tom’s mouth to him and he took the sweetness Tom’s mouth had to offer and opened his own mouth for Tom’s tongue to enter and taste him as he felt Tom’s arms pull him closer, his strong slim body pressing against his own, his love like an energy was in every touch, in every breath that Tom had or gave to him…Tom loved him, truly loved him. 

 He reached around and pulled Tom closer, shifting to his back so Tom was now on top of him, their bodies aligning, and Chakotay could feel the tenderness and the passion in the delicate touches of Tom’s fingers as they ran through his hair, down his face and neck. He then felt Tom’s lips gently pull from his own, his warm breath indicating he was still inches away from him, and he could feel Tom’s eyes upon him, taking him in…into that beautiful and selfless soul. “Love me, Pooka,” he whispered, brushing his fingers through soft blond curls. 

 There was only a heart beat of hesitation on Tom’s behalf, before Chakotay felt his soft warm lips descend upon his once again, and Tom’s delicate fingers caressing down his chest, slowly teasing him and setting his skin a fire at the same time, as he slowly started to remove his shirt, so their skin were no longer hindered from one another. Chakotay wasn’t completely idol, though he was letting Tom call the shots, he too wanted to know Tom’s skin against his own, and aided in Tom’s shirt finding itself across the room, alone. 

 Chakotay felt the firm strong muscles along Tom’s slim back and along his arms, as his fingers caressed his skin, taking in the smoothness, the softness, and how Tom’s muscles would ripple in their movement, as delicate fingers were now caressing his chest, lightly touching his nipples, teasing them into hardness; while moist firm lips drifted from his lips down his jaw to the side of his neck, gently sucking and nipping…marking…claiming. A soft moan escaped his lips and felt Tom’s body shiver in response to his sound. 

 Chakotay caressed Tom’s chest, feeling the light dust of hair and the hardness as well as the delicate curves and the hard pebbles of his nipples and the dips of his ribs as his fingers moved downward to the softer but still firm stomach while his legs were caressing Tom’s slim but strong thighs. 

 Chakotay recaptured Tom’s mouth, tasted deeply the warmth and savored the sweetness that was pure Tom. He then shifted his lips and tongue and tasted Tom’s skin, finding it tangy, spicy, just like the soul within and deliciously addicting as he kissed, licked and sucked on Tom’s skin, his soft long neck, eliciting soft moans of desire from Tom’s lips. “I love you, Pooka,” his whispered, biting just hard enough to mark Tom’s neck…claiming his husband. “Mine,” he growled under his breath. 

 “Yes,” Tom shouted in response, feeling the pleasant pain of being marked by his husband. Then suddenly Tom’s body shook, almost laughing. 

 “What?” 

 “I’ll tell you later, love. Let’s just say, I want you so badly that nothing and I do mean nothing could stop it,” he replied, loving warmth in his voice. Then Tom retook Tay’s mouth with a renewed passion, as if his intention was to breath, suck, and lick Chakotay to pieces. 

 It was only moments later when Tay felt his shorts were too tight as they were being removed skillfully while moist lips trailed down his stomach, and then a tongue lazily licking his hip bone as his shorts joined Tom’s somewhere in the room. Then he could feel the moist heat making it’s way slowly, painfully slow toward his shaft, that was now weeping with need of his husband’s touch. “Please, Tom,” he begged softly. 

 “You don’t have to beg, my love,” Tom whispered, “I will always try to give you what you need,” he said, then took Chakotay’s full length, which was a huge mouthful plus some, in his mouth, and started licking and sucking, tasting his husband’s essence. 

 Chakotay felt like he was flying, his body had never felt this good, not with a woman, not with any man…never…and he knew why; he was being made love too by his husband…his soul mate…his Tom, and he felt it on every level. “Oh, Pooka, yes,” he cried out with pleasure. 

 Tom couldn’t get enough of Chakotay’s essence, he had wanted it so long, he felt like a starving man offered not only food, but his most favorite, and he indulged himself. Then he felt strong fingers in his hair, gently pushing away… he stopped, hoping Tay was okay, “Tiger?” he asked, the question in his tone more than his words. 

 “I’m fine, I just…I want us to come together the first time…please,” Chakotay panted, his breath shallow with need. He then gently pulled Tom up so their lips joined once more, tasting himself on Tom’s mouth and wrapped his body against’ Tom’s, letting his hand stroke the firm flank of his husband, as their bodies aligned, and he could feel Tom’s own weeping desire pressing hard against his own. “Come with me, baby,” he groaned as he thrusted his hips upward, pressing his own hard need against Tom. 

 “Oh, Tiger…yes!” Tom cried out as he felt the power within the movement against his own need, and then began pressing and thrusting against his husband, their lips, arms, legs, all intertwined, the pressure and the pace building as the fire engulfed them both.

 Then the need to thrust took over for both of them and all there existed was the union of their hard needs, pressing, rubbing against one another, then a shiver in first Chakotay then Tom as they both suddenly shouted and their bodies exploded against the other, both crying out their love’s name as they did so, unaware that they were not the only one to have their world rocked…Voyager did too. 

 Their glow of aftermath was interrupted with the Red alert Klaxon…

 “Shit, this can’t be happening,” Tom panted, unsure if he could move. But before he could get up the klaxon went silent. “That’s was weird?” 

 “Janeway to Lieutenant Paris”

 Tom had the computer patch the call, “Go ahead, Captain?” he asked, puzzled. 

 “Is the Commander all right?” 

 Tom arched a brow and could see Tay was just as confused, “Ah, he’s great,” he smirked. “Why may I ask?”

 “Well, we…we just had another internal shake…” she said, not sure what or how to put it. 

 It took a moment before both of them understood, that when Chakotay had come, not only did his body shake, he took Voyager along for the ride. “Um…sorry, Captain,” Tay stated as sincerely as he could, feeling a mixture of guilt and joy. “I hope no one was hurt?”

 “No, it wasn’t too bad, but I do wish you would either get a handle on it or don’t engage in whatever activity you were doing…okay?” 

 Tom paled as if she knew…then recalled she probably meant the mental stuff, since that was how it was brought about last time. 

 “I’ll do my best to get a handle on it, and again, I’m sorry, Captain.”

 “No problem. And Commander…”

 “Yes, Captain?”

 “I’m glad your speaking to me again,”  her voice light and warm, for Chakotay had ignored her too over the past week. 

 “Me too,” Chakotay smiled, and then hugged Tom tightly to him. “Me, too.” 

 They heard the com channel close and Chakotay kissed Tom, “I love you, Pooka.”

 Tom laughed, “Okay, now that you picked a name…you have to explain it. Mine at least you can understand, but what is a pooka?” 

 “It’s an impish spirit that is not always malevolent, sometime it is extremely playful, but always unpredictable…that’s you. You’re my unpredictable, playful spirit, that can be a tad wicked at time,” he grins, “And I love you.”

 Tom’s eyes were wet with moister, “I  love you too, baby,” he said, and kissed his love once more, then the two of then huddled closer, not caring if they would be stuck together later, this was what they both needed, and so together they laid in each other’s arms and slept. 

************

 Elsewhere on the ship…

 “Naomi, go check on AJ, I thought I heard her crying?” Samantha Wilderman replied from her desk, but the sound was soft and sudden, then it was gone. 

 “Okay, Mama,” her little girl replied, placing her homework padd aside and moved to the side room where they placed the cradle so AJ could have some quite to rest. “MOM!” she screamed!

TBC in Blind Trust