Author: Kim Riley a.k.a. MYSTIC
WARNING: SOME SECTIONS OF THIS STORY HAVE GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS THAT
MAY PROVE DISTURBING
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Paramount. Again since they are
no longer using them I've decided to take our boys out of the 'closet'
and let them play and be happy. Enjoy.
Summary: Sometimes the smallest things can set off great chain of
events, for good and for bad
Rating: R for language and sex
Pairing: Chakotay/ Paris
Notes: The poem "If Only" was written me. The song "Kiss Me Softly"
is off the new Journey album- Arrival; they own it, all of it, so
please respect that. Thanks.
His head hurt and he could hear voices calling his name, but he was
too tired to answer them. He wanted to rest, to end the pain. The
voices faded and he felt free to move to the warmth that he was
feeling drawn too. The colors were fantastic and they surrounded him
everywhere as he floated farther and farther away from the pain. In
the distance he saw a beautiful white light and stretched out to touch
As he did so, a shadow in the shape of a large bird flew by
him, knocking him back. It flew circles around the entrance to the
light as if forbidding him to enter. He didn't know what to do, but
then a voice caught his attention and he moved toward it, for it too
felt warm, loving and friendly.
The colors gave way to a dark cavernous area. There were many
tunnels, but only one was lit up with torches. He moved himself down
the long cave and he could see just up a head a figure sitting by a
large pit fire. He moved faster, feeling excited at seeing this
person, even if he couldn't see who it was. His movement turned into
a flash and he was there.
"Chakotay?" Tom's voice was soft and unsure, as he looked at
the man he loved sitting quietly by the large pit fire. He saw the
older man look up at him and smile.
"Tom? What are you doing here?" Chakotay replied as he stood
up and crossed to the young man, embracing him tightly. "You made it
out okay!" he exclaimed in an intense whisper.
"Chakotay, what is going on? Is this real? Am I dead too?"
"I'm not dead, Tom. Well, at least I don't think so," the big
man grinned warmly. Then he looked around, feeling something that
alluded Tom. Then he looked back at the young man. "You don't belong
here. You have to go back," he says softly, leaning in and placing a
soft loving kiss on the young man's lips. Then he moved back away
from Tom, "Zero-four-twenty-five," he said as Tom started to fade
"Zero-four-twenty-five? Chakotay, what's going on? Chakotay?
Chakotay!" he shouted as he felt himself being pulled like he was a
fish on a fisherman's line. He struggled to get back to Chakotay, but
between being too tired to fight and that idiotic bird that kept
hindering his efforts, he finally gave up and allowed himself to be
pulled to his designation.
He felt pain and sick as he blinked his eyes, not really
wanting to open them, but that annoying voice just wouldn't go away.
He finally opened them and looked into the face of the EMH.
"Welcome back, Mr. Paris," the Doc stated. Then he leaned over
and gave Tom a sedative, knowing that Tom was now stable after
arresting on his table. The Doc looked up at Captain Janeway who was
standing near by. "He'll live."
"Who would do such a thing?" she asked, more to her self than
the holo Doc.
"I'm not sure. But from the nature of most of the wounds, Mr.
Paris took a beating, however, from the angle of the injury to his
lower back; I'm not convinced that it was done on purpose. But I guess
it doesn't matter in the long run."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, Captain, that Lieutenant Paris' lower spine was
crushed. Though I was able to fix most of the damage, he won't be able
to walk again."
"You can't be serious?"
"I'm very serious, Captain. In the first place, nerves are a
tricky things to deal with. Though we have come a long way in
regenerating severed nerve endings, when an area of nerves as complex
as the spinal cord is damaged, there are limitations to what we can
fix. He will have feeling in his lower region, he just will not be
able to support himself without exterior support."
"Are you sure there is nothing you can do?" she asked, not
believing that after all this tragedy, there was to be more.
"Captain, I'm not telling you all this because I enjoy the
sound of my voice. This is the current situation. Of course, I will do
my best to see if I can find a new procedure that may correct Mr.
Paris' condition. In the mean time, I suggest we let him rest and you
find the culprit that did this."
"Commander Tuvok is on it," she said softly. "Keep me
informed," she added then exited out of sickbay. Feeling the weight of
the universe on her shoulders she fled to her one sanctuary, the holo
deck in hopes Michael would be able to give her some advice, or at
least support. She use to get it from Chakotay.//I'm not going to cry,
// she told herself as she increased her pace to the holo deck. When
she entered inside the empty room, she didn't even engage the program;
she simply slid down to the floor and cried.
B'Elanna was working with Seven when word of Tom's 'accident'
reached her. She knew she would serve everyone better if she continued
her work on modifying the shields and upgrading the sensors to pick up
Chakotay's DNA, but her anger wouldn't leave her.
She ranted and raved every step of the way, when she realized
that Seven actually managed not to make a complaint about her
emotional outburst. "I just can't believe someone would do that to
him. Especially after what the Captain said about welcoming Tom home
being the Commander's last wish."
"Tom Paris' injury is a misfortune to us all," Seven replied.
"But we will not be able to aid him in his recovery. That is best left
up to the Doctor. We can however aid the Commander by finishing the
work here. However, it is time for me to regenerate. I will contact
you when I am finished with my cycle," Seven states and moved out of
the engineering area to her chamber.
Seven entered her chamber and initiated her regeneration cycle
as normal, however instead of the normal rest she would receive, she
found she had a visitor. This type of communication between her and
the Borg Queen was not new.
"I've been waiting for you, Seven," the Queen said as warmly
as she could.
"What do you want. I no longer serve you or the collective."
"Ah, my dear Seven. You will always be a part of us as we will
always be a part of you," the Queen replied as she brushed her fingers
along Seven's metallic brow. "I brought you a visitor," she said,
then stepped back.
Seven looked beyond the Queen and saw a drone move close to
her. It took a moment to determine who it was, for a laser visor
covered the eyes, but the faint tattoo over the left brow made it
clear that it was Chakotay. "Do you like?" the Queen asked.
"It matters not if I like or dislike your drone," Seven
replied, not wanting to give the Queen any satisfaction that seeing
the Commander like this was upsetting even to her.
"I've decided to make him one of my 'special' ones," the Queen
purred as she ran her fingers down the pale jaw of the drone, once
Chakotay, standing ridged next to her.
"Again, what do you want with me?"
"Why? I want you back Seven. You know you don't belong with
them, don't you," she said softly.
"I do not belong to you," Seven replied.
"Very well, but let me make this clear. I know Janeway, and it
would be wise for her to stay as far away from me as possible. Or I'll
assimilate them all, one by one, letting her be last," the Queen said
coldly. Then the connection was broken.
"You don't thinks she knows were coming do you?" Janeway
"She only indicated that she assimilate us again if our paths
crossed," Seven replied.
"You said you saw.. The Commander?" Harry asked, not sure if
he wanted to have an answer to his question.
"Yes. She made it a point to present him to me. Except for the
visor, he is much as we last saw him," she stated, then she hesitated.
"No, that is not true," she added as she tried to recall what it was
that was different.
"What?" Janeway asked.
"He had neurotransmitter links all over," she said, not sure
what this information meant. "They are only used on species whose
physical form need additional guidance in cooperation with their
"What are you saying?" B'Elanna asked this time.
"I am saying that the Commander's body had neurotransmitter
links. This is not standard use in assimilating Humans," she replied
flatly. "As to why this is the case I have no logical suggestion at
"Will it hinder our rescuing him or getting him back?" Harry
"I do not see why," Seven answered.
"Sickbay to Captain Janeway. You said you wanted to be
informed when Mr. Paris was awake. He is coming around now." The EMH
stated over the com channel.
"I'm on my way," Janeway replied. "Okay. Keep up the good
work. Seven, if the Queen contacts you again, try and see if there is
anything you can learn from your surroundings that may assist us in
locating them. Dismissed."
She watched as her officers moved out, "Tuvok?"
Her friend and temporary First Officer stayed behind. "Yes, Captain?"
"Any information on who attacked Tom?"
"Negative, Captain. Only that the fight didn't start in the
cargo bay. I was able to retrace Lieutenant Paris' steps from sickbay
to the turbolift. From there the trail ends till he is found in the
Cargo bay, with the large crates on top of him.
"Had that security alarm not been tripped."
"I am not convinced that the alarm going off was an accident.
It may be possible that what ever was occurring in the cargo bay went
a wry, and Mr. Paris was injured. The other party feeling panic and
guilt may have triggered the alarm before exiting, to insure that Mr.
Paris was treated."
"Well, I hope that is closer to the truth than someone just
willing to let him lay there and die," Janeway replied.
"Indeed, Captain. It would also lesson the charge from attempt
of murder to assault on several accounts."
"Well, keep me posted," she said as she moved out the door
heading down to sickbay.
If one more person asks me if I'm alright, I'm going to deck
them! I'm stuck in a damn fucking wheelchair for the rest of my life,
how the hell can I be alright? I know the Doctor is doing all he can,
but the nerves down there are beyond repair. Of course I have to make
matters worse by asking him, that if he can't fix me how in the hell
was he going to fix up Chakotay. His answer was that the only
difference between the Commander and me was that from what he
observed, the nerves were severed evenly, as mine were damaged,
twisted, and torn. This some how makes a difference, as if I care at
Of course no one understands why I won't say who attacked me.
I mean, yes I was jumped, but we quickly decided to take it to the
cargo bay, and it was an accident, they didn't mean for the shipment
to fall on me, so how can I sentence someone in the brig for the next
year or so? Of course, Harry says that this person sentenced me to a
chair for the rest of mine.but it was an accident, what I would do
would not be.
To make matters even worse, I can't fly, since I'm on
permanent medical leave. For crying out loud, you don't need to be
able to walk to fly! I have gone to the holo deck and flown
simulations with no problem, but I'm still not cleared for duty. The
only thing that keeps me from going over the edge is helping Harry,
and the Doc.
I may not officially be able to participate, but Harry knows
he couldn't keep me out of this, even if he tried, which he did. I
would try and explain to him why, but I love Chakotay too much to
tarnish his name like that. Strange, I know he loves me too, and that
knowledge is the only real source of strength I have left.I will get
Harry has located the Queens ship, it's been on the move ever
since it's brief stop where it gathered Chakotay and me up. The
Captain has sent warnings to everyone capable of receiving our signal
in hopes that they can survive the Borg attacks, but as we have seen
in their quake, that has not been the case.
I don't even want to imagine what it must be like for him; to
be locked into a cage that is your body and have no control over
it.well perhaps I can. But at least I can say no to that, which I
would find wrong and repulsive. Chakotay doesn't have that luxury.
You see I had Seven finally tell me what he would be doing, and it
She told me, that from what she has observed, he is part of
the Queens special elite. They are used for the more difficult
assimilation's, using brute force beyond the regular means of other
drones. That he would have to hold down those who resisted the toxic
injection, as they were assimilated piece by piece. If that failed,
then the elite would kill them and turn over the waste to another
section. That it was the same elite that assimilated Chakotay himself.
Sleep has become a rare commodity on board Voyager, and who
can blame anyone. I'm not the only one having nightmares of the
Commander suddenly standing before me, stating to me in a monotone
voice, "You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile." Of course add
to that nightmare, that it's my legs being sawed off, and it make
perfect sense why I wake up screaming and don't want to sleep.
The Doc says that sedative usage is at an all time high. I'm
hoping that when Chakotay's finally back, safe and sound that some of
these nightmares will end. The best news we've had in days has been
that Seven and B'Elanna have succeeded in upgrading the shield
harmonics and that they can scan for Chakotay's DNA signature. So,
were sneaking in shadows up on the Queen's ship. As far as Seven can
tell, the Queen is unaware of us, and I hope it stays that way.
Well, since I can't be of much use on the bridge, even if I
did prove differently in the SIMM's, the Doc has kept me busy too with
the tissue regeneration tanks. These tanks will be used to regenerate
the lost limbs, which he'll graft back on to Cha. But there is a
chance they will not work, so the EMH has made skin grafts to cover
artificial ones. If you ask me, I think Cha would rather not have any
limbs then robotic ones, but then at the moment I feel that way too,
but if things don't change soon, I may start to change my mind.
I mean, I've been in this chair for over a week, and I already
hate it! And every time I'm about to trash it or someone, the sound of
Cha's voice comes to mind. See, two days after I was given this chair
to move around in, I just wanted to get away from sickbay. I didn't
know where to go, so I just moved. I found myself in front of
Chakotay's door. I wanted to go in, but it was locked. I don't know
what made me even try it, but I remembered my dream, where I met up
with Chakotay and he loved me. His last words to me was a number, and
strangely enough I punched it in and the door opened. Luck?
Coincidence? Who knows, but I was able to go inside, so I did.
Immediately I felt calm, safe, protected, as if his spirit was
still here, embracing me as I entered his sanctuary. The place was
decorated with a simple but cozy touch. I moved around, feeling
welcomed, not once like I was intruding upon his space. I moved to his
bedroom and to my surprise the man had a piano in it. I love the
piano, and can play pretty good, but I never imagined Chakotay
I looked at the sheet music and saw that it was not something
replicated, but new. He was writing a song, but there were no words to
it, and the music was only half finished. I let my hand glide over
the artificial black wood then down to the seat. Traditionally, these
types of seats were used to store music, so I checked, and sure
enough, the lid opened. Inside was folders of music. Some replicated
sheet music of musicians I'd heard of, others not. Then there was a
third folder marked 'Tom'.
Go figure that this would catch my eye. Some of the music was
marked, numbered. So I looked through them, and discovered that
Commander Chakotay likes to write songs. Though some in the folder was
from other artists, there were dozens of them with his name as the
creator. They were dated, the last one written the night we danced in
the holo deck, so I pulled it out and moved the seat and wheeled
myself up to the piano.
I sat the sheet music out and noticed that there was only
notes, but another piece of paper had words. I played the notes,
slowly at first to get a feel for it. Then I read the words.
If only I could fly and touch the clouds
If only I could sing a rainbow into being
If only I could dance among the stars at night
If only I could change more with just a thought
If only I could be all I wanted to be
If only I could have all I want to have
If only I could freely love whom I chose
If only I could have them choose me
If only I could remove the barriers that exist
If only I could make fantasy's real
If only I could make my heart real
If only I could make the longing disappear
If only I could tell you how I felt
If only I could believe there was a chance
If only I could think the opportunity was real
If only I could stop the pain
If only I could stop the love
If only I could have you
If only.. If only's were possible.
It was then that the haunting melody made sense. Chakotay felt
just like I did. Trapped. But compared to how it was now.I refuse to
think about it. I play the piece again then notice he has a recording
chip dated the same. I move and play it, and to my surprise, not only
can the big man write and play, he can sing too. I play it over and
over again so by the end of who knows how many replays; I'm in tears
and exhausted. I move to his bed and chose to lay in it. The sheets
still smell like him, and I find comfort in them. I am about to drift
off to sleep when the red alert klaxon sound along with Captain
Janeway's voice. We are about to engage the Borg.