After reading some of the stories
and comments about Tom's actions
toward B'Elanna in "Memorial", I
had to write this story.
"A Matter of Patience" by RFK
"You know where to find me," B'Elanna
growled as she turned on her
heels and stormed out of Tom's cabin.
His whispered apology barely
reached her ears.
The petaQ! The insult repeated
in her mind over and over again.
B'Elanna failed to notice the crewmembers
that scattered away from her
path as she stalked along Voyager's
corridors. Or those who cringed
at the sight of her stormy expression.
B'Elanna thought she and Tom had
progressed beyond this in their
relationship. Pushing the
other away in face of a personal crisis.
Apparently not in the case of one
Thomas Eugene Paris. Just recently,
he, Chakotay, Harry Kim and Neelix
had returned from a two-week Away
mission, visiting other planets
in search for dilithium. Upon their
return, the quartet began experiencing
images of a battle being fought
on an alien planet.
Tom's first assault of these memories
had come while watching the new
television set B'Elanna built for
him during his absence. The
memories struck poor Neelix in the
Mess Hall, during preparation of
the next meal. The frightened
Talaxian ended up holding young Naomi
Wildman hostage. When the
memories struck Harry, the Operations
officer was working inside one of
the Jeffries tubes. B'Elanna had no
idea when Chakotay was struck by
memories of the battle. She did
learn that Tuvok had summoned him
to deal with Neelix in the Mess
Hall.
When the four travelers had finally
compared memories during a
meeting with Captain Janeway and
the Doctor, all four, according to
Neelix, discovered that they basically
shared the same memories -
participation in a massacre of innocent
civilians from a race called
the Nakan. The mystery remained
on the massacre's location. And now,
Voyager had changed course to retrace
the Delta Flyer's two-week
route.
B'Elanna rushed toward her lover's
cabin to comfort him the moment
she learned the whole story from
Neelix. Only Tom did not want
comfort from her or anyone else.
Nor did he want to deal with the
trauma of the massacre. In
true Paris fashion, he rejected B'Elanna's
help and pushed her away, leaving
the half-Klingon frustrated and
angry.
Nearly seventy-two hours later, an
exhausted B'Elanna trudged back to
her quarters. The past three
days had been traumatic. Voyager
finally arrived at the scene of
the massacre - a planet called
Tarakis. It seemed the massacre
had taken place some three centuries
ago. The Tarakis natives erected
a memorial in honor of the Nakan
colonists they had massacred.
A memorial that projected their
memories to passing travelers with
a synaptic transmitter. The moment
Voyager began to orbit around Tarakis,
other crewmembers began to
experience the massacre in the same
manner as the original Away team -
including Captain Janeway.
And like Tom, Harry, Neelix and Chakotay,
they also experienced post-war trauma
and guilt. Had the power cells
of the memorial's transmitter not
been deteriorating, Voyager's entire
crew would have relived the massacre.
B'Elanna learned from Neelix about
the debate over the memorial in
the Conference Room. The Talaxian
wanted to replenish the memorial's
power cells in order for it to continue
its objective - inform passing
strangers about the Nakan massacre.
Chakotay, Harry and Tom wanted
either the memorial or the power
cells destroyed. B'Elanna privately
agreed with the latter three.
As a former freedom fighter, she
understood Neelix's desire to keep
the memorial standing. But using a
synaptic transmitter to force other
innocents to experience the
massacre and the guilt did not seem
the right way to honor the
victims. In the end, Neelix
won.
Captain Janeway had agreed to repair
the memorial's transmitter. She
even ordered the original four affected
to make the repairs. Eight
hours after Voyager left Tarakis'
orbit, many crewmen continued to
recover from the ordeal. According
to the Doctor, all would be forced
to live with the memories of the
Nakan massacre for the rest of their
lives. Very few took the news
well. Even fewer had returned to duty.
B'Elanna ended up commanding
two shifts in Engineering with a limited
staff.
* * * *
No one was more relieved than her
when Ensign Vorik took over command
after the Beta shift had ended.
Upon reaching her quarters, B'Elanna
quickly entered and started toward
her bedroom. She had an hour to
shower and change into fresh clothes
for her meditation session with
Tuvok. She usually dreaded
these sessions. Revealing her innermost
thoughts and secrets still did not
come easy to her. However, she had
to admit that the sessions did help.
And after the events surrounding
Tarakis, meditation with the Vulcan
just might come in handy to quell
that inner turmoil that flared after
her quarrel with Tom.
An hour later, B'Elanna appeared
before Tuvok's quarters, clean and
dressed in civilian clothes.
She rang the announciator. A deep voice
commanded her to enter. Once
inside, B'Elanna found the Vulcan seated
on the floor, in front of a low
table. A small, brass lamp stood on
the table. "Lieutenant Torres,"
Tuvok continued. "You are on time
for once." One of his brows
cocked upward, a sure sign of surprise
for the Vulcan.
B'Elanna automatically smirked at
the lieutenant commander. "I
wouldn't get too comfortable with
this, Tuvok. This moment might be a
rare occasion." She glanced
around the room. B'Elanna had to admit
there was something soothing about
Tuvok's quarters. It radiated a
temperature slightly warmer than
most of the quarters on Voyager.
Much similar to her own. She
recalled that the Vulcan homeworld
possessed temperatures very similar
to Q'uonos. Very few furnishings
dotted the living room, although
B'Elanna did spot a Vulcan artifact
or two. But the lush flowers
and plants located around the room did
add a dash of color.
"So," B'Elanna continued, as she
plopped down on the pillow opposite
Tuvok. "What do you want to
talk about?"
Tuvok's expression remained stoic.
"The question is Lieutenant, what
do you want to talk about?"
"What makes you think I want to talk?"
As usual, the Vulcan managed to remain
patient, despite B'Elanna's
obtuse response. Normally,
such patience would exacerbate her temper,
but not this time. Desperate
for even a touch of the Vulcan's
serenity after her fight with Tom,
even she did not react with typical
hostility.
"Lieutenant Torres," Tuvok calmly
continued, "the last time you
managed to arrive on time for a
session was after our encounter with
the Equinox. And if I remember
correctly, you did a great deal of
talking."
B'Elanna flushed. She remembered.
Even after the Equinox's
destruction, she had been in a rage
over the betrayal of the ship's
executive officer, Max Burke.
Max, who had been her boyfriend at the
Academy some ten years ago.
It riled her that Max would take
advantage of their past relationship
for perfidious reasons.
A sigh escaped B'Elanna's mouth.
"All right. If you must know, I'm
still upset over that war memorial
on Tarakis. I think the Captain
should have ordered its destruction.
Or at least removed that
transmitter."
The Vulcan's other brow formed an
arch. "Really? I did not realize
that memorial had upset you that
much. Were you among those affected
by it?"
"No!" B'Elanna bit her tongue.
She had not meant to sound so harsh.
In a softer tone, she continued,
"No, I wasn't. A good many in
Engineering were."
Silence. Then, "I see."
B'Elanna frowned. "You see what?"
"I see that you are . . . traumatized,"
again, a brow quirked upward,
"by the memorial, despite the fact
that you were not personally
affected by the synaptic transmitter.
Curious."
The tone in Tuvok's voice seemed
to hint that someone was lying and
it was not he. B'Elanna did
not like that. Not at all. Was he
accusing her of lying? "What
are you trying to say? That I'm lying?"
she demanded. B'Elanna could
already feel her Klingon ire on the
rise.
"I never said such a thing, Lieutenant,"
Tuvok coolly replied. "I
merely stated that your emotions
regarding the memorial seemed oddly
exaggerated."
"Chalk it up to my Klingon temper."
A slight hint of disapproval crept
into the Vulcan's expression.
"Really, Lieutenant. I thought
we had progressed beyond that
stereotype. As I had once
stated before, Klingons are not the only
ones capable of volatile temperament.
And even they believe in
controlling one's anger."
Tuvok paused momentarily. "Perhaps you are
upset over the memorial's affect
upon Ensign Paris."
"This has nothing to do with that
petaQ!" B'Elanna growled. The
moment the words rushed out of her
mouth, she regretted them. She had
not meant to reveal her problems
with the Chief Pilot. Just use the
session to soothe the fury within
her. B'Elanna sighed. "What I
meant to say was . . ."
"Yes?"
B'Elanna peered at the Security Chief.
His expression remained the
same. Nor did it hint any
curiosity over her outburst. Yet, she knew
he was curious. Just because
Vulcans did not express their emotions
did not mean they lacked any.
She had learned that lesson a long time
ago.
"Nothing. I mean . . ."
B'Elanna felt herself becoming tongue-tied.
"Tom has nothing to do with
my feelings about the memorial."
"I see."
B'Elanna continued, "And as for that
petaQ crack," she shrugged her
shoulders, "well, we did have a
minor disagreement after his return
from his Away mission. That's
all."
Tuvok nodded. "Of course."
Suspicion again, gripped B'Elanna.
She frowned at the Vulcan. "What
did you mean by that?"
For the first time that evening,
Tuvok sighed. Was his Vulcan
stoicism finally eroding?
"Lieutenant, you seem to be questioning
every response I make, no matter
how minor. Perhaps we should end
this conversation and concentrate
on your meditation." He closed his
eyes.
B'Elanna's own eyes narrowed.
What the hell was going on? Was this
a Vulcan trick to get her to talk
about Tom? Or was he no longer
interested in learning the meaning
behind her outburst? "Is that it?"
she demanded. Tuvok's eyes
flew open. "I lose my temper and all you
want me to do is meditate?"
Tuvok stared directly at the half-Klingon
woman. "Is there something
else you wish to discuss, Lieutenant
Torres?"
"Of course there is! The memorial!
My fight with . . ." At that
moment, B'Elanna realized she could
no longer hold back her troubles
any longer. She had to tell
someone. It all rushed out of her mouth.
Her desire to help Tom, his
rejection of her help and the following
quarrel. "All I wanted to
do was help him and he pushed me away! I
thought we were both getting over
that. Finally learning to be more
open with each other." She
sighed. "I guess I should have known
better. People never change."
Once again, Tuvok nodded and said, "I see."
The remark irritated B'Elanna. "Is that all you can say? 'I see'?"
Tuvok took a deep breath. "Yes,
Lieutenant. Because I see that you
expect me to agree with you on this
matter regarding your quarrel with
Ensign Paris."
B'Elanna could not believe the words
she had just heard. "Are you
saying that Tom isn't to blame?
That I am?"
"This is not about blame, Lieutenant."
Tuvok paused. "This is
matter about patience."
A snort left B'Elanna's mouth.
"Well, that's something I certainly
don't have."
"That is obvious." B'Elanna
glared at the Vulcan, who continued,
"However, in a matter such as this,
very few humanoids or other
sentient beings have patience."
"What matter? What are you talking about? My wanting to help Tom?"
Tuvok continued, "Lieutenant, I admire
your desire to help Ensign
Paris. Especially since he
is your mate. Despite his volatile
nature, he has a habit of keeping
his feelings to himself in a manner
unsuited for Humans." Tuvok's
last remark seemed a far cry from the
man who once tried to help Harry
Kim recover from an infatuation using
Vulcan methods. "Also admirable
is your desire for you and Ensign
Paris to me more open with one another.
Even Vulcans believe in open
communication between mates."
"But," B'Elanna interjected.
This time, both of Tuvok's brows formed arches. "Excuse me?"
"There is a but somewhere. Am I right?"
Tuvok nodded. "I'm afraid so.
Like I said, it is admirable that you
wanted to help Ensign Paris.
Be more open with one another. But you
must remember that he has just suffered
a traumatic experience. It is
not easy for anyone to face a trauma
they had suffered. Nor is it
wise to force that person to deal
with it when he or she is not
ready."
Tuvok's words shook B'Elanna to the
core. She did not know whether
to be surprised or angry.
Struggling to keep her breathing even,
B'Elanna snapped back, "So what
you're saying is that our fight was my
fault."
"Lieutenant, you seemed to be looking
for blame in your quarrel with
Ensign Paris," Tuvok calmly responded.
"I am not trying to blame you
or Mister Paris. What I am
trying to say is that you simply made the
mistake of trying to force him to
face his memories of the Nakan
massacre. It is admirable
that you only wanted to help him. Only,
you were probably a little too impatient
in your efforts. Obviously,
Mister Paris was not ready to deal
with the massacre at the time."
B'Elanna shot back, "He told the
Captain about the massacre. Why not
me?"
"In regard to the Captain, he had
no choice. It was a matter of
official duty."
"And I'm just suppose to wait for
Tom to talk about his problems when
the moment arises?" B'Elanna
asked pointedly.
Tuvok replied, "Yes. That is
best. Before you can help Ensign
Paris, he has to want help.
Or be able to face whatever troubles him.
I'm curious, Lieutenant.
Was this the only occasion he has pushed
you away in the past two years or
so?"
Memories of that period between the
Hirogen takeover of Voyager and
Tom's encounters with Steth and
that alien body thief flashed through
B'Elanna's thoughts. During
that time, Tom had kept to himself,
ignoring his duties and her, and
spending a great deal of time in the
Holodeck with his car. It
took the theft of his DNA by some nameless
alien who had already stolen poor
Steth's body, to snap Tom out of his
funk. B'Elanna mentioned the
episode.
"Yes," Tuvok commented. "I
remember that incident. What about his
encounter with the Moneans?
Did he push you away?"
B'Elanna replied quietly, "No.
He was willing to talk about that."
Especially, since she had indirectly
led him to make an effort to save
the Monean Ocean.
"And the incident with the Alice entity?"
Tom had definitely been opened with
his feelings on that incident,
B'Elanna recalled. The moment
the Doctor released him from Sickbay,
all of Tom's feelings and regrets
came rushing out of him. "He talked
about Alice," she admitted.
"But if he was able to talk about that,
why not about the memorial?"
"Perhaps Mister Paris found the possibility
of his participation in a
massacre of innocent civilians extremely
traumatic," Tuvok continued.
Like Caldik Prime, B'Elanna silently
added. "What about you? Have
you revealed all of your demons
to the ensign?"
Guilt washed over B'Elanna as she
recalled her depression. She had
certainly kept Tom and practically
everyone else at arm's length. And
an old childhood memory of a camping
trip with her father popped into
her mind. B'Elanna ruthlessly
pushed it away. "No," she finally said
with a sigh. "No, I haven't."
"Lieutenant." Tuvok leaned
forward. "When Ensign Paris is ready to
talk to you about the memorial,
he will. As long as you let him know
that you're available to listen
and help. All you have to do is be a
little patient."
Now it was B'Elanna's turn to say
the words, "I see." And she did.
"You know where to find me."
Those last words she had spoken to Tom
reverberated in her mind.
Had he heard her as she stormed out of his
quarters three days ago? B'Elanna
hoped so.
"Do you, Lieutenant?"
B'Elanna nodded. "Yes, I do."
Satisfaction gleamed in the Vulcan's
dark eyes. "Good. I believe
now is an appropriate time to begin
meditation." He took a deep
breath and closed his eyes.
B'Elanna stared at him for a moment.
She recalled those weeks that
left Tuvok in command of Voyager over
three years ago when the Captain
and Chakotay were stranded on New
Earth. During that period,
she, Tom, Harry and the rest of the crew
had mistaken his Vulcan stoicism
for lack of human nature and judged
him unfit to command the ship.
Now she realized that Tuvok understood
emotions very well and that they
had all misunderstood the man. Or
failed to give him a chance.
It was a mistake B'Elanna swore she
would not repeat. Finally
at peace with herself, B'Elanna followed
Tuvok's example and closed her eyes.
* * * *
The latest Klingon romance novel
she had discovered in the computer's
database, failed to stir B'Elanna's
interest. She sat inside the Mess
Hall, nursing a cup of raktajino
and ignoring the rest of her
breakfast. B'Elanna struggled
to keep her eyes on the PADD in her
hand. And failed. Anyone
observing her would guess that she found
the stars beyond the view port interesting.
However, her mind was not
fixed on the stars, but on Tuvok's
revelations during last night's
mediation session.
The more she thought about the Vulcan's
words, the more she realized
he was right. Perhaps she
had been a little too impatient in her
attempt to help Tom. However,
she refused to in self-flagellation
over her error. It was a simple
mistake. One that many people,
including non-Klingons have committed.
Including Tom. Nor should she
feel guilty for wanting to help
Tom. Like Tuvok said, just let him
know that she was available if he
ever needed . . .
"Mind if I join you?" a soft, masculine
voice asked. B'Elanna
inhaled. She would recognize
that scent anywhere. Tom.
She glanced up at the tall figure
that stood before her. B'Elanna
nearly cried aloud at the sight
of Tom. He looked so exhausted. Worn
out. Dark patches shadowed
those beautiful, blue eyes. In fact, Tom
looked even more tired than he had
upon his return from the Away
mission. B'Elanna wished she
could reach out wipe away the exhaustion
from his face. Only, she realized
it would take a lot more to help
him.
B'Elanna gave her mate a small smile.
"Sure. Have a seat." Tom
plopped in the chair opposite her.
"Not hungry?" She noticed he had
arrived with no breakfast tray or
cup of coffee in hand.
"I uh . . . Maybe in a few
minutes," Tom replied in a somber tone.
"First, I want to talk." His
eyes cast downward. "More like
apologize for what happened three
days ago."
"Tom . . ." B'Elanna began.
Before she could finish, the pilot
interrupted. "B'Elanna, I am so
sorry!" he exclaimed. His
eyes radiated regret, shame, sincerity . .
. and love. "I'm sorry for
pushing you away like that. I couldn't .
. . I couldn't deal with the possibility
that I might have helped
killed innocent civilians.
I realize you were only trying to . . ."
"Tom." B'Elanna took hold of
her lover's hands. "I understand.
Believe me, I do. Maybe I
was being just a little too impatient at
the time. Pushing you like
that. And I didn't realize you needed a
moment or two to breath. That
you weren't ready to talk."
"Yeah, but I still pushed . . ."
B'Elanna gently covered Tom's lips
with her fingers, forcing him to
stop talking. "Look, maybe
I didn't like being yelled at. And maybe
you were pushing me away, but I
understand why. You did nothing
wrong. Not really. Besides,
I know you'll want to talk about any
problem once you're ready to talk.
I just want you to know that you
can come to me once you're ready.
Oka
y?"
Tom nodded. "Okay. And B'Elanna?"
"Hmmm?"
"The same goes with me. You
can count on me whenever you feel like
talking about a problem."
Tom grabbed hold of B'Elanna's fingers and
planted a small kiss on the tips.
She blushed with embarrassment,
aware of curious eyes inside the
Mess Hall. Yet, she did not bother
to remove her hands. That
would only hurt Tom. "I'll always be here
for you."
Dark brown eyes met blue ones.
Intense love flowed between them.
B'Elanna smiled tenderly and murmured,
"Thanks." Then she broke the
magic spell by removing her hands
from Tom's grip. "By the way,
Flyboy," she continued in her usual
gruff manner, "you better get some
sleep. You look as if you
haven't slept in over a month."
Tom replied, "I feel like it.
But I'm okay. All I need is a cup of
coffee and I . . ." He yawned.
"Okay, maybe I could use a few extra
hours of sleep. I wonder if
the Captain would relieve me from duty,
today."
"The minute she lays eyes upon you,
she'll order you back to bed.
Maybe you should stop by Sickbay.
Get the Doctor's consent, first."
That brilliant smile that B'Elanna
knew and loved so well, shone
through Tom's tired expression.
"Good idea. I'll see you later." He
stood up and leaned down to give
B'Elanna's ridged forehead a peck.
"About 0900 hours?"
"I'll be waiting in my quarters,"
B'Elanna replied. She returned
Tom's smile and watched him walk
away.
B'Elanna's smile remained fixed on
her face, until she became away of
the sly expressions on the faces
of the other diners. Her smile
disappeared. She growled at
anyone in particular, "What are you
staring at?" The others hastily
looked away. B'Elanna returned her
attention to her PADD and sighed.
For the first time in weeks, all
seemed right with the world.
THE END