Title: Welcomes (2/6)
Couples: C/P/7, T/K
Rating: R (for language)
Disclaimer:  I don't own the characters... Paramount does.  I can't even
get a micron of Voyager's dust for myself.  I made no money off the use
of their characters, and I promise to return everyone when I'm done,
happier and more sexually satisfied!

Warning!  This story contains spoilers for the sixth season episodes
"One Small Step" and "Equinox, Part II".  Also, I'm ignoring some the
events of the fifth season... especially a *few* of those portrayed in
"Course: Oblivion".

Summary: The madcap hilarity of birthing occurs in this plot... I think.

This story is dedicated to four very entusiastic ladie:.  Shamenka, for
getting me hooked on C/P slash in the first place.  Leone, my twin and
the person who encouraged me to post this story.  Stephanie, for being
one of the best Beta-readers I've ever had.  Finally for Bella Morte, my
fellow co-host in the Monday night chat for our graphics group, I'd go
crazy in there without her.


The Doctor heads into his own office, and he smiles at the scene before him. Naomi Wildman is grinning broadly over her hand at Tom Paris, while the Captain tries hard not to let her smile show. Tom glares at his Captain and then makes a loud "Hrmph!"

Janeway snickers at the noise. "You've got to admit that you fell right into that trick, Tom. Naomi isn't the ship's Canasta Champion for nothing." She pats the Helmsman's arm consolingly, and then she notices the Doctor has come into his office. "Yes, Doctor?"

The EMH nods his head at the Captain, thanking her for the opening. "Mr. Paris, it is time for you to get ready to be your wife's delivery coach. Unless, of course, you three have changed your minds *again* and the *Commander* is going to be her coach." The Doctor's body language states his opinion of how unlikely that last scenario is to be true.

"No Doc. Chakotay, Seven, and I decided after that last Lamaze class that *he* was not going to be the coach. She's under so much stress anyway, adding him yelling back at her isn't a good way to keep her concentrated on giving birth." He puts his cards on the desktop, and performs a graceful bow from his waist. "I must depart your fascinating company now, Ladies. Please do not besmirch my good name, as I am sure My Lady wife is about to." Then with a flash of mischief in his eyes he leaves the office.

Naomi looks at the Captain. "I think Tom needs a pair of those satin breeches and a cape when he talks like that. Don't you Captain?" Janeway's only answer is to laugh.


When Tom returns to the main part of Sickbay, he is met by the sounds of his wife screaming epithets at their husband. Strangely enough, she's not using Basic. Tom snickers when he figures out what language she *is* yelling in. During their days of courtship, Seven had learned everything she could about both Chakotay and his cultures. She could speak more Terran based languages than anyone else on board, including French and Spanish, than anyone else on board. Right now, Seven of Nine Chakotay-Paris is yelling in French, a language the husband whose hand she is currently abusing does not speak.

"Vous n'étendrez encore jamais un doigt sur moi!" she practically spits at Chakotay. Then her left hand, the one with Borg enhancements still in place, grabs the Commander and pulls him down so that they are eye to eye. "Obtenez utilisé au bub de divan, parce que c'est où vous êtes exiled à après ceci!"

Chakotay, for his part, begins to get a little panicked and doesn't understand why neither the Doctor nor Tom are coming to his aid. In fact, it sounds like Tom is trying hard not to laugh at what she had just said. Finally, the contraction passes, and Seven looks at her spouse in concern. She releases his shirtfront and smoothes it down.

"I apologize, Chakotay. I should not have said those things to you. Please understand that it was the pain and the hormones." She bites her lower lip and looks at him, her blue eyes wide open, seeking his forgiveness.

Chakotay is not entirely sure what she said to him, but since he speaks Spanish, he has a pretty good idea. So he leans down and kisses her on the lips. "It's okay, Seven. Te Quiero, mi esposa."

Her smile brightens the room, and she gives his hand one last squeeze. "Te Quiero, mi corazón."

Chakotay turns to look at Tom, who is still is trying not to laugh at what Seven had yelled earlier. "What?"

"Well, I think you should know that Seven was threatening the removal of her affections towards you. The first thing *I* heard her yell was, 'You will never lay a finger on me again!' After that, she grabbed your shirt and said, 'Get used to the couch bub, because that's where you're exiled to after this!' I think it was meant in love, Cha."

Chakotay simply looks at his husband, and then he leans in and whispers. "Just remember this Tom... if I'm exiled to the *couch*, *you'll* probably get the floor." Taking in the look of shock on Tom's face, Chakotay quickly kisses his husband, and then directs him towards their wife. Chakotay walks into the Doctor's office, and after winking at Naomi, sits down.

Tom Paris walks to his wife's side and takes her hand in his. "So what other mischief have you been up to recently?"

Seven sticks her tongue out at him and says, "Ne mettez pas le sel dans mes de papier coupes."

Tom raises his eyebrow at the old game. They had memorized random phrases in French together so Seven could learn to conjugate the verbs better. //Hmmm... She just said 'Do not put salt in my paper cuts.' Is the response to that 'I prefer beer'? Or 'I prefer my bread baked, not fermented'? I think it's the one about bread. Well, let's see.// "Je préfère mon pain cuit au four au four, non fermenté. "

"I see you remember the game, Thomas. But I think we are confusing the poor doctor. It doesn't look like Terran languages were part of his subroutines." She smiles over at the Doctor, one of the first beings on Voyager she considered her friend.

"Actually, Seven, I understand French perfectly. I'm just wondering why you told Ensign Paris not to put salt in your paper cuts, and why he responded that he prefers *his* bread baked and not fermented. Is this some sort of intimate sexual joke you two have?"

Everyone in Sickbay heard the Doctor's last statement, and muffled chuckles and snorts are heard. Tom just says, "DOC!"

"Yes, Ensign Paris?" The man in question simply blushes but says no more. The EMH decides to state why he could make such a comment. "It is a logical assumption after all. While the old phrase 'A bun in the oven' usually refers to pregnancy, 'getting baked' usually refers to illegal substances. I believe there is also one about bread and ovens referring to the sexual act."

Tom Paris just remains on the other side of the biobed from the Doctor, silently contemplating the ultimate wisdom in adding subroutines of his favorite slang words into the EMH's programming. Just so he wouldn't have to explain them when he pulled shifts in Sickbay. Seven just smiles at her still silent husband and looks at the Doctor.

"Those are just some phrases we came up with while I was learning French... or at least to speak it. It took awhile to get rid of my accent."

"Accent?" The Doctor says, mystified.

"Yeah. She used to have this heavy, nearly British, accent. But I was able to get her to break that accent. Now she just sounds like she's from Calais, the city nearest to Britain on the French Coast. In fact, it's one end of the tunnel that connects France and Britain."

Seven just rolls her eyes at Tom's most recent tirade about France. Then she grips his hand tightly and says, "N'importe ce qu'autrement je dis Thomas; Rappelez-vous que je vous aime avec tous mon coeur et âme."

Tom smiles and kisses her hand. "And I love you right, back Seven of Nine Chakotay-Paris. Just promise me you won't insult my mother while you go through labor, and we'll be fine."

"Your mother is safe from my irrational yells during labor Thomas. You, however, are not so lucky."

All three at the biobed laughing together, but their camaraderie is shattered by B'Elanna screaming out "El dolor que soy adentro ahora palidecerá en comparación con el tuyo cuando satisfacemos después en el campo de batalla de los sexos!"

Setal's voice is soothing. "Señora, señora... Es imprudente matar a su marido durante el nacimiento de su bebé."

B'Elanna snarls then. "I don't care if it brought dishonor to my house for ten generations. *HE* is going to regret *ever* talking me into this pregnancy thing!" She snarls again when Harry tries to come close to the biobed she is laying on.

Setal just turns to look at her. "Mi madre me dijo que hubiera días como esto."

B'Elanna snorts in genuine amusement. "You've actually *heard* that song Setal?"

"Of course! I'm not some uncultured idiot. Besides, it's true enough. My gestational parent once told me that someday I would attending the birth of a human-Klingon child in our space, and that I'd have to protect the father from the mother of the child."

From the other biobed, Seven calls out, "Is Harry really going to feel more pain than you are right now, B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna grins over at her fellow sufferer and winks. "Of course he is! I don't make challenges of that sort lightly, you know."

Tom turns a confused look towards his wife. "What are you talking about?"

"B'Elanna yelled a Klingon curse at Harry, only she said it in Spanish. Before you ask, the curse roughly translates into 'The pain I am in right now will pale in comparison with yours when next we meet on the battlefield of the sexes.' I think she's learned that curse in a few different languages now. It was something to do to occupy her mind when she couldn't climb into Jeffries tubes to work on her engines."

"I *heard* that Seven!"

"You were supposed to. Besides it's true enough, although *I* can't wait to see if you actually yell it at Harry in Ferengi *and* Bolian."

The teasing smile that passes between the women then was not lost on their husbands. Harry is the one who speaks up then. "Gods help us! B'Elanna Torres has finally made peace with Seven of Nine Chakotay-Paris. The world may never be safe again!"

Seven raises an eyebrow at Harry, and says one of B'Elanna's favorite insults in Basic, only this time in Spanish. "Muérdame cerdo!"

Chakotay heard the byplay in the main part of Sickbay, and snorts when he hears what Seven said to Harry. He hadn't heard B'Elanna call *anyone* a pig in quite sometime, and was surprised to hear Seven call Harry one. But then he thinks about it, and decides that at least she didn't tell him to do anything worse than bite. He saw Naomi look at him in confusion. "What's wrong Naomi?"

"What language is that?"

"That's Spanish. You remember Seven and I spoke part of our vows in that language. It's also a language that Seven, B'Elanna, Lt. Ayala, and myself can speak. It drives our spouses up the wall. None of them can speak it, and we can sit around chatting for hours. However, when Tom and Harry start using French, Seven joins in. I, personally, think it's funniest when Seven switches languages every other sentence. Harry recorded one of our little sessions once, then he ran it through the Universal translator. There were quite a few apologies to be made the next day."

"Why?" Naomi asks. She may be only a few years shy of a decade, but she is remarkably curious.

"Because we were saying things in those two other languages that we would *never* say in Basic. I think Seven is the only person who didn't have to make any apologies that week, but she *had* been grinning pretty broadly the night we were talking."

"I think Seven is a wise woman, then. Don't you Naomi?" The Captain asked.

"Sure!" Naomi then turns back towards Chakotay. "You think *I* could learn Spanish and French, Chakotay?"

Chakotay smiles at the girl. "I don't see why not, Naomi. When Seven feels better, say in a few weeks, why don't you ask her about the programs she used to learn those two languages?"

"Okay." Naomi grins at the Commander, then faces the Captain again. "Now then Captain, I believe I have some replicator rations to win off you." The Captain laughs when she sees an exact replica of Tom Paris' best hustling grin plastered across the face of the little girl.

Seven is caressing the face of her husband in the respite between her flashes of pain. She pulls his face closer, so she can whisper in his ear, "Hé le garçon de mouche, entourons la place et aller un certain endroit privé, ainsi moi de fossés ravish de bidon vous."

Tom chuckles, but responds with a light kiss on her lips. "You're in *no* condition to ravish *me*, Madame Chakotay-Paris. May I take that as an open invitation, to collect sometime in the near future?"

"Of course you can, le garçon de mouche. But you can *also* help me figure out how to get Chakotay back into my bed after all this."

"What?" Tom is genuinely surprised at her statement. He hadn't gotten any impressions that Chakotay would be ignoring Seven in *any* way.

"I just get this impression that he's afraid I'll break. I mean, every time I've been horny at all these last few months he hasn't wanted to help at all. *YOU* do most of the work. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but it feels almost like he's rejecting me."

"I know, Seven. If worst comes to worst, you and I can always seduce him again." The light in his eyes telling her *exactly* what memories he is calling to mind.

She smiles too, then screams as a contraction rips its way through her body. Her eyes widen when she realizes that Tom's ear had still been near her mouth when she let loose with the scream. She turns worried eyes to the EMH.

Her husband removes his hand from hers, and puts his index finger in his left ear, and wiggles it a bit. Then he says (a little too loudly still), "I think you need to scream louder next time Seven. They may not have heard you on the Bridge." He sees the Doctor move towards him with a tricorder. "Doc, I'm okay. I'm used to hearing Seven scream right next to my ear." He hastily dodges his wife's hand as it reaches out to smack him.

The Doctor scans Tom anyway, and notices a slight decrease in hearing due to the repetition loud noises. "Ensign Paris, I'm going to repair your hearing while I have you here, and I will check out both your wife and your husband for the same type of damage. Now, not to make you think that I want you to curtail your sexual activities... but try and moderate the screaming."

Seven grins and replies sarcastically. "Oh, I dunno know, Doc. Chakotay is pretty *HOT* in bed."

A shocked look appears on Tom's face. "I'll remind you, Seven of Nine, that you have *TWO* husbands."

"Yes, Thomas. I am quite aware of that. But *Chakotay* doesn't scream as loudly as you do."