THE TEARS TRILOGY: Tears of Pain  By Misti (aka Lark, aka A'Lehsen) Summary: This is another Tom-or-B'Elanna-dies story. I know it's  been done by countless other P/T authors. I, personally, don't read them unless I need to cry. I never thought I'd write one, certainly. But this idea came to me when I was listening to a song on the radio, and I had to write it. It's set sometime in the sixth season, pretty early on. For any technical errors, SORRY! Well, here goes... Disclaimer: The characters are theirs, the story is mine. There's not much else to say except that this was written for entertainment, not profit. The song "As Long As You Love Me" belongs to the Backstreet Boys. It's theirs. I only used it because it seemed appropriate. Rated: PG Warning: HANKY ALERT!!!! BE PREPARED TO CRY!!!! I DID WHILE I WAS  WRITING IT. :) ******************************************** "Captain, we *need* those resources!" Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres said fiercely. She stared into Captain Kathryn Janeway's troubled eyes, trying to will her into agreeing. Janeway sighed and looked away. "I know, B'Elanna, but there's so much risk involved," she said. She looked around the table at her other officers. They all seemed to agree with B'Elanna. "Captain, the *Delta Flyer* could probably take it," Ensign Tom Paris offered quietly. "Mr. Paris?" Janeway knew her voice was stiff, but she could not help herself. "Well, we wouldn't even have to go into the giant's atmosphere.  We could take her into a low orbit just in the ionosphere, the *Flyer*'s sheilds should be able to take any turbulence. We could transport the minerals from the atmosphere below into sealed containers. It wouldn't take longer than an hour to transport what we need," Tom said. "The electromagnetic storms concern me, though," Janeway said. "There hasn't been any evidence that the storms come into the  upper atmosphere, Captain," Ensign Harry Kim commented, looking up from the padd he had been studying. "Please let me try, Captain," Tom said. His blue eyes begged her  to trust him. Janeway stood up and paced over to the window. She looked out at  the stars, which were still for a change. The planet they were talking about was visible to the left. It was a gas giant, beautiful in its own way. Like most gas giants, it was an incredibly dangerous place. "All right," Janeway said finally. She turned back to face them  all. "All right, Tom, you can do it. Take another ensign with you, and be as careful as possible." "Yes, Captain!" he said as his blue eyes lit up. "Be ready to leave in ten minutes. Dismissed." She looked back out at the stars and sighed again. Had she done the right thing? ************************************************* B'Elanna sat at the engineering station on the Bridge. She was  determined to see how Tom's mission went, as if her presence on the  Bridge would keep him safe. She watched as the *Delta Flyer* sped away from *Voyager* and hovered over the planet. It looked so small and  helpless! There was not much to do while they waited. B'Elanna went over recent diagnostics reports. Finally, Tom hailed them. "Paris to *Voyager*." His handsome face appeared on the screen. "We're all done, Captain. I'm transporting  the cargo now. I'm sure B'Elanna can't wait to get her hands on it," Tom said with a smile. B'Elanna smiled back, and thought that there was something else she couldn't wait to get her hands on. Tom looked down for a moment, and then Harry said, "Transport received." "We've got them, Tom. Now get back here," Janeway said firmly. "Yes, ma'am," Tom said. "Paris--" Tom did not get the chance to sign out. B'Elanna watched as he and Ensign Carson were tossed to the left. "Damn!" Tom said in anger. "It's an electromagnetic storm! It came up from nowhere!" "Shields at seventy percent and falling!" Carson said, her eyes wide with panic. "Tom, get out of there!" Janeway ordered. "I'm trying! The engines have been damaged! Damn! Captain, we aren't going to make it. The storm is pulling us in!" Tom said. He  looked at B'Elanna, and she could see the tears in his eyes. "Tuvok, can we get a tractor beam on them?" Janeway asked desperately. "Negative, Captain. The electromagnetic currents of the storm would interfere with any attempted rescue." Just then, the *Flyer*'s computer warned, "Five minutes to hull breach." B'Elanna felt her heart break as Tom looked at her. His eyes were full of fear. She knew that he was afraid of dying, afraid of what might come next. "I love you, B'Elanna." It was the last thing she had expected him to say. Hearing those words, the ones she had longed for, made the re- maining pieces of her heart shatter into smaller bits. "I love you, too," she managed to choke out around her tight throat. Tears began to well up in her eyes. "I'll never forget you, Tom!" "You made my life worth living. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," he said with a regretful smile. "That's all right. I knew anyway," she answered. She managed to return his smile weakly. They stared into each other's eyes as the *Flyer* counted out the last minutes. The silent Bridge and Carson's frantic sobbing did not exist for them. Their world was about to fall apart, and they just wanted to be together. "Goodbye, my love," Tom whispered. They were his last words. The viewscreen went blank, and B'Elanna knew that Tom was dead. One tear slipped down her cheek, and she lifted a hand to touch it in amazement. She had not cried in years! As if that realization broke a dam inside her, more and more tears followed the first. They began as silent tears, but soon sobs were  shaking her. "NO!" B'Elanna heard herself moan. She hid her face in her hands and let the sobs come harder. She was not aware of Harry walking over and slipping his arm around her shoulder, supporting her. "Hush, B'Elanna. It'll be okay," Harry said. She knew he was trying to be reassuring, but it did not work when he did not sound convinced of it himself. "No, Harry, it will never be okay, NEVER!" B'Elanna cried.  "Harry, why don't you take her to her quarters. I'll have the Doctor stop by and give her something for the shock," Janeway said quietly. "All right, Captain," Harry said. B'Elanna did not protest as he helped her to her feet and led her to the turbolift. She was so tired...How could her life go on without Tom? It all seemed so useless now. "Deck Nine. Try to calm down, B'Elanna. Tom wouldn't have wanted  you to make yourself sick, would he?" Harry asked soothingly. B'Elanna took a few deep breaths. "No, I guess not. I--Harry, I just don't want to go on living if he's not here with me!" she wailed. "Don't talk like that, B'Elanna! Do you really want your friends to go through double the grief? I lost one of my best friends today. Do you want me to lose the other one?" Harry asked. He actually looked angry with her. What had she done? Then, she saw how selfish she was being. She knew then that she had to go on living, that she couldn't leave her friends with the same kind of pain she felt. "You're right, Harry. I'm sorry. It's only that I feel so alone right now," B'Elanna said quietly. "You'll make it, B'Elanna, because you aren't alone. We're family, and we'll always be here for you. Sometimes I think you're the sister I never got to have," Harry said with a sad smile. "Just like Tom was your brother," she stated. "Yeah. So, see, I'm your family. We have to stick together through this," Harry said. "All right, *little brother*," B'Elanna said. The paused, almost ashamed that she could joke at a time like this. No, someone, she was  not sure who, once said that laughter could cure anything. She wondered if it could cure a broken heart. Harry smiled. The turbolift opened, and they got out.  "I can make it from here, Harry. You should get back to the Bridge," B'Elanna said as she started for her quarters, which were only a few meters away. "Nope, the Captain said to take you to your quarters. I'm going  to make sure you don't collapse before you get there. You look like  you will," Harry said frankly. "Thanks, Harry." She keyed in her passcode, then turned to her  friend as the door opened. "I really would like to be alone now. Okay?" "Okay," Harry said reluctantly. He hugged her once more and left. Entering her quarters was like pouring salt on a fresh wound. He was everywhere. They used to cuddle on the couch and talk for hours. They fought in that doorway more times than she cared to count. They had made love on her bed too many times to count. One of his uniform jackets was hanging over the chair back. He had forgotten it last night. B'Elanna felt like crying again, but she didn't. Instead, she  curled up on the couch and stared into space for an indeterminable  amount of time. His voice startled her. She looked over at her console, and was shocked to see him staring back at her. He looked so serious! "Hello, B'Elanna. If you are watching this, I am no longer among the living. I programmed this message to play if my name was entered into Janeway's 'death list'." As she stared at him, Tom's image continued. "I hope I told you before I died how much I love you. If I didn't, I was a damn fool. I'm  sorry for the pain you must be feeling. If I could be there for you  right now, I would be! But that isn't all that I wanted to say, or  the way I wanted to say it." He looked down for a few moments. When he raised his eyes to hers, there was a light in them that took her breath away. "B'Elanna, these last few years have literally been the best in my life. It's all because of you. No matter what, I knew you loved me, and that made all the difference in the worlds. You were my idol, my reason for staying as much on the straight-and-narrow as I managed." "I know we've had our fights, but I've always loved you, and I  always will, even after I'm gone. You are so special to me." Tom paused to clear his throat. He smiled sheepishly. "Also, if you are hearing *this* message, it means I didn't have the courage to  ask you to marry me before I died. I was planning on it, you know. I  guess I never found the right time or place. But I replicated a set  of rings, and engagement ring and a wedding ring. I want you to wear them, and I would be honored if you would take my name anyway. I found a way to make it legal, and Janeway should be reading that now." Tom's smile grew tender. "Don't cry for me, B'Elanna. I know how much you hate it, and besides, I want your memories of me to be good  ones. So smile, while I play a song I found in the cultural database that perfectly describes how I feel about you." The music started to play softly, and after hearing a few lines, B'Elanna smiled a little through the tears that had begun again.   "As Long As You Love Me" Although lonliness has always been a friend of mine, I'm leaving my life in your hands. People say I'm crazy and that I am blind, Riskin' it all in a glance. How you got me blind is still a mystery, I can't get you out of my head. Don't care what is written in your history, As long as you're here with me. I don't care who you are, where you're from, What you did, as long as you love me. Who you are, where you're from, Don't care what you did, as long as you love me. Every little thing that you have said and done Feels like it's deep within me. Doesn't really matter if you're on the run. Seems like we're meant to be. I don't care who you are, where you're from, What you did, as long as you love me. Who you are, where you're from, Don't care what you did, as long as you love me. I try to hide it so that no one knows, But I guess it shows When you look into my eyes. What you did and where you're comin' from... I don't care, as long as you love me. I don't care who you are, where you're from, What you did, as long as you love me. Who you are, where you're from, Don't care what you did, as long as you love me. Who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me... Who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me. Who you are, as long as you love me. What you did, I don't care, as long as you love me... (By the Backstreet Boys) B'Elanna sighed as the song ended. Yes, it did describe the way she had known he had felt for her. Now that was gone, though... "B'Elanna, I want you to make me a promise. Never let our love die, even after I'm gone. Remember me. I'm not asking you to stay  single for the rest of your life. If you make it back to the Alpha  Quadrant, you'll probably find someone new. But even if you do, please remember me. That's always been my biggest fear, that I would die  unnoticed and unlamented." "I promise, Tom," she whispered. As if he had heard her, he smiled broadly. "Thank you! Now, go  get some rest. You don't get enough sleep, you know," he said, as he so often did. "Goodbye, my B'Elanna. Have a wonderful life, full of love and  happiness. Don't let my death get in the way of your living." B'Elanna almost felt like sobbing again when the message ended,  except that now she felt a strange peace about it all. She had to  admit, a nap sounded so good...  B'Elanna dragged herself into bed, fully clothed, and in seconds she was asleep. There were no nightmares waiting for her, just the remembrance of a pair of loving arms and warm lips pressing against hers. In her sleep, she smiled. The End (For now!) Of course, I'm already planning the sequel. Bet you can't wait, huh?