(Sequel to " Reckonings ")
Disclaimer: Tom, Chak et al belong to Paramount. I am only playing with them and promise to put them back relatively unscathed
As the door of their quarters closed behind them, Chakotay felt Tom's shoulders beginning to shake beneath his arm.
"It's okay now, Tom." He soothed but Tom roughly pulled away from his embrace and stalked into the bathroom, slamming the door firmly in Chakotay's face.
For a moment the older man stood in miserable uncertainty. His wrist was throbbing mercilessly and he needed to get to the med-kit in the bathroom cabinet. On the other hand he didn't want impose on Tom's obvious need for privacy.
Deciding to give Tom a few minutes to compose himself, he went to the replicator and ordered breakfast for them both. His narrow escape from death had awakened a furious appetite in himself, and he was sure that Tom would also be hungry given his own adventures.
With only one free hand it took him a little time to set the table and lay out the food. He had barely sat down and poured himself a hot black coffee before the bathroom door opened and Tom emerged dressed only in two towels; one slung around his hips, the other wrapped casually around his neck to catch the stray drips from his damp hair.
He walked up to the table and apologetically handed Chakotay the med kit.
"I'm sorry, I should have brought this out to you first." He muttered, blushing a little at his thoughtlessness.
"I can understand you needing a shower, Tom." Chakotay replied carefully as he ran a bone-knitter over his shattered wrist.
"You know then?" Tom asked, his blush deepening as he refused to meet the other manís eyes.
"Ayala told me." Chakotay replied and Tom flinched and then nodded in acknowledgement.
"I'm sorry, Chak." He whispered, still unable to look at the other man.
His own guilt made Chakotay react angrily to Tomís obvious embarrassment.
"Why the hell are YOU sorry? This was my fault, Tom. I was careless and -"
"NO!" Tom yelled, striking the table so hard that the coffle jug toppled over and Chakotay, mute with shock over Tomís unexpected violence, watched the contents spread like a dark bloodstain over the table.
"It's my fault, Chakotay, all of it. That's what I realised today. That everything has always been my own fault." Tom declared bitterly, his eyes haunted with regret and pain as he trembled with a combination of anger and shame.
Chakotay reached for him and pulled him gently but firmly onto his lap.
"I don't understand what you mean, Tom, but I want to. Try and explain what you are feeling."
For a long time Tom just sat stiffly on his lap, his bare shoulder trembling against the older man's chest.
"Look at me, Tom." Chakotay pleaded but Tom continued to stare into his own lap, gazing with apparent fascination at his own hands as he played nervously with his fingers. Chakotay nuzzled his face into Tomís neck and kissed him softly, causing the younger man to shiver and then relax against him.
Relief flooded Chakotay as he felt Tomís acceptance of his kiss. Whatever was bothering Tom was obviously not directly related to their relationship.
When Tom had shut him out of the bathroom he had been understandably concerned that Tom was going to reject him. At least now he was sure that together they could try and put things right. He gave Tom an encouraging squeeze to begin speaking.
"I didn't fight him, Chakotay." Tom finally admitted with a sobbing gasp.
"You beat the crap out of him!" Chakotay protested, hugging his lover to show his approval of his actions.
"No, I mean before!" Tom replied quietly
"But he told me himself that you were unconscious." Chakotay argued in confusion.
Tom spun on his lap furiously, his eyes sparking blue fire.
"You don't understand." He accused, "I mean BEFORE!"
Realisation struck the older man.
"You mean that time in Sandrine's when he - when he hurt you."
"Raped me, you mean. Let's not play games anymore, Chakotay. He beat me and fucked me and I just cried and let him do it to me." Tom spat, his voice filled with self-loathing.
"It wasn't your fault, Tom." Chakotay assured him.
"No?" Tom laughed bitterly, "Then how come I managed to 'beat the crap out of him' today and not then? I never fought him before; I never fought any of them, EVER. I just let anyone do anything they liked to me and said that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't stop them so I always just gave in.
"Do you know what I learned today, Chak? I discovered that all I ever needed to do was have some balls and stand up to people and they would respect me. Respect ME! It's like a fucking cosmic joke and I've been the chief clown. God, I am such a fucking coward."
Tears stung Chakotayís eyes as he heard Tom berate himself.
"Listen to me, Thomas Eugene Paris, and listen well. You are not and never have been a coward. You are one of the most courageous people I have ever met. The way you have survived despite the traumas of your childhood is a miracle.
"No matter what you went through, you always survived. You coped with things that would have driven a weaker person to madness or suicide. You were abused when you were too small and helpless to stop it happening and you found a way to cope. Thereís nothing wrong with the way you behaved.
"I admit that I judged you harshly and unfairly before I took the effort to know you. I didnít understand WHY you acted the way you did. But, once I understood, I admired you, Tom, and so did BíElanna and Sam and Seven and the Doctor and even Neelix, believe it or not. You proved us right today. What you did to save us was so brave and smart and unbelievable that I canít even begin to explain how impressed I am with you.
"I love you, Tom Paris. I have always loved you, but today you made me feel humble. You made me realise how lucky I am to share my life with you. When the chips were down, when there seemed no hope, you managed to save us. You were strong and brave and you did what needed to be done. I am SO proud of you, Tom and I feel honored that you want to share your life with me."
"I donít feel strong now." Tom confessed hesitantly, "I feel stupid. Itís so hard to explain. I mean, I knew I grew up, that I became stronger and bigger than the people who abused me but I couldnít stop the way I behaved. I just kept rolling over and taking it. It was like playing a broken record over and over."
"Of course, Tom. You found a way to survive that protected you and there was no reason for you to risk changing it. I understand that, I understand YOU. Nothing you could ever say or do could make me love you less than I already do, but what you did today has shown me how much more you can be than I ever hoped to believe."
"So you think I make a good Captain?" Tom asked with a hesitant smile
"I thing you are the best and definitely sexiest Captain that I have ever met, Tom Paris."
"Care to prove it?" Tom smirked
"Prove it?" Chakotay queried worriedly as Tomís usual lightening change of mood caught him left-footed.
"Fuck me." Tom whispered into his ear.
Although Chakotayís cock reared to attention at the blondís seductive words, his mind screamed a warning protest at Tomís request.
"I donít think that would be the most constructive thing at the moment." He said firmly.
His resolve was weakened as Tom undid the loose tie that held the towel around his slender hips and let it fall, revealing his cock. Chakotay swallowed helplessly as he saw the pre-cum glistening at the end of the erect organ and he couldnít resist trailing his fingers wonderingly along its beautiful length.
"Iím the Captain, Chakotay and that makes you my Commander" Tom purred, running a velvet tongue along Chakotayís jaw, his hips twisting as he humped insistently into Chakotayís hand. "Command me!" he ordered huskily and felt Chakotayís own cock jerk in response under his naked buttocks.
Chakotay frantically tried to gather his thoughts as his erection ground against Tomís ass. He clung on to the fact that Ayala had raped Tom only a few hours before.
"I canít, Tom" he pleaded desperately " I canít take advantage of you like this. Youíre hurt." He explained as he fought the desire to reclaim Tom as his own.
"I need you inside me, Chakotay." Tom explained, nibbling his neck like a starving man at a feast. "I need you to claim me as yours. I need you to drive the demons away."
"Oh God, Tom, I want you so much." Chakotay gasped, his resolve crumbling as the velvet sheathed steel of Tomís erection thrust into his hungry fingers and his own groin was massaged by the gyrations of Tomís muscular butt cheeks on his lap.
"Then take me, make me yours." Tom pleaded, tears beginning to pour freely down his face as the need to have himself purged of the memories of other lovers became overwhelming. He wanted to replace pain with passion and abuse with love.
Chakotay ran his hands lovingly down Tomís face, his thumbs brushing away Tomís tears.
"I love you Tom. Nothing can change that. You donít have to prove anything to me."
"This isnít about YOU, Chakotay, donít you see? Itís about me. I want a new start. A new beginning. A second chance. And I want my new life to begin and end with you."
Chakotay looked in wonder at this wondrous stranger on his lap. He couldnít deny the new resolve in the other man, the first stirrings of genuine self-respect and a desire to become whole. Tomís eyes were bright with passion and need, but it was the need of an equal, not a victim.
"I DO understand." He affirmed
"So, fuck me, already." Tom snarled, attacking Chakotayís mouth with lips and tongue.
As Tom writhed nakedly on his lap, his sweet tongue plundering his mouth, Chakotay struggled for a last attempt at self-control.
"Iím scared, Tom" he confessed "I donít ever want you to confuse me with the people who have hurt you and used you."
Tomís eyes finally met his as though Chakotayís own confession of uncertainty had reversed the polarity of their relationship and a lazy grin spread over the blondís features.
"Hey, you seem to have forgotten an important fact." He sniggered
Chakotay looked puzzled
"Iím the Captain now." Tom laughed "Itís your duty as a Starfleet Officer to obey my orders."
"Which are?" Chakotay asked with an answering grin.
Tom gazed at him with unexpected solemnity.
"I want you to fuck me until I forget that anyone ever touched me before, Chak. Please, make me yours." Tom pleaded.
Finally Chakotay understood Tomís need. Tom wanted him to erase every trace of Ayala and all the other bastards that had preceded him. Tom was no longer trying to sell his ass for protection, he was simply chasing redemption.
Grabbing the pilot, he drew him on for a passionate kiss and then he sighed in a combination of defeat and excitement as his groin responded to Tomís close proximity.
"Iím going to fuck you until you know no name but mine." He promised "Iím going to shape you and mould you until you forget where I end and you begin, Tom, and then when you are so exhausted that you have forgotten who you are, Iím going to start all over again until I know that you are mine forever."
Tom shuddered at his husky words, his eyes flaming with desire and need.
"I love you, Chakotay." He whispered and the words were enough to drive Chakotay to his feet, his breakfast forgotten as he drowned any further conversation with a kiss and then began to walk purposefully to the bedroom, driving TomĎs pliant form backwards.
The back of Tomís knees knocked against the edge of the bed and he folded himself down, drawing Chakotay on top of him, their mouths still fused in a deep searching kiss. Chakotayís uniform became an unbearable barrier between them and four hands ripped and tore at the fastenings until they were laying together, skin on skin.
Chakotay ran his hands over Tomís softly furred chest, rolling Tomís right nipple between his finger and thumb as he fastened his mouth hungrily on the other and sucked it to hardness.
Tom moaned and arched his back, his fingers clawing through Chakotayís cropped hair and his cock stabbing insistently into Chakotayís stomach until a large hand reached down and caressed between his legs, lightly kneading his ball sac.
"Oh God!" Tom gasped as Chakotay massaged his balls and then slid down to run a teasing tongue over the head of his cock.
Tomís hips jerked off the bed and Chakotay took the opportunity to slide his hands under Tomís buttocks and pulled until the younger manís cock was right under his open mouth. Closing his teeth lightly around the swollen flesh to trap it in place, he then fucked Tomís slit with sharps jabs of his tongue.
Tom screamed and writhed under the assault, his sensitive glans on fire with the sensations of Chakotayís teeth and tongue.
"Oh shit, oh shit, I canít Ė" and with a howl he came. Chakotay quickly opened his mouth and dove down on Tomís penis and sucked it until Tom pushed his shoulders away.
Chakotay looked enquiringly at Tomís face, worried that he had somehow upset the other man, only to be stunned by the blondís lazy lecherous smile.
"Fuck me, Chak!" Tom demanded, his eyes bright and shadow-free for the first time in weeks.
Chakotay swallowed heavily and then nodded, reaching over Tomís chest to the bedside cabinet and fumbling for the lube.
Tom opened his legs wider and pulled his knees up. "I want to watch you, Chak," he explained and the other man nodded again in understanding.
"I want to watch you too, Tom, as I make love to you."
Chakotay positioned himself between Tomís legs and then carefully hitched Tomís long slender legs over his shoulders. He covered his fingers with lube and then pressed a tentative finger against Tomís sphincter and then snatched it away as though burned.
"Whatís wrong?" Tom asked, a quiver in his voice.
"Are you Ė did you Ė did he Ė " Chakotay mumbled
"I fixed it, Chak. Iím fine. No rips. No tears. Just me and I need YOU in me." Tom assured him
"Donít make me beg you, Chak."
Chakotay replied by replacing his finger at the puckered opening and pushing gently against the sphincter. The muscle opened easily and his finger slid in freely. He caressed the hot flesh inside his lover and then withdrew, applied more lube and replaced two fingers in the passage.
This time he delved deeper until he could feel the nub of Tomís prostate and he stroked it. Tom wailed in reaction and thrust back against his fingers.
"Stop fucking about, Chak." Tom gasped greedily when he caught his breath, "I need MORE."
Chakotayís breath quickened and his eyes dilated as Tom sprawled in wanton need beneath him. He withdrew his fingers and liberally coated his erection. Then he carefully smeared more lube in Tomís ass to ease his entrance.
He guided the head of his cock into position and gently rocked against Tom, his hands firmly grasping Tomís hips to stop the younger man from impaling himself.
"Slowly, honey, I want to take this real slow." He whispered.
Tom sobbed in disappointment as Chakotay teased him with his slow entrance but as the pressure grew and he felt himself filled and stretched by Chakotayís girth he began to appreciate the other manís caution.
"Shit, Chak, you are huge." Tom gasped in surprise as still the pressure grew and deepened.
"Am I hurting you? Do you want me to stop?" Chakotay asked although the thought of withdrawing from the hot tight wonder of Tomís internal embrace made him want to howl.
"Oh God, Chak, donít stop." Tom replied. There was no pain, only pressure and the deliciousness of being completely filled. Chakotay was reaching depths inside him where no one had ever been before and the realisation was cleansing and healing. Some part of him HAD come virgin to Chakotay, he thought, and he laughed gleefully.
Relieved by Tomís laughter, Chakotay began to rock slowly back and forth, moving only an inch or so in and out, delighting in the hot friction as the muscles of Tomís ass kneaded his cock in contracting waves.
"Oh YES!" Tom exclaimed and encouraged Chakotay began to increase the length of his strokes until he was pulling almost all of the way out before sliding back until his balls slapped Tomís.
"Harder?" Chakotay said, both a question and a warning and Tom moaned ecstatically "Yes, oh YES!" so Chakotay finally gave in to his own needs and began to pound into the pilot, each deep thrust accompanied by a gasp from Tom as his prostate was assaulted.
Without warning, Tomís cock erupted again before Chakotay had even touched it, and the resultant orgasmic throes of the younger man, pulled Chakotay into his own release.
He pumped into Tomís ass until his balls ached their emptiness and then he collapsed down until his dripping forehead lay on Tomís equally sweat sheened chest.
Tomís legs slid from his shoulders and wrapped themselves tightly around Chakotayís waist and a tired hand caressed the back of the older manís neck.
"Wow!" Tom grinned and then yawned loudly.
"Am I boring you?" Chakotay asked in mock irritation and he swirled his tongue lazily around Tomís bellybutton.
"Iím just tired, Chak." Tom admitted. "But I just want you to know that that was the best ever. It wasnít just sex, you were right. It was making love and I can tell the difference."
"Ummm" Chak replied sleepily
"I mean, I really DO understand now why you wanted to wait until I could tell the difference, and you were right, Chak." Tom said fervently "I really do love you, you know, Chak.
A soft rumbling snore was Chakotayís only reply.
For a moment Tom was miffed and then he grinned forgivingly at the top of the older manís head.
"I guess Iím talking too much again, huh?" He laughed and then yawned again.
"I think youíve got the right idea after all, big guy." Tom admitted and closed his own eyes and sank his head back on to the pillow where sleep quickly claimed him.
They were woken several hours later by a message from Seven that they were now orbiting a suitable m-class world.
Slowly, Tom unwrapped his long legs from around Chakotayís waist and Chakotay detached himself from Tomís stomach, feeling the dried stickiness of Tomís cum smeared against his cheek.
"We need a shower, Tom." He smirked.
"You definitely do, unless you want to create a new style in hair gel." Tom sniggered, running his fingers through Chakotayís sticky hair.
"Want to join me?" Chakotay grinned as he rose
"Nah, We need to get clean. If I join you weíll just get dirty again." Tom laughed easily and collapsed back on the bed.
"Yeah, youíre right, honey." Chakotay admitted ruefully and disappeared into the bathroom to shower.
"Leave the water running!" Tom ordered through the door as he jumped out of bed, swapped the previous attempt at breakfast into the recycler and programmed fresh coffee and omelets. He shoveled his own food down, took a slurp of coffee and then hearing Chakotay emerging, nipped in behind him and showered so quickly that his coffee was still hot when he emerged but he was surprised that Chakotay was only halfway through his own omelet.
Seeing his raised eyebrows, Chakotay gestured to the data-padd by his plate. "I downloaded the details of the planet. It is uninhabited by any lifeforms beyond the amoebic stage. None of the native viruses appear to be dangerous to humans and the climate is a little harsh but well within earth-normal."
Tom took the padd and perused it thoughtfully. "The atmosphere is a little oxygen-rich and the main edible foodstuff is Ė hang on Ė Leola root? The whole planet is infested with leola root and few other edible substances?"
"Itís unfortunate." Chakotay said solemnly
"Itís damned POETIC, thatís what it is." Tom grinned.
Chakotay met his smirk with one of his own. "It could be considered cruel and unusual punishment, of course."
Tom laughed and then checked the data padd again. "I told Harry he could be alone with Janeway. According to this Ayala, Jarvis, McKenzie and Harrison are to be left with them."
"Ayala has been given no choice and the other three are not prepared to offer us a guarantee of loyalty. The six of them have a fair chance of surviving together and although two women and four men are not an ideal combination for harmony, the only other option would be to keep looking for another planet for the other four."
"I see." Tom said quietly, his brow furrowed with concern.
"Itís your decision, Tom. You are the Captain and as far as I am concerned that isnít just a convenience. As long as you have that rank you have all the privileges and burdens that go with it. If you want us to put Ayala and the others somewhere else, just say so."
Tom gave him a grateful smile but only shrugged.
"I donít want Ayala on this ship for even another hour and as for the others, they have made their choice. So be it."
"Heíll just have to put up or shut up." Tom said decisively "I have already bent over backwards for him, itís time he grew his own backbone. God knows why he wants Janeway but if he does and he has to fight for her, then so be it."
"Youíre right Tom, and itís the right decision. Although, I would support you if you decided otherwise. You ARE the Captain." Chakotay said and squeezed Tomís hand reassuringly.
"It seems really weird. Hearing you say that. My father would shit his pants if he heard it. He always said I was too much of a fuck-up to ever reach Lieutenants rank, let alone anything else. I know itís just until you can take over, but still, Iím going to enjoy it while it lasts."
"Between you and me, Tom, I donít think that I am ever going to be able to accept the Captainís rank without causing a division between the crew. I think that things should stay the way they are. As long as we discuss everything together and act as a team, thereís no reason we canít just carry on like this indefinitely."
"Me as a puppet Captain and you pulling the strings?" Tom asked bitterly
"Us, as a married couple, sharing our lives, our decisions and the responsibility for the ship." Chakotay corrected gently
"If youíll have me."
"You know Iím yours, you donít have to marry me."
"Is that a no?" Chakotay asked sadly
"Hell, no, thatís a YES! Only thereís a problem."
"Since Iím the Captain, who is going to marry us?" Tom asked with a sly grin.
Chakotay laughed. "I donít know, Tom, but Iím sure weíll figure something out. Anyway, we had better go and oversee the transport down to the planet."
"I know Iím the Captain" Tom said nervously, "but I really canít face it."
Chakotay kissed him forgivingly and then rose to quickly dress.
"Thatís why you have a First Officer, Tom. Iíll deal with the crap, you deal with the ship."
"I feel like Iím letting you all down. It was my decision to leave them behind, I should have the balls to face it." Tom muttered
"You saved their lives, Tom. Itís more than they deserved. There is no need for you to be there when we transport them down."
"Youíre welcome, babe."
Tom let him walk almost to the door before replying
"Itís Captain Babe to you!"
Chakotay sniggered and gave a mock salute before he ducked out of the door and headed to the transporter room.
"You BASTARD!" Kathryn howled as Chakotay entered.
He raised his eyebrows as though to ask "who, me?"
"You traitorous, mutinous, son-of-a-bitch! You wonít get away with this!" She screamed
"We already have, Kathryn. You have been relieved of command and by unanimous decision it has been decided that instead of being tried for your crimes you will be left unharmed on the planet we are currently orbiting. It is an uninhabited world. Your survival will be difficult but there is ample supply of food and water and we will provide you with shelter and rudimentary tools."
"You canít do this, I am the CAPTAIN!"
"You lost the right to that title when you abused your authority, Kathryn. You and your supporters will have to make new lives for yourselves. There is no room on Voyager for any of you."
Kathryn looked in disgust at Harry, Ayala, Jarvis, McKenzie and Harrison.
"You are exiling me with THEM?"
"They have chosen to accompany you, the rest of the crew prefer to remain under Tomís command."
Kathryn laughed hysterically at his comment.
"Exactly how many people did he fuck last night to get THAT title?" She mocked.
Chakotay surged forward to slap the smile off her face but before he reached her a cool voice from the doorway stopped him in his tracks.
"I know thatís how YOU got the promotion, Janeway, my father gave me all the details. I, on the other hand, got it the old fashioned way." Tom said, stepping into the transporter room.
He was a little pale still, but his voice was calm and his walk confident as he walked up to the prisoners.
Chakotayís heart nearly burst with pride at Tomís decision to attend after all. He watched Tom approach Harry.
"I kept my promise to you." Tom said simply to the younger man.
Harry swallowed nervously and then griped, "You said weíd be ALONE. What about them?" and he gestured to Ayala and the others.
Tom shrugged. "We donít have time to traipse around looking for another planet. Besides, your chances of survival are greater with the six of you. Youíll just have to grow some balls, Harry and take control."
"How?" Harry whined.
"Just believe in yourself." Tom replied, "Itís worked for me." And he stepped away from the transporter pad and nodded at Chakotay.
"Energize." Chakotay ordered and the shimmer of the transporters cut off Kathrynís final screech of outrage.
"Transport successful. They are on the surface, Sir."
Tom turned to Crewman Foster and nodded.
"Beam down the supplies and emergency shelter. We will be leaving orbit in ten minutes."
Tom turned to Chakotay.
"After you, Captain." Chakotay grinned and together they headed for the bridge.