THE SHATTERING OF THE MASK 9/?
Disclaimer - part 1
For some reason, Tom had imagined that the humiliation of the poker evening would mark a change in his relationship with Chakotay.
Whilst he understood that there was a huge gulf between Chakotay's enslavement of him and Geron's apparent willingness to play some sick D/s game with Ayala, Tom had hoped that his own 'good behavior' would fool Chakotay into thinking that he was prepared to play the role too.
If only he could convince Chakotay that he had learnt to enjoy his captivity, the Commander might let down his guard and give Tom the opportunity to escape.
So after the others left, and Chakotay summoned him, Tom swallowed his fear and bile and crawled submissively between Chakotay's spread legs and instead of his normal tearful compliance he simulated intense lust as he swallowed Chakotay's huge cock. Moaning deep in his throat he rubbed his own cock up and down the Commander's leg, humping himself desperately into arousal.
"Oh baby" Chakotay moaned in suprise as Tom writhed at his feet in evident lust. He ran his hands through Tom's hair and pulled the blonde tighter to him, gasping in pleasure as his cock slid unbelievably deeper into Tom's throat.
He should have listed to Ayala before. Seeing Geron's compliance had obviously turned a corner for Tom. For the first time Tom's actions seemed to be driven by desire rather than fear.
Chakotay wanted Tom's obedience, he used fear to obtain it, but Tom's compliance would be so much better. Unless Tom willingly submitted, there was always the chance that his own duplicity would be unmasked and Tom would be stolen from him by those interfering Starfleet bastards.
Just the thought of Tom TRULY choosing to stay with him after all was enough to make him cum. He pumped furiously and instead of Tom's normal gagging, Tom sucked and siphoned at him as though Chakotay's cum was nectar.
Pulling out of Tom's slack mouth he looked down at the younger man's crotch. Tom's cock was an engorged angry red, straining painfully against his tight cock ring.
"Stand up" Chakotay murmured
Tom rose shakily to his feet, trembling in fear and unsatisfied need. Although his desire had been an act, his frantic rubbing against Chakotay's legs had created a painful side effect. He was ready to explode.
With surprising gentleness, Chakotay reached forward and released his aching cock and balls. The soft touch of the Commander's fingers almost made him shoot his load then and there.
Tom whimpered quietly.
"Come with me" Chakotay said softly and led him to the bedroom and positioned his unresisting body face down over the edge of the bed.
Oh God, Tom thought, He's finally going to fuck me. He shuddered at the thought of Chakotay's huge dick ramming up his ass. Despite the weeks of stretching and preparation, he knew Chakotay's thick cock would rip him apart.
Tom clawed his fingers into the sheets and clenched his teeth. He had been raped before. He had survived. All he had to do was let it happen without complaint and maybe, just maybe, Chakotay would believe he had been broken.
Chakotay looked longingly at Tom's ass. He wanted nothing more than to rip Tom's butt plug out and replace it with his own throbbing cock. But he didn't dare loose control.
He played with the end of the butt plug, adjusting it so he was sure the end was scraping Tom's prostate and then he opened his bedside cabinet and fetched out a stiff leather paddle.
Holding Tom firmly onto the mattress with one hand on the middle of Tom's back, Chakotay lifted the paddle and swiped it down hard across Tom's quivering buttocks. The force of the blow jammed the butt plug violently against Tom's prostate.
Ignoring Tom's howl of agony, Chakotay laid a series of further blows. On the sixth, the pilot arched off the bed and came with a scream.
Leaving the blonde sobbing in pain and confusion in his own cum, Chakotay put the paddle back into the drawer and returned to the living room and sank in contemplation into his favourite chair.
It was a long time later when Tom crept out of the bedroom and sank back into position. His expression was a jumbled mix of pain, fear, misery and a strange relief at his unexpected sexual release.
The stakes of the game had changed. But neither of them were sure at that moment as to who had just won the victory.
It was what Tom had begun to think of as "Boy's Night" again. Chakotay, Ayala, Dalby, and Smitty were playing poker in Chakotay's quarters. They were sprawled around the table, drinking beer and laughing uproariously as they joked about the week's events on Voyager.
Geron had stripped quietly and had sank into position next to Tom and in good humour their "masters" had said they might talk quietly with each other as long as they maintained position and they did not fail to respond immediately should any of the players require anything. As though to test this, Chakotay had no sooner sat down than he had snapped his fingers at Tom.
Tom had risen with graceful alacrity and padding swiftly to the big man's side had swiftly furnished the table's occupants with the demanded drinks and refreshments, unspeakably relieved when Chakotay refrained from making him repeat Geron's performance of the week before.
Geron had noticed with some fascination the multiple bruises that coloured Paris's backside and he winced in empathy as Tom knelt carefully back beside him. The pilot was obviously taking care not to let his throbbing butt touch the floor or even the sides of his ankles as he resumed position.
"What did you do, Tom?" he asked with horrified curiosity
"Your ass looks like it's been hit by a phaser on wide-beam!" Geron stated with evident relish "You must have really pissed him off!"
"No," Tom blushed furiously "It's not like that! It's how he, well, how he's started to bring me off, you know, after I've blown him, I mean. He only does it if I've satisfied him. It, well, it relieves me, you know....." his voice trailed off in intense embarrassment. He couldn't believe he was admitting this out loud, even to Geron.
"You mean he does this instead of fucking you?" Geron asked in bewilderment.
"With his hands?" Geron gasped, unable to imagine even Chakotay's strong fingers leaving bruises so deep.
"No, with a paddle."
Geron contemplated this with wide eyes. His cock stirred at the image of Tom bent over Chakotay's knee being well and truly disciplined. He licked his lips with sudden arousal.
"So, how do you feel when he paddles you, Tom?" Geron asked curiously
"I hate it! I hate him! I hate how humiliated I feel. I hate the pain, the way my butt hurts afterwards! The only way I can sit for hours after he's beaten me is like this; 'in position!' That's probably why he does it!" Tom spat bitterly
"But it must turn you on, too! You said he never fucks you to bring you off, he paddles you. So it must be something that turns you on." Geron said reasonably
"Yes..." Tom whispered, struggling to explain "but that's just an involuntary reaction. For some fucked up reason pain turns my body on...but it doesn't mean I enjoy it. It doesn't mean I want to feel that way. I might come when he beats me but it's just like... well, like when I sneeze when something irritates my nose. I can't help it but it doesn't mean I like sneezing!"
"I don't think that you can compare a sneeze with an orgasm, Tom!" Geron laughed gently "But I understand what you are trying to say. I usually don't like it when Greg hurts me, either. "
" I NEVER like it" Tom stated flatly
"So why does Chakotay do it? Why doesn't he fuck you? I mean, I know why he didn't at first, considering what happened to Simon, but you must be past having to worry about that by now!" Geron said mysteriously.
"What are you talking about?"
"Greg told me that he and Dalby taught you how to prepare yourself. He says you could take a torpedo tube up your ass now and not complain!" Geron replied.
Tom winced at the crude and humiliating image but gave a low self-depreciating laugh "Maybe two!" he admitted ruefully "But what has that got to do with it? Who was Simon?"
"Hasn't Chakotay told you?"
Geron looked nervously to check that the players weren't listening.
"Maybe I shouldn't say anything then" he muttered
"You said I should trust you. That you weren't one of THEM." Tom relied angrily
"Prove it!" he challenged.
Geron sighed and then shrugged. "Okay, but you didn't hear it from me"
"Well, it was back before you joined the Maquis. Simon and I were about fifteen. We were prisoners in a Cardassian labour camp. We were friends, you know, orphans together. We watched each other's backs. Tried to protect each other from the rapes. It was hard because he was beautiful. He was delicate, narrow hips, fragile. Pretty as a girl." Geron sighed. He glanced sideways at Tom.
"He looked a lot like you Tom, to be honest, he was blonder and younger and shorter and even thinner!" Geron joked "But all in all you could be Simon's twin. I think that's probably why Chakotay got so obsessed with you from the moment he saw you. You were like Simon's ghost come to haunt him!"
"So what happened to Simon? How did he die?" Tom demanded stunned by the mention of his "twin". Was this the answer? Was this why Chakotay had turned his life into a living hell, just because Tom reminded him of someone else?
"What did this Simon have to do with Chakotay?"
"Chakotay's cell rescued the prisoners in our camp but we were pursued by the Cardassians and had to play cat and mouse for weeks to avoid them. It took a long time to get us all back to Bajor and by the time they did, Greg put his foot down and said he was keeping me. Greg had decided he wanted me as soon as he set eyes on me. I was so relieved to only have to share my bed with one person that I let it happen. When we got home he wouldn't let me go. I didn't have any family or friends on Bajor anyway and by then I had got used to being his, and...well that's my story not Simon's. To cut a long story short, I said I wanted to stay with him." Geron admitted ruefully
"Chakotay was furious with us but the Maquis wasn't Starfleet, you know, he couldn't just issue orders, he had to have the co-operation of his crew and Ayala was his right hand. Chakotay was different then, he was torn up with grief at his father's death and was bitter about having to leave Starfleet but he wasn't..." Geron searched for the right word "wasn't CRUEL then, just disillusioned"
"Anyway, Simon and I were like brothers. He said that if I was staying on the Crazy Horse then so was he. Chakotay refused. He seemed really worried about Simon's safety. It was obvious that he fancied him but he said Simon was no more than a child and needed to be protected from the war, from the chance of being captured again. Instead of taking advantage of him, he just wanted Simon to be safe. I told you he was different then!" Geron said as he heard Tom snort with disbelief at the compassionate Chakotay that Geron was describing.
"So what happened" Tom asked curiously
"I... I... I killed him!" Geron sobbed
Tom turned and looked at Geron in disbelief. He didn't even realise he had broken position until he heard Chakotay give a loud angry cough. He spun forwards again in panic, catching Chakotay's furious glare. As he trembled in terror he saw Chakotay consider whether to punish the breach of discipline and then shrug and continue his game. Releasing his breath in relief Tom waited for the frantic action of his heart to slow before he spoke to Geron
"What do you mean you killed him?" he queried in horror
"It was my fault." Geron wept "I couldn't bear to be separated from him. He was all I had. I knew how much Chakotay wanted him. I knew that if Chakotay was fucking him he would be allowed to stay!"
"So I told him to seduce Chakotay. I mean it wasn't like he was a virgin or anything!" Geron said in self-defense "How was I to know what would happen?"
"What DID happen?"
"Simon made a play for Chakotay but he wasn't having any of it. He was torn up between lust and honour. He wanted to do the right thing but Simon was literally throwing himself at him, begging him to fuck him. Simon came to me in despair because he couldn't break through Chakotay's reserve. I didn't know anything about relationships. I only knew how Greg liked ME to be, so I taught Simon about the way Greg and I were in the hope that Chakotay would like it the same way.
"So Simon borrowed my cock ring and nipple clamps and got ready. When Chakotay returned to his quarters he found Simon waiting for him 'in position' offering him a whip and other assorted 'toys' to use on him. He told Chakotay that he could do anything he wanted to him. Chakotay was horrified by how turned on he was by Simon's submission. He threw Simon out and he got really drunk, which didn't take much because he's never had a head for alcohol. Greg told me he'd had to put him to bed so I told Simon to go back to him! I told him it was his last chance" Geron was crying again now as he told the tale.
"I don't know exactly what happened, no one does, but basically Chakotay fucked him and Simon died!"
"What do you mean, how did he die?" Tom demanded
"Simon was really small, you know, delicate and Chakotay is, well he's well endowed to say the least. He ripped Simon's ass open so badly that his bowels were perforated. It seems that Chakotay collapsed on top of him after he came and he passed out. Simon was trapped under him. He couldn't reach the comm unit to get help. By the time Chakotay woke from his hangover, Simon was dead."
Tom's eyes filled with pity for the unknown Bajoran and for the gentler Chakotay of this tale. What the hell would that have done to the man to wake to the sight of his lover dead in his arms?
"Anyway," Geron sniffed "That's when Chakotay changed. He never got close to anyone again. I mean he flirted with people like Seska but he never did anything about it. It was just an act. He was bitter and cruel. It was like he'd gone insane. He started to try to catch Cardassians alive just so that he could invent new ways to torture them. He never hesitated to bomb Cardassian targets even when they had 'human walls'. He was out of control for months."
"Then one day we were docked in this seedy port for repairs and Chakotay was ranting and raving as usual. We were all trying to look invisible. We were so pleased when he decided to take a look around and we got a bit of peace and quiet, but when he returned to the ship a few hours later it was like he had been possessed. He was completely back to normal, joking and laughing with the crew. It was terrifying.
"We all knew it wasn't real. We could still see the monster in him, just lurking under the skin. You'd catch it in the corner of his eyes sometimes, that madness, but he never let it out. He suddenly found this mask of calm and became the Chakotay everyone on Voyager sees. None of them can tell that it's an act, that nothing is really different. Only the Maquis can see it, the monster under his skin, and they are so terrified of him they won't give him away."
"He left the Crazy Horse mad with rage at the universe and came back with a mask of sanity, but it's only a mask. Oh, and he brought one other thing back with him that day: a young pilot called Tom Paris!"
Tom was stunned by his sudden understanding.
Eight years. For eight years Chakotay must have planned this. Mad with grief and guilt he had met Tom Paris and had instead seen Simon returned to him. But Tom hadn't been that confused Bajoran child who had spent years being raped and abused in a Cardassian prison. Who had so desperately needed love and acceptance that he had debased himself and thrown himself so desperately at Chakotay because he had nowhere else to go.
Tom Paris had been smart-mouthed and rude and self-interested. Tom Paris would never don a cock ring and sink at Chakotay's feet in submission. Tom Paris couldn't act like Simon because he hadn't experienced what Simon had. With the genius of madness Chakotay had arranged for Tom to be imprisoned and raped, to be battered near death, to be tortured to near madness, to become friendless and desperate.
He had MADE Tom become Simon.
And the true horror of his understanding was that it changed nothing for the better. He was still at Chakotay's mercy. He was still trapped in a nightmare with no escape. There were only two differences now he knew the whole story.
Firstly, now he truly knew the depth of Chakotay's insanity he was even more terrified of the man and secondly, and far worse, the pure unadulterated hate he felt for the vicious Indian was now tinged with pity.