THE SHATTERING OF THE MASK 5/?
Disclaimer Ė part 1
Tom hovered outside the doors of maintenance, shuffling nervously from foot to foot. Too scared to go in. Too scared not to. The dayís growing tension had eventually coalesced into a pounding headache and he simply couldnít think straight anymore. Sharp needles of pain were darting into the back of his eyes and then congregating in the bridge of his nose. His vision was blurred around the edges and the lights in the corridor seemed abnormally fierce, forcing him to squint against them. All he wanted to do that moment was to curl up in a dark room and sleep.
"Fuck it" he snarled with false bravado "Whatís he going to do to me if I just go back to my quarters?"
But he knew the answer was that Chakotayís punishment for disobedience was probably 10 times worse than whatever Dalby was planning on doing. Dalby was big and mean but too stupid to play games with Tomís head like Chakotay had. He would probably hurt Tom and maybe even rape him again but somehow the thought just didnít instill the pure animalistic horror in him that the idea of displeasing Chakotay did.
He felt his chest tighten dangerously until the effort to breathe, combined with the roaring pain inside his head, made him stagger.
"But itís not fair!" Tom wailed "I did exactly what he said. I didnít tell. I didnít report him. I didnít complain. I obeyed him. I did every fucking thing he told me to. He said I was to be HIS." And welling up in the constricting pain in his panicked chest, was that overwhelming emotion that he was feeling rejection?
No, it couldnít be, because if he had sunk that low, that pitiful, then he may as well just give up now, go to Janeway and admit every sordid detail of his past and current debasement.
"But you canít keep running from the inevitable, Tom." Whispered Owen Parisís voice.
Tom spun in panic in the empty corridor.
He shook his head violently. "NO! No, Youíre not real, Youíre not here, Youíre in my head. Shut up! Shut up!"
"When are you going to learn to take it like a man, Tom?" The voice continued scornfully.
"NO! " Tom screamed desperately "Go away! Get out of my head! I didnít do anything. I donít deserve this!"
"Of course you deserve it! Youíre a murderer. A liar. A coward. A cheat! You ruined my career. You broke your motherís heart. You deserve to be punished, Tom"
Tom whimpered helplessly, his hands clasped tightly to his temples in a vain effort to drive the voice out.
"But Iíve changed. " he pleaded "Iím different now, Dad!"
"Is that why everyone hates you? If you were so different, wouldnít you have someone to turn to? " The Admiral mocked.
"I can go to the Captain, she gave me a new start, trusted me, gave me the new chance that you never did!" Tom replied bitterly.
"But you threw it in her face, Tom. You let her down. Like you have always let everyone down. She had to demote you, put you in the brig. She hates you now like all the rest of us."
Tom refused to believe the voice, refused to give up his last hope of reprieve. Okay, maybe the Captain wouldnít believe him, in fact given Chakotayís award winning performances of late, the chances of anything Tom said being believed was highly unlikely but then again maybe she would drop him off the ship in disgust at the next habitable planet and hightail on to the Alpha Quadrant leaving him safely behind.
The Admiralís voice laughed mockingly "Youíre more likely to end up in the brig, and then thereíll be nowhere to run!"
"No, No, youíre wrong and even if you are right she wouldnít let him do this to me!" Tom gasped desperately.
"Of course she would. She knows what is happening, Tom and she is letting him do it. Why else would she disappear so conveniently to let Chakotay make his move. "
"No! I donít believe it! Shut up! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" Tom screamed at himself, closing his eyes and pressing his palms tightly against the sockets. Wave after wave of pain crashed through his skull. The more he tried to think, the faster his thoughts dissolved and floated elusively just out of reach, gossamer threads that broke and spun away under his mental grasp. And still that impossible voice spoke inside his head.
"Do you really think that in all these years Chakotay has never revealed his true nature to her?" the insidious voice continued. "They are probably together now, laughing at you!"
"NO!" Tom screamed at himself, "I donít believe it, I canít believe it!" but some part of him did. The part of him that knew that everyone always let him down when he needed them, because he didnít deserve help.
"So why donít you check, Tom? Afraid to find out Iím right?
"Computer, location of Commander Chakotay!" Tom demanded defiantly
"Commander Chakotay is in holodec 2" the metallic voice replied.
"Computer, who is with Commander Chakotay?"
"Captain Janeway is with Commander Chakotay." The computer replied emotionlessly.
Tom slumped in horror. "Oh, GodÖOh GodÖ" he chanted as his legs threatened to give way with his understanding of this ultimate betrayal.
"I told you, Tom" the voice in his head whispered maliciously. "Thereís no escape this time. Thereís no easy court-martial or early parole. No, you've got to finally pay for what you have done."
"I know!" Tom told himself. "I know."
With weary resignation he stepped forwards through the door.
In holodec 2, Captain Kathryn Janeway, intrepid leader of Voyager was sat in Michaelís bar in Fairhaven where she had been staying for the last three days. The healthy glow that she had been slowly obtaining had withered at Chakotayís report.
"Oh, poor Tom" she said, shaking her head in resignation. "Why does he do these things to himself? I always thought that his relationship with BíElanna was fragile but why did he have to throw it away?"
"I donít know, Kathryn. I couldnít believe it when I found out that heíd been sleeping with Ken Dalby for the whole of his relationship with BíElanna, but when I asked Dalby he confirmed it!" Chakotay said sadly. "It seems he has been seeing other people too!"
"So why has the break up affected him badly enough for Tuvok to want him off the bridge?" Kathryn asked in confusion
"I guess he was too cocky to think heíd ever be caught. He didnít expect to get found out" Chakotay replied, "And Harry seems to have decided that enough is enough and has taken BíElannaís side. Understandable really."
"So heís lost his best friend as well as his girlfriend and God knows, no-one else seems to be close to him. " Kathryn mused. "Well, I canít say that I didnít expect better of Tom but then thatís the problem. I always look for the good in him. Maybe there simply isnít any to be found!" she said in defeat.
"You canít blame yourself for trying to help him, Kathryn. Spirits, youíve always gone out on a limb for him and heís always betrayed you. In fact, although it saddens me to say it, maybe this finally proves that heís incapable of honesty at any level." Chakotay said quietly.
"I donít want to believe you. I have always thought that you are too hard on him. That you disliked him for some reason that I was unaware of. But maybe you have been right all along. Iíll bow to your judgement in this, Chakotay, since you seem to have more impartiality than I do in this matter. Maybe a few weeks in sickbay with the Doctor will teach him the self-discipline he clearly lacks!"
"Are you going to cut short your vacation?"
Kathryn looked around herself and sighed deeply.
"No, I donít think so. Iíll leave Tom in your capable hands. Heís ruined enough peopleís lives already this week without ruining my holiday!" and putting the problem that was Tom Paris aside, she smiled impishly at him.
"Care for a drink before you go, Chakotay?"
"I donít mind if I do." He replied and sat back contentedly as she signaled him a beer.
It was all going perfectly to plan.
When Tom entered Maintenance, Dalbyís face split into a grin so evil that it chilled Tom to the bone.
"I canít do this" he told himself in sudden panic and took a step backward, ready to flee. A firm hand in the middle of his back stopped his progress. He jumped in terror and spun around to look up into the large emotionless face of Greg Ayala. His mind flashed back to the first months after the Maquis joined Voyager, when Ayala had trapped him in the cargo bay and taken him repeatedly and then fisted him so badly that he had to have emergency surgery from the EMH. He had never understood why the Doctor had no memory of the incident, why his grievous injuries had never shown up on medical or security records. Now he knew who had covered the assault up. Ayala had never touched him since. Probably heíd been warned off for damaging the merchandise.
Tom began to shake in terror. He felt his bowels loosen and cringed in humiliation as the rising smell gave away his loss of all bodily control.
"Really shitting yourself now, hey Paris?" Dalby laughed as Tomís face burned.
"Just makes our job easier" snapped Ayala, grabbing Tom by the collar and dragging him into one of the cleaning bays.
Tom found himself thrust against the wall and held there by one of Ayalaís huge hands whilst the one on his collar pulled back violently, ripping his uniform in half. In seconds he was naked.
"Come on, Dalby, I havenít got all night!" Ayala snarled and then with a vicious kick he opened Tomís legs.
"Donít, donítÖplease donít" Tom whimpered hopelessly.
"Got it" came Dalbyís voice.
"Well, hand it to me, you idiot. I donít want to let him go!"
Tom felt a pressure on his butt and then felt something slim, cold and rubbery thrust up his ass.
"What are you doing? What the hell is that?" he screamed.
"Letís show him" Ayala said to Dalby and flipped a switch.
Tom was suddenly thrust violently against the wall as the high-pressure hose was turned on. He twisted in agony as the water forced its way into his gut. He felt his stomach beginning to distend horribly as he filled up with the endless flow of water.
"Okay, cut the switch now" Ayala snapped but Dalby waited a few more seconds with a cruel smile on his face before complying. Paris thought that he would literally burst. He screamed helplessly in an odd high-pitched wail as Ayala held him firmly against the wall for several minutes. Then the hose was roughly yanked back out of him and Ayala let him go. Tom collapsed heavily to his knees, whimpering piteously.
"Okay, GregÖ better stand back. You know what they say. What goes in must come out!" Dalby laughed and Ayala jumped back just in time to avoid the back rush as all of the water came flooding back out of Tom onto the floor of the stall.
Tomís bowels contracted over and over, every particle of waste being eliminated with the water. After about ten minutes, when Tom had finished convulsing on the floor and he was sure that Tom was empty, Ayala grabbed the hose again and sluiced Tom down with the fierce, freezing water. When he finally turned off the hose Tom was huddled in the middle of a clean stall, trembling in cold and shock.
Dalby stepped forwards and grabbing the blondeís wet hair, yanked Tom to his feet. He looked into blue eyes that stared back in dazed bewilderment.
"|Chakotay said you were to be clean inside and out, didnít he!"
"Y.. Y.. Y.. Yes" Tom managed through his wildly chattering teeth as understanding dawned.
"Well youíve never been good at following orders so until you get the point, youíll have to come and see us every day!" Dalby smirked. "We have generously decided to help you, Tom. What do you say?"
"W..W.. W.. What?"
"Say thank you, Tom!" Dalby ordered with cruel satisfaction
"ThÖThÖ ThÖ Thank you!" Tom mumbled in defeat, humiliation burning his face.
"Okay, Greg. Where did you put it?"
"What? This?" Ayala grinned, stepping forwards with the twin to last nightís dildo, only this one had several leather straps hanging from the base.
"NoÖnoÖpleaseÖ" Tom mumbled as he saw the object.
"Shut the fuck up, Paris. No one here gives a shit what you have to say." Dalby snarled. "Bend over!"
Helplessly Tom obeyed.
Dalby grabbed a handful of engineering grease and plastered it into Tomís ass with a brutal thumb and finger before taking the dildo from Ayala and jamming it into Tom.
As Tom screamed with pain and humiliation, he felt the straps being done up around his thighs, holding the dildo firmly in place and then the last strap was wrapped tightly around the base of his balls and cock.
"Stand up!" Ayala growled and as Tom straightened himself painfully, Ayala thrust a pair of loose jogging bottoms and a matching T-shirt at him.
"Get dressed Paris, then go to the mess hall. Chakotay will find you there later. You had better not disappoint him!"
Grinning at each other Dalby and Ayala walked towards the door, Dalby turning as he left.
"See you same time tomorrow, ParisÖoh and since those clothes took the last of your replicator rations, I suggest you remember to bring the dildo with you and that you undress yourself tomorrow or youíll have to walk out naked!"
Ayala chuckled and slapped Dalby on the shoulder in appreciation as they left.
"I donít understand how I could have been so stupid", BíElanna said for the umpteenth time. "I knew he was a pig! How could I have been so stupid, Harry? How could I have fallen in love with him?" She banged her fork down in frustration and the plates on the mess hall table jumped and clattered.
"It wasnít your fault, BíElanna. He fooled us both. I thought he was my friend, I thought he told me everything. Well, he never told me he was gay!"
"Thatís what I really donít get, Harry." BíElanna replied, her anger suddenly replaced by complete bewilderment. "I mean if it had been Sue or the Delaneys or even Seven I would have understood, killed him maybe, but I would have at least understood it. How could he have spent all these years chasing after every woman on board if he really wanted a relationship with a man? How could he have done this to me?"
"Well, I shouldnít say this probably, but I heard Dalby talking to someone earlier and it appears that this wasnít a one-off!"
"What do you mean, Harry?"
"I donít know if I should tell you, I mean itís just gossip I overheard."
"Dalby said that it had been going on for years. That he had refused to let Tom make the relationship public because his Maquis friends hated Tom so much. He said that Tomís affairs had been a smokescreen and that, thatÖ.." Harry hesitated at the murderous look in BíElannaís eyes.
"TELL ME, HARRY"
"That he had gone steady with you because you liked rough sex so it was easier to get turned on, even though youíre a woman!" Harry finished in a rush, wondering whether he had gone too far.
BíElannaís face was almost purple with outrage. For a moment Harry feared that her temper would be turned on him and gulped in fear as he imagined her fork being embedded in him so deeply that he would have to wear it as a permanent extra arm. Fury flashed in her dark eyes and he hunched his shoulders protectively before he realised that her gaze was directed behind him. Turning his head cautiously he saw Tom coming slowly into the mess hall. He looked unusually pale and obviously was walking with difficulty.
"Whereís he been? He looks like heís in pain!" Harry murmured with concern before remembering that he wasnít supposed to care.
"Heís been in maintenance with Dalby! Remember?" BíElanna spat, "Why do you think heís walking like heís had a shuttle parked in his ass? Fucking bastard!"
The mess hall was filled with a sudden unnatural silence as she stood up. The other diners all ducked their heads in embarrassment as she stalked over to Tom, although more than a few furtive glances were cast at the scene which would undoubtedly be the highlight of the next dayís gossip.
Tom froze at her approach. He could barely stand straight and his cognitive processes seemed to have gone on holiday. He had come here because that's what he had been told to do. He had not even considered the possibility of meeting BíElanna here and his mind swirled with panic.
He couldnít possibly have been thinking clearly or else he would have controlled the instinctive expression that always appeared on his face in times of stress; the Tom Paris smirk.
With an outraged howl that would have rivaled any Klingon war cry, BíElanna jumped forwards and smashed her fist into his jaw. Tom was spun back into the galley and crashed heavily to his knees. He made no attempt to get up. Neelix ran out of the kitchen in a panic
"Whatís happening, oh no, oh no, you mustnít do this, " he cried, fussing helplessly with his apron.
Meanwhile Harry had bravely taken his life in his hands and had grabbed BíElanna by the arm.
"Donít do this, Bel, heís not worth it!"
No one had rushed to help Tom. Realising that no one would, Tom slowly dragged himself to his feet.
"Should I call security?" Neelix squeaked
"No" Tom replied quietly "It was my fault. I deserved it."
"Damn right you did and if you come near me again Iíll kill you!" BíElanna hissed before letting Harry drag her out of the mess hall.
Whilst everybody else studied their plates, Neelix helped Tom to an empty table and if he wondered why a punch in the jaw should make Tom grimace in such pain as he sat, he kept it to himself. His bright eyes looked around in confusion at the indifferent crewmembers. This wasnít good for morale. Not good at all!
"Stay there" he said kindly, "Iíll get you some ice for that jaw and something good to eat. Maybe some nice leola root stewÖyesÖthatís just the thing!" and he disappeared back into the kitchen, bewildered at what had just happened and wondering why he had evidently been left out of a juicy loop of gossip.
It was 23.30. Neelix had finally given up on trying to get the unresponsive Ensign to leave and had cleared up around him and turning the lights down to 30% had left the young man sitting in front of his untouched dinner.
Vaguely Tom had been aware of the passing hours, of the loud whispers and furtive glances as the other occupants of the mess hall had left. Even after the final silence of the Talaxian's departure he had just sat there in a daze, unable to move.
All he was aware of was the fact that he had been told to wait here for Chakotay and since Chakotay hadnít arrived, he couldnít leave. The unbearable tension had faded to be replaced by a numb feeling of Ďothernessí as though he floated above himself, watching events unfurl from outside of his body.
He was aware of an intense lethargy, a desire to slump forwards onto the table and sleep, a wish to escape into dreams if only for a short while, but the dildo forced him to maintain an upright position despite the trembling of his overtired muscles. Even the smallest movement sent needles of what he vaguely perceived as pain, and unconsciously he obeyed his bodyís demands to remain still.
Even in the dimmed light anyone would have noticed the silent tears that streamed down his weary face. But then, there was no one there to see.
At 04.30 Chakotayís alarm chimed loudly, waking him from a deep sleep.
For a moment he was disorientated and angry at the intrusion, then a slow smile spread across his face as he remembered why he had set himself the early call. Dressing swiftly he stopped long enough to grin at the reflection in his mirror and then picking up a padd from his desk, he went to the mess hall,
Even in the silent, darkened room he immediately spotted the motionless form of Tom Paris sat in an unnaturally rigid position in the middle of the room. Cat-like he crossed silently and casually sat opposite him. Tom didnít react. His face was frozen, his eyes dazed and dark with pain.
For a long time Chakotay just sat and stared at the younger man, almost drunk with the feeling of complete and utter triumph. Until the mess hall doors had opened he had not truly believed that Tom would still be there. He was almost giddy with the knowledge that Paris was finally broken. That he had won! But, just in case there was even an atom of free will left in the blonde, he still had one more Ace card to play.
He snapped his hand out and slapped Tom across the face.
Tom didnít cry out, he merely shook his head like a dumb animal before blinking slowly and raising dull eyes to the Commander.
"Thank you for waiting for me, Paris, sorry Iím late" Chakotay mocked. "I merely wanted to give you this!" and he placed the padd on the table.
Tom looked at the padd in bewilderment but made no effort to pick it up.
"Ask me what it is!" Chakotay snapped
"What is it, Sir?" Tom whispered
"The duty roster for the next month!"
"Oh!" Tom said vaguely.
"I thought you might be interested in it, Paris!"
"Oh" Tom repeated,
"Ask me why!" Chakotay growled, frustrated by Tomís apathy.
"Why, Sir?" Tom obediently replied
"Because, as of 18.00 hours yesterday, Ensign Paris has been relieved from the helm due to wanton dereliction of duty and is assigned full-time to sick bay until further notice!"
As though from a great distance the words floated into Tomís sluggish brain. Tom had slept less than three hours in the last two days. He was light-headed from hunger. He had been raped, battered, punched in the face and humiliated. He had had his life ripped in pieces. He had sat on a hard mess hall chair for 8 hours with nine inches of thick rigid plastic rammed up his ass. It was no wonder; then, that it took a long time for the words to whirl around in the jumble of his thoughts before understanding dawned.
Just when he had believed that he was beyond suffering any more pain, the Commanderís words, finally grasped, were like an arrow into his battered soul. His eyes flashed and he gasped with horror. Wide-eyed he looked at Chakotayís face and the Commanderís grin of pure malevolence dissolved any semblance of self-respect that Tom had retained.
"Oh no, SirÖ pleaseÖ. Iíll do anything, ANYTHING. Donít do this. Iím begging you Commander," he sobbed uncontrollably "Begging you, SirÖ Itís all I have got left. Donít take that away too! Please! Please! Flying is everything to me. Donít do this to me. Please!"
"Too late, Paris! Itís done."
In mindless panic Tom staggered to his feet and around the table to drop on his knees before the Commander and clutched his legs desperately like a terrified child.
"PleaseÖpleaseÖdonít do this to me!"
Chakotay face was like granite. He sat silent and unresponsive as Tom sobbed on his knees. Aware his pleading was having no effect, Tomís tired and abused brain sought desperately for a way to pierce the Indianís disinterest. Memories of prison assailed him, memories of how to use hard-earned talents to buy favours. Frantically he began to fumble with Chakotayís uniform, clawing at the material to release the huge aroused cock that had horrified him the night before. Now he saw it as his only possible salvation. He couldnít think past the urge to pacify the angry Commander.
Frantic lips grasped the end of the engorged cock. He ran a feather light tongue teasingly up the weeping slit, tasting the salty musk of Chakotayís pre-cum. He worked his way up, kissing and licking as though his life depended on it. One by one he suckled on Chakotayís balls until a soft groan above his head gave him the encouragement to open his mouth and swallow the Commander's huge member. Desperately fighting the urge to gag, Tom relaxed his throat until his mouth was mashed against Chakotayís groin.
Bracing his feet and grabbing the back of Tomís head to hold it firmly in place, Chakotay began to respond to Tomís expert ministrations, viciously thrusting in and out of Tomís hot mouth.
Tomís whole body was rocked with each violent thrust. Chakotayís hands tightened in Tomís hair and tears of fresh pain pooled in the dazed blue eyes. With each jerk of his body, the huge dildo scraped maddeningly against Tomís prostate and the intense pleasurable stimulation warred with the pain until he lost the distinction between them. As the sensation went on, faster and harder, Tom found his groin responding. The leather thong around his balls dug cruelly into his involuntary erection and as the pressure grew he lost all self-control and frantically humped himself against Chakotayís legs in rhythm with Chakotayís own thrusts. Chakotay stood up to give himself more leverage and banged into Tomís mouth as though he would rip it apart. Desperately Tom sucked and siphoned until with a great roar of triumph, Chakotay came inside him, filling his throat with hot salty cum.
Chakotay shuddered with pleasure at the hot, wet sensation as Tomís throat sucked him dry. Tomís reaction to the news had been far more satisfying than Chakotay had dared imagine. The others had not exaggerated the skill of Tomís pretty mouth. Angrily resisting an unexpected urge to run his fingers through the soft blond hair, he stepped back abruptly, letting his softened cock slide out of Tomís limp mouth and noticed with pleasure the unmistakable bulge in Tomís trousers.
"You seem to have a problem, Paris" he noted scornfully.
Tomís limpid eyes met his in an agony of lust as the pressure in his groin strained against the leather thong.
Chakotay considered for a moment, then shrugged magnanimously
"Take care of it"
With an amused grin he sat back to watch as Tom, whimpering with relief, pushed the jogging bottoms down to reveal his engorged penis and fumbled desperately with the tight strap until his weeping erection sprang free.
Chakotay was surprised at how erotic he found the sight before him as, lost in his need, Tom ran his graceful fingers frantically along his swollen cock. It took no more than a few seconds before the young pilot shuddered, screaming loudly as his orgasm ripped through him and his cum shot forwards in an arc, splattering Chakotayís boots.
Shuddering and gasping with the intensity of his release, Tom slowly came to his senses and burned with humiliation at his bodyís betrayal. He ducked his head, overwhelmed with shame.
"Youíve made a mess, Paris. Lick it up"
For a second Tom hesitated and then he bent forwards in submission and obeyed.
Chakotay almost had another orgasm at the rush of power he felt, as he looked down at the sight of a half-naked Tom Paris on his knees, subserviently licking his own cum off his boots. He couldnít imagine anything more satisfying than the scion of the Paris household groveling at his feet, cringing like a beaten puppy. He had to resist a sudden impulse to kick Tom in the face.
As Tom gave a last lick and rocked back on his heels, Chakotay stood , zipped himself up and strode towards the door without a word.. Tom jumped up to follow but he forgot the trousers around his ankles in his haste and sprawled back on the floor.
"Commander!" he cried desperately and to his relief, Chakotay hesitated at the doorway and turned to listen
"The helm, Sir. PleaseÖ"
"I told you, Paris. Youíre relieved of duty!"
"ButÖbut I thought, I thoughtÖ"
"Thought what, Paris? That I would accept a blow job as the price of your re-instatement?"
Burning with humiliation, Tom nodded helplessly.
"You seem to forget that you are mine now, Paris. I donít have to pay you for what it is now my right to take! "
"Youíre hardly in a position to complain, Paris, Iíve never met a whore who enjoyed being used as much as you evidently did tonight!"
As Paris ducked his head in renewed shame at the evident truth of the cruel words, Chakotay laughed with satisfaction and strode out of the door.