"I love you Tom Paris," Chakotay said, his voice choking with
emotion. "I want to worship your body with mine, I want to show you
what you mean to me. I want to prove to you that you are where my
world begins and ends. I want to, oh fuck, what a load of trite crap.
He'll laugh his head off, you old fool."
He gazed at himself in the mirror, his dark eyes filled with self-
disgust. He just couldn't find the words that would assure Tom that
it wasn't just his body he was after, but his soul.
Maybe it was just too soon, after all. Just because he couldn't
control the ache in his own groin was no excuse to treat Tom like
this. Spirits, he had yearned from afar for enough years, surely he
could wait another few days or even weeks, rather than take the
chance of frightening Tom off for good.
Tom was definitely responding well to his lack of sexual attention,
as far as he could see. It was practically unheard of for Tom to see
the same person regularly, yet Tom had gone out with him every night
for a week. Tom hadn't even been seeing Harry and Chakotay knew that
the pair usually hung out together most evenings.
And tonight was Friday night, he had been dating Tom for exactly a
week, and as much as he had wanted to celebrate the fact, he had been
reluctant to interfere with Tom's ritual of playing Pool with Harry
and the Delaneys.
He had assured Tom that he would be perfectly happy to watch as
usual, especially since his medicine seemed to have worked and Tom
was back in his favorite jeans.
To his surprise and intense satisfaction, though, Tom had shyly
whispered that he'd rather be alone with him tonight instead.
Which was why he had changed his sheets, cleaned his bedroom, put a
fresh container of lube in the bedside drawer, spent a good hour in
the shower ensuring he was spotlessly clean himself, and had agonised
for hours over what to wear that would be sexy, practical and easy to
Only now it didn't seem such a good idea, after all. He was taking
Tom for granted, wasn't he? Maybe Tom would take his preparations the
wrong way, as though after a week of dating, Chakotay was preparing
to demand a return on the cost of their dates.
Shit, he felt like a teenager again. He hadn't felt this nervous
about a relationship since his first ever boyfriend. He'd been a
Starfleet brat too, he recalled, and Chakotay had felt like a
bumbling backwards fool next to the polished grace of someone brought
up in the echelons of Starfleet.
Maybe that was the truth of the matter after all. He just didn't feel
good enough for Tom. Not only was the blond gorgeous enough to pick
up anyone who took his fancy, but he was better educated and better
bred. It didn't matter how badly Tom had screwed his life up in the
past, it didn't detract from the basic truth that he was Starfleet
nobility, born with a silver-spoon in his mouth, and far too good for
a middle-aged, Dorvanian ex-maquis.
Chakotay had long ago lost the insecurity he had borne in the
academy. With maturity, he had learned to be proud of his heritage
and be sure of his own strengths and abilities. Yet something about
Tom Paris seemed to strip away those years of experience, leaving him
vulnerable and afraid.
"You're in love, you fool, that's all," he told his reflection.
It was true. He loved Tom Paris and the feeling was both wonderful
and terrifying. The more so because he honestly couldn't believe that
Tom would ever feel the same way about him.
"But we *always* play pool together on Fridays," Harry whined.
It was bad enough that Tom had stopped coming to his bed, but even
when Tom was with B'Elanna, he had never failed to keep his weekly
pool session with Harry and the Delaney Twins.
"I know, Haz, and I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise," Tom
assured him absently, rummaging through his wardrobe to find the
white silk shirt that he knew was lurking somewhere within. He wanted
to look angelic and virginal tonight.
He had tried subtle, had tried seductive and had even tried
playing "doctors" with Chakotay. Tonight he was going to try a
completely new approach, tonight he would be Tom the coy and
So okay, it would take a bit of work to be convincing, but he had a
feeling that the key to Chakotay's soul was to tap into the
Commander's feelings of protectiveness. He would exploit Chakotay's
own strengths and turn them into weaknesses.
Chakotay had played a good game, but it was time for Tom to move in
for the kill.
"It's not a very exciting program. It's a bit, well, juvenile, I
guess. I hope you don't mind," Tom said hesitantly, as they paused at
the entrance to the holodec.
"I asked you to show me your favorite personal program, Tom. It
doesn't matter *what* it is, I just want to get to know you better,"
Chakotay replied softly.
Tom flushed, dropping his chin onto his chest so that he could avoid
"It's probably not what you're expecting," he whispered. "It's my
private place. Nobody else has ever been here."
Which was true, at least, since Tom had only written the program that
morning. He had started it as soon as he had hatched his new plot to
break through Chakotay's resistance.
Chakotay felt ridiculously touched.
"Thank you, Tom. It means a lot to me that you trust me enough to
share something so private with me," he said.
Tom turned towards the control panel to hide his irrepressible grin
of sweet triumph.
"Computer, play Paris program Omega241."
The door slid open and Chakotay's jaw dropped in wonder. He stepped
forward over the soft grass and then waited for Tom to join him and
the arch to disappear.
"I can't believe it," Chakotay said in wonder, as his eyes scanned
Tom kicked nervously at the grass under his feet. "I knew you'd think
it was stupid," he sniffed sulkily, his voice filled with hurt.
Chakotay turned towards him in astonishment only to be momentarily
distracted by the way Tom's white shirt, so incongruous in the
corridors of Voyager, now showed Tom to perfection in this setting.
He drew Tom into his arms, ignoring the stiffness in Tom's shoulders,
and hugged him fiercely.
"It's not stupid at all. It's the most wonderful thing I have ever
seen," he assured the younger man.
"Really?" Tom gasped in amazement, "You aren't just saying that?"
"Really, Tom. I admit that I *am* surprised. I never saw you as a
"It's not meant to be romantic," he said gruffly. "No-one was ever
supposed to see it, but me."
Chakotay laughed gently.
"Maybe so, Tom, but a fairy-tale castle, unicorns, elves, fairy rings
and rainbows, they seem pretty romantic to me."
"I just liked them when I was a kid, wanted them to be real. Now, I'm
no longer a kid, but I can *make* them real. They talk, you know, the
animals, I mean. There's even a winged horse, and she can fly, and
she'll sometimes let me ride her, if I ask really nicely, but she's
shy so I don't suppose she'll come out."
"And are there dragons and witches and goblins here too?" Chakotay
asked, enchanted by Tom's program.
Tom shuddered violently.
"No," he spat. "There's nothing bad here, nothing bad at all. This is
MY place. There's nothing bad here," he repeated, then he swung
towards Chakotay in alarm.
"Why did you think there would be?" he demanded furiously.
"I'm sorry Tom, I didn't mean anything by it. It's just that most
fairy tales have goblins and dragons and wicked step-mothers as well
as fairy castles," Chakotay explained.
"WELL MINE DON'T!" Tom screamed, wrenching himself out of Chakotay's
arms and racing away towards the trees, his wild flight causing a
family of rabbits to leap out of his way with angry curses.
"Watch where you're going, young man," one of the rabbits squeaked in
protest, only to be bowled over by Chakotay who was charging after
"Sorry," Chakotay yelled back, before he remembered the rabbit was
only a projection of light.
He eventually found Tom sitting in a tiny copse, his arms wrapped
around his knees, his tear-filled eyes oblivious to the tiny fairies
that floated around him like concerned butterflies.
"I'm sorry, Tom. The last thing I wanted to do was to upset you. This
*is* a special, magical place and you're right, there's nothing bad
here," Chakotay soothed, carefully seating himself next to Tom and
draping his arm over his shoulders.
Tom sniffed and rubbed at his tears with his forearm.
"Why, Chak?" he whispered.
"Why what?" Chakotay asked softly.
"Why do people always think the worst of me?" Tom asked
plaintively. "Why is it so impossible to believe that all I want is
this," and he gestured helplessly around him, "instead of believing
that I *want* the bad things too?"
For a split-second, Chakotay was angry that Tom should have so badly
misjudged his comments, then, as the thin shoulders shook in misery
under his embrace, compassion took the place of his anger.
Tom *was* right in a way. Had he placed bets on what Tom's favorite
program would be, he would have expected a bordello, a bar or Captain
Proton. It was one of the reasons he had been so shocked when Tom had
arrived in loose white silk, rather than a leather jacket.
Chakotay was also honest enough to understand that while Tom had over-
reacted to his innocent statement, Tom's interpretation of his
opinion was also a little too close to the bone.
For a week, Tom had been open and honest with him, eagerly pursuing a
relationship with him, and how had he reacted?
His doubts had been more related to his own feelings of inadequacy
than any distrust of Tom's motivations, yet did it really make any
The bottom line was that he *had* been waiting for something bad to
happen, for a "goblin" or "witch" to emerge.
He had no more taken Tom at face value than he had taken this program.
Just as Tom had taken the risk of bringing him here to this secret
place, so Tom had been taking risks all week long, since he had
approached him in Sandrines.
It was time to take a risk himself, he decided.
"I love this program, Tom, and I love you."
For a long while Tom was silent, and the sounds of birdsong and the
beating of fairy wings was drowned by the thudding beat of Chakotay's
Then, still refusing to turn and face him, Tom finally spoke.
"Please, Chakotay," he begged brokenly. "Don't say that if you don't
mean it. I couldn't bear it if you didn't really mean it."
"Oh Spirits, Tom, how could I possibly *not* mean it," Chakotay
replied, twisting his body until he was facing Tom's tear-stained
"You don't have any idea how beautiful you are, do you?" he asked Tom
in wonder. "I don't just mean your face, Tom, I mean your soul. You
*are* as beautiful and unexpected and wonderful as this secret place,
and I *do* love you."
Tom's eyes widened in disbelief and Chakotay drowned in the
glistening blue pools.
"I love you," Chakotay repeated firmly.
A hesitant smile began to creep across Tom's face until it finally
emerged in such brilliance that it rivalled the radiance of the sun.
"Love me," Tom whispered, and Chakotay was lost.
He pressed his lips lightly against Tom's, feeling a momentary
resistance and then Tom's mouth opened and welcomed him in. He ran
his tongue over Tom's, sampling his essence, savoring the sweet taste
of his breath.
With a groan, Chakotay leant into the kiss, distracting Tom with his
tongue as his fingers fumbled with the old fashioned button
fastenings of his white shirt. He pushed the silken material back
over Tom's shoulders, revealing the firm muscles of Tom's chest and
the surprisingly dark areola of Tom's nipples.
He squeezed one between his forefinger and thumb, teasing it to a
hard nub. Tom arched and gasped, his tongue flicking desperately into
Chakotay's mouth to deepen the kiss, yet Chakotay pulled his mouth
away, ignoring Tom's sob of abandonment, and lowering his mouth to
Tom's chest he sucked on Tom's erect tit.
He teased the flesh with his teeth, sucking hard enough to leave an
angry red mark, then transferred his attentions to Tom's other
nipple, this time biting down hard enough to make Tom squeal.
Placing his hands firmly on Tom's shoulders, he pushed the younger
man down until he was prone on the soft grass, his hips straddled by
Chakotay lowered his head to Tom's stomach and laved his tongue into
Tom's belly-button. Tom bucked beneath him, his crotch leaping to
meet Chakotay's own. As Chakotay felt the solid hardness of Tom's
interest touching his own, he lost any remaining self-control.
"Do you want me, Tom?" he gasped, already beginning to unbutton Tom's
"Oh god, YES," Tom wept shamelessly. His chest was on fire from
Chakotay's bites and his cock was straining eagerly against its
fabric cage. If Chakotay didn't hurry up and release it from its
restraint, Tom was going to have to replicate a clean pair of pants
just to walk back to his quarters.
Chakotay snapped open the buttons of Tom's fly, and began to peel the
material down Tom's hips.
"Beautiful," he purred in appreciation, as Tom's elegant cock and
heavy balls were revealed, nestled in a nest of red-gold hair.
He snaked out his tongue and ran it delicately over the weeping
glans, then, as Tom bucked in reaction, he slid back up Tom's body
and pushed his tongue into Tom's mouth so that the pilot could taste
His blue eyes glazed and almost black with desire, Tom's hands began
to rip frantically at Chakotay's own shirt.
"No, Tom, not here. I want to fuck you, Tom, if I may?"
"Oh Gods, yes, fuck me, fuck me NOW!"
For a moment, Chakotay was almost swayed by the evident, shameless
need in Tom's husky voice, but fortunately common sense asserted
"We don't have time, Tom. We barely have another ten minutes left
before we have to leave the holodec, and I can assure you that ten
minutes is not enough for the way that I intend to fuck you," he
promised. "Besides, I don't have any lube, and I'd rather cut my cock
off than ever hurt you with it, Tom. Let's take this back to my
Tom sighed in reluctant acceptance.
"Sure," he said. "Only I've got a problem."
"What's wrong, Tom?" Chakotay asked in alarm.
"I don't think I can get my pants back on," Tom moaned, pointing
sheepishly at his jutting cock.
Chakotay smiled broadly.
"Oh, believe me, Tom. That's *no* problem," he snickered.
As Chakotay's mouth swallowed him, Tom grunted in ecstasy and sank
back on the grass, opening his legs wide enough for Chakotay's
fingers to caress his ass, while his talented mouth siphoned at his
"Game, set and match, Chakotay," he whispered softly, then relaxed
back to enjoy the ride.