Exclusively written for FCanon
SLASH m/m Chakotay/Paris
By the time Chakotay arrived back at his ship, his rage had sharpened to a white-hot tip of fury, fuelled by the deep and crushing disappointment in his heart. He had not realized just how far he had fallen for the treacherous blonde until the moment that his love was distorted into hate by the discovery of Tom's duplicity.
Chakotay had never been so out of control before, because he had never before loved anyone so deeply. He was ill equipped to deal with the rage that was filling him in proportion to the depth of his former love.
He had never been a violent man but, like a volcano that had been dormant for decades, his fury was building a pressure inside him that threatened to explode out of him like hot lava to destroy his betrayer. His hands actually ached with the need to rip the pilot apart.
He burst through the cargo bay doors like an avenging demon but then froze at the peaceful sight of Tom curled up asleep on a packing crate. His face had the soft innocence of a child and his long, red-gold hair curled around his head like a halo. Chakotay choked at the sight and for a moment drank it in like bitter wine.
How could anything so beautiful be so deadly? He asked himself. How could such deceit lurk beneath such an angelic surface? Had he truly taken a viper into his life, seeing only the pretty colors not the venomous bite?
For a moment he actually considered waking the young man gently and giving him a chance to explain, to defend himself. Then he snorted in self-derision, angry with himself for still being a fool for a pretty face.
Tom would lie. Tom had always lied. Tom WAS a lie.
Chakotay stepped forwards and grasped the sleeping man's shoulders and shook him viciously. Tom woke in alarm but then saw that his disturber was Chakotay and a huge sunny smile lit his face.
For a moment the beauty of the smile, the apparent happiness in Tom's lapis-lazuli eyes, mesmerized Chakotay. Every instinct told him that Tom was not acting, that Tom's love for him was real.
Then he cursed himself for being a middle-aged fool. This little bastard was a trained Intelligence Operative; he had probably practiced that smile for hours in front of a mirror, perfecting his technique.
Chakotay reminded himself of a time Tom had sobbed in his arms over the accident at Caldik Prime, an accident that had never even fucking happened.
"Get up" He snarled and was satisfied by the flash of fear and confusion in Tom's face.
"Chak...what's wrong, what have I done?" Tom stuttered, his mind racing furiously.
He was guilty of so many things that he couldn't even imagine which transgression had been discovered. All he knew, with heart-stopping pain, was that Chakotay's face was contorted with hate and disgust. The love had disappeared as though it had never existed. Tom felt himself shattering inside.
Chakotay saw the guilt and fear in Tom's eyes and suddenly KNEW that Will Riker had been right. He didn't even stop to consider the act of hitting Tom; it was an instinct that he could resist no more than fall could deny the descent of winter.
Again and again his fists pummeled into the young man who just cowered submissively, whimpering under the blows.
"You fucking bastard, you fucking little whore!" Chakotay was screaming as he punched Tom's unresisting body. Tears were pouring down the older man's cheeks in a combination of rage and sorrow.
"You made me love you, you bastard. You used me!" he sobbed until finally shame at his actions drained the energy out of him and he stopped his abuse, aware suddenly of the pain in his knuckles and the sound of Tom's tortured gasping for breath around obviously fractured ribs.
Gulping for air, Tom collapsed to his knees at Chakotay's feet, his shattered ribcage sending knifing shafts of pain straight to his groin, which was responding with uncontrollable excitement. In some part of his brain he could feel himself screaming desperately at the betrayal of his own body.
He knew that the sobbing Captain had burnt out his rage, that he would not strike Tom any more if he just stayed put. That the one thing that might push Chakotay back over the edge of madness would be Tom trying to seduce him.
Tom knew this, but his body had been programmed to react to this form of abuse with unthinking lust. As though he was a spectator to the event he saw himself drag his body back to its feet and throw himself at Chakotay, his mouth seeking the older man's in desperate desire.
Still stunned and ashamed by his uncharacteristic loss of control, Chakotay was too startled by Tom's move to prevent the hot tongue being thrust into his mouth. Horrified, he threw Tom away from himself with a howl of outrage but Tom immediately squirmed back into his embrace, his eyes wild with lust and his erection grinding against Chakotay's hip.
Chakotay remembered the tender care he had taken with Tom last night in the belief the young man was an innocent. There was nothing innocent about the blue eyes that blazed at him now. The little bastard was brazenly taunting him, finally showing his true colors.
"Fuck me" Tom growled, even as he screamed internally in horror at his own words
Chakotay snapped. He wanted to wipe out his memories of the previous night. He wanted to teach Tom a lesson he would never forget. For the first time in his life, Chakotay wanted to hurt another human being just to assuage the pain inside his own soul. Like a ravaging beast, he began to rip at Tom's clothes until the bruised trembling body was exposed.
Nooooo! Tom howled silently, Don't do it Chakotay, don't be like all the others after all. Please don't hurt me too! You promised you would never hurt me. Noooooooooo
But the words that came out of his lips were:
"Go on, Chakotay. Fuck me hard. If you CAN. Show me that you're a REAL man after all." In a voice so mocking that Chakotay could not even pretend to control himself any longer.
He threw Tom's naked body over the packing crate, fully intending to rip Tom's asshole to shreds, only to pause at the sight of the vivid scar on Tom's butt and he was unmanned by his memories of how it got there.
What the hell was he thinking of? He was no rapist. He couldn't do this.
He began to back away in horror at what he had nearly done, only to be lashed by Tom's sarcastic drawl of "What's wrong, Chak? Can't get it up?"
With an insane howl of fury, Chakotay reamed Tom in one violent thrust, unbelievably satisfied by Tom's resultant scream of pain. Again and again he battered Tom with his cock so forcefully that he drove splinters from the wooden crate into Tom's chest and groin.
Tom was wailing in agony at the pain, yet all the time Chakotay was driving into him, he was screaming "Is that the best you can do? Can't you do it any harder?"
Maddened by Tom's words Chakotay slammed again and again into Tom's bleeding hole until he couldn't prevent his climax and then his cum erupted into the younger man. With his release, some sanity finally surfaced and he pulled out, horrified, his cock dripping with blood and semen. He could see the raw bleeding wound that had been Tom's ass and he was filled with self-disgust.
"Why?" He screamed at the battered body of the pilot "Why did you make me fall in love with you? Wasn't it enough for you to trick me into taking you on board? Couldn't you get enough information for your Intelligence cronies without whoring yourself to me? Did your father tell you to sell your ass for my information or did you just make it up as you went along?" Chakotay screamed and then began to cry in great heaving gasps as he added in bewilderment "Why did you make me do THIS to you?"
Although he knew there was no excuse for his actions he was fully aware that Tom had orchestrated the abuse, goading him into it, and he couldn't understand what sadistic game the younger man had been trying to play. Was Tom intending to use Chakotay's own guilt to manipulate him further?
Tom wept bitterly on the packing crate. His own physical pain forgotten as he heard the agony in Chakotay's voice. How could he have driven Chakotay to this? How could he have done this much harm to the only man he had ever loved? Then the importance of Chakotay's words penetrated his brain. He realised that Chakotay knew he was working for Starfleet Intelligence but that he evidently had no idea of his connection to Dukat.
A desperate hope filled him. Perhaps it wasn't too late to redeem the situation, even despite the way he had revealed his own depraved reactions to pain by his goading of the older man.
He pushed himself up enough to turn his broken body and sat down facing the big Maquis, wincing at the renewed pain in his ass and quickly covering his lap with his hands to cover his cock's hungry stirring at the sensation. With all the sincerity he could muster, Tom looked straight into Chakotay's pain-filled eyes, noting the guilt and sorrow etched on the older man's face.
"I'm sorry Chakotay, you're right about me working for Starfleet Intelligence but I never meant to deceive YOU. What I feel for you is real. I wanted to tell you the truth but I was too afraid that you would leave me. I don't have to go back, I can stay with you. Please Chakotay, I love you!"
"And that is why you just pulled this little whore act?" Chakotay snarled in disbelief
"I didn't know how else to prove to you how much I love you. That I want you so much I don't even care if it hurts!" Tom sobbed "I thought if I made you fuck me, you'd remember how good we are together, you'd remember that you love me too!"
"You have a strange and twisted version of love Tom, that obviously matches your strange and twisted version of the truth. To be honest, I might one day have been able to forgive you for deceiving me, but I'll never forgive you for making me lose control like this!"
"Give me another chance, Chakotay, please. Please don't leave me. You promised that you'd never leave me. Please Chakotay, I'll do anything to prove to you that I'm telling the truth." Tom cried desperately, "I love you, Chakotay, please, please believe me."
Chakotay sighed at the weeping blonde, he wanted so much to believe Tom but he knew that he didn't dare. His heart could not take any further surprises and he knew in his soul that he had only scratched the surface of Tom's deceit.
He couldn't put his finger on what was really bothering him about Tom's reaction to the virtual rape, but he knew that the screaming, lust-filled animal that had worn Tom's face for those terrible moments had been the real Tom Paris and it disgusted him to his very core.
"I want to believe you, Tom" Chakotay lied softly "But I don't know if I dare trust you."
"Just give me a chance to prove myself, Chakotay" Tom begged "I'll do anything, anything!"
Chakotay appeared to consider Tom's words for a long moment before looking straight into Tom's tear-filled eyes and saying:
"There's a mission that Ayala was going to do for me. Some vital information needs to be delivered tonight by shuttle to a ship hiding behind the second moon of this planet. I will give you a chance Tom and send you instead. If you are going to betray me this is your chance, if you come back we will re-evaluate our relationship. That's the best offer I can make you."
Tom couldn't believe it. Chakotay was actually going to give him another chance.
No one had ever given him a chance to put things right before. His heart hammered in his chest as though it might explode with his gratitude towards the big Maquis.
"I won't let you down, Chak. I'll prove myself to you, I swear." He gasped, sobbing in relief.
Chakotay masked his disgust at Tom's performance and instead gave the blonde a gentle smile, thinking to himself that it was a good job that he could act too.
"I'm sorry I hurt you Tom, I was out of line. I think you had better go to Sickbay and get your ribs knitted before you set off. But you'll have to hurry, there's not much time. While you are gone I will give this whole situation more thought. Perhaps I have judged you too quickly."
"I won't fail, Chakotay. I will deliver the message for you." Tom promised, his eyes bright with renewed hope and he was nearly humming with joy as he began to haul his ripped clothes over his battered body.
As he limped eagerly towards the door, Chakotay's eyes followed him coldly.
"Good bye, you fucker.." he whispered "Enjoy making your new friends in Auckland" and he ignored the surprisingly fierce pang of pain he felt at the knowledge that he would never see the pilot again.