Anything
By Morticia

(answer to the TPDorm challenge)
 
 

"Sue Hayes," Tom proclaimed proudly, taking another piece of popcorn
and adding it to his growing pile.

"Ensign Hayes from Astrometrics?" Harry asked, in disbelief. "The one
with the um assets?"

"The one and only," Tom said, with a leering grin.

"When and where?" Harry challenged.

"Remember that small `hick-up' with the Resort program? When the
clothes of the holocharacters `accidentally' went transparent?"

"I remember you having to clean Jeffries Tube Nine with your
toothbrush," Harry sniggered.

Tom just grinned.

"Well it was in Jeffries Tube Nine," he proclaimed. "She felt sorry
for me, brought me dinner and stayed to `cheer me up'."

"Jesus, Tom. I thought she was going steady with Jeanette."

"She is," Tom smirked, reaching into the popcorn bag and retrieving
another piece.

Harry watched him in complete bemusement, then flushed scarlet.

"Both of them? Together? In Jeffries Tube Nine?" he gasped.

Tom just smiled.

Harry looked sadly at his own tiny pile of popcorn and racked his
memory desperately.

"Do aliens count?" he asked, hopefully.

"Only if they are members of the crew, Harry."

"Damn," Harry muttered.

"But you can have a point for blow jobs without sex," Tom said,
deciding to cut Harry some slack.

"Who the hell just gives blow jobs?" Harry asked, with evident
interest.

"Neelix," Tom sniggered.

"That's sick," Harry groaned, making retching noises.

"Well the whiskers tickle but his mouth *is* talented," Tom said,
helping himself to another piece of popcorn.

"You didn't?" Harry said. "You did," he concluded miserably.

"Oh, that reminds me. I did Seven in her regeneration chamber once,"
Tom remembered. "She said it was more efficient that way. I ought to
get extra points for bizarre."

"That's not bizarre. Ayala and me. *That* was bizarre," Harry said
happily, finally feeling less inadequate.

"You and Ayala when?" Tom asked suspiciously.

"That time our shuttle got stranded near Obsixon Prime. Well, we were
stuck for four days alone, of course we got physical. Not a lot else
to do, was there?"

"Bullshit, the hold was so full of the supplies you were carrying
that there was nowhere for you to do it except the bunks, and believe
me, I am an expert on the fact that two guys can't make out on one of
those bunks without serious back injuries."

"Told you it was bizarre. We were inventive. Made use of the
supplies," Harry smirked.

"Shit. No wonder those Leola roots tasted even worse than normal,"
Tom choked.

"So I get extra points?"

Tom shrugged.

"I'll give you a bonus of five for that," he agreed easily. "Anything
else you want to throw in? Some perverted use of Pizza or Snickers
bars?" he added sarcastically.

Harry blushed then looked thoughtful.

"I never even *thought* about Snickers bars before," he mumbled.

Tom rubbed his hands in glee. "So I take it that's it, you're
admitting defeat?" he asked .

"I don't know why I even agreed to this stupid bet," Harry sulked,
looking at his small pile of popcorn. Even with the bonus five points
he only had ten pieces of corn.

Tom made a performance of lining his popcorn in rows of tens.

" Ninety-nine," he counted. "You may as well just give me the whole
bag, Harry."

"Jesus, you are *such* a slut, Tom. There's only one hundred and
forty-seven crew on board."

"Well, I still think you should have let me have the Captain. That
would have made it an even hundred."

"You were a lizard at the time, Tom. You don't even remember bonking
her," Harry pointed out.

"We made babies, Harry. It's not rocket science to assume we fucked."

"Maybe she laid eggs and you fertilized them," Harry argued.

Tom shrugged carelessly.

"Whatever," he said. "So I get the whole bag?"

Harry nodded glumly.

"I wish B'Elanna would hurry up an get the replicators back on line.
It's been three weeks, Tom. Between Neelix's cooking and the fact
that the holodecs are out of order too, people are having stand-up
fights over cookie crumbs now," Harry complained. "I can't believe I
just let you get your hands on my last bag of popcorn."

"It's all in a good cause, Harry, honest," Tom assured Harry as he
ushered him out of the door so that he could get changed into
something far less comfortable (but tight and sexy as hell).

Before he left, he checked his email again and read the message that
had caused him to spend the best part of the afternoon purloining
his best friend's last remaining stash of popcorn.

# # I was really surprised when you said that you liked watching old
baseball games too, but since the holodecs are off-line, I wondered
whether you would like to watch a vid with me in my quarters tonight
since we are both off-duty # # the note said.

It was an innocuous note, stilted and formal, just like its writer.

Even so, the invitation alone had been enough to make Tom's blood
surge. He hadn't been on a date since he had broken up with B'Elanna,
whatever stories he had just told Harry, and there was no other way
to interpret an invitation into Chakotay's actual quarters.

So it *was* a date.

Definitely.

Absolutely.

But, just in case, he was taking popcorn, because Chakotay was a man
of his word, a man of honor, a man who would rather die than tell a
lie.

And Chakotay's note had ended. "It's a shame the replicators are all
off line. I'd do anything for some popcorn."

* Anything *

Tom gave a shit-eating grin, grabbed the popcorn and headed for
Chakotay's quarters.
 

The End.