By Morticia


ST: Voyager C/P

Rating. SLASH, m/m R

Archive: Anywhere, just let me know, please

Disclaimer: Tom, Chak et al are Paramount's (lucky devils) Angel is
mine (yippee!)


I felt a moment of guilty grief as we shot through the jagged hole in
Voyager's side. The old lady had gallantly carried us home and I had
rewarded her by blasting a hole in her side that gaped like a huge
wound. So I risked the phasers of DS9 and made sure that she was
clear of the backlash of our engines before engaging warp.

Then I turned on the autopilot and the Heran cloaking device that
would render us invisible both to sensors and the naked eye before
turning to face the others.

Those few moments of our escape had been enough for Tom to sink back
into unconsciousness. Seeing his unnaturally pale face I started to
rise out of my chair in panic but the Doctor's calm voice hastened to
reassure me.

"He's just sleeping, Commander, he's exhausted and malnourished but
he's fine."

I looked at him in relief

"Thanks. Thank you for helping us too, and it's just Chakotay." I
finished grimly; I certainly wasn't a Commander anymore. The only
Starfleet title I was likely to hold from now on was Fugitive No 1.

"I'm really grateful for your help, your timing was impeccable!" I
said, shivering as I remembered the flashing blade "But I can't for
the life of me understand how you knew to be ready. Did you KNOW Tom
was on DS9?"

Neelix looked away from me sheepishly, and shook his head in a

"Well I did" The Doctor said proudly, "I was in DS9's sickbay
being `de-briefed' when Tom materialised. Doctor Bashir was then too
busy creating a diversion to notice me leave."

"A diversion?"

"Well Tom was followed rather promptly by a security team from the
USS HPTS. It appears he had told them he had some highly infectious
virus. When they discovered it was just his way of forcing them to
bring them here, they were decidedly unimpressed."

I grinned over at Tom. In sleep he looked as innocent as a small
child but I could clearly imagine him doing such a trick. It was the
sort of mischievous thing he used to do before I had carelessly
ripped his heart apart. My grin turned into a grimace as guilt struck
me again, so I turned back to the Doctor.

"How did you know we would need a ship?"

"I didn't. To be honest I had absolutely no idea whether you would be
pleased to see him or not.  The ship was to rescue Tom." The Doctor
replied bluntly.

I nodded. In view of my previous actions I could hardly lose my
temper over such a harsh judgement. I had given no one cause to
believe any better of me.

"Why Angel's ship? It would have been hard enough to break into any
docking bay, let alone have to get into Voyager too. Surely there
were plenty of runabouts." I asked although, to be honest, without
Angel's cloaking device we wouldn't have had a hope in hell of
staying free for more than a few hours.

"I - um - I - that is -" Neelix mumbled

"He was already stealing it!" The Doctor snapped waspishly

I blinked in surprise. "You were stealing Angel's ship?" I asked in
confusion. "Why?"

"Because I wanted to get the hell out of here" Neelix snapped
back "So much for all your tales of Earth and the great Federation. I
have spent the last 24 hours being interrogated and being subjected
to the MOST embarrassing INTIMATE examinations!" The little Talaxian
was almost purple with outrage and humiliation.

"Apparently they wanted to be sure he wasn't a Founder!" the Doctor
said "They seem to be QUITE paranoid these days."

"So you were going to steal Angel's ship and go home?" I asked
angrily. If Tom hadn't come to DS9 I would have lost my chance to
follow him. Despite the fact that Neelix's selfish actions had
actually saved us both, I was still aggrieved.

"It seemed my only chance to get home!" Neelix replied with shame.

"The wormhole has collapsed" I told him, "There isn't any way back to
the Delta Quadrant."

"So where can I go?" Neelix asked in renewed panic "Where can any of
us go?"

Which had been my thought all along too.

"Dorvan" I replied decisively

"Dorvan?" Tom asked in a frightened voice.

I swung around in surprise. I hadn't realised that he had woken up.

"It's the only place I can think of. babe!" I told him "They don't
have an extradition treaty with the Federation. Ever since they were
abandoned to the Cardassians, the Dorvan government has refused to
accept any Federation law. Now the war is over, Dorvan is neutral

I thought my words would soothe him, but instead I saw tears pooling
in his blue eyes and his lower lip began to quiver tremulously. The
confidence he had shown in DS9 had been replaced with his more usual

I scooted over to him and sank to my knees so that our faces were
level. Gently cupping his face in my hands I leant forwards and
kissed the tip of his nose. He shuddered and collapsed forwards into
my chest. I hugged him fiercely.

"It's okay, Tom. It's going to be alright."

"I don't want to go to Dorvan" he whispered sadly into my ear.

I pushed gently at his shoulders until I could look at his tear-
filled eyes; they were bleak with misery.

"We will be safe there, Tom." I assured him, although to be honest I
wasn't sure whether that was completely true. "My family will help

I watched Tom bite his lower lip pensively.

"Your family will hate me, they will hate me for stealing you from
Angel" he mumbled sadly.

"You didn't steal me, Tom. I have given myself to you. You are
everything. You are the keeper of my soul. They will love you because
I love you."

"Do you?" Tom asked and then flushed as I flinched. "I'm sorry" he

I clenched his hands tightly in my own. They were frighteningly cold
so I began to rub them softly as I began to whisper all the
endearments I could think of.


The Doctor's voice made me color with embarrassment. I had honestly
forgotten that anyone else was there.

"Since it will take several hours to get there, and Neelix and I are
quite capable of watching the autopilot, perhaps it would be a good
idea if you took Tom to bed."

I choked. Neelix spluttered and Tom's miserable expression was
eradicated by a joyful snigger.

For a moment the Doctor flickered in bewilderment. I could almost see
his sub-routines chasing themselves in confusion. Then understanding
dawned and he huffed with annoyance.

"That was a MEDICAL recommendation. Tom needs to sleep."

"Oh, you meant I should "Put" Tom to bed" I replied sagely, "You
really must TRY and explain yourself more clearly Doctor."

Tom collapsed in giggles at my dry comment. As I helped Tom to his
feet I looked over his shoulder at the affronted Doctor and gave him
an apologetic grin. Understanding that my `wit' had been an effort to
cheer Tom up, the Doctor nodded his forgiveness and gave me a wry

Tom was still sniggering as I helped him into the narrow bunk in the
aft of the small craft.  I smoothed the sheets and tucked a blanket
tightly around his thin shoulders before kissing him gently on the

As soon as his head sank into the pillow, his eyes began to flutter
as he struggled against his exhaustion.

"Sleep, honey." I urged him

"Will you stay with me?" he whispered beseechingly

"Of course" I replied softly "I am never going to let you out of my
sight again, Tom."

He smiled happily and closed his eyes. I waited until he was in that
vulnerable twilight state between awareness and sleep before I softly
asked the question that had been raging in my head.



"Why did you have a knife?"

"Just in case" he mumbled sleepily

"Just in case of what?" I probed

"In case you chose HIM" Tom replied, his voice fading as sleep

I shuddered in cold fear. Tom may have found the strength to have
come back to me, but he was obviously still far from well. I had
terrified myself with the way I had sunk into his madness on DS9. At
the time, with the battle raging around us, with certain capture just
seconds away, Tom's suicidal plan had actually made sense to me. Now
I was horrified that I had even considered such an option.

But it was one thing to have let the heat of the moment overwhelm me
and another entirely to have `planned' suicide in cold blood as Tom
evidently had. I was going to have to be SO careful. Tom would have
to be watched like a hawk from now on.  I could only pray that on
Dorvan we would find some help for his depression, some way to undo
all of the harm that I had evidently done him.

Yet, it was so difficult to reconcile this depressed, suicidal Tom
with the avenging spirit who had descended on Quarks. How the hell
had Tom found the strength to trick his way back to DS9 and then
FORCE me to marry him? (Not that I was complaining, of course)

"Tom?" I queried gently; uncertain whether he was still awake.

"Ummmmmmmm?" he mumbled sleepily

"Why did you come back for me?"

For a long time he was silent, his chest moving up and down so
regularly that I was convinced that he was asleep, but then he
answered me

"It wasn't me"

I looked at him in bewilderment and then shrugged. Tom was obviously
fast asleep after all. He must simply be dreaming.

"It was Passamaquoddy." Tom whispered and then rolled over and began
to snore softly.

So he was completely unaware of the way I nearly fainted at his words.