ST: Voyager C/P
Rating. SLASH, m/m NC-17
Archive: Anywhere, just let me know, please
Disclaimer: Tom, Chak et al are Paramount‘s (lucky devils) Angel is mine (yippee!)
As I sat in Sickbay, watching the Doctor treat Tom, I could feel the weight of unbearable guilt crushing me. I could barely think through the pounding headache that had begun to descend from the moment Tom‘s panicked voice had woken me.
I had thrown a robe around myself and wrapping Tom in a blanket had transported us both directly to sickbay. The Doctor had snatched Tom‘s body from my arms as soon as he was activated and had ordered me to stay the hell out of his way.
So I had simply sunk onto an empty bed and stress and self-reproach had coalesced into needles of sharp pain in my temples and the back of my eyes.
I did not have the nerve to interrupt the Doctor to ask for a painkiller, I knew the pain I was suffering was well deserved.
I had nearly killed him.
Tom‘s life had nearly been extinguished by my carelessness.
I had forgotten to activate the bio-bed and had selfishly fallen asleep; my own desire so sated that I had given no consideration to his safety.
My negligence had nearly cost Tom his life.
As the Doctor ran his dermal regenerator over my numb skin, repairing the damage that had been caused by my failure to remind Chakotay about the necessity of re-attaching me to the bio-bed, I worried endlessly about Chakotay‘s reaction to the accident.
I knew that he would blame himself, that the culmination of our relationship into mutual need and understanding now was balancing precariously at the edge of a huge pit of despair and recrimination. Unless Chakotay was quickly reassured that I was alright he might never dare to touch me again.
"Please, Doctor" I whispered, "Tell him it wasn‘t his fault, that
I‘ll be fine"
I was startled and rather angry at Tom‘s words. Didn‘t he realise how serious his condition had been?
"You will be alright because I had the foresight to anticipate a problem with the bio-bed‘s mechanism and have the cure ready. I did not anticipate that you would both be irresponsible and stupid enough to turn the damned thing off!"
I sniffed derisively although, truthfully, my anger at the threat to Tom‘s health was greatly tempered by relief that Chakotay and Tom had evidently made up their differences.
My medical tricorder had gleefully reported a copious amount of semen inside Tom‘s ass and I didn‘t need to consult a medical text to understand the implications of that.
I glowered over at the subdued First Officer, taking in his disheveled appearance and his haunted, pain-filled face. My annoyance faded as I saw the Commander‘s evident distress and I knew that Tom was right. There was no point in my treating Tom‘s physical wounds without healing the couple‘s psychological ones.
"Commander" I called out softly and I saw the big man jump a little at the sound of my voice and he pressed his fingers to his temples before turning his haggard visage to blink at me with dull unfocused eyes.
Recognizing the symptoms of stress and, if I wasn‘t mistaken, a blinding migraine, I quickly filled a hypo with a light painkiller and administered it to Chakotay‘s neck.
"I‘m so sorry" Chakotay mumbled "I could have killed him"
Although I knew that Chakotay was right, there was nothing to be gained by my allowing the Commander to wallow in self-recrimination and far too much for Tom to lose.
"Don‘t be ridiculous" I snapped impatiently "Tom just had the equivalent of pins and needles. " I lied smoothly.
"Then.Then Tom is.is okay?" Chakotay begged with pathetic hope
"Of course he is, though I suggest that from now on you curtail your evening‘s entertainment while you still have the energy to remember that Tom MUST be put back into the bio-bed."
Seeing the look of intense shame that flooded Chakotay‘s face, I continued in a waspish voice that I hoped would convince the guilt-ridden Commander that he had over-reacted to Tom‘s condition.
"If I have to be activated every time you pair of drama queens stub a toe nail, Voyager will need a new power source to keep me on line."
Chakotay gave me a sheepish smile and then invigorated by relief he leapt past me with a surge of renewed energy and ran to Tom‘s side.
"Hi, babe" He whispered to Tom whose blue eyes were now calm and pain-free. "How are you feeling, Hon?"
Tom had obviously overheard my lies and had no intention of letting Chakotay realise just how serious the situation had really been.
"Embarrassed, I guess. I‘m sorry I panicked Chakotay. I must have worried the hell out of you. I‘m sorry."
"That‘s okay, babe, I‘m just glad you‘re okay."
"I‘m more than okay, Chakotay. Last night was the best experience of my life." Tom stated firmly "I couldn‘t bear the thought that it wouldn‘t be repeated."
"Oh, babe, now I‘ve found you I won‘t ever let you go again," Chakotay promised "I couldn‘t keep my hands off you if I tried."
"Thank god for that" Tom laughed "But maybe we should take the Doctor‘s advice about the bio-bed."
I was glad that Tom realised that despite my efforts to help them both, I would not let their relationship continue if I had any doubts about Tom‘s future safety.
"Yes, Tom, you‘re right of course." Chakotay said, "I think we should get an alarm fixed up that goes off if you are disconnected for more than an hour. That way this can‘t happen again."
I nodded my approval of Chakotay‘s plan and then pretended not to hear Tom‘s petulant reply.
"An hour? What‘s the use of an hour? If you don‘t fuck me for at least two hours every single night I will divorce you!"
Chakotay grinned in response to Tom‘s comment.
"You can‘t divorce me, Tom, we aren‘t married." He joked back.
"Well can‘t blame a boy for trying." Tom muttered
We were both completely stunned by Chakotay‘s next words: "Of course, after we ARE married I will expect two hours of sex TWICE a day."
"You mean you don‘t want to marry me?"
"Okay, perhaps I need to put it the right way." Chakotay smiled "Thomas Eugene Paris you are my life and soul, I cannot live without you. Will you marry me?"
Tears poured from Tom‘s eyes as he choked on Chakotay‘s words
"Oh God, I love you!" he sobbed.
"Is that a yes?"
"Then I‘ll just nip off and have a word with the Captain."
I cleared my throat, amazed at my own reaction to Chakotay‘s proposal. I had never realised that tears were part of my sub-routine.
"May I be the first to congratulate you both." I said with a hitch in my voice and Chakotay firmly grasped me by the hand and shook it violently.
I had never seen such a blinding smile on the First Officer‘s face. I was so happy for him, and for Tom of course, but I had a niggling feeling that the Captain would not be so supportive of their decision.