ST: Voyager C/P
Rating. SLASH, m/m NC-17
Archive: Anywhere, just let me know, please
Disclaimer: Tom, Chak et al are Paramount‘s (lucky devils) Angel is mine (yippee!)
I had literally run from the Sickbay to engineering to purloin a holo-emitter from B‘Elanna. I had expected that it would take some persuading to convince her to assist but despite her usual irritation at being interrupted from her beloved engines, she dropped everything to help me. She even insisted on contributing a good portion of her replicator credits towards setting the scene that I wanted to create.
I was sick with nerves as I waited for Tom to return to our quarters. I knew that this was possibly my last chance to put things right. Tom and I were spiraling away from each other so quickly due to our mutual misunderstandings that we would soon reach a point where the gulf between us was too wide to bridge. I doubted either of us would survive the separation.
I knew that it was a little trite: The candlelight, the fire, the roses, the soft music, but it was a way of showing Tom instantly that things had changed. That I had changed.
Our failure to speak to each other had led us to this point and I knew that relying on words to resolve the problem was just asking for more trouble. After I had SHOWN him how I felt, when our trust and love was restored, then we could use words to cement the bond.
But I had already made so many mistakes that I couldn‘t trust my judgement where Tom and I were concerned. I was torn between hopeful anticipation of Tom‘s pleasure and the dread that he would react badly to my attempt to seduce him.
When he entered our quarters and fainted dead on the spot I was naturally certain that I had tragically erred yet again.
I think I aged another ten years in those few seconds as I slapped his cheeks frantically until Tom‘s eyes fluttered open again.
"Tom, Tom, are you okay?" I yelled in panic.
But he just gazed at me blankly. I was at the point of transporting him to sickbay for the Doctor‘s assistance when he finally spoke.
"I‘m fine, Chakotay. I was just ...surprised!"
"Are you sure, babe? You look really pale." I queried contritely.
He truly did look like he‘d seen a ghost and maybe in a way he had. With this setting I had transported him back to a time before his accident, when his golden beauty was reason enough to make people make an effort to seduce him instead of simply taking him for granted. I should have realised that it would hurt him so badly to remember what he had lost.
"Just shock." Tom murmured but I heard the question in his voice.
His blue eyes were huge and bewildered in his fine-featured face. The flickering candlelight was dancing through his red-gold hair creating a halo of fire. He was like a beautiful broken-winged golden eagle and my heart thudded with mingled sorrow and desire.
"I wanted to surprise you, not scare you to death" I muttered in an abashed voice. "I thought you would like it."
"I do!" Tom replied simply as he gazed in wonder around the room.
I saw tears brimming in his eyes and watched as they slowly rolled like exclamation marks down his pale cheeks. At that moment I would have given my life just to see him smile again. I stole a perfect yellow rose from the vase I had placed on the mantelpiece and pushed it gently into Tom‘s soft hair which I had constantly ‚forgotten‘ to trim until it curled almost to his shoulders. I adored his hair.
I was ashamed that I had never admitted that to him. That I had let him think me too busy to care instead of honestly telling him that I dreamt of wrapping his blond locks around my fingers and nuzzling into the silky softness as it spilled over a pillow.
"I‘m sorry" I whispered guiltily.
"Sorry for what?" He asked.
I knew that he was not questioning the fact of my guilt but simply wanting clarification of exactly which one of my list of transgressions was weighing so heavily on me that I would actually apologise.
"For forgetting how precious you are. For failing to show you just how much I love you. For taking you for granted. For forgetting that the simple things like romance are so important. For being a middle aged fool."
As my words spilled over him, Tom‘s brow furrowed deeply and his eyes darted fearfully around the room as though to look for escape. I braced myself for his angry response of reproach and condemnation but when he finally spoke it was in a dazed whisper that I don‘t even think he meant to speak aloud.
"Please don‘t let this be a dream"
I groaned as though gut-shot as my heart shattered into a million pieces at his pathetic words. How had I let myself hurt him so badly? Why had I pushed him away for so long when it was suddenly so obvious that all he had ever wanted was to be loved by me?
"Tom, please tell me you still love me. Tell me it‘s not too late" I begged and I was humbled by his soft reply.
"When the galaxy ends, when all life is extinguished and not even an atom remains, my love for you will still be alive, Chakotay. You are everything to me. You are the only reason I live and breathe. I love you."
I couldn‘t bear to hear the poetic honesty of his heartfelt words. I felt grief and guilt ripping me apart. I wanted to howl my desolation. Then Tom spoke again and this time his words were bitter.
"But sometimes I don‘t like you very much."
Oddly that complaint saved me, saved us. Somehow the thought that Tom would simply accept my recent behavior towards him with unwavering love like the blind adoration of a beaten puppy was repellant to me. It devalued him and made me loathe myself. His honest complaint, and the very fact that he had uttered it, was like a flash of hope.
His spark of spirit comforted me. I could actually see the possibility of us restoring a true relationship as equals if we could love and fight and argue like a normal couple. I laughed at the combination of relief at his courage and rueful acknowledgement of how justified his feelings were.
"I don‘t blame you, babe, I don‘t like myself sometimes. I hate the way I‘ve been treating you. I have been so wrapped up in my own misery that I haven‘t seen things clearly until now. But I promise you that I‘ve changed. "
Tom did not seem overly convinced. It wasn‘t surprising, really. I had already inadvertently broken every promise I had ever made him.
"So what‘s different now?" He argued tearfully.
And I knew that it was time to shut up and let my actions take over.
Words were cheap and could not begin the pay the debt that I owed him.
"I think the easiest way to answer that is to show you." I said and then proceeded to win the argument in the most convincing way: with my leisurely worship of his body.
It was perhaps an hour later, although I could only judge the passing of time from the stiffness in my knees and the ache in my jaw, when all of my conflicting emotions suddenly merged with blinding clarity.
It was at that moment I realised that even if I could never take our relationship past this physical point, I would be satisfied with just this act of simply pleasuring Tom.
And with that understanding came freedom.
When Tom had made it clear that he wanted me to use his body for my own release I had been positive that Tom‘s offer was a subtle bribe. Yet again I had assumed the worst of Tom‘s motives. But as I knelt between his legs, my own needs submerged by the pride of affecting Tom so profoundly, I realised that my feelings were exactly the same as Tom had said his would be under the same circumstances.
That was the moment that I knew for certain that my earlier preparations had been righteous. I was finally free to reveal the depths of my own pent up lust.
"Shall we take this to the bedroom?" I asked and when Tom nodded I gave up all pretence of patience and ripping him from his chair I carried him to bed.
When Chakotay purred I was overwhelmed by his likeness to a huge cat.
A Black Panther perhaps. Sleek and strong and impossible to escape. The image was reinforced as he ginned feraly and pounced, tearing off the straps that held me. Then with a growl he lifted me out of the chair and carried me into the bedroom.
The bedroom was as much a shock as the living room had been. Chakotay had removed the hood and all the equipment from my bio-bed and had spread a plastic sheet over both beds to make a double mattress.
Perhaps a hundred times Chakotay had undressed me in that room. Each time he had handled me gently but impersonally. This time the process of stripping my clothing was an act of foreplay, almost violent in its intensity.
He used his teeth as well as his hands to remove the top of my uniform. Each newly exposed part of my skin was thoroughly bathed by his tongue before the next was revealed. He stopped to nip and suck my nipples to stark arousal before nosing down to my navel where his tongue poked and prodded into the shallow hole.
Then he nibbled his way down my pubic hair until he undid the waistband of my pants with his teeth. With torturous slowness he used his hands to ease them down my legs as his busy tongue followed.
I could only gasp as the air chilled my wet skin and fire exploded in my brain. From one moment to the next I didn‘t know whether to expect a kiss, a lick or a bite.
When my pants were bunched around my ankles, Chakotay had no choice but to move backwards to remove my boots and socks. As each foot was exposed he gave it a long sensuous lick from heel to top, then paused to suck and nibble each one of my toes before easing my pants over and discarding them on the floor.
Finally naked I lay helplessly and watched him quickly strip himself. I gulped with desire at his bronze muscled perfection as though I had never seen it before. As he eased his pants down I saw the bulge in his briefs and held my breath in prayer as I waited for his proud cock to emerge in a hungry quest for satisfaction.
But Chakotay didn‘t remove that last article of clothing. He instead walked to the bedside table and collected a bottle of massage oil and started to open it. The unexpected rejection hit me like a sledgehammer.
"I want you to fuck me, Chakotay, If you aren‘t going to do it, stop fucking about with my head!" I screamed with frustration.
"I AM going to fuck you, Tom. I‘m going to come inside you so hard you will think you are exploding." Chakotay promised softly.
I was bewildered by his sincerity despite the evidence to the contrary.
"Then why have you left your briefs on" I whispered plaintively and
Chakotay gave me a huge reassuring grin.
"Don‘t want the distraction, babe. I want to concentrate on you for a bit longer first."
"Oh" I sighed happily and decided to relax and enjoy the inevitable.
Rubbing his hands to warm the oil, Chakotay started at my neck and moved downwards until every muscle of my front had been kneaded and pummeled by his strong fingers. I had had regular therapeutic massage sessions with the Doctor ever since my accident, but believe me, none of them had been remotely like this. Chakotay applied the oil so liberally that I could feel it trickling down my sides and the inside of my thighs. He was soon as shiny as I was, the oil a dark stain on his straining briefs.
"How does it feel, baby" he whispered as he ran a slick hand along my cock and delved around my balls.
"Oh, wow, Chakotay. I can feel it all. Really feel everything you are doing to me and it‘s too fantastic to put into words." I gasped breathlessly.
"Do you want me to carry on or shall I turn you over and do your back now?"
"Please." I choked and after a moment‘s indecision at the incoherence of my reply he gently rolled me onto my front, carefully made sure that my head was turned to the side so as not to restrict my breathing and he started again from my shoulders downwards.
I could feel his strong thumbs digging into the knots of my back and then working downwards until skipping my buttocks, and ignoring my yelp of protest at the omission, he continued down my legs to the very tip of my toes. Ruefully I realised that my oily front was so stuck to the plastic sheet that I would have struggled to move even if I weren‘t paralyzed. The thought made me snicker softly.
"You okay, babe?" Chakotay asked
"Yeah, except isn‘t it time you paid some attention to my butt?" I moaned.
"Spirits, Tom, I would have thought you‘d learnt patience by now." Chakotay laughed but obeyed anyway. I felt him raise my hips and slide a thick towel under my groin to support me. Gently, Chakotay opened my legs until he could climb between them and I felt his hands grasp my butt cheeks and massage firmly.
"Oh, yes, that‘s better" I breathed in encouragement as I felt his thumbs tease open the cleft of my buttocks.
"Really? What about this?" Chakotay laughed.
"Arghhh" was the only comment I could manage as I was surprised by the hot wet thrust of his tongue sweeping around the rim of my hole before thrusting inwards. Unhampered by my loose ass muscles, I felt myself penetrated two or three inches by his hot flesh and although the feeling could not inspire my cock to action it certainly found a positive response in my brain.
"Oh god, Chakotay. Fuck me now. Stop pissing about." I howled but if Chakotay replied it was lost in licks and slurps as he continued to rim my asshole.
I was weeping with frustration by the time he lifted his head and replaced his tongue with a thick finger. I felt him explore gently and I think we were both surprised by my reaction to him scraping my prostate. If the walls had been any thinner the entire Security team would have beamed in at the sound of my scream.
"Can you really feel that?" Chakotay asked in wonder, "Does it really make you feel that good?"
"Oh God, Chakotay, it‘s just the same as ever, only better . except I can‘t move! In fact maybe that‘s why it‘s better. I can‘t squirm or avoid the feeling I just experience it!" I replied, equally bewildered.
I had honestly only expected a vague sensation. I was so dead inside that it seemed impossible for me to have such an intense reaction to the stimulation of my prostate. In fact the Doctor had deemed it impossible although he had never volunteered to test his theory.
God bless the Bregren!
I could feel Chakotay quivering with excited need as he hesitated uncertainly.
"Just DO it!" I yelled and he threw away his last doubts, ripped his sodden briefs off and after rubbing his slick fingers down his shaft he slowly entered me.
His cock slid deep inside me, its thickness stretching and filling me until I felt Chakotay‘s balls slap against my own.
"Oh yessssss" I sighed.
"Spirits, Tom, you feel so good around me" Chakotay gasped "I could stay here forever!"
"Okay" I sniggered suggestively "But why don‘t you make your stay more interesting?"
Triggered by my words he began to move back and forth, slowly at first then gaining momentum in time to my gasps of pleasure.
"Harder, Chak, please."
For a moment I thought I‘d blown it because he froze, but before I had a chance to speak again, he pulled almost completely out and then rammed back in with his full body weight.
"AHHHHHHHH!" I screamed "YESSSSSSSS."
Encouraged by my enthusiasm he let rip completely. Over and over he pounded into me, each thrust jerking my body like a ragdoll, the tip of his cock bashing against my prostrate each time to force another scream of ecstasy from my raw throat.
Then I felt him pull back and pause for a moment. My mouth quivered in anticipation as he waited then with a howl he slammed back in for the last time and I felt my insides filling with his hot semen as he pumped himself empty.
"I love you, Tom" he screamed and collapsed on top of me in a dead faint.
I lay there as his cock softened inside me, aware of his deep unconscious breaths, considering how lucky I was that the artificial lungs could cope despite being crushed under a dead weight and wondering how to explain this all to the Doctor if I called a medical emergency.
My sniggers woke Chakotay and he rolled onto his side and pulled me into his arms spoon fashion. I could feel his perspiration trickling down my back and his semen spilling down my thighs as his strong arms hugged me fiercly and his mouth nuzzled the wet hair around my neck.
"Thank you" he whispered into my ear and promptly fell asleep.
Snuggled tightly in his loving embrace I joined him in his dreams.
It was not until several hours later that I woke in panic. I could still hear his steady snoring and feel his warm caress. What I couldn‘t feel was the entire left side of my body where my weight had rested like stone for hours.