By Morticia

ST: Voyager C/P
Rating. SLASH, m/m NC-17

Archive: Anywhere, just let me know, please
Disclaimer: Tom, Chak et al are Paramount‘s (lucky devils) Angel is mine (yippee!)


As I sat on the bridge I considered bitterly how frustrating it was to be unable to fidget. My nerves had been stretched like a taut wire ever since Chakotay had excused himself and disappeared. A clandestine location check had informed me that he was in Sickbay and I didn‘t need a crystal ball to know that the only reason he was there was to discuss me.

There were only two topics of possible discussion as far as I could see. Either there was a new complication in my condition that they did not want me to know about or Chakotay had finally tired of the mammoth task of being my helper.

Since I could not see any reason why anybody would continue to look after me when they had no real feelings towards me, I was sure that Chakotay‘s pragmatism had finally overcome his feelings of obligation.

It was so hard to stay on the bridge with no way to release my sick feeling of dread except to release an unearthly scream and I didn‘t think that that would do much for my battle to prove myself a responsible and useful officer despite my handicap.

I considered following Chakotay‘s lead and excusing myself too but, to be honest, the only thing that terrified me more than not knowing what he was up to was the thought of entering the turbo lift alone.

Over the last year I had overcome obstacles that I would never have dreamt possible. I had faced my fears and become a stronger, better person in many ways. I was certainly more popular and I knew that my friendships were due to the respect people had grown to give me more than pity at my continued paralysis. But some new fears had come with the territory, so to speak.

I was scared to be alone. I was all too aware of the fragile status of my continuing existence. It would only take a small malfunction of my chair to strand me helplessly in the middle of a lonely corridor. The unexpected failure of my artificial lung transplants could starve me of air long enough to leave my brain as damaged as my body. The failure of a turbo lift could trap me indefinitely in claustrophobic limbo.

So I never left the bridge without Harry at my side and he would escort me back to the quarters I shared with Chakotay. We had never actually formalized this arrangement with words. I had never been forced to admit to my fear. With the innate empathy and kindness that were an intrinsic part of him, Harry always simply found an excuse to be going my way.

The idea of leaving the bridge without Harry‘s support was unthinkable and I could not even satisfy myself as to what valid reason I had for my panic let alone give a reason why he should be excused from Ops to escort me. All I knew was that a black cloud had crept over the horizon with Chakotay‘s departure. It had grown to thunderhead proportions when I had learnt of his destination and now it was settling down like a bad omen, smothering my breath and obscuring my vision with its pregnant promise of menace and storms to come.

I felt faint and nauseous by the time we were finally relieved. With usual tact Harry did not mention the tight drawn whiteness of my face. He chattered his usual cheerful banter but his hand rested briefly on my shoulder in the turbolift and he squeezed softly. I could feel a whole universe of love in that brief touch and for a moment the dark clouds lifted a little only to crash back down with a vengeance as I approached the door to Chakotay‘s quarters.

For a moment I was seized by the insane belief that the door codes would have been changed to prevent my entrance. A brief but compelling image struck me of Chakotay arranging for me to be moved back to sickbay without warning. I was not even aware of holding my breath with dread until the doors whooshed open politely and the chair propelled me inside. At the sight that met my terrified eyes, I fainted.

It wasn‘t a very dramatic faint. After all I was firmly strapped into my chair with a brace holding my neck and head in an upright position. I simply lost consciousness for a moment and came to as Chakotay lightly slapped my cheeks. I heard his voice crying "Tom, Tom, are you okay?" as though it was from a great distance and it was only as he was hitting his comm-badge for medical assistance that I managed to speak.

"I‘m fine, Chakotay. I was just .surprised!"

"Are you sure, babe? You look really pale."

"Just shock." I stated with a question in my voice.

Chakotay graced me with a quick shy smile, his cheeks creasing into the dimples that I loved. The dimples that had been absent from our relationship for as long as the romance.

"I wanted to surprise you, not scare you to death" he muttered in an abashed voice. "I thought you would like it."

"I do!" I reassured him as I looked around the candlelit room. The table had been lain with fine linen and sparkling glasses. A full decanter of wine sparkled golden in the flickering yellow of a dozen small flames. A portable holo-emitter had created the illusion of a roaring fireplace. A huge vase of yellow long-stemmed roses overflowed the mantelpiece. In the background the muted sound of an old favourite song "La vie en rose" played softly around the crackle and snap of the burning logs.

As tears burned down my cheeks Chakotay snapped the head of a rose and gently placed it behind my left ear.

"I‘m sorry" he murmured softly.

"Sorry for what?"

"For forgetting how precious you are. For failing to show you just how much I love you. For taking you for granted. For forgetting that the simple things like romance are so important. For being a middle aged fool."

"Please don‘t let this be a dream" I whispered, too dazed to even know I had spoken the thought aloud until Chakotay moaned in pain as if my words had struck an arrow in his heart.

"Tom, please tell me you still love me. Tell me it‘s not too late" he begged.

"When the galaxy ends, when all life is extinguished and not even an atom remains, my love for you will still be alive, Chakotay. You are everything to me. You are the only reason I live and breathe. I love you." I murmured then ruined my poetic speech with the snide addition of "But sometimes I don‘t like you very much."

I felt myself flinch inside as I heard the bitter words escape my own tongue and I sobbed with the realisation that yet again I had ruined everything.

But Chakotay just laughed self-depreciatingly at my comment. "I don‘t blame you, babe, I don‘t like myself sometimes. I hate the way I‘ve been treating you. I have been so wrapped up in my own misery that I haven‘t seen things clearly until now. But I promise you that I‘ve changed. "

"So what‘s different now?" I sniffed suspiciously

"I think the easiest way to answer that is to show you." He replied softly and stepped forwards to touch my wet face.

As he ran the very tips of his fingers down my cheeks in a slow caress, his blunt nails gently scraped my fine evening stubble and a frission of electricity charged down each hair follicle until my whole face tingled with anticipation.

With his other hand, Chakotay stroked my throat with a touch that was so light it was almost painful in its tenderness and I whimpered helplessly under his ministrations.

I felt my eyes roll and glaze as his soft brown gaze searched my own and swallowed me whole. I gulped at the flickering embers that were reflected in his irises. The burning fire of his arousal singed me even as I was being simultaneously frozen by a combination of my own fear and desire.

I saw his tongue snake out to lightly moisten his lips and then finally he bent his head forwards to kiss me.

For just an instant his lips hovered teasingly over mine and then his mouth dipped unexpectedly downwards and I suddenly felt the hot moist caress of his tongue on my chin. With unbearable slowness he licked a wet path along the line of my jaw until he reached my earlobe.

For a brief moment he let my mouth tremble with anticipation and then I felt his teeth close gently on the fleshy nub and begin to knead and chew even as he blew hot breath from down his nostrils right into the depths of my ear.

I groaned in response to the almost unbearable pleasure. It was not simply due to the stimulation of the multiple simultaneous sensations on my cheeks, throat and ear but the incredibly erotic delicacy of Chakotay‘s feather-light touch.

He was handling me as though I were made of precious porcelain, fragile and irreplaceably valuable. Any doubts that I still harbored about his sincerity were being eroded by the way he was worshipping my face with his tiny loving licks and bites.

Suddenly it became difficult to catch my breath in the midst of the moans and gasps that were being forced out of my throat. I had a sudden almost welcome thought that I might die like this, killed by my inability to control my response to my first sexual experience in over a year. I was floating on a wave of bliss and it wouldn‘t matter if I died in that very moment since I couldn‘t possibly feel any better.

The stupidity of that thought became immediately apparent as the hand that had been stroking my throat slipped down between my thighs and the bliss became ecstasy.

Because of the necessity of keeping my body tissue stimulated, the seat of my chair was fitted with a gently tilting massaging action under my butt which had the result of making my useless cock stand permanently at attention. For the first time I was grateful for the embarrassing bulge as Chakotay‘s hand closed gently through the fabric of my pants to caress my groin.

His large thumb found the very tip of my cock and began to rub it around the catheter tube with firm almost abrasive strokes as his fingers squeezed and released my shaft in synchronous rhythm. I cannot describe the wonderfulness of the sensation. I could feel every movement of his hand as it kneaded and his thumb as it scraped. Each touch felt like a tiny jolt of electrical current that surged through my brain as though I had been struck by tiny bolts of lightening.

Yet at the same time I could only feel these things from the outside, almost as though it was I doing the touching. My brain was ordering my cock to erupt its pleasure. I could feel the need to arch my back into the caress. My mind screamed its need to shudder and shake my whole body in reaction. But the signals were refused entry by my traitorous body and I could only gasp helplessly, as I was overwhelmed.

I felt his hands leave my lap and I groaned with disappointment.

"Don‘t stop, please don‘t stop" I begged shamelessly.

"Shush, babe, I couldn‘t stop now even if you wanted me to" Chakotay hissed in my ear and I moaned with pleasure at his deliciously evil comment.

I realised that he was releasing the brace that held my head. As the strap slackened around my forehead my head tilted forwards to expose the back of my neck. With a triumphant slurp Chakotay latched his mouth onto the long curly tendrils of my untrimmed hair. Nipping and sucking he teased the nape of my neck. I squealed as he pulled and chewed at strands of my hair.

His hands dropped down to open my trousers and I gasped as my penis was exposed to the relative chill of the air. Without ceasing his vampiric attack on my neck, Chakotay gently inserted his thumbnail into my slit and scraped gently. The sensation traveled down the catheter and for the first time in so very long I could feel sensation inside my cock.

"Ohhhhhhh" I groaned and the sound galvanized him into action. He dropped swiftly to his knees and nuzzled between my thighs. My chin was resting on my chest so I could see his dark head delving for delight in my lap. I felt his wet tongue slide up my shaft until he reached my ball-sac and then he proceeded to suck and chew. One by one he rolled my balls slowly in his mouth.

"Oh god," I squealed "don‘t stop"

He looked up and met my eyes with a mischievous glint.

"Do you like that, babe?" he purred.

"Oh yes. Oh God yes" I gasped.

"What about this?" he asked and took the skin of my scrotum between his teeth and nipped sharply.

"Ayyyyyyyeeeeeee" I screamed.

He reared back sharply and looked at me in concern

"Did I hurt you, Babe?"

"Yes..No...I don‘t know.. Do it again!" I gasped and with a feral grin he complied.

Soon we established that my most erogenous zone was actually the skin of my inner thighs and Chakotay took a great delight in comparing the different sounds he could make me create as he nibbled and licked and sucked. He played me with the skill of a virtuoso until I was gasping for breath like a fish out of water.

Then he turned his languid eyes at me and I shivered deliciously at the lustful glint in his eyes as he purred "Shall we take this to the bedroom?"

And I could only nod in desperate approval of his plan.