AUTHOR: Reanne Moreau
RATING: NC-17 (for sex)
SUMMARY: This story was written between the end of the third and beginning
of the fourth season, when Harry was in sickbay after being infected
by Species 8472 and the captain was really pissed at at Chakotay.
It's my wishful thinking about what might happen between Kathryn
and Tom, if B'Elanna decided she wanted Harry and Kathryn finally
gave up on Chakotay.
Voyager and all the characters are the property of those horribly
dull people at Paramount; the only thing that belongs to me is
the dirty mind behind the story. Speaking of which, if you're not
at least 18 or don't like reading about people having sex, stop here
and go read Dr. Suess or something. Please feel free to archive.
Weariness threatened to overcome Captain Janeway as she returned to
her quarters from Sandrine's. The recent run-in with the Borg had left
her exhausted in mind and body; even the belated "victory party"
tonight hadn't helped. They had narrowly escaped destruction at the
hands of Species 8472. The captain was forced to risk everything in an
alliance with the Borg. The ship survived, but at great
Her relationship with Chakotay was irrevocably changed. His refusal
to support her personally despite their professional disagreement had
been like a slap in the face. Her anger gradually faded, but the
hollowness inside refused to go away. She had never felt so completely
alone as in these last few days. Their first tentative steps toward a
relationship were washed away in the space of a few minutes. Kathryn
was torn between relief that she had avoided making a huge mistake
with her first officer and despair that the aching loneliness would
never go away. She only hoped that with time they could repair the
damage. She still needed his friendship and the rapport they shared
on the bridge.
Kathryn knew that she wasn't the only one who suffered because of the
Borg. Tom Paris had volunteered for the next best thing to a suicide
mission when he took a small shuttle to the damaged Borg ship to rescue
her. She had been semiconscious when she heard his voice calling to
her. They were halfway to where the shuttle was docked when the few
surviving Borg attacked and a glancing blow with one of their weapons
left Tom's chest torn open and burned. It had taken all of Kathryn's
strength to get them back to the shuttle and off the ship before it
The captain was in sickbay when Tom regained consciousness. The
Doctor had just given her the good news that Harry would live and she
immediately called the bridge to relay the information. So they were
both present when B'Elanna rushed to Harry's side and, in between
threats to kill him if he ever tried to die again, declared her love
for the stunned ensign. He'd barely had the strength to put his arms
around her, but it was obvious that Harry returned her feelings. They
had both been embarrassed to realize that they had an audience, but
Tom was the first to congratulate them.
Changing her course, Kathryn headed for Tom's quarters. He had been
released from sickbay this afternoon. He hadn't shown up at the party
and she was worried that he was sitting around brooding. *Like I've
been doing,* she chided herself. Paris answered her ring and invited
her into the living room. There was slow melancholy music playing and
a bottle of synthehol on the coffee table. Tom was wearing pajama
bottoms and hastily tying a matching blue robe around himself. The
blue caught and intensified the color of his eyes.
"Come to check up on me, Captain? Everyone else has." He settled into
a chair and waved her to a seat on the couch.
"You have a lot of friends; they're worried about you. We came awfully
close to losing you."
"You mean they're worried because I got dumped by B'Elanna," he shot
back, getting up again. He paced over to the window and stood looking
out at the stars.
"That, too." Kathryn came to stand next to him, putting a hand on his
shoulder. Tom wore the brittle cold mask that she remembered from
their first meeting in New Zealand. He hadn't worn that mask often
lately, never with her. She dropped her hand from his shoulder,
Tom studied her face as she moved away from him a step. It was all
over the ship that the captain had had some kind of falling out with
Chakotay. She had been more subdued than usual the last few days.
Usually the aftermath of a battle left her invigorated, but there was
a sadness lurking in her eyes, a tiredness that had nothing to do with
physical exertion. Tom cursed Chakotay for putting that look on her
face and himself for pushing her away.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you." His hand was
caressing her cheek before he realized what he was doing.
Kathryn raised her eyes to his, startled. She was even more surprised
when she allowed him to take her in his arms. They began moving slowly
to the music, Kathryn's head resting on his shoulder, held securely in
his arms. After a few moments she sighed and slipped her arms around
him. He could feel the tension slowly draining from her body.
"Even captains need to be held once in a while," he said.
"You keep coming to my rescue." She remembered her relief at hearing
his voice on the Borg ship and realized that she had half expected that
it would be Tom who came to find her.
Paris didn't reply. What else could he do? Kathryn got to him the way
few people in his life ever had.
"You and Chakotay will work things out."
"I don't think so. This was more than a disagreement about how to
handle the Borg." She briefly outlined their conversation. A prim
voice in the back of her mind started lecturing about Starfleet
protocol. She was tired of listening to that voice; it felt good to
be able to unburden herself.
Tom snorted. "That sounds like him all right. He never could separate
the personal from the political. That's one thing all Maquis have in
common." Pause. "You know he *is* crazy about you; it's only a matter
of time before he figures out what an idiot he was and apologizes."
"That's not the problem. Refusing to support me hurt - more than I
cared to admit at the time - but the worst part was realizing that we
wanted such different things from our lives. I really think Chakotay
would be happy settling on some quiet little planet, raising a family,
living off the land. I *need* my ship, Tom. I need to be out here
doing my job. Chakotay seems to think that it's something I'll get
over as soon as he shows me the error of my ways." She was getting
Tom wisely decided not to comment. They were quiet for a moment,
letting the soft strains of the music wash over them. He finally found
the nerve to ask what was uppermost in his mind. "Are you in love
Kathryn raised her head to look at Paris. The last week had left her
feeling emotionally battered and bruised. The warmth in those pale
blue eyes went a long way toward healing her wounds. It was a minute
before she recalled the question. "I was beginning to think it was
possible." One corner of her mouth quirked up in a wry smile. "I
guess I was being deliberately blind to our differences." Pause.
"Were you in love with B'Elanna?"
"So, it's my turn for true confessions." Tom deliberately looked away
and kept his tone light. "No, I don't suppose so, but I was sure as
hell enjoying the fall." Kathryn could see how much it hurt to discuss
the subject. "I'm happy for them. Harry's been in love with B'Elanna
since the day they met. It just took him a long time to stop feeling
guilty about Libby. I think they'll be good for each other." He looked
at Kathryn and gave her a ghost of his trademark grin. "I should have
stuck to messing around with the Delaney sisters. Some people just
aren't cut out for falling in love."
Kathryn stopped their slow progress around the living room and raised
one hand to smooth a feather-light caress along his cheekbone. "Don't
ever think that," she whispered, not trusting her voice. She felt as
if she were falling from a great height, heart pounding madly.
Tom had become intensely aware of her body as they danced. He held her
loosely, trying to hide the evidence of his growing arousal,
embarrassed that he was reacting this way to his friend and
commanding officer. The touch of her fingers was electric.
He breathed her name. "Kathryn." Tom took her hand in his own and
pressed a kiss into the palm, gazing with open wonder into her eyes.
"Sometimes the only thing that's kept me alive was the sound
of your voice over the communicator, the memory of your face." He
cupped her face in both hands and brushed a soft kiss over her lips.
There was a moment of infinite stillness as Tom waited for her
Kathryn knew what was going to happen tonight; they both desperately
needed to be held and loved. Still, she wasn't prepared for the
undercurrent of joy running through her heart that it was *Tom*
holding her. She looked steadily into his eyes and smiled. "I like
the way you say my name. Say it again."
Tom's smile was pure sunlight as he enveloped her in his arms. He
whispered her name over and over, as punctuation to the kisses he
trailed along the elegant sweep of her neck and throat.
Kathryn felt the delicious heat spread outward through her body. She
whimpered as Tom bit lightly at a sensitive spot just above her
collarbone. Then his mouth was on hers, hungry, insistent, their
tongues mating. As their passion escalated, his hands began to move
feverishly over Kathryn's body. He kneaded her buttocks, pulling her
hips tight against him and she felt Tom's erection pressing into
her; if they had been naked, he would have been buried deep inside her
body. Kathryn wound her fingers in silky blonde hair, pulling his head
closer for ever deeper kisses, licking the hot interior of his mouth.
Her senses swam from the intensity of the sensations. She moved her
hips sensually against him until Tom moaned into their kiss and broke
He leaned shakily on the arm of the couch trying to regain some of his
composure. It wasn't easy with Kathryn standing there, her eyes dark
with passion, lips bruised from kissing. He thought he would explode
if she kissed him like that again. "We'd better slow down; this is
going too fast." His hand caressed her cheek, brushing aside the wisps
of hair that had escaped from her ponytail. It was impossible to stop
touching her. He wanted to touch every inch of her, memorize her body
with hands and mouth and his own skin.
The expression on Tom's face was a strange mixture of arousal and
embarrassment that Kathryn found enchanting. He had a reputation for
being an expert lover. She enjoyed being able to so completely shatter
his control. She undid the belt of the blue robe and slipped it off
his shoulders. "Don't worry, I intend to take my time with you." Her
body was screaming for him to take her here, now, *hard*, but she needed
more from Tom than simple sexual release; she wanted to give *him* more
than that. She kissed him again, long and slow, letting her hands
trace the lean muscles of his back, dipping below the waistband of his
pajamas to caress smooth firm buttocks.
Without breaking their kiss, Tom quickly undid the drawstring and
discarded the pajamas as Kathryn's wondering hands worked their way up
his stomach and tangled in the light covering of golden hair on his
chest. Her fingers encountered the jagged scar that ran diagonally
from his left shoulder to just below the sternum.
She relinquished Tom's mouth and gently traced the pink scar tissue
with her fingertips. The memory of the Borg ship came flooding back.
She had been terrified that he would die before they could get to
the shuttle. He was slipping further and further away with each step,
weakened by pain and loss of blood. Kathryn leaned her head on Tom's
shoulder. "I came so close to losing you."
"It's alright, Kathryn. I'll be here as long as you need me." Holding
her close, his hands slipped under the hem of her green silk tunic,
stroking her back and undoing the clasp of her bra. Then it wasn't
long before Kathryn's trousers joined the pajamas on the floor. They
lost themselves for a while in the simple pleasures of touching and
kissing, then Kathryn traced a lazy line up Tom's thigh with her
fingernails. She turned her light teasing touch to his cock, caressing
him until he was whimpering with pleasure.
"I think this is the part where I'm supposed to say, _take me, I'm
yours_." His voice was hoarse, his breathing ragged.
Kathryn forgot to breathe for a moment, stunned. *He could give
someone a heart attack saying things like that.* When her heart
started beating again a slow wicked smile stole over her face. She
stopped her ministrations and leaned forward to purr in the young
pilot's ear, "That's right, you're mine."
Tom looked at her with alarm until he noticed the glint of mischief in
her eyes. "And what exactly do you intend to do with me?" He allowed
her to gently press him down onto the sofa.
Her eyes serious again, Kathryn caressed his face, lips following the
path of her fingertips. "I'm going to show you how glad I am that
you're alive." She lowered herself on top of him and began her
exploration of his body.
It drove him crazy that he couldn't touch her, but she wouldn't allow
it, gently but firmly batting his hands away. Tom found her touch
unbelievably arousing. It was more than the delicious things she
was doing to his body; he'd been with a lot of skilled lovers. He
thought of all the enjoyable but meaningless encounters he'd had aboard
ship, trying to make up for the times he had been used in prison. None
of it had come close to feeling like this. Kathryn touched him with
such tenderness, passion and deep emotion reflected in her eyes.
He was incredibly responsive to her touch, sighing and moaning as she
kissed and licked her way down his chest, pausing to torture his
nipples with tongue and teeth. Kathryn had to stop every now
and then to kiss those wonderful silken lips; she thought she would
never get enough of kissing him. She continued her travels down the
flat expanse of Tom's stomach, loving the clean soapy taste of his
skin, the delightful sounds he made as her questing fingers reached
lower to stroke the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. Deliberately
ignoring his straining erection she began to kiss slowly down one thigh
and up the other, occasionally grazing the soft flesh with her teeth.
Tom was nearly frantic by the time she cupped his balls in one hand,
kissing them, caressing them gently, her other hand stroking his cock.
She was watching his face, smiling. "I want you to know how much I'm
going to enjoy this." She began licking his shaft with slow deliberate
strokes as if she were licking an ice cream cone, taking her time,
swirling her tongue over the head.
It was more than he could stand, and not nearly enough. This was his
most secret erotic fantasy, but it was better than any dream. This was
really Kathryn touching him, driving him nearly mad. He abandoned
himself to sensation as she licked, sucked and nibbled at him, feeling
the tension building, aching for release and wanting the wonderful
torture to go on forever.
Kathryn drank in the sight of her lover, eyes closed, head thrown back,
nearly sobbing with need. His hands clutched convulsively at the sofa
cushions. She knew he couldn't take much more.
"Please, Kathryn ... please. Ohhh god!"
She'd enveloped him in her hot wet mouth, moving up and down the
throbbing shaft. There was an answering pulse between her legs as she
imagined him hot and hard inside her. She took as much of him in her
mouth as possible and sucked hard, knowing how close he was to the edge
and wanting to drive him uncontrollably over. Kathryn was straddling
his legs, but Tom tried desperately to thrust into her mouth. With a
cry of ecstasy he exploded, coming harder and longer than any orgasm he
could remember. He was too far gone to realize that it was Kathryn's
name he was shouting.
After she had wrung the last drop from him, Kathryn fastidiously licked
Tom clean and moved up to lie alongside him. Tom's eyes were still
closed; she wasn't sure if he had passed out or was just too
exhausted to move. As she settled on his chest, he opened his eyes and
wordlessly wrapped her in his arms. Kathryn listened to his heartbeat
slowly returning to normal as Tom removed the clasp holding
her ponytail and began combing his fingers through her hair. He buried
his face in the long strands, telling her in an intimate whisper just
how good she had made him feel.
They stayed on the couch for a few minutes longer, kissing and
caressing. Kathryn could sense that Tom was shaken by the intensity of
his emotions as well as the ferocity of his release. It saddened her
to realize that it must have been a long time since sex had been more
than a physical exercise for him. Standing up she offered him her hand
and led him toward the bedroom.
Tom's sense of humor recovered quickly and by the time they got to the
door he was delighted to find that his captain was exquisitely
ticklish. He carried her, laughing, into the bedroom and set her down
near the bed. "Are you ever going to take your clothes off or do I
have to undress you myself?"
Kathryn found herself hesitating as her fingers reached for the buttons
of her tunic. A sudden shyness seemed to have overtaken her.
"What's wrong?" Tom gently tilted her chin up and kissed her softly.
"Nothing. I just realized how long it's been since anyone but Mark has
seen me naked. I know that's silly."
"No, it's not." Tom caressed her face. "Are you sure this is what
you want?" He was almost afraid to hear her answer.
"Oh, yes." She looked into his eyes, smiling, to make sure he knew it
was the truth. Kathryn admitted to herself that nothing short of a
red alert could make her leave him tonight.
Tom began to slowly unbutton her tunic, kissing her soft skin as it was
revealed. He eased it off her shoulders and let it fall on the floor,
to be followed quickly by her bra. He was greedy for the touch of
her skin, kissing her lovely throat, her lightly freckled shoulders,
tonguing the hollows of her collar bone. He remembered just where to
use his teeth to wring a gasp from his beautiful captain before
moving lower. Sitting on the bed Tom lavished his attention on her
breasts, licking and sucking each hardened nipple while his fingers
caressed the other. Kathryn wound her fingers in his hair, sighing his
name and telling him how much she loved his touch. Her sighs turned to
moans as he sucked the sensitive crease under each breast.
Dropping to his knees, Tom kissed a trail down her stomach and slipped
her panties to the floor. They were soaking wet. He inhaled the
intoxicating scent of her arousal, cupping her buttocks and pulling
her hips closer to his face. Kathryn widened her stance to give him
more access. She drew a shuddering breath and shivered as his tongue
parted her lips, slowly licking her soft inner folds. After
all too brief a time he stood up and pulled her into a kiss, thrusting
his tongue into her mouth, letting her taste herself.
"Any time you need help getting undressed, Captain, just let me know."
He was wearing his famous smart-ass grin, but there was warmth and
tenderness in his eyes.
Kathryn wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed, a sound Tom heard
too seldom. "I'd take you up on that, Lieutenant, but I don't think
I'd ever want to put my clothes back on."
Tom caught sight of their reflection in the full-length mirror on the
back of his closet door and turned Kathryn around to look at herself,
wrapping his arms around her from behind. "I may have to revise
one of my favorite theories," he remarked. "I used to think perfection
Kathryn blushed as his eyes roamed her body, caressing her as
intimately as his mouth had moments before. Dressed, she was simply a
slim woman. Naked, her sleek, lovely body was breathtaking.
Perfectly defined muscles moved beneath velvet-soft skin, giving her
the strength and grace of a jungle cat. Her breasts were generous and
firm, tipped by pale pink areolas and nipples, like the most
delicate porcelain. There was a lushness about her body, despite her
slim build, that spoke of the passion she had to give.
Tom's hands were moving slowly over her skin and Kathryn stretched
against him, reaching back to clasp her hands behind his neck. She
closed her eyes as he stroked her, palms flat against her skin,
moving languidly from thigh to elbow, detouring to touch her face
lovingly. He paused now and then to massage her breasts, drawing
appreciative sighs. She let herself be enveloped in his warmth. Her
nerves had been jangled from the events of the past week and from her
own need after what happened on the couch. This slow gentle loving
was exactly what she needed.
"Mmmm. I've imagined you touching me like this so many times." It was
the truth. With nothing but her fantasies for comfort her imagination
had become quite *active*. She was afraid to admit how many times it
had been this beautiful, loving man holding her in his arms on a lonely
Tom drew an astonished breath and clasped her to him for a moment
before resuming his caresses. His touch grew slowly more intimate,
fingertips teasing her underarms, running lightly through her pubic
hair. Tom felt himself hardening as her sighs turned to gasps of
pleasure. He had never imagined that she would give herself to him so
completely, or that it would wreak such havoc on his heart. He cupped
her breasts in both hands, gently pulling and rubbing her nipples until
she was moaning deeply.
"Tom ..." She could do little more than gasp his name as bolts of fire
ran from his fingers to the wetness between her legs. Her breasts had
always been incredibly sensitive and she had no doubt that
he could make her come just by touching her like this. She covered his
hands with her own, whether to stop this delicious torture or to
encourage it, she couldn't say.
Relenting, Tom moved around to her side, drawing Kathryn into a deep
hungry kiss that left them both aching for more. One arm encircled her
waist while his other hand moved between her legs to stroke
her gently. He stopped, a wicked gleam in his eye, and took Kathryn's
hand in his own. He paused for another kiss before whispering in her
ear, "Show me how you like to be touched."
Kathryn's eyes widened as she realized what he was asking. Her breath
quickening, she hesitantly laid her hand over Tom's and guided it
between her legs. Her hesitance disappeared when she felt those
long elegant fingers stroking her delicate folds. At first she set a
slow pace, running their fingers over her inner lips, gently rubbing
the hood of her clitoris. Then her movements grew quicker, more
urgent, her pelvis grinding against their joined hands. She found
their reflection in the mirror. The sight of their hands buried
between her legs brought a groan to her lips. She met burning blue
eyes. Their gaze locked, she guided one of Tom's fingers to her
opening, crying out as she felt herself penetrated by their joined
fingers, stroking in and out with increasing urgency.
This was too much. Kathryn's knees threatened to buckle as she felt
herself on the verge of a powerful orgasm. "Please, Tom, I need ..."
Her words were cut off in a gasp as his thumb rubbed her clit.
"I know." He lowered her gently to the floor, his hand never
completely leaving her throbbing wetness. He kissed her deeply as he
stretched out beside her, propped up on one forearm, his renewed
erection pressed into her leg. "Come for me, Kathryn. I want to give
you the kind of pleasure you gave me." He took her nipple into his
mouth and began to suck in earnest, slipping his finger back inside and
adding a second.
She cried out his name repeatedly as the fire consumed her. She was
burning and melting in his arms, long years of loneliness, of physical
need driving her to new heights. Then Tom curled his fingers,
finding her most sensitive spot, his thumb never relenting in its
assault on her swollen clit. Kathryn knew she was screaming, her hips
bucking wildly against Tom's hand, fingers digging into his
shoulders as wave after wave of fire seared through her body. It went
on for an eternity. She rode the crest of one wave, only to find
another slamming into her, taking her higher.
Finally, exhausted, dazed, Kathryn collapsed, gasping for breath. Tom
gathered her in his arms, stroking her trembling body, telling her how
beautiful she was, how much he loved touching her. He
didn't let go until she moved out of his arms to stretch luxuriously.
"Are you all right, Kathryn?"
"All right doesn't begin to cover it." Her slow sensual smile told him
just how _all right_ she felt. She caressed Tom's face, leaning over
his reclining form to kiss the corners of his mouth. "That was
wonderful, Tom, but it made me so ... hungry," she purred.
As her breathing and heartbeat had returned to normal, she'd realized
how intensely aroused Tom had become. He was trembling with barely
leashed desire. Every finely sculpted muscle was drawn tight,
his erection rock-hard against her leg. The heat in those cool blue
eyes made her shudder. Knowing that watching her come had done this to
him was incredibly arousing. She rubbed her body against
him, her skin on fire where they touched. "I need you inside me, Tom."
He clasped her to him briefly, burying his face in her long hair.
"I've never wanted anyone like this," Tom whispered. He rolled them
both over so that Kathryn was on her back looking at the stars shining
through the slanted bedroom windows while Tom plundered her mouth with
hot urgent kisses. She pulled him down, wanting the heat and weight
of his body on top of her.
Tom settled himself between her legs while he licked and nibbled her
lips. Kathryn's hands never stilled, stroking him, drawing patterns of
fire on his skin. Finally, he knew neither of them could wait any
longer. Their eyes locked, he entered her with agonizing slowness.
She opened easily for him, lifting her hips eagerly to take him deeper.
Small whimpers of pleasure came from her throat as Kathryn felt herself
slowly stretched and filled until he was completely inside
her. *I'd almost forgotten what this felt like.* Tom paused to let
her savor the sensation.
They began to rock their hips together, finding a rhythm, trying to
move slowly. Their bodies' hunger told them that this was going to be
fast, hard and hot.
Kathryn molded her hands to her lover's back, feeling hard muscles
moving beneath the surprisingly soft skin. Tom was licking her ear,
softly biting the lobe, and it was driving her insane. This was
bliss, the wonderful intimacy of their joined bodies, the freedom of
giving herself completely to someone she trusted without reservation.
Tom's lips moved to the curve of her throat and she obligingly tilted
her head back. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. You
were *made* for this, Kathryn." His voice came in ragged
gasps. He was already moving inside her with increased urgency,
drawing soft cries from her lips.
"For you, Tom." She moaned as she captured his lips again, melting
into their kiss. Winding her legs around his thighs, she drew him
deeper inside her body.
Tom caught a glimpse of their reflection in the mirror: two beautiful
creatures loving each other with total abandon, their bodies covered in
a light sheen of sweat. He knew it wouldn't be long before he
lost control. Making love to Kathryn was more than he'd ever imagined
it would be. He hungered for her the way a drowning man craved oxygen.
Knowing that she wanted this, wanted *him*, awakened emotions he'd kept
locked up for a long time. As their soft sounds of pleasure gave way
to desperate cries, Tom was grateful that he'd already come once
tonight, or it would have been over by now. As it was, he found
himself thrusting into her faster, tongue flicking in and out of
Kathryn's mouth in time to the rhythm of their bodies.
She pulled her mouth from his. "Harder ...oh, please ...harder!"
Kathryn dug her fingers into Tom's back. She needed to come so badly
she thought she would explode. Determined to drive him
completely insane, she ground her hips against his, biting the tender
skin at the base of his neck.
With a growl, he withdrew almost completely and drove deep into her
hungry body. Kathryn arched her back and cried out in ecstasy. That
sound seemed to unleash something inside him. Everything
gave way to raw physical need.
She gave him her wildness, her hunger, and Tom reveled in it. He was
ramming into her *hard*, taking Kathryn so close to the edge it was
unbearable. She cried out incoherently, her back arched
almost off the floor. Her orgasm tore through her like phaser fire.
Head thrown back, she screamed her release to the stars as her body
spasmed uncontrollably. White heat consumed her until there was
She rode the after shocks, clinging tightly to Tom's shoulders, gasping
for breath, feeling as if anything could set her off again. She could
see that he was hanging on by a thread. His eyes were shut tight in
concentration, the rhythm of his movements ragged, desperate. She
began deliberately contracting and relaxing her internal muscles, eager
for his release. One hand stroked his face tenderly. "Let it happen,
Tom, it's going to feel so good."
This was madness. She tighted around his aching cock, milking him.
With a sob, he came in long hot spurts and it was so sweet, surrounded
by her, enveloped by her body. He moaned her name, needing
this so badly it was almost more than he could stand. He could feel
Kathryn watched his face as he pumped into her, sharing the intensity
of his experience. She felt a shudder begin deep in her bones and
wrapped her arms tightly around Tom's back as the orgasm
nearly shook her apart.
"Oh, god ... Tom .. *Tom*!"
They collapsed, spent, in each other's arms as the ripples of their
shared pleasure receded. Kathryn nuzzled Tom's neck, needing to be
held a few minutes longer. They rested, murmuring quietly, before
taking a brief shower and collapsing in exhaustion on the bed. They
were asleep almost immediately, limbs tangled carelessly like two
Kathryn woke in the dead of night, her thoughts spinning in dizzy
circles. She moved from her position snuggled in the crook of Tom's
arm and sat on the edge of the bed. He was still sound asleep,
his handsome face relaxed and content. *My god, what have I done?*
Getting up quietly, she padded to the living room. Tom's bathrobe was
still lying on the floor. She put it on, curling up on the chaise,
arms clasped around her knees.
*How are we supposed to handle this?* Guilt threatened to overwhelm
her. She'd just slept with a subordinate officer - an emotionally
vulnerable young man, desperate for affection. It went against
everything she believed in as an officer.
*And it felt so right - from the first time he touched me.* This may
have started out as two lonely people comforting each other, but it
went so far beyond that. Her mind flashed back to an evening on
New Earth, to Chakotay's hands massaging her shoulders and the sudden
awareness that she was alone with a very attractive, virile man - and
he wanted her. She had jumped to her feet, practically fleeing, her
body protesting that it had been too long since she had last been
touched. But some sane corner of her mind was whispering that it
That hadn't changed, although in the last few months that voice of
sanity had nearly been silenced. Chakotay was so patient, so
persistent. And it felt good to know that she was loved. She had
begun to think that, given time, she could return his feelings. So why
wasn't she in his quarters tonight trying to work things out? *Let's
face it, if I really wanted Chakotay, I would have had him by now.*
*So what do I want? A clandestine tumble with Tom Paris whenever I
can't stand being alone any more?* Using Tom like that was unthinkable.
She had too much respect for the man and the thought of how much it
would hurt him caused her an almost physical pain. *Maybe it's better
if we just forget this night ever happened.*
That was easier said than done. She and Tom shared a complex tapestry
of feelings. She hadn't realized until tonight just how strong those
feelings were. Kathryn blushed, thinking over some of the
things they had said to each other in the heat of passion. That only
started her thoughts swirling again and she leaned her forehead tiredly
against her upraised knees.
"I won't let you do it Kathryn."
She hadn't even realized he was awake. Starlight caressed the planes
and hollows of Tom's body as he approached the chaise, naked and
completely unselfconscious. He sat down next to her and caressed her
cheek with the back of his hand.
"You won't let me do what?"
"Convince yourself that what happened between us was wrong. That you
didn't feel what I did when we made love." His gaze was absolutely
steady as he laid his hand over hers. "I want more than this,
Kathryn. I know we could be good for each other. We could give each
other so much. Will you give it a chance?"
Kathryn's heart was racing so fast she wondered that he couldn't hear
it. She rested her head on Tom's shoulder, feeling his arm stealing
around her waist. "I didn't know it would be like this." There were
so many emotions fighting for dominance: sadness that she had made her
final break with Mark; guilt because she couldn't quite remember the
sound of his voice; more guilt because she couldn't return the feelings
of a good friend who was obviously in love with her. Threatening to
break through it all was the pure joy of being held by Tom Paris and
the urge to surrender herself to that feeling.
Finally, she sighed and Tom could feel the tension draining out of her
body. She snuggled a little closer. "I ran Tuvok's mutiny program on
the holodeck a little while ago. When it was over I asked
him why, out of all the crew, he had chosen to put you at my side
through the whole thing. He said that it had never occurred to him
that you would be anywhere else." She smiled, looking into Tom's
expectant face. "That's just where I want you to be."
Tom released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and gathered
Kathryn in his arms again for a long lingering kiss. "Do you think
Tuvok knew something we didn't?"
"Tuvok as a relationship counselor? That's a scary thought." She
couldn't surpress a yawn, thinking how lovely it would be to wake up
in Tom's arms in the morning.
Kissing her affectionately on the nose, Tom stood and scooped Kathryn
into his arms. "We'd better get back to bed; you have to work
tomorrow. I, on the other hand, get to sleep in, thanks to the
"It's probably a good thing. I might forget myself and accidentally
curl up in your lap on the bridge." She laughed at the expression on
Tom's face as he bounced her onto the bed and slipped under the
"I promise to *behave* myself on duty," Tom told her sternly, switching
off the light. "Even though in my heart I'll be undressing you and
licking you all over."
Kathryn gasped, knowing that image would be stuck in her mind for a
long time. "I'll get you for that, Tom Paris."
"I'm counting on it."