Title: Who You Want Me to Be: The Faces of Chakotay
Spoilers: Slight spoilers for Basics
Archive: Cha_Club, TPD, Paris Nights, CPSG, cp_eternal. Anywhere else,
Disclaimer: The Author owns nothing here except the ideas behind the
story. Chakotay and Tom would be happier people if she *did* own them,
but that's a story for another time...
Dedicated to Myfanwe for inspiring me. My muse heard the little sound file
Myfanwe mad and threw this into my mind. And those who know me,
*knows* that when I get a story idea, I have to write it down, or else it
*never* goes away. Also dedicated to CatHeights for coming up with the
title and Ki for suggesting the subtitle
I'm sitting at the bar in Sandrine's, sipping a drink and talking to Sandrine.
It's late, so I'm the only one here. As usual when I need to talk to Sandrine,
I deleted the other holocharacters when I came in. Normally, I'd talk to
Harry. He *is* my best friend and it's not like I have that many friends.
However, this is not something I can talk to Harry about. I've considered it a
couple of times, but just the thought makes me uncomfortable. It's not
because I don't trust him, I do, but the thought of *anyone* knowing about
my deepest held secret makes me uneasy. Sandrine is different. She's a
hologram and I can always delete the information from her memory.
Shaking off my thoughts, I sigh and glance at Sandrine, and continue my
monologue. "I mean, I've seen the Commander in many different disguises.
In the Maquis he was the Angry Warrior. Here on Voyager, I've seen the
Mystic Indian, the 'I-Want-to-Kill-Tom-Paris' persona and the perfect First
Officer." I pause to take a swig of my scotch, then put my glass down and
continue. "Lately, I've even seen a friendlier, 'I'll-Tolerate-Tom-Paris'
version of him. But this new side of him? I've never seen it before, and I
don't know who he is."
"I'm the Chakotay you want me to be," his quiet voice says from behind me.
I jump slightly in surprise. I didn't hear him come in. Taking a deep breath,
I school my face to show nothing but polite interest, then turn around and
give him a quizzical look. "What?"
"I'm the Chakotay you want me to be," he repeats. "The one who loves
you." Ignoring my slight gasp of astonishment, he continues. "This is what
you want, isn't it?" he asks and steps closer. "The secret you've been
keeping? You want us to be together."
I stare at him, momentarily speechless, as panicked thoughts race through
my mind. //Oh, god. He knows. Now what do I do? What can I say? How do
I explain?// Then I realize what he said. //He loves me?// I look into his eyes
and see the truth. I exhale softly. "What made you realize that you love me
all of a sudden?"
Chakotay lifts a hand and caresses my cheek. "I've always wanted you," he
answers huskily, as he lets his thumb graze my lower lip. "It just took me a
while to realize that it isn't just desire I feel for you."
I lean into his caressing hand, keeping my eyes locked with his. "So what
made you realize?" I ask quietly.
He sighs. "When Seska and the Kazon over-took the ship, you were
reportedly shot down. The pain I felt when I heard told me that it was more
than just lust. But at the time, I didn't have opportunity to examine my
feelings." He smiles. "We were busy on the planet we were stranded on.
Then when Voyager came back, we learned that you had not only survived,
but also brought the Talaxians and gotten rid of the Kazon. I was so
relieved, I just wanted to find you, put my arms around you and kiss you
I tremble at his words. "Why didn't you?" I ask in a whisper.
"Because I didn't know how you felt about me," he explains. "For all I
knew, you'd hit me if I did that."
I nod in understanding. I've been pretty good at concealing how I feel about
him. He would've had no way of knowing how I'd react if he made a pass
on me. As he said, for all he knew, I would hit him for that, or worse, bring
him up on charges. He *is* my CO, and making a pass on a subordinate
*can* be construed as sexual harassment. Then a thought occurs to me, and
I frown and ask, "How did you find out about my feelings for you?"
"Well, I watched you closely over the next few weeks, and noticed how you
looked at me when you thought no one was watching." He smiles gently.
"You have very expressive eyes. Then, when I came in here tonight and
heard you talking to Sandrine, my suspicion about you was confirmed."
"Oh." For a moment, that's all I'm capable of saying. I reach a hand up and
cover the one still caressing my face. Then I turn my head and brush it with
my lips. When I hear Chakotay's sharp inhalation, I smile and do it again. A
moment later, I turn my head back and look at him.
We gaze into each other's eyes for a few moments, then Chakotay leans in
and kisses me. At first, the kiss is gentle, but then I moan softly and part my
lips. Chakotay takes full advantage, sliding his tongue into my mouth and
exploring thoroughly. //Wonder if he's expecting a test on the interior of my
mouth.// I shake off the absurd thought. Even if he *does* get a test, there's
no doubt in my mind that he'll pass with flying colors.
For what feels like a long time, we kiss like that; hot open-mouthed kisses,
our tongues mating. Only when the danger of becomes a reality do we break
apart. Our eyes lock, and for a moment we are lost in a world of our own.
Then a movement from Sandrine breaks the spell, and we remember that we
"I want to make love to you, Tom," Chakotay says. "But not here."
I nod my agreement. "Let's go to your quarters," I say. //Your bed is bigger
than mine,// I add mentally. I smile when Chakotay's eyes reveal that he
knows exactly why I suggested his quarters.
"All right," he says, then steps back so I can get off the stool. When I'm
standing, he reaches out to take my hand and leads me out of the holodeck.
We manage to restrain ourselves until we get to Chakotay's quarters.
However, as soon as the door closes behind us, we're in each other's arms,
kissing passionately until the need for air forces us to break apart.
Once again, we look into each other's eyes, then I break the gaze and put my
head on Chakotay's shoulder. I press my lips against the side of my love's
neck and smile when I feel his pulse-rate increase.
He gasps softly and tightens his arms around me. After a moment, his hands
start roaming my body. One hand slides down to rest on my ass, the other
comes around to caress my chest.
This time, I'm the one who moans, then I lift my head, lean in and reclaim
his mouth. Snaking my tongue out, I gently pry his lips apart and delve
inside. I let my tongue take a thorough tour of his mouth, learning every
nook and cranny, and making itself at home.
Chakotay moans into my mouth and presses his body into mine. We both
gasp as our erections meet. Even through our clothes, the contact is
exquisite. However, to my great disappointment, Chakotay breaks the kiss a
moment later and pulls back slightly. I open my eyes and look into his
glazed brown orbs. "What?" I ask huskily.
"Too many clothes," he answers and tries to unbutton my shirt. However,
his trembling hands makes the usually simple task almost impossible and
after a moment, I still his hands. Then I tear the shirt open, sending the
buttons flying, and making Chakotay chuckle.
"A bit impatient, aren't you?" he asks as my hands moves to unbutton *his*
"I want to feel your skin against mine," I answer, as my fingers fumble with
the buttons in his shirt. Finally, I get my hands to cooperate, and when I've
opened the shirt, I push it off of Chakotay's shoulders and down to the floor.
As soon as his upper body is naked, I move back into his arms. I moan,
enjoying the feel of his smooth chest against my own. After a moment, I
pull back enough to bend down and play with his nipples.
Letting my oral fixation out to play, I suckle, kiss, nip and lick the tiny
brown buttons until they're hard and, judging from the sounds coming from
Chakotay, almost unbearably sensitive. Then, with a parting kiss, I move
When I'm kneeling in front of my lover, I tilt my head back to look at him. I
inhale sharply as the sight goes straight to my cock, making it almost
painfully hard. Chakotay is panting through slightly parted, kiss-swollen
lips, his face is flushed, and his usually brown eyes are black with desire. He
is the single most gorgeous sight of my life.
After a moment, I turn my attention to his pants. Lifting my hands, I open
them, then pull them and the boxers down to pool around Chakotay's
ankles. Once the clothes are out of the way, I grip his hips to hold him still.
Then I lean forward and take the brown cock in my mouth, sucking lightly
and running my tongue around the head. When he groans, I increase the
Chakotay tries to move, but my hands holds him immobile, so he soon gives
up trying and lets me set the pace. As his hands come to rest on my
shoulders, I feel his legs start to tremble. When his moans get louder I know
he's close to orgasm, so I relax my throat and takes his cock all the way in.
Then I start humming as I 'work'.
That's all it takes. Chakotay lets out a scream as he comes in my mouth. I
swallow eagerly, loving the taste of his semen. When he has no more to
give, I release his cock and lick it clean, then rise to my feet. I put my arms
around my lover and hold him gently while he recovers.
When he finally comes down from the heights of ecstasy, he lifts his head
from my shoulder and looks into my eyes, smiling softly. "That was
amazing. Thank you," he says in a voice that is slightly hoarse from
I smile and lean in to kiss him. When we break the kiss, I smile again, and
say, "You're welcome."
Chakotay returns my smile, then pull back and say, "I think you're a bit
over-dressed, Tom." With that, he unbuttons my pants and pull them down
over my hips. He grins when he notices that I'm not wearing any underwear.
"I never do," I tell him with a mischievous smile.
He swallows heavily. "I did *not* need to know that!" he exclaims. "Now,
how am I going to be able to concentrate when I'm on duty?"
I grin wickedly. "You're a big boy," I tell him. "I'm sure you'll manage."
He groans. "I'm sure I will," he agrees. "But it's gonna be hard," he adds
with a sigh.
I snort in amusement. "As hard as this?" I ask, taking one of Chakotay's
hands and pressing it against my erection.
"Not quite," he answers as his hand closes around the hot, silky flesh and
squeezes gently, making me gasp. He moves his hand along my erection a
couple of times, then lets go, saying, "I want you to come inside me."
I moan at his words. "Yessss."
Chakotay steps back and crouches down to remove his shoes and socks.
Once they're off, he rises to his feet and kicks off his pants while I do the
same. When we're both completely naked, we move into each other's arms
again and kiss passionately. After a moment, Chakotay pulls back slightly,
muttering, "Bed." He releases me, takes my hand and leads me into his
When we're on the bed, Chakotay pins me under him and starts kissing,
licking and caressing my body, driving me crazy with desire. Pretty soon he
has me writhing under him, moaning constantly.
Regaining control of my senses, I wrap my arms around Chakotay and
startle him by flipping us over. Now he's the one pinned under me. I smile
at him, then bend down to kiss him senseless. After a while, I break the kiss
and move up to lick and kiss his tattoo, committing every line to memory.
Then I move down to his chest, licking and suckling on the nipples before
biting down lightly.
When I bite his nipples, Chakotay moan and arches his back. Then his
moans get louder as I move lower and dip my tongue into his navel. A
moment later, when I move down and settle between his thighs and swallow
his renewed erection, he bucks his hips, trying to get further into my throat.
As I suck his cock, I feel his hands entwine in my hair. Thoroughly enjoying
myself, I increase the suction and, remembering his reaction earlier, start
humming. A while later, I'm slightly annoyed to feel him tugging at my
hair, clearly wanting me to stop. I lift my head and look at him. "What?" I
ask, wondering if he can hear the slight hint of annoyance in my voice. If he
can, he ignores it.
"I want you to fuck me, Tom," he manage to gasp out.
I moan softly, my annoyance forgotten. I want the same thing. "Where's the
In reply, Chakotay reaches under his pillow and pulls out a tube, which he
hands me. "Here."
I take the tube and uncap it, then squeeze a liberal amount into my hands
and thoroughly coat my erection. That done, I squeeze some lube onto my
fingers, throw the tube on the bed, then bring my hand down to Chakotay's
ass and slip a finger inside, stretching the tight muscle. It doesn't take long
until I'm able to add a second finger, and then a third.
When the muscle is loose enough, I pull my fingers out, and lift Chakotay's
legs over my shoulders. Then I place my cock at the opening to his body and
slowly push inside. It takes all of my self-control not to slam myself into my
lover, but I don't want to hurt him.
I'm rocking back and forth gently, going deeper with each thrust when
Chakotay suddenly pushes his hips up, forcing my entire length into his
body. I gasp in surprise, then moan in bliss when I feel the tight channel
surrounding my cock. Obviously, Chakotay doesn't want slow and gentle.
For a moment we lay motionless. I'm savoring our connection, and judging
from the look on Chakotay's face, he is too. Then my hips twitch
involuntarily and I start moving, slowly at first, but soon picking up speed.
Before long, I'm moving in and out of my lover, my thrusts hard and fast,
and he's meeting my every move with one of his own.
I wrap a hand around Chakotay's cock and stroke it in time to my thrusts
into his body. It only takes a few strokes, then he comes, screaming my
name. I thrust deeply into his body one last time, then my orgasm washes
over me. I'm vaguely aware of the fact that I'm roaring as I spill my seed
into my lover.
When our heartbeats and breathing has returned to something resembling
normal, I pull out of him and get out of bed. With a quick smile to my love,
I go into the bathroom to clean up. Once I'm done, I wet a towel, return to
the bedroom and gently clean my half-sleeping lover. Then I throw the
towel on the floor and slide into bed.
Chakotay pulls the covers over us, then wraps his arms around me and
spoons up behind me. "Computer, lights out, and set alarm for 0600 hours,"
he orders. As the computer beeps in acknowledgement and the lights are
turned off, he kisses the nape of my neck. "Good night, Tom."
I smile softly and relax in his loving embrace. "Good night, Chakotay," I
reply as I close my eyes and fall asleep.