Title: Still Thrives This Love Author: KayTrek (KayTrek@Yahoo.com) Part: 1/1 Rating: PG-13 Codes: C/P Post/Archive: CPSG, VSPS, ATPS, the Tom Paris Dorm, anyone else please ask first Disclaimer: Star Trek and everything related is owned by Paramount/Viacom, this is just a not-for-profit fun fic. NOTE: This is a sequel or companion to my Constant Craving piece. Dedicated to: The ATPS gals who wanted a sequel to Constant Craving, and as always, to CatHeights for her editing skills Still Thrives This Love I still remember the first moment I saw him in that seedy bar, and the night of passion that followed. I may have fallen in love with him in that first moment. But love is never enough, is it? Especially in the middle of war. I thought he betrayed me; in return, the Maquis betrayed him. I ignored the part of my heart that craved him, and turned from him, thinking him just another mercenary turncoat like so many others I had had to use for the Cause. Despite these choices, though, a corner of my heart held hope, love for him still allowed to thrive. A contradiction, a major contradiction, in my life, as I made further choices for the Maquis, for the war, for myself, that led me farther and farther from him. More pain, but the love still thrived, hidden, in the corners of my soul. Then came Voyager, and the Delta Quadrant. And Tom was suddenly, miraculously, back in my life again. My heart exploded at seeing him, just as my mouth scorched his very existence. Why do we make the choices we do? The contradictions would not go away, despite many hours of meditation. At first I tried to hold to the old images of him, of Tom as the traitor, the turncoat, the mercenary who would work for whoever would pay him. But then came Ocampa, and the risks he took with the Kazon, and Seska's unveiling as a spy. It was that that really started to change my mind to match my heart. Seska. She had set Tom up, I realized. And then Tom got us the ship back. It was the beginning of my heart winning over my mind. I still tried to hold onto the image. My mind and my heart warred, worse than the Maquis and the Cardassians. But my love for him still thrived. So, slowly, my heart won my mind over. And the veil lifted, I began to see Tom for who he really was. And yet, thinking I see his essence, he still confuses me. Sometimes suffocatingly close, tight to my orbit; other times, observing me from afar. Either way, my love still thrives. He watches me; he regards me; as long as I exist in his world, I'll have hope. I want to go to him, tell him, but until I have a sign, I'll manage, somehow. It may take time, but I've learned lessons of patience. Those lessons were learned slow, and my patience may never earn what it labors for. Tom may never show me what I hope for. But my love still thrives, despite it, and I pray to the spirits that I'll be worthy of him, should he ever turn his regard my way. Still Thrives This Love (k.d. lang/Ben Mink) I often wonder Is it so All I am holding Wants let go How could I manage I don't know I often question Is it so Life's contradictions Tend to grow Spawning the choices And the woe But, still somehow thrives this love Which I pray I'm worthy of Still somehow thrives this love I often wonder Is it so The lessons of patience Are learned slow And earnings of labour May never show But, still somehow thrives this love Which I pray I'm worthy of Still somehow thrives this love Copyright 1992 Bumstead Publishing/ Zavion Music SOCAN k.d. lang vocals