Title: Questions
Author: KayTrek (KayTrek@Yahoo.com)
Part: 1/1
Rating: PG
Codes: J/P
Archive: ATPS, Jupiter Station, The Tom Paris Dorm,
anyone else please ask first

Disclaimer: Star Trek and everything related is owned by
Paramount/Viacom, this is just a not-for-profit fun fic.

Dedicated to: Mordhena and CatHeights, who wanted to know
what happened next

SPOILER ALERT: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR FAIR HAVEN
AND SPIRIT FOLK

Summary: This story is a sequel to my story "Similarities," which
was loosely based on a Jupiter Station challenge to write a coda
or sequel to "Fair Haven" where Janeway slowly realizes that Paris
is much more like Michael than she thought. After Tom's hints
about Michael being based in part on himself, and the fact that he
created Michael Sullivan for her, Kathryn now has more questions
than answers.


Questions

Kathryn was still sitting at the table in the messhall, contemplating
the stars, when Neelix came in to fix breakfast the next morning.

"I'm sorry, Captain, I didn't mean to disturb you, I'll get your
breakfast right away," he said, beginning to bustle about the kitchen.

"I'm not early, Neelix, I'm late," Kathryn responded, and picked
up the plates and cups before her to take them to the kitchen.

"Here, Captain, let me take those," Neelix offered, and scooped
them from her hands to disappear into the kitchen with them.

"I'm afraid Tom and I finished off the last of your pie last night,"
she offered, not wanting the Talaxian to wonder where the food
had gone.

"That's great, Captain! I'm glad that the two of you had a nice
chat! You did have a nice chat over pie and coffee, yes?" he
said, quizzically looking at her.

Kathryn began to answer is a cursory fashion, but then stopped,
leaned over the messhall counter, and said, "Neelix, have you
noticed anything about Tom lately? Has he been all right?"

"Well, he seems fine to me, Captain, he spends a lot of time in
Fair Haven, of course, otherwise he seems sort of quiet, but then,
he has been since he and B'Elanna broke up," Neelix said as he
hurried about the kitchen making breakfast preparations.

"Broke up?"

"Oh, yes, they broke up a few weeks ago -- no violent fireworks,
the way everyone thought, they just agreed that the relationship
wasn't going anywhere, that they weren't meant for each other,
I guess," Neelix said in a distracted tone as he took out some
leeola root.

Kathryn shuddered at the sight of the noxious root, but pursued
the conversation anyhow. "I didn't know that, Neelix. Why
am I always the last to know?"

"Well, you are the Captain. I think that everyone thinks that
petty relationship problems are beneath you," Neelix responded
and offered her a fresh cup of coffee.

"Thank you, Neelix, but it makes me wonder how much else
I've been missing on this ship," she responded in a sour voice.

"Oh, if it is important, I'm sure the Commander tells you, Captain,"
Neelix said, and continued with his breakfast preparations.

Stymied, Kathryn left with her coffee to freshen up for Alpha Shift.

The whole surreal midnight conversation with Tom, though,
would not let go of her mind. Neelix's comments had only
served to reinforce it. At their usual morning staff meeting, Kathryn
had found herself watching Tom more than listening to B'Elanna's
latest engineering update or Tuvok's new security protocols.
Tom had not been his usual charming self; if anything, he had
seemed quiet, withdrawn, and had avoided her eyes. She
hadn't thought before how simple and beautiful his eyes were,
the purity of the blue contained in them -- She could not
get out of her mind the looks he had given her the night before,
glancing up at her through his lowered lashes.

Now she sat on the bridge, lost in thought as she stared at her
chief pilot. As she gazed at him, she noticed how his soft blonde hair curled at the nape of his neck; he'd probably get it cut soon. It was odd to her that she was noticing these little things now. Like how he folded his long, long legs to fit in at the helm.

Get a grip on yourself, Kathryn, she told herself. He's ten years
younger than you, your mentor's son, and he is on the rebound
from a major breakup. But she found she couldn't get the pilot
out of her mind.

Finally, Kathryn gave herself a good mental shake and announced,
to no one in particular, that she would be working in her ready
room for the rest of the shift. She ignored the questioning look
of her First Officer and proceeded to her office. She never saw the
quick glance of her pilot, before he turned back to the helm.

She found she couldn't concentrate on the pile of reports before
her. Even out of Tom's sight, her mind kept returning to him,
and the conversation they had had the night before.

She still found that she had more questions than answers. She
had found Tom somewhat enigmatic the night before, but now,
she realized that Tom had been purposefully oblique, leaving
her an out if she wanted one.

The question was, did she want one?

She remembered Tom stating last night that he knew "what makes my Captain happy," and when she had jokingly said, "You've made that much of a study of me, have you?", Tom had responded, "I've had few years to
do so, ma'am, and to see what lightens your load." As he had spoken, though, he had refused to look at her.

Then, when Kathryn had told Tom to think about his
own happiness, he had asked, "And what if it is making
you happy?" while shyly glancing up at her.

And that had been before the whole discussion of Fair Haven.

Kathryn absently retrieved her second ccup of coffee for the morning and walked to the viewport, gazing at the stars they were passing, just as she had been gazing at the stars when Tom found her the night before.

Tom had made that much of a study of her? And then made
Fair Haven, or at least Michael, just to please her?

If he had indeed been studying her to see what would
make her happy . . . then he had been doing it long before he
had broken up with B'Elanna.

Was Tom saying what she thought he was?

She shook her head at the multitude of questions coursing through
her mind, and then jumped, startled, as the buzzer for her ready
room sounded.

She called for entry, and was not surprised to see her First Officer
enter her inner sanctum. He was about the only one comfortable
there; even Tuvok was more stiff and proper than usual in this room.

"Star gazing, Captain?" he said, smiling softly while walking to her
side.

"Caught me," she responded with a self-depreciating little smile.

"What's on your mind, Kathryn," he asked, turning to look at
her profile and not the starlight, as she continued to stare at the stars.

Her mouth quirked up in a half smile, and she turned her head
towards him. "You wouldn't believe me."

"Try me."

"Tom Paris."

"I thought so."

"You thought so?" she said, turning fully to stare at him.
"What made you think so?"

"You were staring at him all morning on the bridge, Kathryn,"
Chakotay said, giving a small smile in return.

"I was not!"

"You were." He smiled again, dimples showing. "It's all right --
he's quite a sight. But why the sudden interest?"

"Why didn't you tell me he had broken up with B'Elanna,
Chakotay?" she asked.

"I didn't think it mattered, and I didn't think it was permanent.
Are you saying it is?" Chakotay asked, studying her face.

"No, I -- I just like to know what is going on on my ship," she said, and stalked back to her desk, seating
herself behind it to put distance between herself and her First Officer.

"Kathryn," Chakotay said, and sighed, coming to sit in front
of her desk. "We are good friends, but . . . "

"But what, Chakotay?" she said softly, looking her best friend
in the eye.

"That is all we are, Kathryn, and we both know it. If you are
truly interested in Tom . . ."

"I'm not -- at least, I wasn't until last night," she blurted out,
trying to sort out what was going on in her mind.

"Last night?"

"Tom came in when I was in the mess hall, alone, stargazing.
He got us pie and coffee, and we talked."

"About what?" Chakotay gently nudged, knowing she
needed help sorting out her feelings.

"What makes me happy. What makes him happy. That making
me happy makes him happy. That, I think, he made Fair Haven
and Michael Sullivan to make me happy, Chakotay," she
responded, staring at her desk, and then glancing up quickly for
his response.

"Perhaps he did, Kathryn. He and B'Elanna weren't getting on
well even then. I guess I've always known it was only a matter of
time before the two of them broke up. I said nothing to you
because they've gotten back together so many times that I just
figured they would again. But you know, I don't think they will
this time. They have so little in common. B'Elanna has never even
set foot in Fair Haven." Chakotay paused, looked out at the stars
that had been so fascinating Kathryn, and then looked back at her,
trying to make her see.

"So if he didn't make Fair Haven for you, then who?" Chakotay
hinted, waiting for her to see the obvious.


"Himself?"

"He makes himself Captain Proton, or old cars to work on.
The perfect Irish town and the perfect Irish pub? Who would
enjoy that more than 'Katie O'Clare,' with her Irish roots?"
Chakotay gently chided, smiling.

"And he suggested that Michael was based on himself . . ."

"And . . ." Chakotay responded, letting her work out the ideas for
herself.

"What should I do now, Chakotay?" Kathryn asked, for once,
seeking her best friend's advice.

"I think that is for you to decide, now that you have
finally admitted what is going on," Chakotay responded, and then,
smiling enigmatically, he returned to the bridge.

Kathryn turned to look at the stars, with a few more answers,
but with questions still whirling in her head.

THE END