Happy Boyz of Summer, everyone, I couldn't resist. ;-)
Title: Hot-Dog Tomfoolery
Author: KayTrek (KayTrek@Yahoo.com)
Post/Archive: ATPS, Cha_Club, CPSG, VSPS, the Tom
Paris Dorm, anyone else please ask first
Disclaimer: Star Trek and everything related is owned by
Paramount/Viacom, this is just a not-for-profit fun fic.
Summary: More costume fun because KhiDax and
Jeanette like it so much: Tom gets stuck in a hotdog
costume at a ship's baseball game, and the usual nonsense
ensues. Also, an answer Ped's condiment challenge, sort of.
Note: This story makes oblique reference to my Easter
Bunny Capers story, and is set in the same milieu as that
story and Costume Nights.
"Um, Tom, what are you wearing?" Harry circled Tom in
bewilderment as he entered the holodeck for the ship's
championship baseball game. Thankfully, he was one of
the first to arrive.
"I'm a hotdog," Tom said, and turned away from his best
"I think I can see that, Tom," Harry said, trying not to laugh.
"But why do you want to be a hotdog?"
"Gee, Harry, I don't know. So I can wear my favorite
condiment?" Tom snarled, and stalked over to hide under
"Um, Tom," Harry continued, following Tom into the semi-
privacy of the bleachers, "why are you wearing that costume
if you don't want to?" Harry took another look at the outfit,
and admitted, it was just too much. Tom Paris as a hotdog.
Only Tom's arms, legs, and face showed. His entire body,
including the top of his head, was covered in a fake fur
hotdog bun, and the front of the costume had a hotdog
wiener showing, especially at the top and the bottom,
while the very front was covered in what Harry assumed
was supposed to be fake mustard. Tom did indeed look
like a giant, walking, talking hotdog.
"Because I lost a bet," Tom muttered, not looking at Harry.
"What sort of bet, Tom?" Harry asked, trying valiantly to
keep a straight face.
"Remember Easter?" Tom asked, glaring at the Ops
"And the pink bunny costume?" Harry snickered
"Yeah, that's the one," Tom said, twisting his expressive
features in disgust.
"But that was Chakotay's revenge for the Santa costume . . . "
Harry started, eyes widening.
"And I was dumb enough to bet him that my team would
beat the Captain's the other night. And Janeway dumped
us on our rumps. Remember?" Tom said, obviously still
smarting from the defeat.
"It's just a baseball tournament, Tom," Harry said patiently.
"She's probably going to whip Ayala's team today, too, for
the championship. We never should have let her have an
all-girl's team, it never dawned on us that between B'Elanna,
Seven, and the Delaney twins, who played on the academy
softball team, she'd be wiping up the diamond with all of us."
"Well, I was trying to get even with Chakotay for the bunny
costume, and I just knew we'd manage to beat the girls, so
we made a little bet, and I lost," Tom explained sheepishly.
"So now you get to be a hotdog for the game," Harry smirked.
"Yah. I'm supposed to be on the sidelines cheering Ayala's
team on," Tom said glumly, and, seeing the game was about
to start, headed for the baseball diamond.
Meanwhile, Janeway's team had assembled by their dugout.
Kathryn looked up, and suddenly smirked. B'Elanna just
gapped, then blurted out, "What _is_ that?"
"That, I believe, is Tom in a hotdog costume," Kathryn said,
doubling over in laughter. "I think someone lost a bet with
our first officer."
Megan Delaney looked over her Captain's shoulder. "The
bunny outfit was cute, but that's just plain stupid," she said,
shaking her head as Tom walked along the side of the
bases towards the Maquis team's dugout.
"What is the purpose of such an outfit?" Seven asked,
narrowing her perfect features as she studied the outlandish
clothing the ship's pilot wore.
"He's a mascot, I think," Jenny Delaney threw in, screwing
up her own lovely features as she studied Tom. "And I
agree with Megan, the bunny outfit was much cuter."
"It was common for there to be mascots, dressed up in some association with the teams, at baseball games, Seven,"
Janeway said, straightening up with difficulty.
"But a food item?" Seven asked, still studying Paris' form intently.
"Baseball, hot-dogs, apple pie and mom," Sue Nicoletti
threw in helpfully, to a blank look from Seven.
"Hot-dogs were traditionally consumed at baseball games,
Seven," the Captain said. "There is a long association
between the two.
Tom had finally reached the Maquis dugout, ignoring the
hoots and various offers from the crowd. He could see
Chakotay grinning at him from behind Ayala's broad form.
"All I can say is, you guys better win today," Tom snarled
as he saw the smirks Ayala and the other former Maquis
were giving him.
"With a mascot like you, Paris, how can we lose?" Dalby
guffawed, and slapped Tom forcefully on the back as he
came out of the dugout with a bat to loosen up.
"You do look -- tasty," Ayala drawled as he too climbed
the dugout steps to the field.
"Chakotay . . ." Tom started, fire in his tone.
"You lost the bet, Tom, not me," Chakotay said as he
grinned wider, and then also took the field.
"If you wanted to distract them, you could have put
loverboy in something sexier than a hotdog costume,"
Henley said as she, too, took a chance to scope out Tom.
"No, Donna, I think that just would have distracted
Chakotay -- and maybe a few of the others," Geron
added, the young Bajoran also grinning at Tom's
Tom just shook his head in disgust and took his place
to cheer on his "team". His team, hah, he thought as he
gamely jumped around, yelling at Dalby to hit a home run.
His original team, made up mostly of his other pilots, with
a few extras like Sam Wildman and Neelix, had certainly
let him down. They had done abysmally against the
Captain's team, after making the playoffs. If Tom didn't
know better, he'd think they threw the game, just to make
sure Tom ended up in this ridiculous costume.
It was a close game the first few innings, the Maquis
gamely going toe-to-toe with the women, Dalby sliding
into third base and spooking Sue Nicoletti, Geron turning
out to have a remarkable fastball that managed to strike
out B'Elanna, Ayala and Seven batting even through the
At mid-game, Chakotay sidled up to the giant hotdog on
the sidelines as Naomi and Neelix took the field to do some
enthusiastic, if amateur, cheerleading. Chakotay leaned
from behind Tom to whisper where his ear should be:
"You know, I have this thing about buns . . . "
"See if you get inside this bun anytime soon . . . "
"Mustard is definitely my favorite condiment," Chakotay
shot back, doing everything he could to keep from laughing.
"And what do you intend to do with it?" Tom growled,
turning to look at his smirking lover.
"Remember what I did at Easter -- those hot crossed-buns?"
Chakotay responded, the smirk turning into an outright leer
as Tom turned beet-red, remembering the fun the two had
had after Tom got out of the pink Easter bunny outfit.
"But mustard?" Tom squeaked.
"I like things spicy," Chakotay purred, twitching his eyebrows.
"I could try hot sauce too . . ."
"There," Chakotay said, and reached over to lick Tom's lips.
"And here, and lots of other places," Chakotay continued,
grinning at the interest Tom was starting to display.
"If you win the game," Tom said, not sure if he wanted to
participate in the kinky little game Chakotay was suggesting
"Oh, we'll win," Chakotay said confidently as he backed
away from Tom, turning to head over for a team meeting
as Ayala motioned frantically for him.
Tom just snorted and watched Neelix attempt to twirl a baton.
The next few innings the Captain's team surged ahead, the
Delaney twins showing why they had been on the Academy
softball team. And Seven had scoped out several of the
Maquis' favorite fakes, no longer falling for apparent outfield
hits that turned out to be bunts.
Tom continued to be a good sport, trying to do enthusiastic
hotdoggish stunts on the sidelines, while not knowing for
sure exactly how a hotdog was supposed to behave.
Chakotay couldn't choose an animal mascot, no, thought
Tom, not even a pink bunny again. He hopped quite well
at Easter. But a hotdog? So he keep jumping up and
down and spinning in circles until he was dizzy, while
shouting out such inanities as "Hot Dog Team!", "Go,
Team, Go!", and "Dog-Gone-It, Hit a Homer!" He wasn't
sure from the crowd's reaction if he was a hit, or if he
could never show his face in public again, but at least
he garnered some reaction. The Maquis team mostly
ignored him, while the Delaneys and others on the
Captain's team began to call hotdog jokes out to him --
"That's some wiener, Tom!" and "What a set of buns, Tom!"
being particular favorites, and the Captain doing nothing to
stop the harassment.
All Tom knew was, that if Ayala's team didn't win,
Chakotay was dead.
Finally, in the ninth inning, Ayala hit a home run, bringing
in two runs on base and leaving his team tied with the
Captain's team. Chakotay stepped up to bat, and Jenny
screwed up her face, clearly intending to throw her best
fastball at him. This run would make or break the team,
and the crowd drew hushed. Tom stilled his jumping
about on the sidelines, not wanting to break Chakotay's
Jenny threw -- a ball.
The second swing, Chakotay missed, and Tom
forgot to breathe.
The third pitch went foul, with Seven not even deigning
to leave her position to capture it after calculating the
The next two pitches were wild, and Chakotay wisely did
Tom looked as serious as a giant wiener could, waiting
for his lover to either hit or strike out -- and Chakotay
glanced over at Tom, knowing that this hit meant that he
would either hit or strike out with Tom tonight, too. Tom
just grinned at the Commander, and wiggled his smaller
set of buns.
Chakotay smirked in response, and turned to face
Jenny with renewed resolve.
Jenny wound up, and threw.
Chakotay swung -- and hit the ball out of the park.
The crowd went wild, and Kathryn gamely walked over
to Ayala to shake hands. Harry could be seen by the
edge of the bleachers frantically settling all the bets that
had been made on the game.
Tom just shook his giant bun-covered head, and walked
slowly over to Chakotay as he was being congratulated
by the Maquis team and other members of the crew.
Finally, when Chakotay could pull away from his admirers,
he approached Tom. "What to get out of that costume?"
Chakotay offered, grinning.
"Depends on what you intend to replace it with," Tom said,
refusing to give Chakotay a clue as to what he really was
"Not much," Chakotay said, approaching the giant hotdog,
"not much at all."
"Except condiments?" Tom questioned, while admitting to
himself that a victorious, sweaty, horny Chakotay might
just be a good thing, condiments or not.
"Lots of condiments, in strategic places," Chakotay leered
as he leaned in for a victory kiss, which quickly turned into a
"What can you see in a giant hotdog, Chakotay?" said
B'Elanna as she wandered up to congratulate the winning
"It's not the hotdog, it's what's wearing the hotdog,"
Chakotay said, grinning, to her confusion.
As Chakotay began to drag Tom from the holodeck,
the Captain just shook her head behind B'Elanna,
and said, "they are just up to their usual Tomfoolery,
B'Elanna, better to leave them be."
"Yeah, I guess," B'Elanna said as she turned to join the
Captain in congratulating Dalby and the others, "but don't
you wonder just what they get into with all of these
"I'm afraid to ask," Janeway responded, shaking her head,
walking back across the diamond to congratulate Ayala