Cliffs, pizza and rock and roll (part two)

C/P Part two in a new series I’m doing. Tom and Chakotay find surviving together had it’s bad points, especially when Tom’s ill. Comments/suggestions appreciated. Rated R for language and implied m/m.

"You’re looking a little down today Paris."

Tom glanced up, oh God couldn’t these guys leave him alone in the daytime? Tom breathed, it was broad daylight and in the middle of a crowded room- nothing could happen. "Am I?."

"Heard you went to see a screw yesterday, hope he didn’t find out about our agreement?"

‘Agreement?’ Tom thought ‘yeah you fuck me and I stay alive. Rather be dead actually.’ "Nah. They wouldn’t believe me anyway."

"That’s right. Coz we’re a traitorous, fucked up homicidal psychopath aren’t we Paris?"

"If you say so."

"Y’know," fuck-wit sat down opposite him, "why do I get the feeling you’re ignoring me Tommy?"

Tom felt himself getting angry again, "Because I am, you pea-brained, no-good, mother-fucking ASSHOLE!" Tom punched fuck-wit and felt himself being dragged up by two guards.

Fuck-wit stood up and smiled at the guards, "He’s been edgy for a while now. Goes off at anything. Me and the guys try to take care of him, but it’s hard." Fuck-wit turned to Tom at Tom, "Don’t worry Tommy, we’ll take care of you tonight, you won’t have to be alone."

The guards smiled at fuck-wit and Tom was dragged of back to his shared five-bed cell. One of the guards looked at him, "You should appreciate friends like that Paris."

Tom was thrown onto his bed, he looked at the guards "Yeah, with friends like that who needs enemies?"

The guard shut the door muttering something along the lines of ‘lost cause’.

Tom lay down and waited for the inevitable.

"Lieutenant? Mr. Paris can you hear me?" Tom woke up to the sound of the Doctor’s voice. "Ah, finally back to the world of the living are we?"

"Surprised you managed without me Doc."

"Five hours overdue Mr. Paris."

"I’ve been later for shifts."

"I don’t doubt it. The virus seems to be gone, how are you feeling?"

"Pretty good actually."

"That won’t last." The Doctor stated, "Stomach cramps, vomiting and migraines should present themselves over the next few days.

"At least my recovery won’t be boring." Tom looked towards the bio-bed opposite him. "Where’s Chakotay?"

"Gone to get something to eat. He’ll be back soon."

"Who’d have thought I’d been spending the next five days with Chakotay?"

"I honestly do not know how he is going to cope."

"You’ll miss me when I’m out of here Doc."

"If I do, I’ll Comm you. Stand up please."

Tom stood up shakily and then sat straight back down. "Woah."

"Okay, I’ll beam you and Chakotay to your quarters."

"Five star service as always at the Voyager Sick Bay."

"Something along those lines. Now hold still."

Chakotay played with his food in the mess hall, how was it possible to make food this bad? It was unfit for consumption. Of course no-one told Neelix, so they had to eat this. Chakotay looked up from his Padd to see Kathryn heading over to him.

"Hi, this seat taken?"

"No, but I’m going in five minutes."

"Me too. Is this stuff edible today?" Kathryn looked at the brightly colored goo on her plate.

"Depends how hungry you are."

"Famished."

"Then you’ll probably be able to stomach it."

"How’s Tom?"

"Five hours overdue waking up. The Doctor says it’s fine though, just Tom being Tom."

"Looking forward to taking care of him?"

"I don’t know, five days of hypos, seizures, Tom’s quarters and Tom."

"You’ll love it. Just think of me dealing with aliens, being shot at by every species in the Delta Quadrant, having no sleep at all and having to be kept awake by drinking millions of cups of coffee."

"So that’s where all your rations go."

Chakotay’s Comm badge sprang to life, "Paris to Chakotay."

Chakotay touched his Comm badge ignoring Kathryn’s look, "Chakotay here."

"Be there in five Tom."

"Thanks, Paris out."
Chakotay smiled and looked at Kathryn who was also smiling, "What?"

"He’s already got you wrapped around his little finger."

"Has not."

"You’d jump out of the airlock if he asked."

Chakotay smirked, "Neelix! The Captain would like some company while she eats her delicious meal, would you mind?"

"Of course Captain. Are you not eating yours Commander?"

"Y’know Neelix, I’d love to, but duty calls, why don’t you have it. See you later Captain. Neelix."

Chakotay walked out praying he wouldn’t get demoted.

"Commander. You can have an hour longer if you like, I was going to run a few more tests."

Chakotay glanced at Tom furiously shaking his head behind the Doctor, "I think we’d better go now and get, um, dinner."

"I thought you’d just had it."

"Um, yeah, but I’m hungry again."

"Right." The Doctor gave him a strange look, "remind me to review healthy diets with you, I’ll just go and get Mr. Paris’ things."

The Doctor walked towards his office and Tom looked at Chakotay, "Great excuse. You’ve obviously never been late for shifts."

"I couldn’t think of anything."

"How about, ‘I was going to but something came up’, ‘have you SEEN Neelix’s food?’, ‘I skipped lunch’, ‘I wasn’t very hungry’ or even ‘yeah, but I lost the Mess Hall’ would have been better."

"Point taken. How you doing?"

"I feel fine, but the Doc says it’s only temp and we’re gonna have a fun night."

"Oh good." Chakotay said flatly.

"Commander?" the Doctor yelled from his office, "If you could spare a few minutes.

Chakotay rolled his eyes, "Of course Doctor." He walked to the Doctor’s office leaving Tom smiling.

"Okay Tom will need these hypos every four hours, I made them beep every time he needs one." The Doctor smiled at his gadget, then realized Chakotay wasn’t and carried on, "These are painkillers, no more than one every five hours. These ones are tranquilizers, he might have trouble sleeping. Any problems, Comm me, I’m always ready for a visit from Mr. Paris." He said flatly.

"Right."

"I’ll beam you to his quarters, he’s not ready for walking yet."

"Okay."

Chakotay followed the Doctor out back to Tom who was still smiling, "Ready Lieutenant?" the Doctor asked.

"I’ve been ready for the last hour Doc."

The Doctor walked round to a console, "Beaming you now."

Tom watched sick bay shimmer out and his quarters shimmer in, he landed on his unmade bed, "Hey, nice shot."

"Nice, tidy quarters Tom." Chakotay said surveying uniforms everywhere, odd Padds and data-clips on the floor.

"This is just my bedroom, the rest of it’s tidy." Chakotay’s bag started beeping, "What’s that?"

"Your medication." Chakotay pulled a hypo out of the bag, "Here, give me your arm." Chakotay injected the hypo, "There. Hungry?"

"A bit."

"What do you feel like?"

"Pepperoni pizza, fries and, um, milkshake."

"Yuck! You can eat all that?"

"Maybe."

"Big kid."

"Old git."

"How about you have soup tonight and all that tomorrow?"

"Come on Cha" there it was again, "I’m not gonna feel this good tomorrow. Plus I can spend the Doc’s medical rations."

"He gave you some?"

"Unlimited supply for five days from my quarters."

"In that case, eat what you like." Chakotay walked over to the replicator and ordered.

"Here." Chakotay brought Tom a pizza, a big bowl of fries to share and a milkshake for Tom, water for him.

"Aw, you got me a straw too." Tom said sucking on it. "Seriously Cha, this is the best thing any one’s ever done for me."

"What given you a straw?"

"No, this. Being here with me. There’s been a lot of times when no-one would have even considered doing this for me."

"There’s a lot of people who would do it for you Tom. You just have to realize that."

There was a silence for a while, both men wondering what to say then Tom looked up, "Um Chakotay?"

"Yeah?"

"You’ve got pizza on your chin."

Chakotay smiled and wiped it off, "Well if we’re being posh, you’ve got it all around your lips.

Tom laughed and finished up his pizza, "Chakotay?"

"What?"

"I’m still hungry."

Chakotay rolled his eyes, "Still? Do you eat like this every day?"

"Nope, in fact I barely eat anything."

"What do you feel like?" Chakotay walked over to the replicator.

"Cookie dough ice cream."

"Unbelievable." Chakotay said replicating the stuff and giving Tom a bowl. "Why so into junk food?"

"I’m not, it’s an indulgence. Usually I don’t have the rations to eat like this. Besides I didn’t get to as a kid, all the Starfleet dinners with my dad. Caviar, Salmon and Fruit salads- yuck." Tom pulled a face.

"So this is your rebellion?"

Tom licked his spoon, "Bingo."

Chakotay laughed again. They talked for hours that night. About their pasts, their views and interests, everything. After a while Chakotay noticed Tom’s eyes getting droopy, "Tom? You tired?"

"No. I’m okay, I don’t want to go to sleep."

"You’re going to have to sleep sometime."

"Then tranquilize me."

"I’m not pumping you full of drugs when you don’t need them. You’ll only feel worse." Chakotay paused and looked at the pilot, "Why can’t you go to sleep?"

Tom paused and, his voice barely audible, said "It’s the dreams, the memories."

"Of what?"

"Of prison. It was tough in there Chakotay. I hated it. They just keep coming and, they… they scare me kinda."

Chakotay spoke softly, "Maybe you could talk about them, sometimes that helps. Or if you don’t want to talk to me, I could get Tuvok, or Neelix or anyone to listen."

"No, Cha. I mean, do you want to know?"

"If it’ll help you, then I’ll do anything." Chakotay briefly realized that he would, in fact, do anything for Tom, but pushed the thought aside.

"Okay. They always start with me in prison, I’m with them, these people, shared my cell with me. It was all because of me being ‘Fleet, and my Dad being an Admiral. I guess I probably deserved it actually, I mean I was a fuck up- still am. But they, shit it hurt so much. They hurt me, in a…a bad way. A sexual way." Tom paused, "And, it keeps coming back to me."

"Oh Tom." Chakotay felt torn between compassion for Tom and hatred towards the bastards that did that to him.

"You’re the first person I’ve told who didn’t say I deserved everything I got." Tom sounded kind of choked up.

"Who the hell said that?"

"Prison guy and my dad."

"Your father!? He didn’t care?"

"No. After I left the ‘Fleet, he didn’t give a shit about me."

"The prison guy?"

"Thought I could trust him, but no- he spread it. Man I paid for that one." Tom winced at the memory.

Chakotay was silent. He was looking into Tom’s eyes. He could usually solve most problems, but this, this was appalling. How could anyone be so heartless towards this beautiful man? He noticed Tom’s eyes glassy with tears and reached out to brush away a stray one running down Tom’s cheek. He moved over to Tom and gently wrapped his arms around him. Tom welcomed this unexpected display of affection and snuggled into Chakotay’s chest. Years of hurt and loneliness came out and Tom cried. Chakotay held him close and whispered soothing words. Moving a pizza box Chakotay lay Tom down on the bed, all the time comforting and holding him. Chakotay shifted Tom so he was lying in Chakotay’s arms on the bed. After a while Tom’s crying stopped and he fell asleep. Chakotay watched him for a while and eventually dozed off himself.

Tom’s eyes opened and he found himself asleep next to Chakotay. He felt seizures coming and figured he was going to have a bad day. Tom looked at the sleeping man next to him and remembered the night before. Chakotay hadn’t laughed or teased him about the dreams, he had comforted Tom. This was a new experience, someone caring about him. Tom felt an urge to run from this feeling, nothing could stay right for him for long- and it might hurt Chakotay in the process. But this was too nice to escape from, he would have to take a risk. Tom was feeling very confused when Chakotay woke up. "Morning."

"Hi. How was the night?"

"Great, no dreams or anything."

"How you feeling?"

"Okay at the moment, but I can feel something coming."

"It was expected."

"Yeah." Tom sat up and looked at Chakotay, "Thanks for last night. I think I needed that. No-one’s ever been that nice."

"Tom, I’m honored you trusted me enough to tell me. I promise it won’t go any further."

Tom smiled gratefully, "I’m having a shower, ‘kay Cha?"

"Sure. Want breakfast?"

"Nah. Not hungry." Tom made his way to the bathroom.

Chakotay closed his eyes and tried to summon the energy to get up. He was feeling very pleased with himself. Tom trusted him. Tom liked him. Chakotay had never felt this close to anyone before. He also felt bad for feeling like that. The kid had had a rough time. Chakotay just couldn’t help being happy it had brought them closer. He did, however, vow that if he ever met any of the bastards who did that to Tom, he would kill them.

Chakotay must have dozed off for a while, because when he next opened his eyes, there was no water sounds from the bathroom. He pulled himself up and noticed his reflection in the mirror. His clothes were creased and his hair messy and desperately in need of a wash. Chakotay decided to ask Tom if he could use his shower, but Tom beat him to it walking out with a towel around his waist.

"Chakotay, you’d better use my shower. Then you can replicate yourself some clothes. You don’t look very attractive creased up."

Had that just been flirtation? Chakotay turned the sentence over in his head and sent it off for analyzing. He needed to burn the image of Tom in a towel into his head. ‘Damn it Chakotay," he thought, ‘the kid is straight, he doesn’t like you.’ "Thanks." He managed to say and went into the bathroom.

Tom rubbed his hair dry and pulled on some sweats he found in his drawer. He sat down on his couch and waited for Chakotay. He wasn’t sure what he felt for Chakotay. He definitely liked the guy platonically, but he wasn’t sure about going further. Tom had definitely seen homosexual relationships before, they were quite common in prison, hell he’d been forced through it. But did he want a relationship? How the hell was he going to decide? Did Chakotay even feel more than sympathy for him? Tom ran a hand through his hair and chewed his bottom lip. His thoughts were interrupted by an agonizing pain in his stomach. He groaned, grabbed his stomach and screwed his eyes up in pain. He felt himself losing consciousness, but the relief didn’t come. He tried to get up but he couldn’t move. He tried to shout Chakotay, but he couldn’t speak. He lost consciousness, but regained it several seconds later still in excruciating pain.

Chakotay pulled on a pair of freshly replicated pants and put on a white T-shirt. He walked out of the bathroom to find the pilot curled up in pain on the couch. "Tom!" Chakotay went over to him grabbing a pain-killer on the way. Injecting it into his arm seemed to calm the agony somewhat. Tom seemed to recover his composure and sat up. "Are you okay? I’m so sorry."

"What? Why are you sorry?" Tom asked sitting back and closing his eyes.

Chakotay stood up and started pacing, "I should been here. I’m supposed to be looking after you, I could’ve stopped it. I should’ve…"

Chakotay was cut off by Tom grabbing his shoulders, spinning Chakotay around to face him, "Cha, it wasn’t your fault."

"But I should have been here for you, I promised I’d look after you."

"You are looking after me Cha. You’re being great. Okay? It was not your fault." Tom looked him straight in the eye, despite the pain in his stomach. Chakotay didn’t say anything one thought was going through his mind- Tom was in pain and he hadn’t been there to stop it. Tom noticed Chakotay’s sad eyes, "Please don’t beat yourself up Cha. Please." Tom couldn’t bear the thought of hurting someone else, especially Chakotay. He wished he could turn back time and make Chakotay stay with him, or destroy the sadness in those eyes. He felt tears pricking his eyes when Chakotay didn’t move and the sadness didn’t go away, "Please." He said, badly disguising a sob. Chakotay gathered Tom up in his arms and buried his face in Tom’s hair. He tried to stop tears from appearing but they came. Just as Tom’s were on his chest. "Chakotay, I love you."

Tom’s whisper was almost inaudible, but Chakotay heard and whispered back, "I love you too Tom. More than anything."

Chakotay pulled the helmsman down onto the couch and sat holding him for a while. After a few minutes Tom sat up and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Smiling he said, "Shit Cha, I’m scared." Off Chakotay’s frown he continued, "I’ve never felt this way about anyone before."

"Me either. Tom are you sure? That you love me?"
"Never been surer about anything before." Tom paused, "Cha? I feel really cold all of a sudden. I don’t want this to happen to me, not now."

Chakotay lay Tom on his knee, "Don’t worry I’m here." Chakotay pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and lay it over Tom, stroking his hair Chakotay continued, "You’re going to be fine. Just a few more days."

"Then what? I don’t want you to go away."

"I’m not going anywhere flyboy. I’ll be here."

Tom sighed gratefully, closed his eyes and fell asleep.

"Tom! Tom wake up. Shit, shit, shit. Tom fucking wake up now! Tom! Paris, wake up now or I’ll fucking shove you in the brig. Wake up! Shit Paris don’t bloody do this to me, fucking breathe. Shit. Chakotay to transporter room two, medical emergency, transport Lieutenant Paris to sick bay. Tom breathe you utter fucking bastard, if you die on me…"

"Is he breathing?" Chakotay stormed into sick bay.

"Yes." The Doctor busied around Tom.

"What can I do? Is it my fault? What should I have done? Fuck, Doc he’s in pain. I want to help."

"Commander, leaving me alone would be a great help."

"He just, just was asleep and then started shaking and then stopped breathing, I didn’t know what to do."

"You did the right thing commander. Just sit over there."

The Captain walked in, "Doctor what’s wrong with him?"

"Captain please give me a minute."

Kathryn looked around and saw Chakotay looking pale in the corner, "Chakotay?"
"H-he can’t die. He said he loved me. He can’t fucking die."

Kathryn took hold of the shaking commander, "He’s going to be okay Commander, Tom’s too stubborn to die. He told you he loved you?"

Chakotay nodded, feeling tears welling up for the second time that day.

"Oh Chakotay. He’s going to be fine. You’ll see."

The Doctor walked over, "Mr. Paris has suffered a relapse, but I have stabilized him and he should be fine in a few hours. Then he will not suffer any more discomfort and should return to normal duties."

Chakotay sighed with relief, "Can I see him?"

"Please do. He won’t stop asking for you. I’ll come with you."

"Actually Doctor." Kathryn started, "I have to talk to you about, um, relaxing techniques a second."

"Oh okay, my office then."

Chakotay mouthed a ‘thank you’ and walked over to Tom, who opened his eyes. "Are you gonna throw me in the brig Cha?" he whispered.

"What?"

"I heard you was gonna throw me in the brig if I didn’t wake up. And I didn’t."

Chakotay smiled, "If you ever do that to me again I will. I don’t know what I would have done if you had died."

"You really care about me don’t you?"
"Hell Tom, I care about you more than anything. When will you believe me?"

"I think I do Cha. It’s just, this is a whole new experience. Nobody’s ever taken a second glance at me before."

"Believe me Tom, this is for real."

The Doctor walked back in, "Okay Mr. Paris, I’m going to sedate you for a few hours now while I get you back to normal."

"Okay." The Doctor injected a sedative into his arm and Tom began to feel sleepy, he vaguely noticed the Captain’s shape next to Chakotay, "Cha?"

Chakotay spoke softly, "Yes Tom?"

"Love you." Tom drifted off into a sleep full of Chakotay.

"Tommy? Wake up honey."

Tommy? Why was someone calling him Tommy? He didn’t really care why. Whoever was, was dead. He swung out and punched whoever it was. He could pack a mean punch and, to Tom’s delight, it must have bloody murdered.

"Shit! What the fuck was that for!?"

Tom opened his eyes. Oh shit! It was Chakotay, he had hit Chakotay. "Fuck! Shit! Oh Jesus I’m sorry Cha. I didn’t think it was you. Oh God what the hell did you say?"

Chakotay held his bleeding nose and regained his balance on the end of Tom’s bio-bed, "I told you to wake up." He had trouble keeping his anger out of his voice.

"What were your exact words?"

"Tommy, wake up honey." Chakotay said flatly.

"Oh Cha. I’m sorry, I should have told you."

"Told me what?" Chakotay had stopped his nose bleeding and was now regenerating his black eye.

"In prison. The guys, they called me Tommy- just to piss me off. It got me totally fucked up. It’s coz my mom used to call me Tommy. Before she died. I was so young, that’s kinda how I remember her. And to hear those bastards call me that, it was like they were, I dunno, bringing my mom back into my fucked up life."

"I’m sor-"

"No, Cha. Don’t be fucking sorry. I don’t want them to fuck up this part of my life too. If you wanna call me Tommy, do it."

"Okay." Chakotay looked slightly over-whelmed.

Tom looked at him, "Last weird thing about my life- promise."

"Just come to take you home, but now I’m thinking maybe I ought to leave you if you get violent." Chakotay’s attempt at a joke fell sort of flat. Usually Tom was the King of sarcasm, but he took Chakotay’s joke to heart.

"I really am sorry Cha. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I don’t know what came over me. I’m such an idiot." Tom’s eyes were glassy.

"No you’re not. You’re an incredibly gorgeous guy, with excellent street fighting skills and an unbelievably warm heart. Now come on, we’re going home." Chakotay picked Tom up off the bio-bed with such strength Tom was shocked.

"Didn’t know you were this strong Cha."

"There’s lots of things you don’t know about me Tom Paris."

"What about the Doc?" Tom whispered as Chakotay carried him out the door.

"Sod the Doc." Chakotay whispered even quieter, "He said you’re fine five minutes ago and I’m saving the guy the trouble of discharging you."

"And I have Lieutenant Carey’s report to check over before Friday." Kathryn’s voice came around the corner, Chakotay dropped Tom and they both stood to attention. Since when did she get out of sick bay?

"You’re off duty gentlemen." She said noticing them looking like they were in the land army. Either that, or up to no good.

"Yes ma’am." They said simultaneously.

"What are you doing?"

"Cha and me are just going home ma’am." Tom said.

"Cha?"

"Cha…kotay."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow at Chakotay and carried on, "How are you feeling Mr. Paris?"

"Better thanks Kathryn." Didn’t take him too long to slip out of formal mode.

"Have a nice night Tom, Cha." And she walked off, smiling.

As soon as she was out of earshot Tom and Chakotay carried on. Tom turned to Chakotay, "Hey, I thought Cha was my thing."

"She won’t use it again."

"You don’t mind me calling you Cha?"

"Nah. I kinda like it." Tom looked at him quizzically , "I’ve never had a nickname before."

"Aw! Poor Cha!"

"Shut it Tom." Chakotay pinned Tom against a near-by bulk-head and kissed him.

‘Hold still you little shit.’

Tom pulled away and stepped to the side of Chakotay, "Um, yeah okay."

Chakotay looked hurt, "What?"

"Yeah, well we’ve never done that before."

"True. Are you okay with it?"

"Um I dunno…" Chakotay was interrupted by a crewman who had just rounded the corner and Tom took the chance and bolted. How the hell was this going to work? How the hell, when every time he was reminded of them? Tom made his way up the corridor sensing Chakotay wouldn’t be very far from following. He yanked off his Comm badge, threw it on the floor and dodged into the nearest turbo lift. "Deck five."

TBC