"All done," Tom said, snapping the regenerator off.  "But no more
serious injuries.  This thing is getting low."

Chakotay ran his hand over the regenerated area.  He didn't feel any
scaring.  "Good job, Tom," Chakotay said.  When there was no response,
Chakotay looked to see Tom messing with the medkit.  "Tom?"

"I don't think I can do this, Chak.  I just don't think I can go through
it again.  You don't know what it's like.  I mean people laughing at
you, staring at you.  I have a place on Voyager.  I had some respect,
and I can't give that up.  Do you know how important that is to me?"

Chakotay listened to him and knew Tom was being very, very honest.

"Tom, sit down for a minute and listen to me.  Let me have my say and
then you can decide."

"No, 'cause once you look in my eyes, I won't be able to tell you no.
So I can't do that, Chak."

Chakotay almost smiled.  If Tom wasn't being so damned honest, he might
have.  What Tom had experienced was brutal subjugation and it was going
to take time to get him past it.  Chakotay stood up, walked up behind
Tom and put his hands on Tom's arms.  He felt the shudder.  "Do you
trust me?"

"I said yes, didn't I?" Tom replied sharply, pulling away.  Chakotay
tightened his grip slightly, indicating he wanted Tom to stay, but he
didn't force him.  He knew that forcing Tom would cause panic and
flight.  He was glad Tom stopped.

"I won't subject you to disgrace or humiliation," Chakotay said in a
low, quiet voice.  "I won't parade you around in front of other people
that way.  This isn't Auck..."

"Shut up!"

This time, Tom was on the other side of the shuttle in a heartbeat.
Chakotay could see the tension and fear running through him.

"Don't say that word to me.  You have no idea what it was like.  You
want to know why the Maquis couldn't get to me?  'Cause I was owned.  I
gave myself to Becker, to fucking stay alive.  They were killing me,
Chak.  Three, four times a night.  Guards, inmates, I wasn't safe in my
cell.  I wasn't safe in the shower.  I wasn't fucking safe anywhere, and
now you want me to walk right back into it."

"No!" Chakotay stated just as firmly.  "That's not what I want."

"Then what in the hell do you want, Chakotay.  Gods above, tell me what
you want.  This is killing me.  One minute you treat me decent, then you
want me taking your cock.  I don't know the rules to this game.  You
gotta tell me."

"Tom, I can only answer that question by asking a question.  What do you
want?  What do you really, deep down inside you want, need?"

"What do you want from me?" Tom almost screamed. "I knew what Becker
wanted, he wanted to inflict pain, a blow job, and parade me around for
everyone to stare at.  But you...you don't want that stuff, at least not
yet.  You wouldn't let me, but you wanted me to enjoy it.  When does it
change, Chak?  Are you waiting for Voyager, so you can really embarrass
me or until we know we're stuck here?"

Chakotay grabbed Tom's arms, pinning him to the bulkhead.  He had no
warning this explosion was coming.  Paris was too good at hiding his
emotions.  "I don't want to hurt you or embarrass you, Tom."

"Then what do you want?" Tom said sharply.

"Sit down, Tom."  Chakotay phrased it as an order, knowing Tom would
respond.  He wasn't surprised when Tom flopped down at the scanner
console.  It was isolated and not where Chakotay could sit near him.  He
sat down at the table they had just eaten from.  Chakotay took a deep
breath.  He needed to know more about Auckland, but Tom was in no
condition to tell him.  He would have to do the one thing no one else
had ever done for Tom in this situation.  Give Tom a choice.  "Tom,
listen.  Last night, did you enjoy that?"

Chakotay could see Tom's nod, even though he was staring at the floor of
the shuttle.  "No, I usually come twice, begging someone to fuck me,
giving my life away."

"Tom, did you feel safe?  Do you want it again?"

"Yeah, I do and that scares me to death."

Chakotay knew why Tom was frightened.  Tom didn't know the difference
between a dominant personality and a bully. And it made sense, from what
Chakotay had gleaned from the grapevine, Admiral Paris had used whatever
he had to, to get what he wanted from Tom.  It also sounded like Tom had
managed to get hooked up with a real sadist in prison.  He was going to
have to show him the difference and work on the trust factor.

"Chakotay, every other time I've let someone this far in, I've gotten
hurt!"

Chakotay sighed.  Tom wasn't kidding.  He was scared.  It was time to
take the first step.  This was actually Tom's decision, time to let him
make it.

"I'll leave you alone, Tom.  Maybe I took advantage of the moment.  When
you have it straightened out, let me know.  However, I want you to know,
I still trust you."

Chakotay stood up and went to the back of the shuttle.  He picked up the
inventory of the supplies they had compiled.  So far, they had about
enough for a month.  He checked the nutritional content, and knew they
would still be eating a lot of leola root.  He wished he had his
medicine bundle with him.  He'd like to go meditate right now, but with
the lizards out there and Tom in the main cabin, he probably wouldn't be
able to anyway.  He leaned his shoulder against the wall, and sighed
again.

"Chakotay?" Tom's voice was close behind him, but Chakotay didn't turn
around.  "What are you gonna do when we get back to Voyager?"

"I'm going to Kathryn at the debriefing.  If she's part of it, we're
screwed.  It'll be war.  If she isn't, we may be able to settle this
peaceably."  He told Tom what he knew.  He deserved that.

"In we, do you mean the Maquis?"

"In we, I mean you and me, Tom.  We're the only ones who know anything.
B'El and Greg may wonder why I sent the message, but we both know Tuvok
will catch it.  They'll either be ready to join us, or if we're in the
brig or dead, they'll just think we went nuts or some other story they
come up with."

He continued to stare at nothing trying to think of what he might say to
Kathryn and then what?  Beam the security officer and the Ops officer to
the Brig from Kathryn's ready room.  Who knew what Tuvok had put in the
computer.  They had a better chance of....

"Tom are their any Vulcan sedatives in the medkit?" Chakotay asked,
turning around.

"Sure, that's Standard Operating Procedure."

"How much do you figure Tuvok weighs?"

"About two-fifty, maybe two seventy-five," Tom said.  Then his face lit
up.  "If Tuvok's in on it, he and Harry will meet us in the shuttle
bay."

"In one.  Fix one up for Tuvok and Harry.  Take Harry out first, I can
keep Tuvok busy for a few minutes."

"Right," Tom said, as he moved to the medkit.  He worked for a moment
and then looked up.  "Thanks, Chak."

"For what?"

"For trusting me with the plan."

Chakotay felt his lips quirk.  "You're welcome."

"Hey Chak, you know we could transport straight to the Captain's ready
room from here."

"Do we have enough power?"

Tom moved to the console and Chakotay joined him.  "No."

Chakotay looked at the board.  "What if we cut life support when we get
on Voyager."

"Yeah, that might give us a big enough boost," Tom said.

"Keep it in mind.  Anything else you can think of?"

"What programs did you write?"

"Overrides.  One for the brig.  One for auxiliary helm."

"Those might be handy."

"Yeah, but not 'til we're on board and have computer access."

***

Tom sat at the main controls and ran a quick check.  He was really
unsure of what was going on.  Chakotay had given him his freedom, given
him a choice.  No one had ever done that in this type of situation.  And
then, he included him in the plan.  He felt like laughing, but every
time he looked at Chak he felt that twisting in his gut.  He knew if
Chakotay reached out for him, he would beg for it.  He tried to maintain
a calm professional manner as Chakotay announced he was going to bed.
He listened as Chakotay removed his boots, and sat back in the bunk.

"Rear lights five percent," Chakotay ordered quietly, and all the
lights, except those in the front dimmed.

Tom felt a sudden guilt come over him.  Had he teased Chakotay?  He
heard Chakotay roll over onto his side.  He dared a glance back and saw
that Chakotay had his back to the main shuttle area.  Tom watched as he
readjusted the blanket over his shoulders.  His stomach twisted again.
Chakotay had done his share of teasing, too, he justified.

*Speak now, Paris.  We do this and you're mine.  This is not the time
for games.*

*No games, Commander.*

'Shit,' Tom thought to himself.  Chakotay had made himself clear.  He
was the one who had pulled back.  Tom didn't like to admit it, but he
was scared.

'Why?' he asked himself.

'Well, probably because I got my ass raped on a regular basis in
Auckland.'

'Chakotay, didn't rape you.  You begged him for it.'

'He'll change.  He'll get violent.  I've seen him violent.'

'You saw Chakotay get violent to protect his ship and his crew.  That's
it.  He has never been violent in a personal situation.'  Tom realized
Chakotay could have attacked him several time and hadn't.  Even when he
could have hurt him, Chakotay had taken extensive measures to prevent
injury.

He almost got up and curled up in the bunk with Chakotay, but stopped
himself.  He wasn't sure yet, and he wanted to be sure.  He didn't want
to fuck this one up.  Tom sat up for quite some time thinking, weighing.

***

Chakotay woke up to someone sitting next to him on the bed.

"Tom?  What's wrong?"

"Will you hurt me?" Tom asked, staring at his hands clasped tightly in
his lap.

Chakotay tried to process that question through a fog of sleep. "Hurt
you?  I told you, Tom, I will demand your best.  There may be
punishment, but I won't hurt you for the joy of hurting you."  Chakotay
lifted up on his arms to a semi-sitting position.  He watched Tom nod.

"Who will know?"

"That we're in a relationship?  A lot of people, I imagine.  You know
the grapevine, and I doubt you and I can keep it a complete secret,"
Chak answered, as he wiped his eyes.

"No, about us," Tom asked, without looking up.

"Oh," Chak said.  "Tom, I won't tell anyone.  I mean people might take a
guess, but will I throw you over the helm and rape you?  No.  Will I
treat you like trash, and parade you around in a cock ring?  Hell no."
Chakotay sat all the way up, still trying to finish waking up.  "This is
between us.  Did I share anything about Seska and I?  Tom, you didn't
know I was bi, and I had no idea you were.  I expect there will be
some... speculation, but I keep my private life private."

"Tell me what 'it' is."

"It," Chakotay paused to gather his thoughts.  "It's hanging from that
staircase on Ocampa, knowing you'll be there.  It's your first day on
the helm of Crazy Horse, trying your best.  It's me kneeling behind you
with your legs spread, knowing I'm there and it's okay.  It's trying
your best and knowing I'll see.  It is goofing off and knowing I'll
see.  It's watching you become your best and knowing I'm part of it.
It's sharing what we both are.  Knowing I want you, not only for your
body, but for your mind, and your spirit and everything that makes Tom
Paris, Tom Paris.  It's you wanting me, not only for my body, but for my
calm, my strength, my approval, and everything that makes me Chakotay."

Tom sat there still staring at his hands, nodding ever so slightly.
Chakotay watched and waited.  Then Tom leaned down and pulled his boots
off and then his shirt, and undershirt.  Chakotay almost laughed with
joy.  He stayed where he was, waiting to see what Tom was going to do.
With his hands on his waistband, Tom looked at him.  Chakotay shook his
head and lifted the edge of the blanket.

"Not necessary," he said gently.  He looked closely and saw tears in
Tom's eyes.  "You're sure?"

"I'm scared.  I'm trusting you with everything, Chak.  Every fucking
thing.  And there's nothing I can do to stop you from tearing me apart,
but I gotta take a chance.  I've never felt as whole as I felt last
night with you."  Tom lay down and curled up to Chakotay.

Chakotay leaned over and gently kissed his cheek.  "I won't, Tom."  Then
Chakotay wrapped Tom up in his arms, and held him close.

Tom was incredibly tense, but Chakotay just held him.

"Chak, will you do something for me?"

"That depends, Tom.  What do you want?"

Tom took Chakotay's hand and led it to his cock.  He was hard.  Chakotay
began to stroke him, watching Tom's face in the dim light of the
shuttle.

"Tell me what you want, Tom."

"Show me what it's gonna be like.  Do it."

Chakotay took a deep breath.  As Tom almost begged him to fuck him, it
took control not to.  He leaned over and kissed Tom.  When he lifted his
head, he stated very firmly.

"All right, but one stipulation."

"Which is?"

"You trust me completely tonight.  Give control over to me, Tom, and see
what I want.  Not what they want or did, but what I want."  Chakotay
rolled over and came to his hands and knees over Tom.  "Do you
understand?"

There was a pause and Chakotay got the feeling Tom was nodding, not that
he could see it.  Then out of the darkness.  "Yeah, I understand."

Chakotay leaned over and brushed his lips over Tom's face.  He felt Tom
arch his entire body to gain more contact.  Chakotay used his body
weight and pinned Tom to the bunk.  He felt a moment of tension, but
then Tom relaxed.  Chakotay wound his hands into Tom's hair, and took
possession of his sub's mouth.  There was an electricity between the two
of them.  Chakotay bit and kissed at Tom's face and neck, curling one
arm under Tom's back.  In this position, their cocks were lined up,
rubbing at each other.

He let his hand and lips explore every part of Tom's body.  He relished
every hiss, moan and groan.  He rubbed himself against Tom and was
pleased when Tom lifted himself.

"Yeah, that's it.  Do what feels good, Tom?  Show me what you got,"
Chakotay whispered, as he bit and sucked on Tom's ear.  He and Tom
rocked together for a while, their hard cocks separated by the thin
fabric of their pants.

Chakotay was enjoying bringing Tom to higher levels of excitement.  He
murmured his encouragement as Tom began to touch and explore him.
Chakotay's back was extremely sensitive and to have Tom's long sensitive
fingers dancing over his back was driving him nuts. Then he lifted his
head and started to deliberately stroke himself along Tom's cock.

"Oh, sweet mother," Tom groaned, as he answered Chakotay's strokes.  His
head twisted in Chakotay's hand, as Chakotay once more claimed Tom's
lips.  He continued knowing Tom was close when he dug his fingers into
Chakotay's shoulders.

"Do it for me, Tom," he encouraged, replacing his cock with his hand,
and started stroking Tom through his pants.  He could feel the heat
seeping through the fabric.

"Oh, yeah," Tom moaned, as Chakotay bit into his neck, and raised
another bruise.  Tom was stroking into Chakotay's hand, and then
Chakotay felt it.  He knew Tom was giving when Tom reached down and
opened his pants for Chakotay.

"Yeah, Tom.  That's it, give it to me," Chakotay growled, as he took
Tom's hard cock in his hand.  "You want me to do this to you, don't
you.  You want to trust me."

Tom's cry as Chakotay stroked him was inarticulate, but his action of
thrusting up into Chakotay's hand spoke volumes.  Chakotay continued his
assault on Tom's mouth as his hand worked him firmly.  When Tom tried to
touch him, Chakotay moved his hips away.  "No.  Tonight is for you."

Then Tom's hand joined his, and then he whispered, "Then let me cum for
you."

Chakotay stopped.  This was an old custom, and an exciting one to
watch.  "Computer, lights to thirty-five percent."

Chakotay looked down at the man under him.  Tom lay there with his pants
open wide, his cock hard and leaking, his lips bruised and swollen, and
two gorgeous marks on his neck.  Chakotay met his eyes.  Tom's eyes were
calm, his breathing deep.

"Do you know what you're doing?"

Tom nodded shallowly.  "Giving myself to you.  Trusting you, Chak."
 

~~~
 

Tom watched as Chakotay sat back.  When he was free, Tom rolled off the
bed, and stripped his pants off, this time showing his ass off.  He bent
over and slowly slid his pants off, and then turned back to Chakotay.
His cock was hard, swinging between his legs.  He took one more breath
and dropped to his knees.

His heart was trip hammering in his chest, but he knew...he knew deep in
his heart that Chakotay could be trusted.  He knew that Chakotay would
not do what others had done.  If Tom had done to this others in the same
position, they would have ripped into him for teasing them, but Chakotay
hadn't.  Others would have laughed at him, but Chak hadn't.  Others
would have hit him, instead Chakotay was doing his best to show Tom the
difference, and he understood it now.  What he had wanted all those
years ago, Chakotay was offering him freely.

With a deep breath, Tom spit in his own hand and wrapped his hand around
his own cock.  He started to stroke up and down his cock.  It took a
moment before he reached a rhythm and then he looked up into smoldering
black eyes.  Oh lord, Chakotay was eating him alive.  Tom twisted as he
felt the imaginary presence of Chakotay's cock on his ass, pressing
against him.  Tom reached down and cupped his balls, handling them and
squeezing them until he groaned at the pleasure.  Tom threw his head
back and groaned.

"Spirits, you're beautiful," Chakotay whispered.

"I understand, Chak.  I understand," Tom groaned.  He sped his hand up,
concentrating on the sensitive head of his cock.  He wanted it to be
Chakotay's hand on him, Chakotay's cock in him, driving inside of him.
Chakotay's eyes that burned with pride when he did something right.

Tom opened his eyes as he got close, as his balls tightened up close to
his body and he saw Chakotay with his pants open, stroking his own cock
as Tom jerked off for him.  Their eyes met, and Chakotay quietly
ordered,

"Cum for me, Tom."

And Tom felt an electricity arc through his body, and then shoot through
his groin and he came in his own hand as Chakotay watched him.  He cried
out loudly as he felt his orgasm rip through his body.

"Chakotay!"

Moments later, as the pleasure receded from his body, Tom, dragging huge
breaths into his body, straightened himself up.  Embarrassment flooded
through his system as he realized he was on his knees, his cock in his
hand with his commanding officer watching him.

Chakotay climbed off the bed and took Tom's hand and licked some of the
cum off of it and then kissed Tom.  The taste of his own seed, mixed
with the taste that was only Chakotay was erotic.  Chakotay took his
hand and led it to his own hard cock.

"Feel what you do to me, Tom," Chakotay growled in his ear.  "Know what
you do to me.  This is your power."  Tom's hand was led around
Chakotay's cock and together they jacked the Commander off.  Chakotay
led Tom's hand to cup his balls and then back up his shaft.  Tom kissed
Chakotay wantonly, wiggling on his knees, because he still wanted
Chakotay to fuck him.  He wanted this huge cock that was pulsing in his
hand, deep in his ass.  Tom pulled his lips away from Chakotay.

"Fuck me."

"Soon," Chakotay whispered, as he pulled Tom's head to his, and still
continued to stroke Tom's hand up and down his cock.  Then he began to
whisper.  "I'm gonna take you on your back, Tom.  I'm gonna fuck you
slow and hard until you beg me to let you cum.  I'm gonna ride that spot
inside you until you are covered in sweat.  I'm gonna watch you twist
and turn for me.  I'm gonna drive all those other men out of your mind
until me and my cock are the only thing you want."

Tom whimpered as Chakotay once more claimed his lips.

~~~

Tom lay down on the bed, and Chakotay took the moment he needed to get
the lube and slowly spread it on his hands and his cock.  He made sure
he did it where Tom could see everything he was doing.  Then he climbed
on the bed and watched as Tom spread his legs for him.  Tom's lean cock
was already half hard.  He moved between Tom's legs and watched as Tom
adjusted himself.  Chakotay set the lube aside and moved closer.

"Trust me?"  He asked, as he lifted Tom's legs over his thighs,
completely exposing him.

"I'm learning," Tom replied.  Chakotay knew he was fighting the knee
jerk reaction to close his legs and protect this sensitive flesh.

"Good."  He pressed a finger against Tom, and began to slowly prepare
Tom for his cock.  Occasionally, he would reach up and stroke Tom's
stomach or tweak his nipple, but throughout the entire process he
watched Tom's face.

At first, Tom was shy, and held still, but as Chakotay stroked his
prostate, making sure Tom was enjoying this, Tom began to groan and lift
himself to Chakotay's hand.  He leaped when Chakotay reached up and
fisted his cock.

"Chakotay, please," Tom groaned, reaching for himself and Chak.

"Hands on the bed," Chakotay ordered with a smile, as Tom once more
thrust up into his hand.  He watched Tom grip the sheets over and over
again.  Then he paused and removed his hands from a sweaty Tom Paris.

"Ready?"

Tom laughed breathily.  "More than ready."

Chakotay reached over and got the lube again, and spread a massive
amount over his cock.  He heard Tom groan as Chakotay's hand slide up
and down himself.  He pulled Tom up onto his hips and shifted to where
his cock was pressed against Tom's opening.

Tom twisted and tried to shift down and press Chak inside him.  Chakotay
prevented it, and chuckled as Tom groaned and relaxed back onto the bed.

Chakotay steeled himself and slowly pressed deep inside.  Tom groaned
and twisted again, lifting himself away from the initial pain, and then
relaxing down on Chakotay's cock as Chakotay pressed up.

"That's it," Chakotay groaned, as he slid in.  He heard Tom groan and
twist as his cock slid over that spot.  When he was deep inside, he
whispered, "Do it again, Tom."

Tom's eyes opened and he lifted himself, causing his muscles to contract
around Chakotay's cock.

"Spirits, that's sweet," Chakotay groaned, as Tom slid back down on him.

Over and over Tom, lifted himself and then slid back onto Chakotay's
hard cock.  Then Chakotay lifted Tom's legs over his shoulders and with
the same slow tease, pushed himself completely into Tom.

"Chak," Tom gasped.  "You're so big."

"And you're so tight."

He teased Tom with slow deep strokes just like Tom had done to him.
Then he began to drive harder and harder into Tom.

"Yessss, fuck me, Chak," Tom cried.  And Chakotay obliged.  He reached
around and grabbed Tom's cock and brought them both to a hard orgasm. He
cried out when he came and a moment later, felt Tom's hot seed coat his
hand.

He held Tom tightly to him that night, and was thrilled to hear.  "I
trust you, Chak."
 
 

TBC