Tom’s Chest Hair Fiasco Part Two
By Laura Hale ( ) and Amanda (

We love feedback. Please send us feedback. We give this story a pg-13 for suggestive content. It is also PT relationshipper inclined and intended to be funny. You have been warned. Oh, we don’t own Paris or Torres. We’d like to but we don’t. They belong to TPTB. We aren’t making money off them. J

Laura and Amanda would like to thank their lovely beta-readers the pjs.  There are two.  Last time we forgot to thank both of them.  We apologize.  They do a good job.  They would also like feedback (more) because part three is a paragraph away from beta-reading.  We would also like to thank our plot readers who read this before the beta's and point out glaring errors for us. Jill and *head whacking* the australian chick whose name we forget again.  Happy reading.  Oh, and if you want to archive it is okay with us but ask first.  ASC can go ahead and archive it.

    "Tom!" Megan Delaney squeaked her voice far too high. Tom winced and hurried across the room to her, "Meg, have you seen B'Elanna?"

    Megan backpedaled rapidly, putting a console between her and Tom Paris. Who would've ever thought? Tom, for his part, didn't seem to notice her discomfort.

    "B'Elanna?" Megan squeaked, "She um...she just left. should...go find her."

    "Thanks Meg!" he called as he ran out.

    Megan Delaney took a deep breath and sat down on the floor, doing her best not to pass out. She felt herself losing it. When Tom left, she lost her hold on reality and consciousness after she saw Tom's lovely tush leave the room.

    "Tom?" B'Elanna glanced quickly through his quarters. The bed was rumpled, her note where she'd left it. "Tom?" she called again, peering in the closet, then the bathroom. He wasn't here, she decided finally. "Oh shit," she murmured. She wasn't sure, but she was pretty damn sure that this was a bad thing. A VERY bad thing.

    One frustrated Thomas Eugene Paris ran his fingers through the hair on his head. "Computer Location of Torres."

    "Deck Four, Section 3c."

    "Great. She now decides to go back to my quarters." Tom sighed. "Deck four." Tom called out to the computer. The turbolift moved towards it destination. "I swear I'll wring her lovely little neck."

    "Ensign Delaney. Please wake up."

    Megan's eye flickered open. She was going to die. Of that she was certain. Tom and or B'Elanna would kill her. "I'm fine, Doctor. I've got to go. I've got to go." Megan then attempted to leave. The doctor intercepted her and returned her to the unconscious state that she had arrived in.

    "Ensign clearly you are not well, and until you are, frankly, you’re going to have to stay this way."

    B'Elanna was about to leave Tom’s quarters again when the doors snapped open. Tom Paris stood in the doorway; he smiled at her not unlike she'd smiled at the Delaneys not too long before.

    "B'Elanna, we need to talk."

    B'Elanna stopped. She looked at Tom. Pondering the situation, B’Elanna reached a conclusion on how to proceed. She stuck her tongue out at him. Then walking toward him she said, "Tom, I'm sorry."

    Tom just stared as B'Elanna started walking towards him. "B'Elanna, you know - "

    "I was mean, Tom. I took your hair from you. I was jealous. I saw something. I wanted to make a point. I really like your chest hair. I wasn’t trying to damage you. I love you, Tom."

    "That's nice to know B'Elanna, but it still doesn't explain - "

    Tom found himself on his back. One very saucy looking half-Klingon was sitting on him, smiling at him. She was opening his shirt. She was attempting to remove his pants.

    "Commando eh helm boy? Thanks. You saved me some time."

    "B'Elanna!" he cried, his voice rather high-pitched and quite unnatural. He managed to get out from under her, to both of their surprises.

    She frowned at him, "WHAT are you doing?"

    "Well, I'm...thinking here."

    She raised an eyebrow.

    "I'm thinking, okay? I mean, c'mon, B'Elanna, you chopped off a hunk of my chest hair."

    "I SNIPPED a little handful."

    "Whatever; it's gone. I'm feeling a little..."



    "Inadequate," B'Elanna confirmed.

    Tom jumped to his feet, "I am NOT feeling inadequate! I just...I miss my hair..."

    She fought the urge to giggle, "You MISS it?"


    B'Elanna sighed, "I'm sorry I cut off your hair." Tom glanced over at her, then smiled suddenly. "What?" she asked suspiciously.

    "I'll be right back," he told her, zipped up his uniform, and ran from the room, leaving B'Elanna speechless.

    Jenny Delaney was attracting stares. She was sitting in the Mess Hall, a folded up napkin clutched tightly in one hand, eyes focused on her untouched bowl of leola root stew.

    "Jenny?" a voice asked softly, as a hand fell on her shoulder.

    She emitted a sharp cry and jumped, the napkin tumbling from her hand. Gasping she fumbled to find the napkin, which she quickly located it in the hand of one...Harry Kim.


    "Jenny, are you okay? You you're in shock."

    "I...I...gimme that back."

    Harry clutched the folded up napkin, "What's in here, Jen?"

    "Nothing!" she cried, too loudly, fighting to get it back. She smacked his hand, and the napkin tumbled to the floor. Jenny Delaney shrieked again, scrambling for the napkin.

    It opened, and Harry bent to get a closer look at its contents, "What...?"

    He looked questioningly at Jenny, who sat, wide-eyed, staring at him. "Jenny...what IS this?"

    "It''s, um..." she took a deep breath and mumbled, "tmprschsthr."

    "It's WHAT?"

    A defeated sigh, "Tom Paris's chest hair."

    Harry looked at Jenny in shock. He knew without a doubt now that no one would have won the betting pool that he had started. Looking down at the napkin, he looked back at Jenny and then made a grab for her. Jenny then did the unexpected. Picking up the chair she had been sitting on, she beaned Harry with it. Harry went down. Jenny panicked and made a grab for the incriminating bundle. She then proceed to haul her ass out of there. She didn't want to die. Hiding in plain site had been a bad idea.

    Tom breezed into sickbay. "Hey, Doc, can you do me a favor - " Tom’s eyes lighted upon the two forms on the bio-beds. "What's with them?"

    The Doctor tossed Tom and unpleasant look. "Ensign Kim there got beamed by a heavy object, also known as a chair. That one," The Doctor pointed to Megan. "Was beaned here after crewman Garron found her unconscious in Stellar Cartography. Now, what can I do for you Ensign? I’m busy at the moment dealing with irate people. I also have Tuvok looking for Jenny Delaney. She is apparently suffering from the same condition as her sister."

    Tom looked at the doctor. He opened his mouth. Nothing emerged. He tried again. Nada. Apparently his mouth was flapping in the breeze. "Ensign, if you don’t have a need for anything, I’d just rather you leave."

    Tom opened his mouth. This time it functioned. "I need something to help me grow something back. Um… err…. Have you ever heard of Rogaine?"

    "Yes. Yes. I know what that is. Why do you need it?"

    "I had a little um… accident with scissors. Could you provide me with some?"

    The Doctor’s program accessed his memory bank and processed the information that was presented to him. It went through all the various subroutines that were needed in order to process this information. The idiosyncrasy that were imbedded in his programming then emerged in a new unexpected quirk that a programmer had added just for kicks. The Doctor laughed. He continued laughing. Tom blushed. Tom blushed harder. Tom blushed down to the roots of is lovely blond red chest hairs. "Never mind, Doc. It was just a thought."

    B'Elanna Torres was currently studying Tom's shower. It was a nice shower, she decided finally, with both water and sonic hookups. She toyed with one of the water knobs--hot. A jet of hot water spurted out and splashed against the opposite wall. Steam began to form. B'Elanna pursed her lips, yanked the knob back to 'off', and went back out in to the living area to see if Tom was back yet.

    With a sigh, she realized he wasn't. She resisted the urge to tap her commbadge and demand to know what the hell was taking him so long. Damn it was hard to resist the urge to hunt him down and claim him. But he'd been so cryptic when he left, who knew where he was now, or who he was talking to? If he was talking to Captain Janeway or, God forbid, CHAKOTAY, she certainly didn't want to call him up when she was so obviously hot and bothered. She tapped her fingernails on a nearby countertop, counting seconds. Still no Tom. She glanced down at herself, then stripped and proceeded to the shower. Turning the knob quickly, until it would turn no more, she stepped in to the spray. A good old fashioned cold shower, just what the Doctor ordered. Still no Tom. She glanced down at herself, then stripped for her shower. She turned the knob quickly, until it would turn no more, and then stepped in to the spray.

    "I'm laughing!" The Doctor laughed.

    "Yeah," Tom replied sourly, "I noticed.

    "I...didn't know...I could!!" he burst out giggling again, and Tom leaned heavily against a biobed, arms crossed rather self-consciously over his chest.

    "Yeah, Doc, that's great. Um...could we get back to medical matters now?"

    "YOUR medical matter, you mean?" the Doc chuckled.

    "YES. Now can you help me get my chest hair back?"

    "Unfortunately, that is against Starfleet regulations. For some reason, they have a penchant for bald men who are in command positions. Those who are going bald are not to be allowed to grow back lost hair. Read the regs."

    Tom stared at the doctor. The Doctor had to be out of his mind. The Doctor smirked, chortled and continued laughing at Tom. Tom turned on his heel and left.

    "Ensign, what are you doing?"

    Jennifer Delaney spun around, from her position on the transporter pad. She looked at Seven. She looked past Seven. She calculated her odds and decided death was preferable to getting caught. She was dead if B’Elanna caught her. She was dead. "You won’t get his hair! She’ll kill me! She’ll kill me!" With that Jennifer threw herself bodily towards the door.

    Seven found this to be rather queer behavior for an individual. Seven’s natural instincts took over and she pursued the Delaney sister for scientific reasons.