Tom’s Chest Hair Fiasco
By Laura Hale ( ) and Amanda (

We love feedback. Please send us feedback. We give this story a pg-13 for suggestive content. It is also PT relationshipper inclined and intended to be funny. You have been warned. Oh, we don’t own Paris or Torres. We’d like to but we don’t. They belong to TPTB. We aren’t making money off them. J

    B'Elanna lay curled next to the sleeping body of one Thomas Eugene Paris. Her fingers were entwined with the lovely curly hair that was on his chest. One of the things that she liked the most about her Ensign was his chest hair. She liked his eyes too; she just preferred his chest hair when she could have access to it.

    B'Elanna ran her fingers up and down his naked chest. Tom didn’t move or acknowledge her silent caress other then to murmur in his sleep and move closer to her. B'Elanna continued her thinking.

    The first time that B'Elanna had seen Tom without a shirt on had been during the incident when they had the Macroviruses in their systems. Stuck in the mess hall, with the heat on the shipping doing nothing but rise, they had started to selectively remove clothing. Tom had removed his uniform jacket. He had then removed his undershirt. He'd gone all the way down to his bare skin. B'Elanna had remembered that. She had steadfastly watched his little impromptu strip show with total fascination. B'Elanna hadn't made a clear move toward him in a romantic fashion prior to this. The view of his chest hair may have been one of the contributing factors as to why she had pursued Tom so hard when she had "Pon Farr." B'Elanna sighed contentedly as the memory of first seeing Tom's chest hair on his lovely sweat-streaked chest.

    B'Elanna then recalled that Pon Farr incident. She had been turned on beyond belief. That Vulcan Peta'q had made her ... B’Elanna shuddered at the thought. Another thought dawned in her mind. Because of Vorick she had copped her first feel of Tom's marvelous chest hair. While she had desired to have sex with Tom, and had been about to die from not having sex with him, B'Elanna had also had another motive. B’Elanna had been trying to de-shirt him. Darned the fact that she hadn't gotten to go all the way with Tom. Hooray that had gotten to touch his lovely chest hair. That was another moment that would live forever in her mind.

    B'Elanna recalled that time she and Tom had been in Sandrines. The Delaney sisters had been eyeing Tom. They had continued to smile in Tom's direction even though B'Elanna had a nice firm grip on Tom's arm. B'Elanna had a desire to show them what she claimed as her own by ripping the shirt Tom was wearing off his back and turning him around. She had wanted to show them the golden curls she had that they couldn't have. She wanted to so badly it had hurt. She had restrained herself. She had restrained herself admirably. She had buried her nose in Tom's chest, between the buttons of the ugly shirt that he wore. She then whispered something to Tom and he took her hint and they left.

    The shirt, of course, had come off almost as soon as they’d gone into his quarters, as it almost always did. B'Elanna hated to admit it, but she was a little obsessed. A lot obsessed. She wasn’t sure why, because she couldn’t remember having the same fascination with other men she'd been with. Maybe it was just...Tom. She smiled at the thought; Tom had been special in a lot of other ways, why not this way too?

    B'Elanna was glad that Tom didn't seem to have an inkling of her secret fascination with is chest hair. If he knew, well B'Elanna could only guess as to the ramifications of Tom knowing. He'd find some devious way of getting back at her. He might even walk around shirtless. That might be a good thing. She loved to see Tom walking around topless. The down side was that other people would get to her possession that way. Maybe she should think about letting him know. B'Elanna then decided against that. A woman had to have her secrets after all.

    She giggled suddenly, peeked again at Tom's sleeping face. He mumbled something about burritos, then went back to sleep. She didn't want to contemplate what the man was of eating. The last time he had that food, she had nearly killed him. She slipped out of bed and began to hunt for a pair of scissors... she was going to get herself a little trophy...

    She hunted around his quarters, checking through desk drawers and little until she finally found some--a small pair of silver hair trimmers. She clutched her prize tightly and rushed back to the bedroom. Tom slept on. She wondered how he did it; she wasn’t exactly the most quiet person in the world, especially now.

    She crawled back in to bed, ran her fingers through his chest hair again until she'd seized enough for her liking, and snipped. A handful of curly blonde hairs filled her hand, and she giggled again. She was having way too much fun. Then she wondered distantly if this was some kind of weird Klingon thing; seizing trophies like this. Then she realized she didn't care. She rolled out of bed, tucked the hairs into a folded napkin from their dinner the night before, and jotted a quick note. Atop the note she left the scissors. Tom was going to be quite surprised when he woke up... It was a good thing that she was leaving. Tom could be worse then most Klingon males she knew when taken utterly by surprise.

    Tom snuffled quietly and then put his hand over his eyes. He felt like he was missing something. He moved his other hand to put it on, what should have been, his lover's lovely backside. His hand hit sheet. He frowned to himself and then ran his hand up his chest.

    "What the hell?" he muttered, "B'Elanna?" He looked around; she wasn't there. He sat up, "Computer, lights." The lights obediently snapped on, and he winced as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He touched his chest again—why the hell did it feel so...wrong? He stumbled to the mirror, narrowed his eyes, and studied his own chest. Was it his imagination, or was some of his chest hair missing?

    He ran his hand over it again; yup, a section of his chest hair had been removed. There was hair that was definitely missing. He frowned, turned around, and looked around, resisting the urges to 1) call the Doc and ask if there was some kind of condition that caused male balding of the chest and 2) call B'Elanna and ask what the hell was going on. Then he saw the white slip of paper sitting on his desk. He frowned (again), walked over, and picked up the scissors from atop it. He suddenly had a very bad feeling about this.

    He read the note quickly, read it again, and finally had to read it aloud to make himself believe it. He turned the scissors over in his hands, blinked in surprise several times, and finally understanding dawned. "Holy shit," he whispered.

    He set a speed-record for dressing as he ran out to find B’Elanna... He didn't even bother with his boxers that B’Elanna had replicated for him... those lovely silk ones that she liked to remove... Tom then remembered what that lovely half Klingon had done to him and dashed out the door.

    B'Elanna was on her way to Stellar Cartography. She had a date with two very annoying individuals. She was going to make sure that there were no more subtle glances at Tom when they thought she wasn’t looking. She was going to get her revenge and make sure that Megan and her equally aggravating sister knew their place in the universe: as far away from Ensign Paris as possible.

    Tom Paris was rushing down a hallway, chest itching as his uniform rubbed his now-bare spot. He rounded a corner far too quickly and crashed right into...someone.

    "Ow," Harry Kim muttered, wincing as he started to get to his feet.

    Tom, on the other hand, sprang right back up and grabbed his friend by the shoulders, "Harry! Have you seen B'Elanna?"

    "What?" Harry asked, confused, "No… she's off duty."

    "I know! Have you see her?!"

   Harry realized that his friend was dangerously close to panic, and frowned, "Tom...what's wrong?"

    "I don't wanna talk about it. And believe me, you don’t want to hear about it. I've gotta find B'Elanna."

    As his friend ran back down the corridor, Harry Kim tapped his commbadge, "Kim to Neelix: start a new betting pool."

    At the same time Tom was running recklessly through the ship, B’Elanna Torres was walked purposefully down the hallway to Stellar Cartography. She smiled a rather evil little smile as the doors snapped open, revealing the Delaney twins. "Ladies," she purred, far too sweetly, "let's talk."

    Megan smiled at B'Elanna. She had no clue what was about to happen. Jenny was hoping to hear about the tragic demise of B’Elanna’s relationship with the gorgeous Paris man. "So Chief, what can we do for you?"

    "Computer, Location of B'Elanna Torres."

    "B'Elanna Torres is in Stellar Cartography." Tom's face turned ashen as he contemplated the ramifications of this. Then he gasped in horror, "Oh my God..." He took off running, again.

    "I've noticed you...staring." Jenny and Megan looked at each other for a long moment.

    "Um… staring?" Megan asked innocently.

    "Don't give me that," B'Elanna replied, raising an eyebrow worthy of Janeway’s Death Glare.

    Another shared look by the twins, and Jenny spoke up, "Staring? B'Elanna, honestly..."

    "You've been staring at him. Don't deny it."

    Jenny raised her chin haughtily, "I don't."

    B'Elanna smiled, and Jenny had to suddenly repress a shudder. The sisters took an unconscious step back. "I just have something to say to you, girls..." she pulled the napkin out of her pocket, set it on a nearby console, "This is all of him you'll ever get. Remember that. Stay away. This is my only warning." She turned, walked through the doors in to the hall and tossed, "Have a nice day," over her shoulder.

    The twins shared another look, and Jenny hurried to the folded napkin. She unfolded it slowly and stared at the handful of blonde hair inside. "Oh my God," she whispered.

    "Remind me to stay away from Tom in the future. I don't want to die." Megan told her sister.

    "What are we supposed to do with this?"

    "Keep it as a souvenir? Use it to call in some bets?"

    "We are going to die!" Jenny whispered to her sister.

    It was at that moment that Tom Paris ran inside.

    Jenny let out a tiny shriek and shoved the napkin and its contents into her pocket and then ran from Stellar Cartography. Megan stood transfixed in place. If she had guessed right, death was imminent for someone. She just hoped it wasn't her.

    B'Elanna's face held a triumphant smile as she strolled back to Tom's quarters. It was now time for that shower. If Tom wasn't too upset, maybe she could even convince him to join her. B'Elanna nodded to herself and quickened her pace towards her final destination.