Title: Two Steps Back - P7
Author: Cheryl Forbes
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Pairing: Chakotay/Tom Paris
Rating: NC 17
Email for feedback: forbesc@skyia.com
Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew are the property of Paramount and
not me. Whatever.

Summary: Chakotay finally gets it and then as result so does Tom.
Or Chakotay finally sees the light and like a moth to the flame Tom
is pulled in. Not sure which you decide.


There was no such thing as a quick fix when it came to sexual
dysfunction, especially when the causes were many and the cures
endless. Finding the right way to handle Tom's problem challenged
Chakotay's rudimentary counseling skills. It required him to do some
extensive reading and to consult with the holodoc to come up with
what he hoped would be a successful course of therapy.

Tom needed to be empowered to attain sexual healing. The pilot had
to feel confident and sure before he would be able to share his
sexuality with Chakotay. In practical terms that meant shedding his
concubine image and putting aside the importance of orgasm during
lovemaking. The last suggestion had been the Doc's and at first
Chakotay didn't see how that would help when that was what they were
striving for.

Tom, the doctor explained had to learn that sex more than
consummation through climax. It was about exchanging sexual energy
and intimacy, both of which could be attained through gentle touches
or simply from the joy of stimulating one's partner. The holodoc
surmised that once the pilot understood that, the pressure would be
off and his libido would most likely return to normal.

So after their bridge shift they had come home and Chakotay had
shared his research with the troubled young man. Tom had listened
intently asking intelligent questions about ego and image. Unlike
him, Tom had no objections about refraining from orgasm. He almost
seemed relieved.

That was an hour ago and since then Chakotay had been pacing the
length of the living room while Tom deliberated on his solution in
the other room. He was about to check on the blond when he emerged
from the bedroom.

"Cut my hair Chakotay."

********

"Me?" Chak's jaw dropped.

"Is there any one else named Chakotay in the room?" Tom gave the big
man his sweetest brightest smile. "Of course you. Who else?"

"Maybe we can call Sam. She cuts Naomi's hair."

"No it has to be you if we're gonna do this." He walked up to his
would be barber and lightly traced his tattoo with a
fingertip. "It's the symbolism of the thing baby."

Tom could feel his lover shudder at his closeness. Talk about
empowerment.

"All right but don't blame me if you end up with a brushcut." Chak
said with a tremor in his voice.

"I'll risk it. Come on."

Taking Chakotay by the hand, he dragged the older man into the
bathroom, which of late had become one of the most popular places in
their quarters. Grabbing the laser scissors he'd replicated earlier
from the counter, Tom slapped them into the commander's hand and sat
on the edge of the tub.

"Make me respectable."

The commander frowned at his flippant remark. "Poocuh.-"

"I'm OK." He reached up and laid a hand along Chakotay's
cheek. "This is a first step for me, I guess I'm a little nervous."

The commander kissed his hand and then activated the scissors. With
gentle care he began lifting his long locks and cutting near their
base with the laser. He let the severed curls fall back into the tub.

"Chak?"

"Mmm?"

"What's a Poocuh?"

"You are."

Tom rolled his eyes. "That's not what I meant. Is it something
cuddly like a tribble or fierce like a targ?"

"Neither. It's what my father used to call my mother." An easy
smile graced his handsome face and he stopped cutting. "Whom as I
recall was somewhere in between."

"I like that. I like it better than Tommy."

Chakotay kissed the top of his mostly shorn head. "Tommy's gone for
good Poocuh." He continued cutting.

"Good. I think."

Having finished the haircut, Chak turned off the scissors and placed
them on the counter. He sat down on the lid of the toilet.

"You think?"

Oh shit why couldn't he have just left it at 'good'? The next
question he hadn't planned on asking until he knew he would be able
to perform in front of the big man. Asking it now would only put
more pressure on the both of them. However it was too late to take
it back and besides he did really want to know.

"If I'm not Tommy to you, who am I?"

"A very serious question." Chak took one of his trembling hands in
both of his bigger meatier ones. "Are you sure you're ready for an
equally serious answer."

Unable to speak, Tom nodded and bit at his bottom lip.

"OK but first let me tell you what I did this morning." Chakotay
squeezed his hand. "I set you free."

Free? Tom didn't know he was prisoner. Never in the time they were
together did he feel that he couldn't walk out the door if he really
wanted to. Not that he thought about it too much that because there
wasn't any other place he wanted to be. Tom loved living with Chak
and being his.oh fuck.

"You changed my status. I'm not your concubine anymore am I? What
did you put down instead? Poocuh?"

Killer dimples abloom, Chakotay smiled. "If I could have.
However "Poocuh" is not an official designation."

"And if it was, what would it mean?" Tom said trying to re-direct
the commander back to his original question.

"It means you're my equal and not my property. You don't have to
tell me where you're going or ask me what time you have to be home.
In fact this doesn't even have to be your home. You can leave if you
want to and I couldn't stop you."

This wasn't exactly good news to Tom because what it also meant was
that Chak was no longer obligated to keep him, a mentally and
sexually fucked up ex-whore. Oh sure Chak was trying to help him and
had gone to a lot of trouble to do so but was he doing as a way to
clear his conscious? It would be easier to end their relationship if
Tom felt better about himself. Maybe Chakotay thought he could avoid
a messy scene that way but unfortunately for the commander he thought
wrong. Tom wasn't about to play this little game just so the older
man could look at himself in the mirror. Fuck no. Chakotay could
find some other way to assuage his guilt. He stood up and disengaged
his hand.

"I'll leave tonight."

"What?"

Tom had cleared the bathroom door and was halfway across the bedroom
when he felt a strong hand on his forearm. With a force that made
his head spin, he was swung about and his other arm was secured. A
very angry first officer with eyes as black as night faced him. Tom
tried to break the hold but to no avail. Chakotay may be shorter,
but he as twice as strong.

"You're not leaving." It was a command not a request.

"Why the fuck not? I don't belong to you remember!"

The dark eyes widened showing a hint of white and the hard voice
softened.

"No you don't." Chakotay let him go and took a step back. "I don't
think you ever really did. Go if that's you want."

"This isn't about what I want."

"No? Well it certainly isn't about what I want."

As the anger left Chakotay, Tom found it hard to maintain his own.
Not really wanting to go, he tried to keep the conversation going.

"What do you want?"

"I want to you mess up my bathroom and hum off key while I work."
Chak took back the step he'd taken. "I want you, not Tommy or even
Poocuh but Thomas Eugene Paris to look at me as a man and tell me you
can't live without me. But most of all.-" Standing very tall and
taking a deep breath he went on,

"I want you to fall in love with me."

"Chak."

Tom reached out for him but the big man evaded his touch, walking
around him to sit on the edge of the bed. He covered his face and
spoke through his hands.

"I know I don't I deserve your love after using and degrading you
time and again, but spirits forgive me, I still want it."

Moving to the bed Tom fell at the commander's knees and pulled his
hands from his face. He was so close Tom couldn't let him stop now.

"Just say the words Chakotay."

"I love you Tom."

Chakotay had done a lot of less than honourable things to him but one
thing he hadn't done was lie and looking up into that handsome face
Tom knew he hadn't started now. He moved up until they were chest to
chest and snaked his arms around his love's neck.

"I guess this must be your lucky day Commander, because I love you
too."

After he'd said the words, Tom realized as often as he had voiced
them in his head or to Harry, he'd never said them to Chakotay.
Maybe that was his first mistake but his second definitely was
believing that the man in his arms had ever meant him any harm. Chak
was a much a victim of his own impulses as Tom was.

"Aren't you suppose to kiss me now or something?"

Powerful thighs closed around Tom's hips and he was pushed backward
on to the soft rug of the bedroom floor. Chakotay's well-developed
biceps broke their fall preventing what the pilot was sure what would
have been a nasty bruise to his tailbone.

"Tell me again Tom." Chakotay whispered into his ear just before he
devoured its lobe.

"I love you baby."

Tom's declaration was rewarded by a nip to his throat followed by a
gentle caress of lips. The pattern was repeated under his chin to
his other ear and it made what hair he had left stand on end. The
electricity continued on from his follicles making his extremities
tingle, all of twenty-one of them. Incredibly he felt a swelling
down below and to relieve the pressure Tom rubbed his groin up into
Chakotay's. His lover bit his neck savagely at the contact. So much
for avoiding bruises.

In tandem the man above him brought his body down hard on both his
hips and lips. It was the same approach Tom had used the previous
night on Chakotay and as before it had the identical effect, well
almost. Tom tore his mouth away.

"Get naked Chak."

The commander was breathing heavily and gulping for air as he
spoke. "Are you sure?"

Thinking showing was better than telling, Tom grabbed Chak's hand and
shoved it between his legs. When the commander felt the hardness
there, his question was answered and without another thought he was
hastily peeling off his uniform. Tom scooted back to remove his tee
shirt and jeans but stopped when he got his first glimpse of
Chakotay's olive hued skin.

He'd seen the commander nude before but never when he was burning so
hot with desire. Chakotay was a fucking babe. As the incredible man
before him pulled his under tunic over his head, his flat taut
stomach was exposed to perfection. When the trousers came off, Tom
thought he would faint. Seeing that massive organ joined by two
thickly muscled thighs were the stuff of wet dreams.

"Tom?"

He tore his eyes away and looked up into his lover's questioning
face. Tom was so over come by the sight of a naked Chakotay, that he
forgotten he was still fully dressed.

"Oh yeah right." Tom pulled his shirt from his pants.

"No let me."

Crawling on his hands and knees, a hungry looking first officer
advanced on him and pushed him back down to the rug. Sliding his
broad hands along his stomach, Chak pushed his shirt up under his
chin. Tom closed his eyes and felt wet kisses dampened the blond
hairs of his chest and then a supple tongue circle his stiffening
nipples. He arched his back into the caresses and seized the hem of
his shirt, pulling it over his head.

"Oh spirits Tom I love you."

You could tell him that they would never get back to the alpha
quadrant and Tom wouldn't give a rat's ass. Chakotay loved him and
right now that was all that mattered. Well that and coming while the
big man fucked him blind.

Having almost forgotten that Chakotay had hands as well as lips and
teeth, Tom felt his fully erect cock released from the confines of
his jeans. In one harsh movement he was divested of his pants and
exposed to the warm breeze of his lover's breath on his genitals.
The almost touch was torturous. Tom reached down for Chak's head and
lifted his ass from the carpet.

"Oh please baby, suck me."

In one lazy stroke, he was engulfed and a field of white stars formed
behind his eyelids. Up and down, Chakotay's mouth glided along his
dick, faster and faster until the stars became super novas. Tom
propped himself up on his elbows and with his head back lost himself
in his self-made cosmos. Finally the entire universe exploded.

Practically hyperventilating, Tom's breathing had become so shallow,
his come rocketed into the back of Chakotay's throat. It was only
when he felt a warm wetness on his shin as his orgasm subsided did he
realized that Chak had also climaxed. It made his victory sweeter.

Like a seal on ice, his lover slid up his body to collapse on his
back beside him on the now stained carpet. Tom shifted to rest his
head on Chakotay's sweat slicked chest. He kissed a dark nipple
delicately before speaking.

"Which part of the Doc's therapy was that?"

Chakotay cracked one ebony eye down at him. "Didn't I mention it?"

"No I would have remembered the gobbling my dick part."

"I don't gobble."

"No you're right. You consume completely."

"And that's a good thing?"

"Oh yeah Chak that's a very, very good thing. I almost can't wait
for the rest of the treatment."

"Yes well the next part involves a soft comfy bed." Chakotay bent
his knees and Tom heard an audible crack issue from each one.

"Well how about a shower big guy and then we can continue with the
rest of the healing in our big king size wonderland of a bed?"

Chakotay hugged him with his whole body and the stars began to form
again but this time they alighted deep within his soul. Tom was sure
that nobody in this life, past life or in one he'd ever experience in
the future would ever have the ability to make him feel this
special. As he was reveling in the feeling, his lover jerked up.

"Oh spirits the tub!"

Tom fell back on his abraded elbows as Chakotay sprang from the floor
and headed into the bathroom. Wondering what emergency had suddenly
occurred in the head, the pilot eased his long lanky form off the rug
and followed.

When he breached its entrance he found Chak carefully picking up a
few long strands of yellow hair from the basin of the tub.

"What are you doing?"

Chakotay ceased his hunting and turned.

"Saving Tommy."

"I thought he was gone."

"He is but that doesn't mean he didn't matter. He did, a lot. I
would have never have found you without him. He was my marker."

"What are you going to do with his hair then?"

Like Chak, he was treating his previous behavior as if it was a whole
other person and in a way it was. All that he was and all that he
felt before lay in a tangled mess on the bottom of a porcelain
surface. Losing his hair like had been like shedding a shell and now
he was somebody else. Somebody better, somebody stronger, somebody
loved.

"I have a special place for him." He twisted the strands until they
curled up into a ball. "Come with me and I'll show you."

Taking his hand, Chakotay lead him out through the bedroom and into
the living area of their quarters. From one of the many glass
shelves that displayed icons from his native heritage, the commander
loving pulled out a small leather sack out from behind a picture of
his father.

"This is my medicine bundle. It contains items that mark the stages
of my life. It is a reminder of who I am and who I have been. This
is were I will safeguard Tommy." Chak place the small suede pouch in
his hands. "Do you understand? It's important to me that you do."

Tom cupped the small pouch reverently in both his hands and with his
thumbs caressed the soft buckskin. As abstract as it was, he was
literally holding Chakotay's life in his hands. Without this,
without his beliefs the first officer was essentially nothing and he
would be less than that if Tom didn't reinforce those beliefs. This
was more of a test than the coupling that had happened minutes before
on the rug of their bedroom.

"I understand."

"You do?"

He did. If he could believe that fluid space existed and that if you
looked too hard at a quantum filament it would fall in love with you
then he could believe that Chakotay's life force could be guided by
souvenirs. That probably wasn't the best way to describe the
contents of the precious bundle his cradled in his hands but that
didn't matter. Tom got the point.

"Yeah baby I get it and what's more I think it's appropriate."

"How's that?"

"Tommy didn't understand freedom and containing him in the small
world of your medicine bundle probably makes him feel right home."

Taking the pouch from his hands, Chak fanned out the leather thong
with his thick fingers and hung it around his neck.

"Watch over all them all until I need them will you?"

Tom grasped the pouch and moved to a more central position on his
chest. He closed his hand over the native and spiritual heart of his
love.

"OK baby."

As Chakotay pulled him close and kissed his temple the door chime
rang.

TBC