Title: Two Steps Back - P5
Author: Cheryl Forbes
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Pairing: Chakotay/Tom Paris with a dash of Harry
Rating: NC 17
Series: 5 of ?
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Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew are the property of Paramount and
not me. Whatever.

Summary: Tom and Harry go out to play.

The music was thundering.

Chakotay squeezed his large frame through the throng of undulating
bodies on the dance floor. Finding a vacant space along the back wall
of Sandrine's, he turned to watch the dancing.

Tom had left a message in their quarters saying he'd be here with of
all people Harry. Searching through the maze of writhing bodies in
the dim shadow filled room, Chakotay looked for his Tommy.

Locked in what the commander would call a less than platonic embrace,
Chakotay spied Tom and Harry in the middle of the bar's impromptu
dance floor. With his arms folded back behind his head and his eyes
closed, the pilot moved his hips to the deafening music while Harry
worshipped him with his fingers. The young lieutenant's hands were

They mapped Tom's blue silk covered chest, traveled down his stomach
and cupped the tight bulge in the blond's worn blue jeans. Chakotay
watched in envy as Tom gyrated into Harry's touch to the beat of the
music. When the young Lieutenant Kim began kissing the soft
whiteness of Tom's throat, the commander decided he'd seen enough.

Crossing the pheromone permeated dance floor, Chakotay centered
himself on his concubine. With very little ceremony he tore Tom from
Harry's embrace and pulled him back to its sideline.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Tom still flushed from the heat of the dance floor, wiped his arm
across his brow before answering.

"Dancing." Tom ran a hand across the top his head, pulling his long
curly locks back from his eyes and stared pointedly at him. "What
does it look like?"


"Shit Chak, it's just Harry."

"And Harry doesn't want you?"

Tom pulled his arm from Chakotay's iron grip. "If he did would it

"Don't play games with me, you know it does."


"You belong to me. You know it, the whole ship knows it and more
importantly Harry Kim knows it."

"Harry's hasn't done anything wrong."

"Oh no? From where I stand he's done something very wrong and
dangerous. If he values his life and his career he won't do it

Tom leveled his baby blues and spat. "Fuck you."

Allowing the darkness in him to take over, Chakotay grabbed the belt
loops of the defiant man before he disappeared back into the throng.
Spinning Tom around, the commander slammed him into the holodeck's
bulkhead. In the crush of bodies spilling from the dance floor
nobody noticed the small violence.

"That could be arranged Tommy."

"Oh yeah not likely." Tom rebounded from the cold wall. "Tell me
Chakotay, what colour is the sky in your world?"

"Blue. Crystal blue with gold flecks to be exact."

Not waiting for a response, the commander pressed the younger man
back against the wall and stole his mouth in a brutal kiss. Tom
fought him, scraping his nails along his cheeks and kicking his legs
out. Chakotay ignored the stinging cuts and captured Tom's hands,
pinning them above his head. The legs he stilled with the bulk of his

Chakotay plundered the mouth of his captive and humped against him.
When the pilot stopped fighting his advances, the commander released
his hands and pulled back.

"Do me."

"Here? People will see." The voice was weak and breathless.

"Shutup and do it Tommy."

The former lieutenant nodded silently and fell to his knees.
Chakotay felt his pants opened and his cock encased in a warm
wetness. Not caring that anybody taking the time to notice would see
Tom eating his dick, Chakotay began to thrust into the young man's
mouth. He wound Tommy's blond locks around his fist for leverage.

"Oh Tommy, oh fuck."

He'd been so near the edge already that it didn't take long from him
to reach his climax. Tommy sucked him dry and then fell to the

"Get up."

Tom didn't respond right away so Chakotay heaved him up by the collar
of his blue silk shirt, tearing it at the seam. When they were face
to face, Tom spoke.

"I hate you."

Chakotay kissed his bruised lips softly. "And I love you."

Shrugging out of his grasp, Tom headed back out to the dance floor.
Finding Harry, he hooked his arm around the lieutenant's neck and
walked him out of Sandrine's. After watching them leave, he zipped
up his trousers and left the holodeck for home.

Chakotay would wait a long time alone in the dark, before Tom joined


"Oh, oh yes Tom."

Harry leaned forward and pushed his entire length into him. As hands
grappled at his hips to find purchase, the blond fell forward and
clutched at the bed sheets. Hot tears fell on the pillow in front of
him, staining it like raindrops on a windowpane. Harry slammed his
pelvis a few more times into his ass before releasing his load. When
he was done, the lieutenant pulled out and fell back on to the bed.
With his cock hanging limp between his legs, Tom remained on his
elbows and knees, his ass in the air feeling like an idiot.


At the sound of his best friends voice he collapsed forward bringing
his knees under his chin. Tom shook his hair over his face so Harry
wouldn't see him cry.

In back rooms, hallways and alleys Tom had fucked and been fucked
with out ever feeling as dirty he did now in the clean warmth of his
most trusted friend's bed. He felt a hand push back his curls.

"Oh shit Tom."

Reaching back, the pilot found the comforter and pulled it over him.
He stretched out his legs and cradled his head in his arms. Harry
joined him under the cover but made no attempt to touch him.

"I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"For taking you."

"I offered."

"Yeah but for all the wrong reasons. I should have been Chakotay."

"He doesn't want me that way Harry."

"Yeah he does, I saw it in his eyes tonight."

Tom's shoulders stiffened and a cynical laugh escaped his swollen
lips. "Did you also see him fuck my mouth."


"Then you know. That's all he wants Har."

Harry didn't say anything to that. How could he? It was the truth
and both of them knew it. The seconds ticked by before his bedmate
spoke again.

"And you still love him?"

"What does that matter?"

"Well coming from someone who would kill to have you love him that
much, it matters a lot."

"Fuck Harry you don't mean that."

The lieutenant shifted his body so it was flush with Tom's and slung
an arm over his ass just above his tailbone.

"It's time to wake up Paris and smell the coffee. You have a special
gift. You can make people care about you with very little effort.
Whether you care for them back doesn't matter. You become the nexus
of their life and everything they do from the point on for bad or for
good, they do because of you."

"Give me a fucking break Harry." Tom rubbed his face into his forearm
to wipe away the nescient tears.

"I think I have. This isn't easy for me to say Tom. I stayed away
from you because I didn't want to admit it was true. I thought I
could forget what you mean to me but I was wrong."

"And now?"

"And now well, now I've got nothing to lose. You're still my pirate
with the heart of gold. I know that heart belongs to someone else
but that doesn't matter as long as I can still be in your life

"A pirate? Say that again but this time in standard Harry."

"I love you Thomas Eugene Paris and I'll take what I can get even if
it's just your friendship. Which in itself is no small thing."

"Oh fuck."

"I think we just did that and I think we'd better off not doing it

Like a cat, Tom stretched out his long lean body and rubbed his
forehead the length of the lieutenant's neck.

"I love you Harry."

"Yeah, whatever. Go to sleep Tom."

"Yes sir."

Thinking he was the luckiest man on Voyager if not the entire
quadrant to have a friend like Harry Kim, Tom pulled the younger man
into his arms and went to sleep.


Tom was fucking Harry.

Or maybe Harry was fucking Tom. It didn't really matter which,
either way it still hurt like hell. Chakotay shifted in his command
chair on the bridge and burned a hole in the back of the pilot's
borrowed shirt with his eyes.

Last night he'd lost it. Seeing Tom and Harry together had torn all
of the previous month's rehabilitation to shreds. In one fit of
jealous rage Chakotay had reverted Tom back into a whore.

His whore however and not Harry's. The lieutenant shared a long-
standing friendship with beautiful blond and if he now shared sex
with him too, Tom would be classed as his lover. There wasn't any
way Chakotay could compete with that. How could he? Tom hated him.

"Trouble in Paradise Commander?" Said a low voice beside him.

He ignored the malicious remark and hoped it wasn't loud enough for
Tom to hear. The pilot didn't need to know his resident savior and
personal guardian angel, Captain Kathryn Janeway resented the hell
out of him. The commander didn't want to add disillusionment to his
growing list of infractions against the young man.

The turbolift doors behind him swished opened delivering the next
shift and ending the Alpha. The pilot transferred the helm to
Baytart and left the bridge with Harry. Chakotay followed his exit
hoping to catch the pilot's eye but Tom never cast his sparkling blue
eyes his way once.

Signing off the console on the arm of his command chair, Chakotay
rose and caught the next lift for home. Correction caught the next
turbolift for his cabin. If Tom wasn't going to be there again
tonight, it wasn't home anymore.

Riding the lift, Chakotay thought about who the pilot was with right
now and felt the hated darkness rise within him. He closed his eyes
and pressed his forehead against the cold metal of the car's wall in
an effort to keep it at bay but the blackness still came. He
couldn't stop it by himself anymore.

He needed help.


"Always the Contrary." Through the mist, Chakotay heard his father's
voice. "You're lost aren't you?"

"Yes, father."

Kolopak emerged from the fog enshrouding his dreamwalk, looking just
as he did when the commander was a young man.

"I knew someday this would happen if you pushed aside the spirits."

"But I haven't. I honour them everyday."

"You go through the motions Chakotay, but you do them no honour. You
have abandoned them."

"I don't understand."

"The spirits and all they are live within you, in me and in the
bright creature you call Tommy. When you deny yourself you deny
them. You give them no home and no place to survive."

"You're talking about the blackness."

"Your word. I call it passion. It has always been strong within the
hearts of our people."

"It frightens me."

"That much is obvious my son and you're letting that fear cripple
you. Stop fighting it Chakotay."

"And if I hurt Tommy in the process, what then? Do I blame it on the
will of the spirits? That's not acceptable."

"Must you do everything the hard way?" Frustration tinged with regret
coloured his father's soliloquy. "Tom isn't so fragile he'll break.
His passion is as great, if not greater than yours is, only he
recognizes for what it is and isn't afraid. You dishonour him by
keeping your passion from him."

"You want me to give in to my baser side? To forget who I am? I'm
not sure I can do that."

"You have already forgotten who you are. When will you remember

He looked hard at Kolopak. The older man stood patiently waiting for
his answer wearing a serene smile looking nothing like a man
harboring a deep uncontrollable passion. It was this epitome that
he'd dedicated his adult life to emulating and now he was being told
it was a fraud.

"Not a fraud, a result of acceptance."

Chakotay was momentarily startled the older man had heard his
thoughts until he remember where he was and what was possible in this
dream state. He continued the conversation aloud.


"Yes my son. Somethings we can control and some things not, your
feelings for Tom being one of them. It is your nature to care deeply
and love passionately. It's only when you fight those needs, they
become distorted. Accept who you are Chakotay and you'll find peace."

"It's that easy."

His father laughed and slapped his shoulder. "Oh no my son. If it
were, we wouldn't need the spirits to guide us. We wouldn't need

As he consider the new path his father had shown him, the soft lines
of the world around him shimmered into nothingness and reformed into
the crispness of his cabin.

Switching off his akoona, Chakotay rose from his meditation rug and
walked over to the viewport.

Embrace the passion his father told him and he would see through the
darkness to find Tom's light. Tom.

"Computer, location of Tom Paris?"

"Thomas Paris is in Lieutenant Harry Kim's quarters."

Intent on removing all semblance of command, Chakotay headed to his
bedroom to change out of his uniform. When he went to reclaim the
pilot, he would go as a man in love and not as first officer of

What happened next would be up to Tom and the spirits.


"He's asleep."

"Fine I'll wake him."

Not believing what he was doing, Harry step up to the commander who
was dressed from head to toe in black silk and barred his way into
the bedroom.

"Leave him alone."

Chakotay stopped and raised an incredulous eyebrow to him.

"Are you challenging me for him Mr Kim?"

"No, yes, hell I don't know. I all know is I'm not going to let you
hurt him anymore." Feeling more empowered as the stream of words
left his lips, the lieutenant went on. "You treat him like shit,
Chakotay and he deserves better."

"I see and are you prepared to do that for him?"

"In a heartbeat if he'd let me."

The first officer glowered at him and he shrank back. He still felt
brave but probably didn't appear quite so.

"Have you fucked him Harry?"

"I don't think that's any of your business."

"You have then." Chakotay's squared shoulders rounded and his voice
broke. "Did he tell you he loved you?"

Feeling a little thrown by the bigger man's question and more by his
reaction, Harry took a step back from the looming commander to
collect his thoughts.

Like a raging bull, Chakotay had barged into his quarters to retrieve
Tom and Harry had fully expected to be torn limb from limb in the
process. However now the vanquished man before him didn't look
capable of harming anyone. His suspicions from the night before were
right. Chakotay loved Tom and was confused about it as much as the
pilot was. The realization warmed Harry's romantic heart.

"Tom loves everyone Chakotay."

"No not everyone."

"Well maybe not but I'm pretty sure he loves you."

A kaleidoscope of emotions cycled across the commander's face.
Everything from hope to despair passed over his handsome features.
Amazed that someone who exuded so much strength and confidence needed
to be reassured like any other normal human being, Harry almost
forgot he was the same man who'd forced Tom to give him head in
Sandrine's, almost but not completely. Chakotay was troubled and he
could be dangerous in that state. It was up to him to watch over his
best friend's safety.

"When he wakes up, I'll tell him you were here asking for him, OK?"

The commander looked from him to the bedroom door and back again
before answering.

"As soon as he wakes?"

"Yeah." Please, please let him leave, Harry prayed.

"Very well."

Taking one last look at the bedroom door, Chakotay left. Harry let
out the breath he didn't know holding and unclenched his hands. He
knew full well that little encounter could have gone either way
depending on the depth of the commander's love for the pilot.

Feeling just a little sorry for himself, Harry collapsed on the
lounge, thankful that Chakotay loved Tom enough to back off.