Title: Two Steps Back - P4
Author: Cheryl Forbes
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Pairing: Chakotay/Tom Paris
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Disclaimer: Voyager is the property of Paramout and not me.

Bad choices and worse reasons.

Harry had used those words to describe Tom and now a more than a
month later he applied them to himself. He had become angry with the
pilot for not fitting the sterling picture of him he'd created in his
mind and had left him alone because he'd hadn't been willing to face
his lack of sophistication.

That night in Sandrine's watching the by play between his best friend
and his commanding officer had shattered his image of both of them.

Shortly after they had met, Tom had told him about Marseilles and
what he'd done there to survive. Trying desperately to appear worldly
in front of the dashing lieutenant, Harry had said it was no big
thing. The world could be tough place and you did what you had to.
In reality, he had been shocked by the man's past but he'd also been

Growing up in the cloistered world of academics, Harry had never met
someone so dangerous and flamboyant. Tom had lived a life that Harry
had only read about in adventure novels. The cocky young pilot
epitomized every down on his luck underdog that despite horrendous
circumstances had conquered the odds and had emerged the hero. Tom
was his pirate with a heart of gold.

If Tom had been his hero then Chakotay had been his idol. The older
man's god like infallibility in the face of adversity and crisis had
been Harry's templet to what a Starfleet officer should be. The
first officer believed in fighting the good fight.

The two men were from opposite ends of the social spectrum and Harry
had hoped that somehow by knowing them, he would absorb the
beneficial traits of both and become the quintessential Fleet officer
he strived to be. He'd been unprepared to see their darker side that
night on the holodeck and when he had, he'd reacted badly.

Sex had never been the most comfortable subject for Harry and seeing
his two most favorite people in the world engage in it embarrassed
him. Perhaps if it had been a romantic liaison it would have been
easier for him deal with but it wasn't. Breaking the epic molds he
had fitted them into, the two men had transform the most intimate of
acts into a business transaction. Tom was fucking Chakotay for

Since then the two men had taken the relationship one step further
and had made it official. If you brought Thomas Eugene Paris'
service record up on the ship's database, you would read his list of
titles as observer, lieutenant, ship's chief pilot, ensign,
lieutenant again and then concubine. It was an erratic record but it
also showed a pattern. According to previous history, Tom should be
building for an upswing. It was that fact that had prompted Harry to
head for the pilot's cabin to talk to him in the first time in 48
days, 3 hours and 29 minutes. It was pay back time.

Harry was going to be Tom's hero.


Tonight was going to be 'the' night.

When Chakotay got home, Tom would be waiting to razzle and dazzle
him. If he lived to take another breath, they would not go through
another evening of isolated self-satisfaction. The next time Tom
came it would be in Chakotay or while Chakotay was in him. It
wouldn't matter which. He was opened to both.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Tom fussed with his long
blond locks. The Doc had stimulated his follicles enough now that
his hair now reached the middle of his back. While working he
tethered its length with a strand of leather stolen from one of
Chakotay's woven dream catchers, to keep it regulation. However
tonight he wanted his new mane to be anything but Fleet-issue. Tom
flipped his head forward and applied the mousse Sam had given him to
his scalp. When he brought his head back up, his hair framed his
face in a golden halo. Liking the effect, Tom left the head.

In what he'd considered his debut, Tom had agonized for hours on what
to wear. Finally deciding on the simpler the better, he'd selected a
pair of worn blue jean and a blue silk shirt. The jeans he'd already
had in his wardrobe, however for the shirt Tom had dipped into
his "Chak fund" to buy. Siphoning from the fund had been against his
better nature but to make this night special, Tom needed something
extra. Something that said come fuck me.

Dressing himself to the left, Tom pulled at the ass of his pants.
Underwear would have set his balls in a more comfortable position but
he wanted his package to be easy access so he'd forgone the extra

Feeling ready to conquer the world and sexually reluctant first
officers, Tom thrust his hips forward and strutted into the
livingroom just as the outside doors swished opened.


Oh my god!

Harry stood still in tracks and let his psyche absorbed the intense
beauty of the creature standing before him. Wearing a shirt as
brilliant and as blue as his eyes, his former best and confident
approached him.


Unable to help himself, the lieutenant watched the pilot's mouth as
his name formed on his pink lips. In slow motion Harry watched how
Tom's bottom lip bent in vernacular and how his pale brows framed his
cerulean blue eyes expressively. It was poetry in motion.

"What are you doing here Har?"

What was he doing here? Forgetting his original purpose, Harry
suddenly understood Chakotay's part of the equation. Tom was an
extremely sexual being. Everything about him exuded sex. Tom was
pretty beyond extreme and virtually shone. It almost hurt to look at

"I missed you." Harry said.

The guarded look in those pretty blue eyes faded and the tall slender
man relaxed his stance and moved forward.

"You did?"

"Yeah, Tom I did." Harry moved close enough to smell his clean warm
scent. "I came here hoping you missed me too."

"Fuck Harry, I was practically dying without you!"

In one smooth movement, Harry was swept into Tom's arms. The pilot
hugged him voraciously and rubbed his face into his neck. Soft locks
of blond hair fell erotically over Harry's nape and caressed his
face. Without thought the lieutenant brought his hands around to
cup the pilot's ass, bringing him closer. When Tom didn't protest to
the touch, he chanced a kiss to his cheek.

Tom moved into the caress and then tilted his neck back giving Harry
full access to his pale throat. Nipping and biting, Harry tasted the
full essence of his friend.

This was what Chakotay wanted. Harry ran his hand up Tom's spine
feeling it supplicate like a wave at his touch. The power Harry
felt at Tom's reaction was incredible. It almost made him forget
why he was here. Almost but not completely.


"Yeah Harry." His best friend in the whole world and his current
sexual fantasy broke away from his embrace.

"We need to talk."

"Yeah, you and the whole world."

"Excuse me?"

"Nobody it seems just wants to fuck anymore."

"I don't want you that way Tom."

"Give me a fucking break, will ya. You want me and Chakotay
definitely wants me. The problem is that neither one of you has the
balls to do anything about it."

"You're not sleeping with the commander?"


"But I thought."

"Forget about what you've thought. Chakotay and I are just friends.
I sleep here and he lets me. End of story."

The admission put a whole new spin on things. Harry was being given
a chance to reinvent Tom again. If he wanted, Tom could be the
pirate with the heart of gold that saves him. It was a dream he could
get used to, fast. Harry touched Tom's temple and whispered,

"I do want you."

"Oh shit Harry are you sure. I mean what do we do now? Do I fuck you
or do you fuck me?"

"I guess I'd fuck you."

"Uh-uh. Then what do we do afterwards? Shake hands and arrange to
meet another time and not talk about it until we do? Harry I can
tell you right now I love you and if you were the only one I loved, I
think I could get into you real fast being my only lover but that's
not the way things are."


"Yeah curse the name and rejoice the lover. I love him and hate him.
He has a way of making me feeling extraordinary one moment and then
worthless in the next."

"And you can still love him for that?"

"Yeah. Does that sound crazy?"

"Yes but as for long as I've known you, you've never been sane, so go

"Do you still want me?"

"One question with so many answers."

"I'd settle for one Harry."

"OK one. You're beautiful and I'd bet credits to latinum you don't
know it. You don't like your self enough but that's probably because
no one has ever told you how special you really are. You exist
thinking you just take up space, which isn't true, because you have
enough spirit for two maybe three people. You give without hope of
ever receiving and as result don't notice when you received the same
back in kind." Harry pulled back from the nymph that was in reality
his best friend. "Was that more than one?"

"Yeah that was everything."

"So are we good?'

"Yeah Har we're good."

"So there's only one thing left."

"What's that?"

"You have to stop pretending you're the commander's property."

"I'm not pretending Harry, he does own me."

"For the record maybe but not in spirit."

"I like things the way they are."

"Has he ever made love to you?"

"No, but he wants to."

"Uh-huh. I'd be surprised if he didn't. However since he hasn't, I
think it's up to you to make the first move."

"Harry take a real good look at me."

Not really wanting to but for the sake of their born again
friendship, Harry gave Tom a cursory look.

"Yeah what of it?"

"This is an outfit that says fuck me now and we'll talk about it in
the morning."

"Is that how you want the story to go?'

"Is there a better way?"

If Chakotay felt one-tenth the way he did about the pilot, yeah there
could be. Harry wouldn't actually suggest that the older man should
beg but he should show his worthiness some way.

"Yes. Let it be his decision."

"You mean wait until he asks."


"Until he begs."


"That will be hard. I want him as much as he wants me Harry. What am
I supposed to do?"

"Take step back."