Title:  Q Love P8
Author:  Cheryl Forbes
Fandom:  Star Trek:  Voyager
Pairing:  Chakotay/Tom Paris
Rating:  NC 17
Series:  8 of 8
Email for feedback:  forbesc@skyia.com
Disclaimer:  Voyager and her crew are the property of Paramount and
not me.  Whatever.

Summary:  The big event.


"Just relax Mr Paris or is it Mr Chakotay now?"  The doctor shook his
holographic head.  "No matter, just lie back against the commander
and let me take a look."

With his legs bent and knees splayed apart, Tom suffered the
indignity of having the man's baldhead up his butt.
Meanwhile, Chakotay chanted quietly into his ear and held him from
behind with one arm over his chest and his palm clasped across his
drenched brow.  The waves of pain were becoming more tolerable but he
didn't know if that was from his husband's solid reassuring presence
or if the contractions were tapering off.  When another surge of
liquid fire lanced through his lower back and gut, Tom got his
answer. Chakotay clutched him tighter until the worse of it had

"Doctor, can't you give him something for the pain?"

The hologram popped up from between his knees with an impatient
look.  "Commander women have been delivering children without the
benefit of analgesics for decades now."

Chakotay let go of his forehead and grabbed the doctor by the front
of his uniform.  "Tom is not a woman and I will not see him suffer
unnecessarily.  Give him something."

"Very well."  The hologram replied tersely.  Wresting his angry
husband's fist from his collar, the indignant doctor crawled off the
bed to where his medical bag rested on the night table.  As he
rustled through it contents the bedroom door swished open to emit a
disheveled looking Kathryn Janeway in a maroon silk robe.  Her red
eyes went wide and glittered in the candlelight when she saw them.
Oh fuck.

Until the captain had arrived, he had forgotten that both he and
Chakotay were buck-naked and in bed.  Absurdly it wasn't the fact
that they were out of uniform that bothered him so much as the
ungodly state of the bedroom.  Before his bath Tom had neglected to
throw his clothes into the fresher and the sheets were a sodden
mess.  He would have tidied up a bit if he knew they were having

"Ma'am."  The sound of his voice drew her eyes away from his
midsection and up to his face.

"It's coming now?"

"Yeah, surprise, sur-oh fuck!"

"Doctor!"  Chakotay yelled painfully into his ear competing with the
pain in his belly.

"Coming!"  Came the response along with the cool touch of a hypo
spray to his neck.  "It's a muscle relaxant."

"A muscle relaxant?"

"Yes Mr, Mr, Tom.  It seems since your last examination you've once
again experienced some internal modifications.  You now present with
a birth canal."  Moving to mattress beside him, the hologram scanned
his abdomen with a medical tricorder and continued talking.  "You're
going to deliver this child anally and the drug will facilitate

"No way!"  Tom knew Chakotay's lovemaking had stretched him somewhat
but surely not to the extent that a baby could fit through.

"Way.  There will be some discomfort,"

"No shit."

The doctor gave him a look that all but called him a pussy.  "But
you'll survive."

"Shouldn't we be doing this in Sickbay?  The baby isn't full term and
might need assistance."  The captain ventured from the foot of the

"There's nothing there that I can't do here Captain.  Besides, my
research tells me home births are more relaxing and as result less
stressful on both the mother and the child."  The hologram slapped
his thighs and stood.  "Right, now let's get to it people.  We're
about to have a baby."

Beaming brightly in all his glory, the doctor took over.  As if he'd
changed into his command matrix, he ordered Voyager's two senior
officer's about like they were wet behind the ears ensigns.

In a flurry of activity Tom being the center, the captain briskly
stripped and replaced the bed sheets as Chakotay tenderly washed him
down with warm cloths and then propped him up and supported his
weight with pillows.  In the dim light of the candles, Tom saw the
doctor making sure his orders were followed to the tee with one eye
and checked his medical instruments with the other.  When the
assigned tasks were completed, his husband moved back behind him and
the captain pulled up a comfortable chair next to the bed.  She took
his hand gingerly and then lowered her head, her hair falling over
her face.

"What's wrong?"  Tom asked of her but except for a small sob, she
remained silent and kept her head bowed.  Her avoidance of his
question told him she knew something and if the bravest woman he'd
ever met couldn't look him in the eye, it couldn't be good.  Dread
seized his heart.

He squeezed her hand.  "Me or the baby?"

"Hush Tom don't."  Chakotay kissed his neck softly and wiped a warm
cloth down his chest.  "Leave her be.  You have to concentrate now.
Our baby is about to be born."

He let go of his captain's hand and looked up at his mate.  Fear and
uncertainty filled his dark ebony eyes telling Tom that Chakotay
didn't know anything and didn't want to.  Not yet anyway.  A hand
pressing his abdomen stole his attention.

"The baby's in the canal Tom."  The doctor informed him.  "Try to

Scared to death and in more pain than he'd ever experienced, Tom gave
Chakotay one last smile and then bore down.


Two candle flames flickered in the Chakotay/Paris bedroom.

"Is this really necessary?"


"It's awfully messy."

"And painful. I know."

"Then why?"

"Because Chakotay says he loves him."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"If I knew that, if I knew what love really means, I'd tell you."

"That's not what I meant.  Why all the theatrics?  It's all for
nothing anyway."

"Because I do want to know."

"What love is?  I can tell you that with out all the pomp and
ceremony.  It's a insignificant emotion that continually rules out
what little common sense and logic humans have."

"They don't think it's insignificant.  Chakotay defines his happiness
by it."

"Of course he does.  If he admitted otherwise, then he'd also have to
face the fact that his life is pointless without it."

"Not worth living.  Yes I think I'm beginning to see that."

"Well it's about time."

"Did you know that if I could have loved Tom, he would have loved me
back?  That would not have been insignificant."

"No just stupid.  You're Q.  You don't need Helmboy's love."

"Don't call him that.  His name is Tom and his love is important.  It
would have made me stronger, better even.  Look what Chakotay's has
done for him."

"That's nonsense."

"Is it?  When Tom thought he was dying, he wasn't destroyed.  He
remained whole and sought out others to care for Chakotay and the
child.  And even now that he knows there's no child, he remains brave
and will survive for Chakotay.  That's because of love Father.  I
can't touch that and neither, in all its omnipotence can the

"Whatever.  That still doesn't explain why you're making him go
through labour to deliver a phantom."

"Did I say it was a phantom?"

"You're damn right you did."

"Maybe I was wrong."


"I love you."  He repeated over and over again in a low singsong
voice.  Tom was asleep in his arms and beyond hearing but it didn't
matter.  Chakotay needed to say the comforting words if not for his
husband, then himself.

The pain of the delivery and subsequent stillborn had taken their
toll.  Tom hadn't even had the strength to cry when their son had
failed to take his first breath.  Chakotay had but not until Kathryn
had helped him clean his beloved and the doctor had taken the
motionless infant away.  By that time the painkillers the hologram
had finally administered after the birth had taken effect and Tom had
passed out.

It had been after the bed had been remade and a warm blanket was
wrapped around his sleeping lifemate had he allowed his grief to
surfaced.  Kathryn had still been there and had held him as bone-
wracking sobs overtook his body.  Together they wept at the foot of
the bed sharing their heartache until finally she had broken away and

Now alone rocking his beloved and whispering his devotion he felt
better for the communion.  The wound was still there, angry and raw
but it was not bleeding.  He could think again, reason again,
abilities he'd need when Tom woke.

He had not expected this.  He had been prepared for loss but had not
entertained the idea that it would come in the guise of death, not
once.  If the child had been born Q, and taken away from them at
least he would have had the knowledge that it existed in some form
someplace but this cruelty shattered even that comfort.  Even his
tribal beliefs of life after death gave him no solace.  The child had
been truly his and he mourned deeply for its soul.

The doctor had confirmed after a brief test that the child had been
indeed human and traces of his DNA were present.  Chakotay had not
seen for himself but the hologram had also mentioned the infant's
hair was as dark as his own.  The comment had been offered in
consolation but had only added to his sorrow.

"Chakotay?"  Came a solemn voice that was not his husband's.  Through
tired bloodshot eyes he saw a familiar looking youth sitting at the
end of the bed.   He was attractive with sandy brown hair and
striking green eyes.

"You're J."  He surmised.

"Yes and probably the last person you want to see right now.  Am I

Chakotay couldn't answer.  Too many emotions raced through his head
and he was unable to select one to verbalize first.

"Yes well I suppose I am but don't worry I won't be here long.  I
just have a few things I need to say.  I listened to you once and I
hope you'll return the favour."

Chakotay remembered the one sided conversation.  It had been only a
few short hours ago but seemed like forever.  There wasn't anything
this cruel, spiteful being could say to make a difference but he
would return the `favour' and listen in the name of fair play.  Not
that J deserved it but Chakotay refused to compromise his morals for
the sake of anyone.

"Talk."  He said tightly.

"I need to know more about the emotion called love."

The request surprised him but he refused to let the demon across from
him see his disquiet and kept his face neutral.


"Good.  Now tell me, is being the father of Tom's child important to

It was a stupid question.


"Because you love him, right?  But what if I was the father?  Would
you still love him?"

"Yes but the point is mute J.  There is no child, not anymore."

"Yes perhaps because he was human, he died.  If he were Q, he most
likely would have lived but you would have still lost him."

"Given the alternative, that would have been acceptable."

"And you would have let him go without a fight?"

"If giving him over to the Continuum was a condition for his life,
yes.  I wouldn't have liked it but I would have accepted it."

"What if you could keep the child but in exchange you would have to
forfeit Tom to me?"

Chakotay kissed the top of his sleeping husband's head.  J watched
the affectionate gesture intently.  "Tom wouldn't leave me for you."

"Not even if he knew that his sacrifice would give life to his dead
son?  Please Chakotay, I think we both know the answer to that one."

"Then I wouldn't choose.  It would be up to Tom."

The young Q shifted closer to where Tom's feet tented the blankets.
He didn't touch him but he did let his eyes roam over Tom's covered
form in way that insinuated previous intimacy.

"Say it's not.  Pick a life Chakotay."

This was not a hypothetical question and Chakotay knew it.  It was
obvious by the way J's haunting green eyes glowed with avarice that
he wanted Tom desperately.  He had to be very careful here.

"If I do, can I hold you to it?  Will you give my son back his life?
Can you?"

"The infant's fate is yet to be to determined, so yes I can and if
you answer me truly, I will abide by your choice.  Now tell me.
Whose life is forfeit?"

"Mine is.  I will go for them."

"No.  I don't want you Chakotay."

"Why not?  Think about it.  The one you want wants me.  Shouldn't it
follow that you would want me too?"

"No, it's not the same."

"No, it would be better.  And you wouldn't have to force me to fuck
you.  I would do it gladly."

"But without love."

"Of course.  You would get no more love from me than you would from

"But you said if I loved Tom, he would love me."

"Yes I did say that and it could have be true but you're too late.
His heart already belongs to me. So when do we leave?"

"When?  But.oh wait.  I see what game you're playing."

"It's no game J.  Not for my husband, our son or me."  Chakotay knew
his anger was making him reckless but was helpless to stop it.   The
months of stress and worry had pushed him to the breaking point and
he'd had enough.  "This is real as it gets for us and I'm sick and
tired of you using my family like playthings for your amusement."

"I'm not playing with you."

"Like hell you're not!"  Tom stirred at his breast and he lowered his
voice.  "You're a Q.  You don't have to bargain with me for my
husband or my son so the only thing that makes sense to me is that
torturing us turns your crank in some perverted way."

"It doesn't."

"No?  Then you must hate Tom very much to do this much harm to him
and the ones he holds most dear."

"I love Tom!" He protested with a pout.

"No you don't J.  You don't have it in you."

"I do."  The young Q rose from the end of the bed and leveled him
with a pair of lethal green eyes.  "I do Chakotay, I do."  He
repeated with venom and then disappeared in a flash.

Chakotay let out a sigh of relief and then settled back in bed not
sure if he'd just been very clever or very, very stupid.



The big bear of man beneath his cheek stirred.  "Did you say
something Tom?"

"I said his name was Jason."  Tom croaked out and was immediately
enfolded by two strong arms.

"Oh babe I'm so sorry."

"I know.  Me too."

It had taken many nights of contemplation to come with a name for the
child that had over the months had become a part of his soul.  It had
also been a leap of faith.  Tom had hoped by giving his son, he'd
always known the baby was a boy the power of a name it would ensure
his birth.  That it would give him an identity and somehow safeguard
him.  It hadn't.  His son was dead.

"Jason Chakotay."  He mouthed into his husband's smooth chest.  It
was a beautiful name.  Tom knew that it had been a foolish fantasy
but whispering it had helped him get through the days in ways
Chakotay's love as strong as it is, couldn't.  Saying it again even
now helped but now it also hurt.

"Did you see him Chak?  Did you see our son?"

"No my love.  The doctor took him away before I could."

"Oh."  He replied with crushing disappointment.  Tom had wanted to
ask if he was beautiful.

Chakotay brushed the hair from his face and brought his head up.  "Do
you want to see him Tom?"

"Yes."  He replied without hesitation.  "Can we go now?"

Nodding his husband pulled back the covers and assisted him from the
bed.  Tom still felt a little fuzzy but his legs held as Chakotay
dressed him a warm terry robe.  After dawning his own robe, the
cheerless man called B'Elanna and had them both beamed directly to

In the wee hours of the morning the facility was deserted.  The
lights were dimmed to preserve power adding to the room's a haunted
atmosphere.  Hearing the low whine of the transporter the doctor
emerged from his office and with the somber air of a mortician
silently guided them over to a small stasis chamber.

The clear walled basinet was lined with a light blue blanket and
hummed softly.  The doctor turned off the generator, silencing the
hum and then retreated to his office, leaving them alone with their

With Chakotay's body molded behind him and his head resting on his
shoulder, Tom peered into chamber.  In the center was a tiny mound
swathed in blue with a hint of wispy dark hair poking out the top.
With a shaking hand, he pulled back the blanket to reveal his baby
boy.  Tom caressed a small pink cheek with his fingers tenderly.

"Oh fuck Chak, he is beautiful."

Chakotay hand snaked under his arm and reached out to touch with the
downy soft hair.  "Yes."

"Do you think it would be Okay if I held him?  Just for a second?"

"I think that would be fine Tom."

As if he was handling the finest porcelain, Tom lifted the tiny form
into his arms.  Chakotay slipped to his side and moved an arm under
his to support both him and the small weight.  Tom lowered his head.

"Do you know how much we love you Jason?  So much so that no matter
how many children we have, you'll always be considered our first

Beside him, Tom heard Chakotay's breath hitch.  He turned and kissed
his husband whose gorgeous dark eyes were bright with unshed tears.

"I love you Chakotay." Tom whispered into his mouth.

"I love you too Tom."  Chakotay whispered back before kissing him
deeply and holding them both.


In a dark corner of Sickbay a being that was no more than a pinprick
of light flickered in revelation.

This was love.  It could not be taken, coerced or bargained for.  It
had to be given freely and when it did, it was wondrous.

The concept was simple while at the same time infinitely
complicated.  Love couldn't work miracles or prevent hardships but it
did have the power to make them tolerable. And sometimes you had to
be willing let it go to keep it alive.  So was it wasn't infallible
but yet it was still amazing.

It had been a difficult mystery to unravel but one he had finally.

However, it was a puzzle that the rest of Continuum in all its
boundless wisdom had yet to solve.  Perhaps it was why these humans
fascinated them so and maybe it was the true reason for his creation,
to show them the way to real omnipotence.  So while watching the
scene below him, he guided his people on their first step towards

And with love he released the spirit of his namesake to his parents.