Title: Q Love P5
Author: Cheryl Forbes
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Pairing: Chakotay/Tom Paris
Rating: NC 17
Series: 5 of ?
Email for feedback: firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew belong to Paramount and not me.
Summary: Tom doesn't choose life.
"Doesn't anyone want to know what I think?" He yelled at the group
huddled around the medical console.
Chakotay broke from his conference with the doctor and the captain
and approached the bio-bed where he was patiently waiting. "Of
course, Tom. We were just discussing the ramifications of your
His `choice', that's what Chakotay had been calling his decision all
morning. The big man was unable to bring himself to say the word
abortion so he had softened it. The passive nomenclature also had
the double-sided benefit of clearly stating that it was not his
idea. The commander wanted him to continue this pregnancy.
"The ramifications for me or for you Chak?" The remark was meant to
hurt and by the pained expression on the older man's face, Tom could
see that it had.
"For both of us." Chakotay gathered his cold hands into his big warm
palms. "The doctor had explained that the procedure is fairly simple
however your body's reactions afterwards may pose a problem. Your
system is in a state of flux Tom and it's likely that you may
experience a hormonal withdrawal that without live Bynar DNA he will
be unable to counteract."
"You'll suffer shock, apnea and cardiac failure."
"Are you saying I'll die?"
"I don't know but the doctor did say longer you carry the child the
less severe the effects will become."
"So I'll wait a few more months and then let the delivery kill me.
Oh that's much better Chak. It gives me time to really let my death
"You still think this pregnancy is meant to harm you? You gave him
what he wanted, why would he do that?"
"Because J's one sick puppy, that's why. He wants me to suffer."
"By giving you a child?"
"No by giving you one."
"Yes the doctor explain that to me." He laid a hand along his
cheek. "I have no intention of choosing anyone else to raise our
child with. You will survive the birth and we will be a family."
"So I have to stick it out for the next seven months and just hope
for the best?"
"No only five. The Bynar womb is too small to accommodate the fetus
to full term and by that time I'm sure the doctor will have figured
out a way to remove him or her safely from your body."
"That's encouraging." He lowered his head and spoke softly. "I
don't really have a choice here, do I Chak? You're not going to
allow the Doc to perform the procedure, are you?"
"Tom you have to understand that none of us are willing to risk your
life. You're too important to Voyager and to me to lose."
"Right. I didn't think so." He slid off the bed, his heart heavy
with resignation. "If you'll excuse me, I'll leave you all to pick
out baby names while I go write my last will and testament."
"Tom please." The commander of his professional and now it seemed
personal life begged and reached out hand to his chest to stop his
exit. He twisted sideways to avoid the contact he normally craved.
"Don't touch me." His words burned like fire and Chakotay
immediately stood back and allowed him passage. He was now free to
leave but had no idea where to go. All he knew was he most certainly
didn't want to go back to the place where this man who had
arbitrarily decided his future reigned king. He needed to find
somewhere that was his alone and that wouldn't be easy.
His old cabin was out because as of two weeks ago, it had been given
over to Samantha Wildman who had requested larger quarters. The
holodeck would suffice but only till he ran out of credits and then
he'd be homeless again in this big ship.
Ship? Now that was a thought.
"Do you know what time it is?"
"I'm sorry where you asleep?"
"Yes Chakotay, that's what I do at two in the morning." She replied
irritably and then peered at the man standing on her threshold. He
looked so sad it broke her heart and her crabby mood. "Oh come on
in. I'll sleep in my next life."
"Thank you Kathryn." He gave her a small smile as he moved past her
into the living room. After replicating a pot of tea she sat down
beside him on the lounge.
"Did Tom kick you out?"
"No he'd have to be home to do that."
"He didn't go home? Where is he?"
"In the Flyer. I checked his location with the computer."
"And why aren't you there dragging his ass back home, may I ask?"
"Believe me I've thought about doing that a dozen times tonight."
"Kathryn, I can't force him to be with me."
"Why not?" Her first officer gawked. "Look Chakotay I know he's mad
at you right now but he'll get over it. He loves you."
"Maybe he shouldn't love me. Look at what I'm doing to him, making
him have a child he's convinced will kill him."
"That wasn't you decision alone. Both the doctor and myself also
agreed that an abortion was too dangerous."
"Yes but was it up to us? We were thinking about Tom's welfare I
know, but was it really our decision. We're not the ones that have
to carry this child, Tom does. Is it fair for us to make him to do
"Voyager needs her helmsman Chakotay."
"Yes and I need my husband but what does Tom need? Even if the birth
doesn't kill him, which the Doc assures me is unlikely does he really
want this child? It would be a constant reminder of what happened to
him with Q."
"A child of rape is not guilty of his father's sins Chakotay. It's
an innocent. Besides what if the baby is yours? Would you allow Tom
to destroy something that was part you too?"
"I've thought of that and maybe that's why I feel so guilty. A big
part of me wants to forget all about Q and carry on as if I was the
father. I want that joy Kathryn. I want the man I love to give me a
"Then do that. Forget and make Tom forget too."
"Sounds good but there's something we haven't thought of. If the
infant is born a Q, do you really think the Continuum will let us
keep him? Can I in good conscious convince Tom to love and bear a
child only to have it taken from him? If he doesn't hate me now, he
"Shit Chakotay pick a side."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You proposed to a man you didn't love because he met some archaic
reasons you set out for happiness and then when you did finally fall
in love with him you haven't married him. Now that same man is
having the child you so desperately want and you're sitting here with
me talking yourself out of wanting it. Deep down you know that's
wrong, so do both of us a favour and get off your ass and
make it right."
"Just like that? Never mind that he's so pissed at me, he won't even
let me touch him."
"Yep. Show him who's boss."
"Give in to caveman mentality? I've wanted to do that for a while
now. There's been a number of instances when I wanted to throw him
over my shoulder but..."
"Yeah, yeah I know. You were too busy being the sensitive lover.
Well screw that. Tom's confused right now and needs a strong hand."
"And I'm that hand?"
"The one and only."
"I am?" Chakotay stood up from the lounge and repeated with
resolution. "I am."
"Yes. Now get the hell out of here so I can get some sleep."
"Thank you Kathryn." He replied with one of his winning smiles and
then finally left her quarters.
As she watched him leave, she thought to herself on her way back to
her warm comfy bed, men.
You can't live with them and you can't drop them off on the next
OK so he was back home but he didn't have to like it.
Well he did like it a little. This bed was much more cozier than the
rock hard bio-bed in the Flyer and it was comforting to have the big
guy snoring softly beside him but dammit, he didn't appreciated being
hauled out of the small ship like a sack of quadrotriticale. Shit he
was a grown man for Christ sake and not a sack of wheat. His bedmate
shifted and threw a proprietary arm over his belly and Tom sighed in
resignation. Even in his sleep Chakotay asserted his ownership.
Like a charging bull, the commander had burst his way into the small
shuttle and demanded he stop pouting and come home. He had tried to
protest but the bigger man would have none of it and had actually
thrown him physically over his shoulder. They had been half way back
to the cabin before he finally convinced Chak to put him down so he
could walk under his own power and that hadn't been easy. Tom had to
promise that he wouldn't run back to the cargo bay and that yes, he
still intended to marry him. The last demand had been confusing.
Hadn't he already agreed to that?
This man who was a complicated mixture of dominance and submission,
may not be the storybook lover from his dreams but he still was the
only one for him. Even as he sat alone in the Flyer cursing Chak's
audacity in Sickbay, Tom knew he would go back to him.
Tom rubbed his face into the commander's salt and pepper hair. It
was soft and smelled of shampoo. Chakotay muttered something and
then snuggled his head deeper into his shoulder.
"I love you, you overbearing bastard." He whispered to the sleeping
man on his breast.
The arm holding him pulled tighter. "I love you too."
Oh shit, he was awake. "You do?"
His lover brought his head up. "Yes, for a long time now."
"But you never said." Chakotay loving him was too good to be true,
so maybe it wasn't. "You're not telling me this because of the baby
are you because if you are, I'd rather you didn't."
"No but I'll admit the child does make me love you more."
"I don't know."
"Do you remember the pizza Tom? Yes? Well there was also soft music
and candles. I had planned on telling you last night how I felt."
He did remember now that he thought about it. Chak had said he was
celebrating. That had been right before he had tossed his cookies.
"But I preempted you."
Chakotay smiled broadly. "In a very big way. You know, I had a
flowery speech all planned but what you had to say was much more
important. I love you," He paused. "And I'm sorry about my
performance in Sickbay but I love this baby too Tom. I couldn't let
you abort it."
"I'm scared Chak."
"I know my beautiful golden boy but you're not alone. Whatever
happens, I'll be here."
Tom hugged the older man to his chest and hoped when it was all over,
he would be too. The tiny life form in his gut was a ticking time
bomb. Chakotay may have faith that he would survive its birth but
that was only because he hadn't seen the malice in J's cold green
eyes. If he had, maybe he would understand his dread and wouldn't be
so happy about the pregnancy. Tom thought about that as the man in
his arms nibbled on one of nipples.
Did he really want that? If he only had months to live, why make the
man he loved, not to mention himself miserable during their last
times together? The bastard from the Continuum would be the only
winner in that scenario and that was worse than knowing he was going
to die. No, Chakotay loved him and he was going to make the most of
that while he could. It would be a shame to waste that miracle
worrying over what some punk assed little prick with a god complex
had done to him.
So he didn't get to keep the prize, so what. At least he would know
he had it and when he was gone, there might be a part of it left over
for Chakotay. It was a big maybe but he'd think about that later.
Right now there was a big sexy wolf kissing and nipping his way down
his abdomen and that was much more pressing.
Besides, when he felt his cock sucked into a hot mouth, Tom lost all
ability to think anyway.
Thank you Kathryn.
It was an odd thing to be thinking as he bobbed up and down over
Tom's groin but it had been an odd couple of days and he was truly
grateful. If she hadn't given him a swift kick in the pants, he
might not be here with his lover's delicious cock filling his mouth.
No, he'd be alone brooding and would have missed hearing Tom say I
OK so he had also called him an overbearing bastard but he could live
with that. It was, for the most part true especially after his
Neanderthal like claiming of his beloved.
"I love you." Tom murmured above his head and spirits did it sound
wonderful. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of hearing the
younger man say that. He sucked harder and moved faster in an effort
to make Tom feel as good as he did. He cupped the balls under his
chin and could tell by their compact size, it wouldn't be long before
he accomplished his mission.
"Oh fuck Chak stop! I want you, I want you." Chakotay ignored his
pleas and kept on milking the throbbing penis with his lips and
mouth. There wasn't time for his request. If he stopped now with
this much momentum, Tom would end up erupting on the bed sheets,
never getting anywhere near his ass. At least this way his lover's
precious fluid would still find its way inside him to nourish his
soul. His stuck a finger up Tom's butt to hasten the process. It
worked. In seconds the younger man was screaming and his ejaculate
was creaming the back of his throat. If his mouth weren't so full,
Chakotay would have smiled with pleasure. This caveman thing wasn't
As his lover fell insensate, he crawled up his long lean body and
kissed his slack lips. Unperturbed by the lack of response, Tom
normally turned into a ball of mush after coming, Chakotay humped out
his own release quickly into his thigh. Tom opened an eye when his
warm sticky wetness splashed against his leg.
"We could have orchestrated that one better."
Chakotay kissed a cheek that looked almost healthy. The rosy glow
was a nice change. "Is that a complaint?"
"No, but it wasn't very creative and it lasted all of two maybe three
minutes. I thought our first time together after confessing our love
would be you know more, more..."
"Amazing, earth shattering and one for the history books?"
"Something like that, yeah."
"It was. Only that happened two months ago and we didn't know it.
Tonight was just a confirmation."
"Or in other words you were too horny to wait."
"That too. Now go to sleep Tom Paris, we have to get up in three
"Can you at least get me a warm cloth first? I've got
your `confirmation' all over my leg."
"Anything you want master." He got up and headed for the bathroom.
"Oh sure where was that attitude five minutes ago!" Tom yelled after
"Around your dick my sweet golden boy." He answered back quietly as
he wetted a towel under the tap. He didn't bother raising his voice
because experience told him Tom would be out cold by now and true to
form when he returned to the bedroom, his gilded angel was sleeping
With the utmost care he cleaned his lifemate and after tossing the
towel aside, he climbed into bed beside him and pulled up the covers.
Life was good. Chakotay ran a hand down his sleeping beauty's belly,
to rest just below his navel. In his imagination he could almost
feel the slight swelling of their unborn child.
Life was good and it was growing in the man he loved.
"Do you like kids Captain?"
She looked up from Tom's performance appraisal. Crew evaluations
were normally Chakotay's job but since he was romantically involved
with the pilot and not completely unbiased, Tom's interview had
fallen on her. After delivering a stellar report, she had asked the
incumbent if he had any questions. She had not expected the one he'd
"Kids. Do you like them?"
"Yes I suppose so." She replied feeling a little befuddled.
"And you like Chakotay, right?"
"What does that have to do with your appraisal?"
"Nothing but I'd thought I'd take advantage of this opportunity to
speak to you." He gave her a pointed look. "In confidence of
"It's about the baby isn't it?"
Things began to click into place. Kathryn was aware that when Tom
had first learned of his pregnancy a month and a half ago, he had
been certain that the child would kill him. She had understood
that. After all the conception was the result of a liaison with a
member of the Continuum and who knew what ran through their over
sized egotistical heads. However he had further believed that after
his demise that Chakotay would turn to her in his grief and that was
just plain nuts.
The first officer was her friend and while she cared about his well
being, she doubted their relationship would ever develop into
anything further. They had that chance on New Earth and nothing had
come of that. She had thought up to a few moments ago Tom had
understood that. That with Chakotay's help he had put those fears
aside. Apparently unbeknownst to any of them, he had not.
"My latest report from the doctor says you and the child are healthy
"I know, I know but that's now." A hand came up to fiddle with the
white gold locks at his temple. "I just wanted you to know that I'm
OK with you and Chak being together if something should happen,...you
"You're offering your lover to me if you kick off, is that it? And
the baby, do I get that as an extra bonus?" She added sardonically.
"If it's human, yes." Tom's face and tone was `dead' pardon the pun,
serious. "Otherwise I'm afraid the father will get custody."
"Oh gee, I don't know. That only seems like a half a bargain."
"Well you can have," The pilot swallowed so hard, she thought he
would choke on his next words. "You can have your own baby with him."
"Oh just stop it. Damn it Tom, Chakotay doesn't want me and I don't
want him. He's so in love with you, I doubt if he ever choose anyone
ever again to be his mate. Not that he'll have to because you're not
going to die!" She got up, rounded her desk and perched on its
corner. "Why is it that I always have to point these things out to
the two of you?"
"You told Chakotay I loved him? How would you know that?"
"Because you told me once in this very room that you would enjoyed
owning his life."
"But that was seven years ago." Tom sputtered.
"Yeah and you fucked half the ship in denial of your feelings." The
pilot's eyes opened wide at the crassness she usually only indulged
in around her first officer. She honoured Tom with the informality
partly because of his intimate connection to her best friend and
partly because she was too pissed off to care.
"Oh please spare me the shocked virgin routine. We both know
everyone you've ever screwed has been a substitute for Chakotay."
The pilot tilted his golden tinged head and considered her carefully
before speaking. Damn but he was an awfully pretty man she thought
as the corners of his mouth turned up into an impish smile.
"Did you know a few times I even called out his name as I came?
There was this one time with B'Elanna," He paused and coughed
discreetly. "Well suffice it to say that after that night I never
graced her threshold again. Not to mention that I couldn't sit
straight in a chair for a week."
"I think I remember that week. I spent most of my time wondering why
you were sitting at attention at the helm. I was positive it was
because you'd done something you didn't want me to know, and were
overcompensating with a formal posture." She placed a hand over her
mouth to stop from giggling. "But that's not the best part. I
almost put Tuvok on the case but by the time I made the decision, you
"Get out. Really?"
"Hey I'm the captain, it's my job." Finally she let loose her
laughter and as Tom joined her, the fingers that had been playing
with his Q lighten hair cupped the small bulge over his groin. The
unconscious action sobered and reminded her of where this jovial
conversation had started.
"It's also my job to take of my crew. Not however by taking over
their responsibilities but of reminding them of them. You're going
to have a baby Tom and you can't palm that off on me."
"That wasn't my intention. I would give anything to be able to raise
this child with Chakotay but I don't think that's going to happen."
"So you keep saying. What I don't get is why?"
"J told me he loved me and I brushed him off."
"After he brutally raped you?"
"It wasn't brutal. I'm not even sure it was rape. Part of me wanted
to know what it would be like to sleep with a Q. However, given the
choice I would have forgone the experience. Chakotay had just
proposed and I didn't want to be with anyone but him. So to get
through it, I put myself in his place and pretended I was Chakotay
taking me. OK I know that sounds weird, but it worked.
Unfortunately J reacted the same way I would have."
"And fell in love. Oh shit."
"Yeah and when I told him it was just sex and that it was Chakotay I
loved, he flew off the handle. He accused Chak of wanting to use me
like a broodmare and when I protested, he laughed and said we'll
see." Tom went silent and clutched his unborn baby tighter even
though it was the cause of his torment. When he spoke again it was
in a hushed whisper. "Captain he has these eyes that in one moment
can melt your heart and in the next turn it stone cold."
"He's still raping you then. Oh the act is over but he's still
terrorizing you after the fact." She said as she voiced her thoughts
"So you see I'm not so sure I'm going to be around after the baby's
born. J said Chak would turn to you and forget me. It was meant to
hurt but after I found out Chakotay loved me it wasn't so bad. I
could live with, or rather die knowing he was safe with you. Does
that make sense?"
"Yes Tom it does. Have you told Chakotay all this?"
"No. He's happy, why spoil that?"
"I understand and will do whatever I can to help."
"Thank you Captain." Tom reached over, squeezed her hand and left
her ready room. As she watched the brave man leave, guilt pricked
Kathryn had no intention of taking over his family and felt ashamed
for letting him think so. It didn't mean she didn't plan on helping
but just not in the way Tom thought. Getting up from the desk, she
stood in the middle of her office and screamed at the top of her