Title:  Q Love P4
Author:  Cheryl Forbes
Fandom:  Star Trek:  Voyager
Pairing:  Chakotay/Tom Paris
Rating:  NC 17
Series:  4 of ?
Email for feedback:  forbesc@skyia.com
Disclaimer:  Voyager and her crew belong to Paramount and not me.

Summary:  Chakotay rethinks his original proposal.

Am I in love?  And if I am, do I want to be?

In the last few months with Tom in his home Chakotay had asked
himself those questions often and during his rare alone times, he had
tentatively answered them.

"Mind if I join you?"

Chakotay pulled a chair out for his captain and friend.  "Please."

"I see we're watching the Tom and Harry show again."  She nodded over
to the pool table where the two men were playing.

"Yes, starring the indomitable Lieutenant Paris."

"How many times has he won?"

"Twice but I think he's about to lose this one."

"Because Harry's winning?"

"No, because Harry's his friend."

They sat in companionable silence and watched Ensign Kim's triumph.
It would be short lived Chakotay mused as he watched Tom racking up
the balls for another game.  His lover caught him watching and
winked.  The simple gesture warmed his cheeks.

"Are you blushing?  Oh my god you are."

"No I'm not.  I'm too old for such nonsense."

"And you're also too old to stay up all night watching a Star Wars
marathon on the holodeck but you did that."

"Yes but for anthropological reasons only.  Tom wanted me to see what
20th century filmmakers thought the future would be like."

"Bullshit.  You went because you wanted to cuddle in the dark for
sixteen hours with your boyfriend."

"That too."  He smiled into his half empty beer remembering that they
had done a bit more than cuddle that long night.  He thanked the
spirits that Tom had the foresight to get extra napkins with their

At that moment a waitress approached their table and dropped another
mug in front of him.  He looked up questionly.

"From the blond gentleman."  The hologram nodded towards the
billiards table where Tom was smiling broadly.

"I think someone's trying to get you drunk so he can take advantage
of you."  Kathryn chuckled beside him.

"It isn't necessary."

His friend cocked an eyebrow.  "Is that so?"

Chakotay blushed again and cursed his adolescent reaction.  It was
getting really annoying especially when it happened in public.

When he was alone with Tom it was only slightly embarrassing and not
so noticeable.  His skin tone was usually already flushed either from
the exertion of lovemaking or from laughing at the younger man's
quick wit.  Home was a happy place for Chakotay.

"He hasn't been sleeping on the couch for the last seven weeks."  He
replied to his inquisitive friend trying to turn the tables.

"I certainly hope not.  That would be a terrible waste of all that
useful beauty."

Chakotay was shocked by his captain's remark.  All of people she
should know the pilot's worth went beyond his looks.

"Tom's more than blue eyes and golden hair Kathryn.  He's kind, he's
funny and he's smart."  As he said the words he realized by her half
smile that he wasn't telling her anything she didn't know.  Kathryn
had only been looking for opening and he had unwittingly given her

"And he's also still single.  Why is that?" Her countenance darkened
as she reached over and squeezed his hand.  "Please tell me it isn't
because of what happened with Q."

"Don't worry Kathryn, that experience only strengthened my resolve to
marry him.  Tom's actions made very proud that he belonged to me."

"Then what's the hold up?"

"He hasn't mentioned the wedding lately.  I suppose I'm waiting on
him to bring it up."

"Oh I see.  It isn't so easy now is it?"  She sat back in her chair
and folded her arms.

"I don't understand."

"It's not a case of being lonely and you impassively deciding that
the tall blond that flies the ship might be fun company anymore is
it?  Now you're head over heels and realizing that the stakes are
higher and whether or not he marries you, isn't up to you.  You're
scared shitless that if you ask him again you won't be able to handle
it if he says no."

"He's already said yes."

"Yes but not as you said, lately."

She was right, about everything.  The tall willowy man with the locks
of gold was the most important thing in his life and he was afraid of
finding out that that this gilded angel didn't care as deeply as he
did.  Tom made love to him every day but he had never said he was `in
love' with him, not once.

As it was, things were good between them but if he pushed the issue
of marriage that might change.  This second time around was different
because now it had more to do with feelings and love hadn't part of
the original bargain the younger man had agreed to.

"I do love him.  He knows all my secrets and accepts them.  Nobody's
ever done that."

"I know Chakotay."

"Then you know I can't lose him.  Have you ever been in a
relationship where one person loves more than the other?  It's
unequal Kathryn and it doesn't work."

"You're right but I don't think that's what happening here.  Look at
him Chakotay."  He did, and Tom peered up from his shot and
smiled.  "See that?   A room full of people are watching him but your
eyes are the only ones he feels."

Could it be that Tom loved him too?  Chakotay continued to stare at
him and the pilot's smile faded.  After finishing his shot and
speaking to Harry, he walked over to the table.

"Ma'am."  He nodded to Kathryn and then leaned down to whisper in his
ear.  "Are you OK Chak?"

"Yes I think I am."

"Really?  If you want, we can go home and Neelix can finish my game.
I'm up four balls, so I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"No, go finish your game."  He kissed a pale cheek.  "I can wait."

Tom brought his face around.  "OK my sexy silver wolf."  He replied
and then kissed his lips.  It was lingering touch full of promise.
The pilot winked once and then returned to Harry.  When he was out of
earshot, the captain spoke.

"Damn that was sweet.  I swear Chakotay if you don't ask him again to
marry you soon, I will."

Now all of his questions were answered.  He loved Tom and it was what
he wanted because incredibly the blue eye beauty loved him back.

"Tomorrow Kathryn.  I'll do it tomorrow."


He'd been sick again this morning and this time he'd almost been

No sooner had he flushed the toilet and wiped his face, Chakotay had
knocked on the bathroom door asking if he was all right.  After
quickly eating some toothpaste right out of the tube, he had let the
older man in and pleaded perfect health.  Thankfully this time his
lover had believed him but Tom doubted he would if it happened

Chakotay already commented occasionally about his paleness and his
weak appetite so he wouldn't be fooled forever.  He hated lying to
him and besides the nuisance of feeling ill all the time, that's why
he was here.  What ever was wrong with him, he was sure the Doc could
fix it.  The hologram had been briefed about his encounter of the Q
kind the morning after it happened.

"It's about time you showed up for a physical Mr Paris."

"I've been busy."

"Too busy for your health?"

"Look Doc can we just get on with it."

"Fine Mr Paris.  Please lay back on the bio-bed."

As soon as Tom did as he was told, the hologram ran a medical scanner
over him.

"Mmmm.  This is interesting.  Tell me, have you been experiencing
bouts of nausea and dizziness?"

"Well I've been throwing up a lot but the dizziness hasn't been too
bad.  But I have a sit down job, so maybe I haven't noticed."

"Of course not, you've been too busy."

"Very funny.  So what's wrong Doc?"

"It seems Mr Paris you are in now in possession of a new organ, a
Bynar one to be exact."

"Bi who?"

"The Bynar are a unisex species from the Alpha quadrant that self

"Fascinating.  Now can you remove it?"

"Not at the moment.  It seems to be in use."

"Doing what!"

"Gestating your child."

"My, my, oh fuck.  That little bastard!"

"Mr Paris!"

"Sorry Doc.  Can you still take it out?"

"It's not that simple.  You have an organ of a unknown origin,"

"I know where it came from."

"The Continuum, yes that's very likely however as I was saying, it's
an anomaly and as such I no frame of reference to its operation.
Removing it may kill you."

"But letting stay and letting it do its thing might kill me too."

"I don't know that either Mr Paris."

"Well I do.  It's revenge for saying no.  Insult to injury if you
like.  Doc, J wants the baby to kill me.  Not right away mind you.
He'll let me live long enough to see Chakotay fall in love with it
and then turn to the captain."

"You're being melodramatic Lieutenant.  From what I can tell, both
you and the child are healthy."

"Then why do I feel like shit all the time?"

"You're body is adjusting the Bynar hormones the womb is exuding.  I
can give you an injection to counteract that.  You'll be fine in a
couple of days."

"I'm never going to fine.  You have to beam it out."

"I think you should speak to the commander first.  He is your fiancé."

"And tell him what?  I got knocked up by a Q."

"I didn't say Q was the father. Other than Bynar, I'm not reading any
foreign DNA in your system.  The child could be Chakotay's."

"But you don't know for sure?"

"No.  I can't scan the womb with that much detail.  My instruments
are effective but only to a point.  I would need a sample of your
amniotic fluid to confirm the infant's paternity.  And before you
ask, the answer is no. I'm not going to perform the procedure."

"Because it might harm the child?  So what."

"You don't mean that Mr Paris.  Speak to Chakotay.  I'm sure he'll
give you a better perspective on this."


"The commander likes children Mr Paris.  I'm sure he'll be thrilled
to hear you're having one."

The word `broodmare' came quickly to mind.

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of."



Chakotay dropped the match and sucked his fingers.  Making a room
look romantic with open flames was dangerous business and if Tom
didn't like candlelight so much, he probably wouldn't have taken the
risk.  It was good thing the rug and the furniture was flame
retardant.  He blew on his reddened fingertips and winced.  Too bad
his skin wasn't.

"Computer play Paris selection Alpha Oasis Three."

Immediately the soulful sounds of a band Tom called one of the
wonders of the twentieth century softly filled the dimly lit room.
Perfect and now for the food.

He inspected the smorgasbord of gastric delights he had replicated.
All the younger man's favorites, from plain tomato soup to honey
roasted nuts were laid out on the dining room table.  On an after
thought Chakotay had added poi but that was mostly for him.  With any
luck tonight would be a living room night.

If Tom agreed a second time to be his partner, he'd want him beneath
him, moaning to be fucked.  Unlike the bedroom where most often than
not Tom topped him, the living room rug was his domain.  Here, he did
the claiming and that was sort of theme of this evening.  Tonight
Chakotay truly planned to take a husband.

He'd been playing absentmindedly with the poi bowl when the door to
the cabin slid open.

"Hey Chak."

"Tom, I'm glad you're home.  I'd."  The pilot whizzed by him without
stopping.  "Where are you going?"

"To bed.  I'm tired.  Nite Chak."  He said over his shoulder and
disappeared into the bedroom.  Dumfounded Chakotay stood by his
meticulously prepared buffet and watched the doors slide close.

Now what did he do?  Drag the pilot out of bed, tie him to a chair
and force him to listen to the speech he'd spent the better part of
the day preparing?  Yeah right, like that would work.  There was
nothing like a little coercion to get a person in the mood.

"Computer, kill the music."

Chakotay was picking at the French fries he'd carefully arranged
around a double bacon cheeseburger earlier when the bedroom doors

"Chak?"  Tom stepped over the threshold and gazed around the room as
if seeing it for the first time.  "Did I miss something?"

"I prepared a celebration."  He offered nervously.  Now that the
pilot was back with him, he admitted to himself that he'd been a
little relieved the evening was might have been postponed.  He hadn't
been in any rush to be turned down.  Although he was ninety eight
percent sure that Tom wouldn't, it had been the two percent chance
that had made him almost grateful for a reprieve.

"Is that pizza?" His lover moved closer to the table.

"Pepperoni with anchovies."

"Oh man Chak, I love anchovies."  Tom lifted a piece to his nose and
inhaled deeply.  "Oh shit."

Dropping the pizza, the younger man threw a hand over his mouth and
ran from the room.

Once again Chakotay was stunned by his sudden departure.  How was he
ever going to proposed if he couldn't get his intended to remain in
the same room with him for more than a minute?  His resolution back
in place, he followed his beloved into the bedroom.  When he entered,
the room was empty.


Hearing noises coming from the bathroom he quickly crossed the
bedroom to find Tom sitting on the floor in front of the toilet.  His
eyes were closed and he was as pale as a ghost.

Chakotay kneeled and put a hand to his forehead.  It was cold and
clammy.  "You're sick."

Tom opened his bleary eyes.  "I'm not."

"You are."

"No, I'm not.  I'm."  Suddenly the blue eyes lost their focus and Tom
dove for the white basin retching.   He held him while dry heaves
racked his slim form.  When the episode had passed, Chakotay eased
him back against the bathroom wall and grab a cloth from the sink.
Tom took it gratefully and wiped down his face.

"Can you pass me the toothpaste Chak?"

"The toothpaste?"

"Yeah it's about the only thing I've been able to keep down these
last few days."

After also getting him some water from the tap, he handed him the
tube and then settled down beside him on the floor.  Tom flipped the
cap, squeezed a healthy amount into his mouth and washed it down with
the water.

"Feeling better?"

Tom nodded.  "Yeah.  Thanks."

"Can you walk?  I think a trip to Sickbay is in order."

"Been there, done that."


"Today, on my way home from my shift."

"Then why are you still ill?"

"The Doc refused to treat me."

"What?  That's crazy."

"Not really.  I don't exactly have something he can cure with a shot."

Thoughts of doom raced through Chakotay's mind.   If Tom had
something the doctor couldn't treat did that mean he was, was, no it
couldn't be true.  He took the younger man's sweating hand in his.

"What's wrong?"  He said somberly prepared for the worse.

Tom's eyes flew open.  "Oh fuck Chak I'm not dying if that's what you

"But if the doctor can't make you better."

"I'm pregnant."


"Well that's the prognosis anyway."

"How?"  He thought a moment and then answered his own
question.  "It's Q's baby, isn't it?"

"The Doc doesn't know.  The womb is Bynar and yeah J probably put it
there, but he doesn't know if he's the father."

"J?  Who's J?"

"Q Junior.  Look Chak it doesn't matter, I'm going to go back to
Sickbay tomorrow and have the Doc fix everything."

"What the hell do you mean?"  Understanding hit him about the same
time as his horror.  "You want him to abort the child, don't you?"

"Yes."  Tom said softly.

"You can't."

"I can."

"And what about me?  Don't I get a say in this?"

"What?  You want this monster?"

"Don't call him a monster."

"Oh that's rich coming from the man who rates the members of the
Continuum lower than the Cardies bastards that displaced his tribe
and stole his planet."

"This is different."

"Yeah so what if it is?  Whether or not I have this baby is not up to
you!  It up to me and I don't want it!"

Tom began crying and pounding his fists into his abdomen. Chakotay
grabbed his clenched hands and pulled the hysterical man to his
chest.  The younger man thrashed a few moments more before wrapping
his arms around his neck and snuggling into him.  On the hard tiled
floor, Chakotay hugged his beloved and thought about the baby.

Did he want it?   The unborn child was part Q but it was also part
Tom and he loved that part very much.  There was also the possibility
that he was the father and this J had just created the means for him
to impregnate Tom.  However that hypothesis wasn't too likely since
he wasn't on the Continuum's top ten list of favorite people.
Chakotay shook his aching head.

He needed more information and time to sort all this out.  Tomorrow
he would speak to the doctor but tonight he would put the beautiful
man in his arms to bed and hold him until he felt safe.  As he
carried Tom in the bedroom, another thought struck him.

Could good come from evil?  As he lay his lifemate down on the bed,
he made a decision.  Yes, it could if you loved the good bad enough.

And Chakotay did.