Author:  Cheryl Forbes
Fandom:  Star Trek:  Voyager
Pairing:  Chakotay/Tom Paris
Rating:  NC 17
Series:  3 of ?
Email for feedback:
Disclaimer:  Voyager and her crew are the property of Paramount and
not me. Whatever.
Summary:  And the band played on...
Harry liked Chakotay.
Not just a little bit, but a lot.   The big dark man was incredibly
thoughtful, attentive and handsome.   There wasn't an attribute that
the commander didn't have that wasn't on his list for a perfect
mate.  So that said, why was it is that every time he got that warm
fuzzy feeling for him he thought of someone else who was similar to
the first officer but on a smaller scale?  No not smaller, just a
different variation of the theme.
"Would you like to try a candy apple Harry?  I think I saw a vendor
over on the other side of the park."
"Yes Sir."
"Yes Chakotay you mean."
"Yes Chakotay sir."
"Close enough." His first officer chuckled as he unfolded his dense
frame up off their blanket and headed out into the semi-darkness of
the park.
Harry was having an OK time.  Admittedly it had been kind of strange
when they had first entered the holoprogram but after everyone had
gotten use to him having the first officer as his date, the night
hadn't been too bad.   The orchestra was great playing all his old
favorites like Mozart, Bach and Mendelssohn and the commander had
been so attentive to his comfort that at times he'd been left
speechless.  This man was going to eventually make someone very
happy.  Unfortunately or not, it probably wouldn't be him.
"Hello Harry.  Can I sit down?"
"So you can see in the dark.  Is that a yes?"
"Most definitely."
The lithe young Bajoran sat down beside him lining up with his body
shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh, hip to hip.  The slight contact
made him feel giddy.
"Where's your date?"
"Oh he's getting food.  In this zoo, he'll probably be forever."
Harry didn't know why he added that last part.
"Good."  Tem threw an arm over his shoulder.  "Then we have time to
"You want to talk?"
If Harry wanted to talk, he could talk to Tom or the commander.  Wait
no that wasn't right.  He enjoyed talking to Tem too but this was the
wrong setting for that.  It was dark, the stars were shining bright
in the New York sky and the band was playing.  Romance didn't get any
better than this so why waste it with conversation?  Shit, he
couldn't believe he was thinking this way.
"No, not really."  Tem moved his face close and whispered.  "What I
want to do is kiss you Harry Kim."
The Bajoran was either part Betazoid or he was clear as transparent
"Oh yes you.  Do you know how long you've driven me crazy and now
you've sent me absolutely insane."
"I have?  How?"  Harry asked the questions because he really, really
wanted to know why this worldly young man wanted someone as naïve as
"You're with my captain and it's killing me."  Soft lips grazed his
cheek making Harry feel incredibly aware.
"I'm not with him.  I mean I am but just for tonight and that really
doesn't mean anything.  It's our first date so nothing has happened."
"He's not your lover?"
"Can I be?"
"My lover?"
"I've never, ah you know, done that."
"And I have many times.  Sometimes because I wanted to and sometimes
because it was for the good of the cause."
"You were raped?"
This was a story he'd heard before when he'd first arrived on
Voyager, only the teller had been taller and blonder.  It didn't
matter to him then and it didn't matter to him now.  Past
circumstances had nothing to do with whom Harry chose to be his
friends, only the here and now counted.
"No Harry never.  Nothing has happened to me since leaving Bajor that
I wasn't in total control of."
"But sometimes you didn't like it."
"And you want me?"
"Oh yes, very much."
"I know you're with my commanding officer and I'm no comparison, but
I had to tell you how I feel."
"Your right there is no comparison."  Oh hell that didn't come out
right at all.  "What I mean is…-" Tem stood up and cut his
explanation short.
"Well then thank you for listening to me Harry and forgive me for
"You're leaving?"
"Can I come?"
Tom looked as lonely as he felt.
Leaning closer the tree as not to be seen, Chakotay watched his
reluctant lover sitting alone listening to the orchestra with a sad
smile on his lovely face.  The young blond was barefoot and dressed
in a white opened collared shirt tucked into black pleated pants.
He'd been half way back to Harry with his apple when he spied the
bittersweet sight.
From his vantage point, he debated on going over and speaking to Tom
but wasn't sure if his company would be welcomed.  From time to time,
various crewmen stopped at his blanket, said a few words and then
passed on leading him to surmise that the pilot was alone by choice.
"Kim to Commander Chakotay."
Startled, he slapped his comm badge. "Chakotay here."
"I have to go sir."
"Is something wrong?"
"No but something has come up.  Can I call you tomorrow?"
"Very well, have a good evening Harry."
"Yes sir.  Kim out."
Well that decided that.  He been dumped mid date and if that wasn't a
sign that the ensign wasn't interested, he didn't know was.  It
didn't completely release him from his promise not to pursue Tom but
it did give him a little latitude.  Enough for some pleasant
conversation anyway.  Tossing the candy apple in the nearest waste
receptacle, he made a beeline for the solitary man.
"Good Evening Lieutenant."
Tom broke from the pity party he'd been having with me, myself and I
and looked up to a vision in black.
Chakotay was dressed handsomely in snug black jeans and an even
tighter black tee.  From his vantage point, the commander's pecks
were clearly defined and if he looked closer he could almost see the
smaller muscles of his flat stomach.  Harry Kim was a very lucky man.
"Aren't you supposed to be on a date?" Tom said nastily suddenly
"Harry ditched me."  The commander replied and sat down beside him
"He did not."
"Yes he did.  Can I have a beer?"
Not waiting for permission, the dark clad man reached over him
purposely invading his personal space, and secured a bottle.  Already
Tom could feel the synapses in his brain that controlled cognitive
thought shutting down at Chakotay's closeness.
"What did you do?"
The commander took a long swig of his beer not answering him right
away.  Tom watched mesmerized at the way the man's sensuous lips
parted slightly at the bottle's head to allow the golden liquid to
flow down into his throat.  It was a fairly mundane action but
Chakotay made erotic.  Oh fuck this man was sex on two feet.  Tom was
suddenly glad he had opted not to wear his tight fitting jeans
"Nothing."  Chakotay sucked at his bottom lip licking away any
residual beer and Tom shivered.  "I was charming and polite."
"I don't believe you.  Harry wouldn't just leave for no reason."
"OK, OK I confess."  The commander put the bottle down and leaned
into him, whispering in his ear.  "I made a pass at him and after
slapping my face, he stormed away."
Tom pulled back outraged.  "You kissed Harry?"
"Jealous?" Chakotay smiled wickedly at him.
Tom was, he'd already been all night just knowing the two were
together but there was no way in hell he was going to admit it.
"Why should I be?  I'd have to care to do that."
"I'd be if it was you."  Tom felt a hand on his inner thigh but
refused to look or respond to the intimate touch.  Staring straight
ahead, he listened as Chakotay's voice became husky.  "I'd be so
crazy that I would tear you away from whoever you were with and take
you back to my quarters and fuck you so hard you'd never want anyone
else again."
Tom closed his eyes trying to block out the man's sensuality but it
didn't work.  Despite his efforts, his breath was quickening and his
cock was hardening, tenting his pants.  Chakotay noticed his response
and moved his hand higher, rubbing his erection through the black
"Don't, people will see."  Not that he cared but it was the only
objection his tortured mind could come up with in his present state
of insanity.
"If you're concerned come back to my quarters with me."
"What about Harry?"
"Harry doesn't want me."
"But maybe after he's time to think about the kiss…-"
"I didn't kiss him."
"What?"  Tom opened his eyes and spun his head around.  Chakotay's
face was close they knocked noses.
"He dumped me."
"No way."
"Way."  Chakotay smiled at him and sped up the movement of his hand.
Tom's buttock began to contract in reflex.  "So are you coming back
to my place?"
"We're just going to fuck right?"
"What else is there to do?"
"Oh fuck off Commander you know what I'm talking about.  It's not
going to mean anything."
"Call me Chakotay and maybe I'll consider it."
"Wrong answer."
The hand in his lap stopped and Tom moaned feeling bereft.
"What the hell difference does it make what I call you?"
"A lot.  It's a border between us."
Oh so the big man noticed.  Calling him by his rank had allowed Tom
to keep the first officer at arms length mentally and since he had a
hard time doing it physically, it was all he had.  It was his last
bastion against his overwhelming presence.
"I'll let you call me Poocuh?"  He offered.
"I will and don't think that after we make love you're ever going to
stop me from doing that again.  Look I'm not asking you to love me
back.  All I want is for you to call me by name while we're doing it."
"You love me?"  Oh fuck.
This was more than he could handle.  All Tom wanted was for Chakotay
to touch him and even if was more than just physical, he didn't want
to acknowledge it.  He wasn't strong enough to deal with another
failed relationship. So if the big man wanted more than that, he
would get nothing.
Chakotay blushed and continued on ignoring his question.  "You're
getting off track.  We're here in the dark on the holodeck touching."
"So what of it?"
"Same my name."
"Why not."
"I, I don't deserve to."   The words came out before he had chance to
think about them.  Unwittingly he had just revealed a little bit of
his heart to the commander.
"You're wrong.  Nobody deserves to more than you."
"No, I don't.  I'm a Paris remember?"
"Don't do this Tom.  Don't fight me."
"I have to.  I have no choice."
"So this was never about Harry."
"No I suppose it wasn't."
"You hate yourself so much, you won't let me love you."
"No, that's not it.  Maybe I love you so much, I won't let you hate
"Fuck you Paris."
"If that's all it was, I say yes gladly."
"You'll regret this."
"Oh I'm sure I will.  Now leave me alone and go back to your date."
"I told you, he's gone."
"Not my fault."
"No but you could make up for it."
"How, by giving you head Commander?"
"No that's not enough for me anymore.  I want to fuck you Tom Paris."
"What and not make love to me?"
"Same thing."
"No it isn't.  I'll hurt you if I let you."
"You're hurting me now."
"No, no, no you don't understand.  I'm bent.  I'm crooked.  You can't
fall in love with someone like me."
"Too late."
"It doesn't have to be.  Walk away Commander."
"I can't.  Even if I wanted to."
"I hate you."
"You don't.  I think you love me and that's why you fight me so hard."
"You're wrong, Chakotay I do hate you."
The commander reacted to the use of his first name like Tom had
slapped him.  He sat back and swallowed hard.
"OK you win Lieutenant."  Chakotay grabbing his hand pulled him up
off the blanket and proceeded to lead him to the holodeck's arch.
"Where are we going?"  Tom had to trot to keep up with the
commander's brisk pace.
"To fuck and not make love.  Just fuck."
He should have left him sitting alone on the blanket and if he didn't
feel so strongly about the contrary young man, he would have.  In a
short five-minute conversation, Tom had made him face the fact he was
truly head over heels in love while at the same time made him madder
than he had ever been in his life.  A Cardassian Gul couldn't piss
him off more than the pilot's self pity.
And that's all it was, a stupid useless emotion.  Tom was still
feeling the effects of a bad breakup and had decided he was at fault
because he wasn't good enough.  It was incredible to Chakotay that
someone so vibrant and beautiful would doubt himself but there it
was.  Tom was afraid of loving him because he was afraid of
disappointing him.  Fucking was acceptable to the younger man but
anything emotional was out.  The only bright spot in this situation
was that the pilot wouldn't feel sorry for himself forever.  In time
he would allow Chakotay to love him and maybe even love him back.
He'd been speaking in anger when he'd insisted on the holodeck that
Tom cared for him too.  In truth he wasn't really sure.  With all the
bullshit it was hard to tell.  Tom was attracted to him sexually that
was for certain and he did like and respect him but how far that
would go, again only time would tell.   Well Chakotay had nothing but
time.  He would weather out the pilot's bout of self-pity by holding
back his own feelings and treating him like a whore and hope for the
best.  At some point Tom would stop being a shit and besides he had
no choice.
He loved him and that, wasn't going to stop.
"Strip Lieutenant."
"Well unless you want me to tear that pretty outfit from your body,
I'd say yes, now's a good time."
They'd only been in Chakotay's quarter's all of two minutes before
the commander had sprawled out on the lounge, leaving him standing
alone in the middle of his living room.
"Or I could carry you into my bedroom and kiss it off you but then
I'd have to make love to you instead of fucking you."  The commander
said evenly.
Bastard.  If Tom any pride at all he would give the smug man on the
couch the finger and high tail it out of his cabin.   Yeah and then
he'd flirt merciless with him when in public, taunting him, teasing
"Oh spirits Tom you're beautiful."
He stopped planning his revenge and looked down at himself.  Without
thinking he had removed his shirt and fingers that looked a lot like
his own were undoing the fastening on his trousers.  In a
disassociated fugue, he watched impassively as his pants fell to his
ankles exposing a righteous erection.
"Now go to the replicator and get us some lube."
Stepping out of the puddle of fabric at his feet, Tom did as he was
told, even using his own credits for the sandalwood oil he ordered.
"Now come here."  Chakotay commanded with his hand outstretched.
Feeling he like he was walking into the lion's den, he moved over to
the lounge.   He lifted his right hand to take Chakotay's open palm
but the commander went for the other one with the lube.  Embarrassed
at his presumption, he let his empty hand drop to his side.
Chakotay was being true to his word.  The strong handsome and
normally sensitive commander was not going to make love to him.  This
was going to be an exchange of bodily fluids and nothing more.  If he
weren't so horny, he'd be impressed by the man's ability to shut down
his emotions.
"Turn around Paris."  Tom turned.  "Good now bend over and brace your
hands on the low table."
Trembling in anticipation he gripped the far edge of the glass table,
with his feet wide apart and waited for the inevitable greased digit
to invade him.  When a warm wetness caressed the space between his
splayed buttocks, he cried out in surprise and jerked his hips
"Hush baby," Chakotay grasped his hips and brought him back.  "And
don't move until I tell you to."
Tom nodded his head silently between his outstretched arms and held
still as Chakotay's tongue resumed its bathing. Nothing within reach
was left untouched.  Long wet strokes caressed his scrotum
intermittently between small kisses and then his ass cheeks were
laved then bitten in the same teasing pattern.  Cruel hands at hips
kneading and pinching offset the soft sensuous touches.  The
conflicting sensations of tenderness and roughness blended into an
intense pleasure Tom felt tingle from his extremities to his center
in his groin.   By the time Chakotay turned his attention to the
puckered opening of his anus, he was weeping and begging to be
After rimming him and moistening his opening, the big man slipped the
tip of his tongue into his aching hole.  Willing himself to relax,
Tom spread his legs further and pushed back only slightly remembering
the command not to move and hoping the small infraction wouldn't be
noticed.   It wasn't and Chakotay answered his call delving deeper
into him.  The warm pulsing stretched and opened his passage to
further pleasure.
With a talent Tom was surprised to know his first officer had,
Chakotay fucked him expertly with his tongue alone.  He moved quickly
until he was breathless and then instinctively slowed down when he
neared orgasm.  Tom was crying openly and teetering on the edge of
release when the ecstasy in his ass ceased.
"Chakotay!"  He cried not even aware he'd broken his number one rule.
"In a minute Tom, in minute."
Behind him he heard Chakotay undo his jeans and soon after the pop of
the cap of the vial of oil he'd replicated earlier.
"Hurry before I come all over your pretty glass table!"
"Wait for me Paris!"  Chakotay screamed back at him as he plunged
full force into him knocking Tom to his elbows.  Grunting and panting
the commander rammed his cock in and out in fast strokes, grazing his
gland with each thrust.
Oh yes! This was what he needed, what he wanted.  Still gripping the
edge of the table, Tom pushed back trying to match Chakotay's hard
beating rhythm but it was impossible.  His lover was too far into his
own frenzy of passion and Tom was too restricted by his position to
keep up with him.
"Now Poocuh!  Now!"
Chakotay was coming and the thought alone pushed him over the edge.
With his balls pulled tight up into his body he sprayed semen over
the clear surface of the table he was leaning on and the backs of his
arms.  After a few more ruthless, teeth shattering thrusts his lover
completed his own orgasm and then pulled him backward into the lounge.
Sitting in Chakotay's lap with his strong arms around his waist, Tom
let his head loll back over his lover's shoulder.  Given time he
could have dozed off and slept the night in the commander's arms and
his dick up his ass but his makeshift bed had other ideas.
"Get off me Paris."
"You heard me.  Move."  The arms released him and shoved him to his
side on the couch. He cried aloud as the commander's cock slipped
from his ass.
"Get dressed." His lover said coldly as he stood and pulled his jeans
"Now?  I mean don't you want to maybe move to the other room and rest
up for round two?"
"No.  I have an early shift tomorrow and need my sleep."  Chakotay
moved towards his bedroom and called over his shoulder.  "I trust you
can see yourself out Lieutenant."
Lieutenant?  Was this the same man that not an hour ago had let it
slip he was in love with him?  Not that he wanted him to be.  Oh no
but would a little tenderness after sex been so bad?
Reassembling his pride, Tom stood straight and tall in his nakedness
and yelled at the retreating back.
"It will be my turn tomorrow!"
Chakotay stopped and turned, his face grave.  "Yes Lieutenant it
will."  He said deadpan and then disappeared into his bedroom.
Damn right it will, Tom though as he gathered his clothes and
dressed.  Tomorrow night he was going to give the cold-hearted
bastard as good as he got tonight.  Don't move, indeed.   When he
next saw Chakotay it would be in his quarters and they would be
playing by his rules.
By the time Tom was finished with him, Chakotay would be begging him
to fuck him 'and' calling him Poocuh.  Now he if could only figure
out a way to do that without creaming himself before he entered him,
he'd be set.
Feeling better about himself than he had in months, Tom left the
cabin and headed home totally unaware that his supposedly `cold
hearted' lover would be crying himself to sleep that very night.