Title: LIFEíS WISH
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Pairing: Chakotay/Tom Paris
Rating: NC 17
Email Address for feedback: firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimers: Voyager and her crew belong to Paramount and not me. Whatever.
Summary: Tom discovers there's more to life than just getting by.
Tom entered the mess hall feeling the same trepidation he always felt when he was trying to save a few replicator credits and had decided to try Nelixís special of the day. This day however he was in luck. It was Naomi Wildmanís birthday and because Samantha Wildman, Naomiís mother, wanted her to experience as much as possible of her fatherís culture, had requested Nelix to prepare a selection of Kítarian delicacies.
He could smell the heady mixture of sweetness and spice as he approached the buffet. Kítarians because they aged faster than most humanoids, lived life to its fullest, and their cuisine reflected that vivacity.
After filling his plate he looked around for seat in the unusually crowded messhall and saw Samantha motioning to him.
"You didnít bring a present did you?"
*shit* Tom thought. If I had been keeping up with Nelixís little talk show I would have been prepared for this. But the reprogramming of Fairhaven had been taking up most of his spare time, so he winged it.
"Sorry, I didnít really know what was the best present for a Kítarian would be so I thought I take the cue from what I saw to here today and then replicate one later."
Sam smiled, "Itís OK Tom, you werenít actually expected to bring something that could be replicated anyway. Kítarian tradition calls for a something a little different. You give the gift of your "Lifeís Wish".
"Yes, you tell the recipient what would most make you happy and they experience the joy you release in the telling. Experiencing your joy enriches their lives. It is a most precious gift."
Tom, who had never really been comfortable in sharing his real feelings with anyone let alone his "Lifeís Wish", immediately understood how valuable as gift such as this could be. He also realized he still didnít have a gift. Just coping with day to day life on Voyager had been a struggle for Tom. It was easier now that heíd been given a chance to prove himself but beyond getting by day to day he really hadnít thought about anything beyond hacking it, let alone the rest of his life or a so called "Lifeís Wish".
Sam must have noticed his inner struggle and she smiled again with the kindness that matched the rest of her character.
"Naomi is young and her gifts should reflect her age. A simple statement of what makes you happy should suffice. "
OK, Tom thought I could at least do that. What makes me happy? Running flight sims, teasing Harry, and oh yeah pushing Chakotayís buttons. The last thought made the back of his knees tingle. Yeah right Paris, youíre gonna walk over and tell a six year old how the first officer gets you hot. Maybe she could give me a few pointers on how to tackle the problem of making him see past my glib exterior and see the sensitive lovable guy inside. Now thereís a wish!
There was sort of a quasi semi-circle around Naomi that grew as each crewmember joined it after giving their "gift". Tom walked over standing behind Seven of Nine who was next in line to present her gift. She approached Naomi.
"Naomi Wildman, I share with you my knowledge of self. To know oneís own desires and have the ability to act upon them is truly the only goal that makes oneís life fall within acceptable parameters."
Well that was an act he could follow. He stepped up to Naomi who was beaming so much from the gifts she had already received that Tom could swear he could see her little horns glowing. He closed his eyes and started to speak.
"Naomi Wildman, I share with you my joy ofÖ" Tom cleared his mind and said the first thing that came.
That drew a raised eyebrow from Seven. Maybe it was because she was the last person he was thinking about before he spoke or he just couldnít really say it any better than that. On Voyager he fit in. For the first time in his life he was where he felt he was supposed to be and Admiral Paris had nothing to do with it. Well it was better than saying heaven was in Commander Chakotayís arms.
Naomi bowed gracefully and then grasped his hand.
"Thank you Tom. I take the gift given and will give it to all I encounter, as all gifts are meant to be taken and then given away."
He stood back then, melded into the circle and listened to the wishes of the crew of Voyager.
Donít look. You know itís only going to be one minute later than the last time you looked at the chrono.
Tom never had trouble sleeping. With all he had been through in his life, his father, prison, the Maquis you think heíd be up nights screaming but he always slept like the dead. But tonight every time he closed he eyes, all he saw these big brown doe eyed ones looking back at him and he would get that tingling feeling behind his kneecaps. Trust his twisted psyche to let enjoyable thoughts keep him up at night.
*shit* Chakotay. I thought I could just ignore this and get about with my business, but damn Naomi Wildman and any birthday she ever has again, she got me thinking about more than just getting by day by day.
At first I thought the attention I got from making him annoyed at me would be enough. I didn't see the motives behind my actions. Now itís just not enough. Iíve flirted with others on board, on a few occasions, not as many as one would think, had my fill of pleasures of the flesh (I can be poetic when the muse takes me) and of course there was BíElanna. Thatís over and sheís a good friend now. I suspect she can probably understand the feelings Iím having for Chakotay better than anyone else on board.
Yeah but what do I do about it now. The guyís a veritable mountain. He does the councilor bit, the first officer bit and the "Iím a stone wall" bit but when does he ever do the Iím a guy that wants a good roll in the hay bit. You know Iíd be in first in line for that one.
Well I guess the old saying, "If the mountain wonít come to you, you gotta go to the mountain" (or something like that) could never be more true than it is now. But I canít do it alone.
Itís Alpha shift and Iím doing my thing, checking the instruments, watching for wormholes and being very aware that the shipís sexiest guy is sitting right behind me. I swear I can smell that whole Indian gotta be one with nature smell the whole time Iím sitting here making calibrations for the next warp jump.
Time for something drastic. Something that says I love you but will you still fuck me silly. I said I couldnít do this alone, so here goes. Enter unknowing accomplice number one.
Iím sitting at a table with Harry and BíElanna when she walks in the door with the doctor and Chakotay. The captainís eye first looks for the bartender, Michael Sullivan. I know I can work with this.
"God Iím glad youíre here. Now we can stop Michaelís insufferable boasting about your prowess with the rings."
"Oh has he challenged you Mr. Paris?"
"Yeah but he wants to play doubles. I have to find a partner because it seems he has already claimed you."
She blushes a little bit at that, but not too much cause sheís still the "Captain" after all.
"Will you take me, Ensign? " the ever-helpful first officer says.
If he didnít hear the innuendo, my cock did. And it twitched as if paying attention.
We got a few drinks, me a beer, Chakotay and Kathryn tea and Michael a nice hardy water, the manís a poet but he didnít learn his sorrows through the drink.
The tension is really intense. I mean the gameís going OK but every time I see Chakotay flex his arms when he throws makes me want to run over to him and trace his biceps with my tongue. But unless I want to make a fool of myself, I gotta figure a way to make some good old fashion body contact and be sort of graceful and smooth at the same time. Yeah I can be smooth, this is my "Lifeís Wish" after all.
Itís his throw and I come up behind him under the pretense of helping him with his toss. My chest graces the back of his shoulder and I lean into him. Heís not pulling away so I tilt my head forward and my lips come close to his ear as I explain the shot. I can feel him tremble. He looks back over his shoulder and no longer can I see those dreamt about brown eyes, theyíre indigo.
He leans back into me and I let my left hand curl around his hip as I steady him for his next throw. I so want to believe that he responding to me and not to a bunch of circular ropes.
We are done playing. The Captain and Michael won, theyíre so good together. Iím making my move.
"Hey Chak, good game."
He, ever the gracious first officer thanks the Captain for the game and moves to leave. Now what?
"Tom, I believed you said you would critique my style and help me improve my game."
Iím thinking I donít remember saying anything about that because when he was so close to me I could barely think let alone talk, so I say:
"Now? OK Commander what ever you want." And in those few moments using his formal rank I blew it. I mean heís going all Tom this and all Tom that and Iím saying, Yes Sir, OK Commander.
"Well Mr. Paris it is late, perhaps another time."
You know sometimes I can be such a fucking idiot.
Donít look. You know itís only going to be one minute later than the last time you looked at the chrono.
Iím going. Iím not just gonna slouch here on the couch in my quarters one more minute. Itís not really too, too late.
Iím going. You know he did look at me those chocolate (my god did I say chocolate, Iím getting way too poetic, I must really be in love) eyes and I thought I saw some interest there.
Iím going. My cock is so hard I could do I a horizontal stand. But if heís not interested, you know Iíve never really seen him interested in anyone, Iíll fall flat on my face, literally.
So here I stand outside my "Lifeís Wish" door. People are walking up and down the corridor giving me those "What did you do now, Paris" looks.
So I touch the door chimeÖheís not going to answerÖitís too late. The door opens immediately.
He standing there looking ruffled wearing only his sleep pants. He moves aside to let me in. I walk as far into the room as I can get until Iím looking out the viewport on the opposite side of his quarters.
I canít look at him, I canít tell him why Iím here. But he knows.
"We canít do this even if I want to."
His words interrupt my fixation on the stars whizzing past his window. I turn to face him leaning back on the viewport.
"You know all the arguments. Iím first officer, youíre chief pilot. Our mission is to get these people home and if something between us prevents that or even delays that, I can't and wonít let that happen."
I canít stand it. All of a sudden I hate this man and love him all at the same time.
"But what if we never get home? Do I stay lonely till then? Do you stay lonely till then?" By now I am screaming.
"I donít know." He turns away from me but Iím not so easily discouraged. I understand his arguments but this is my "Lifeís Wish".
I step up to him so we are facing toe to toe, hip to hip, chest to chest and nose to nose. My hand reaches up to his cheek, he flinches but doesnít move away. As my other hand reaches around and holds the small of his back, I let my lips caress the softness of the skin below his ear.
In a soft voice he says my name, and I take the opportunity of his open lips to take his mouth with mine. He pulls back but I grasp the back of his head and pull it closer. Iím surprised when I feel his tongue between my teeth and his hands grasping my shoulders. He's shaking and I can feel the dampness on his cheeks as I return his kiss.
He doesnít want this but he canít stop it. I know should pull back but I'll take anything I can get. The lounge is near by and I pull him down to it. I draw the length of his body against mine. He has given up all pretense of rebuttal. His hands feel for the edge of my shirt and pull it up over my head. His lips and teeth make a pattern across my collarbone and shoulder. When I moan he presses himself even harder into me.
My hand reaches down into the light pants heís wearing and l trail my finger tips down the length of his erection. He bucks his hips at my touch and quickly lifts his them to remove his trousers. I take it as my cue to remove the rest of my clothing and we are lying skin against skin.
His hips rock against mine as I grasp both our erections in my hand and slowly stroke.
I want to take him here and now. To be inside him but for now I will take our mutual satisfaction and the sensation of our bodies touching. Iím losing it, I canít hold it any longerÖI feel Chakotayís orgasm spill over onto my hand and my own soon joins it.
He clutches me close to his chest and I feel his kisses along my hairline. My head nestles under his chin and I wrap myself around him.
"It would seem Tom that you have won the argument."
I donít answer right away with words but lightly kiss his eyes, cheeks and finally his mouth.
"You never had a chance you know."
"No? Why is that?"
"Because your are my "Lifeís Wish", a gift. And all gifts are meant to be takenÖ"