Title: Kian P2
Fandom:  Star Trek:  Voyager
Pairing:  Chakotay/Tom Paris
Rating:  NC 17
Series:  2 of ?
Email Address for feedback: forbesc@skyia.com
Disclaimer:  Voyager and her crew belong to Paramount and not me.
Whatever.

Summary:  A kiss is just a kiss, unless it involves your first
officer and your name is Tom.  Then it's a life altering experience.
Play it again Sam.
 

"Are you losing your hair too?"  Rad looked over his shoulder at Tom.

"No, it's just the cut." The slightly insulted lieutenant pulled his
backpack closer to the rock they were sitting on. "Now turn around
and zip it."

Tom pulled out the tri-corder and palm probe from his pack, turning
off the audio on both devices.  Rad sat quietly while he was examined.

Chak and Kian were further up the trail, scouting for a campsite and
Tom dearly hoped they'd find one of those fresh water pools the young
woman spoke of.  After six hours of walking in the dusty terrain, Tom
looked forward to a refreshing dip before turning in.  He didn't want
to crawl under the covers tonight with Chakotay, smelling like a wet
targ.  Tom would never get his kiss then.

Putting away his diagnostic tools, Tom grabbed the regenerator and
ran it over Rad once before stowing it away too.

"OK all done.  You can turn around."

The young man gave him a small bow and a grateful smile.

"Thank you healer."

"Hey don't mention it." Tom gave his own cocky version of a smile
back. "I live to serve."

"Yes I'm beginning to see that."  Rad placed a pale hand on the
pilot's knee and donned a serious face.  "When Kian told me you where
coming with us, I told her we couldn't ask that of you."

Trying to keep the conversation light, Tom quipped, "You didn't ask,
Chakotay did."

"Yes Kian told me about the two of you."  His head tilted to the
side. "I must admit I was a bit surprised, it isn't very common where
I come from."

Oh hell the spirit thing.  Chakotay mentioned Kian thought they were
ghosts or some odd thing.  Not knowing what to say, Tom elected to
say a little as possible.

"Oh?"

"How long have you been together?"

Tom counted their years in the Delta quadrant in his head.  "About
six years or so."

Rad's dark eyes went wide. "That's a long time."

"Yeah sometimes it feels like a lifetime."

Rad removed his hand from Tom's knee and threaded his fingers
together. "I knew I loved Kian from the moment I saw her." The pale
skin blushed radiantly.  "Was it the same for you and Chakotay?"

Oh shit. This wasn't about what they were; it was about what they
were to each other. Rad thought he and Chak were lovers and
remembering the thin walls of the tent and his vocal appreciation of
Chak's efforts last night, it was little wonder. Finding he couldn't
out right deny Rad's assumption, Tom opted for being vague.

"No, he had to walk by me a couple of times first."

"Really? With Kian I knew right away."  Doubt mixed with fear entered
the young man's voice. "But I was afraid because we were so
different."

Tom looked out into the desert at the horizon where the sun was
descending in a wash of red and gold and sighed.

"Yeah, I hear you."

"But if you love someone enough, they can't help but to love you
back."

"Is that right." His voice was bitter.

It had been Tom's experience that you could love someone with all you
heart and still get kicked in the gut for your trouble.  His father
had taught him that little lesson by the time he was five.  Growing
up, Tom had done everything his father expected of him to get his
attention without success.  It wasn't until he was an adult and had
become a royal screw up had the admiral finally taken notice of him
but only long enough to disown him.

The experience had set the pattern for his life. Tom had learned that
loving someone hurt and had made a personal vow that he would never
give that much of himself to anyone again.  However these last few
years on Voyager, Tom had found that oath more and more difficult to
keep.

Harry Kim had been the main culprit.  The ensign's unsolicited
friendship and selfless devotion had been a revelation.  Harry didn't
care if Tom was the damn best pilot in the Delta quadrant or the
worst in the Alpha. The unassuming young officer still liked the man
who was Tom Paris anyway and had honoured him with the title of best
friend.

And then there was Captain Kathryn Janeway, a woman who not only
noticed his achievements but also encouraged them. Even when he had
failed to meet her expectations, she'd stood by him offering wisdom
and support. Like Harry, Tom supposed he loved her, but it was an
easier type of love and not the type Rad was talking about.

Enter the enigmatic first officer.  Like his father, Chakotay was
distant and like his father, Tom craved his attention.  There were
many parallels between the two men but there were also as many
discrepancies. Where the admiral had been an equal opportunity
bastard to everyone, Chakotay saved that discrimination only for Tom.

Compassion and understanding came second nature to the commander. The
former Maquis believed in people not regulations, their present
situation being a prime example.  The admiral would have probably let
Rad die and left Kian to her own devices in the desert, but Chakotay
risked a trip back to the Alpha quadrant in the brig to help the two
young people. So if the first officer had a heart big enough for two
strangers, the crew of Voyager and the entire DMZ, surely there had
to be room enough for Tom.

"Are you talking to your god?"

Rad's question brought Tom out his self-indulgent musings and he
stood stretching his stiffening muscles.

"Nah, just thinking about him."

Rad nodded knowingly. "Tough one."

"Yeah. We'd better get moving."

The lieutenant picked up his pack and threaded his arms through the
straps securing it to his back.  Placing a gentle hand under Rad's
shoulder he helped the frail man to his feet and began to guide him
down the path.

Rad rose and removed the pilot's hand, electing to travel unaided.
He was sick and he was dying but Tom saw he still had his pride.  Tom
watched his unstable gait and marveled at the young man's ability to
face the injustices of his life with courage.   Rad traversed a few
meters before he noticed that Tom wasn't following.  He called over
his shoulder.

"You coming?"  When Tom didn't respond right away, Rad turned to face
him. Bruised eyes that knew what suffering really meant looked into
his. "I know it's a hard path Thomas but it's worth the effort."

Seeing more understanding in those violet ringed eyes than Tom was
able to bear, the lieutenant lowered his head and set off down the
trail.

********

"Tell me about where you live."

Chakotay sat down by the pool beside Kian and removed his pack.
Picking up a few loose stones and tossing them into the clear depths
of the mountain spring, he considered his answer carefully.

"It's a lot like where you come from I suppose.  We have healers,
builders, record keepers and warriors just like you do."  He dipped
his hands into the icy pond and sluiced water over his dust-covered
face.  "And oh yes, we have a Neelix."

Kian slipped off her boots and pulled up her leggings. "What's a
Neelix?"  She immersed her tired feet into the coolness of the small
lake.  "Is that your tribe's totem?"

Falling flat on his back, Chakotay laughed harder than he had in a
very long time.

"No not exactly.  Neelix is our moral officer."

Kian twisted her body to look at the jubilant chieftain.

"Moral?  Does that mean he's responsible for making you happy?"

"Yes something like that."

She took her feet out of the water to lie on her stomach beside him.

"But doesn't Tom do that for you?"

He propped himself up on his elbows. "He does but not in the same
way."

Chakotay thinking he had probably said more than he should have,
watched as the intelligent young woman considered his words. She
played with the grasses they were lying on and looked at him through
her lashes.

"How is it different?"  She twisted strand of grass into a plait of
her hair.  "I mean how did you know you loved him?"

Realizing she was asking her first mature questions about love,
Chakotay sat up. He considered lying about his feelings, but in the
end did what he did best.  He told the truth.

"I knew because for the first time it hurt."

"It hurt?"

"Yes and it still does."  Chakotay crossed his legs and waited for
Kian to match his position before continuing.  "If I'd had a choice,
I wouldn't have selected someone like Tom to love."

"Why?"

"Because he comes from a different, colder world than I do.  A place
where duty and rules are religion and the needs of the people are
often ignored in the process."

"That doesn't seem like Thomas.  He's been so kind."

"I'm not saying he's not, it just that he wasn't brought up with the
same values I was."  Not believing he was confessing his soul to a 20-
year old girl, Chakotay spoke his pain.  "He's hurt himself and he's
hurt others trying to live up to his world's standard's."

"But even though he's so different, you still love him?"

"Yes."

Kian closed her eyes briefly, before shaking back her dark mane and
staring him in the eye.

"So you would risk your own belief system and give your future over
to chance just to be by his side?  All because you love him?"

"If I had to, yes."

Chakotay looked at the earnest woman at his side and felt humbled.
In loving Tom, he hadn't risked his entire way of being like she had.
The only thing he had risked was his pride.

He was about to rise to go looking for Tom and Rad, who had been gone
far too long, when Kian butted her head into his shoulder.

"But what if after all our sacrifices they don't love us as much as
we love them?"

Hearing the fear in her voice, Chakotay threw his arm around her.
This time he had no answer to her question. He kissed the top of her
head and gave her the only advice he had left.

"You pray to the spirits they do."

******

"Are you coming to bed?"

Tom had almost added 'darling' to cover his shyness as the strange
words left his lips. It wasn't everyday he asked Chakotay to his bed.

"Soon."  The commander didn't look up at him and continued to stare
into the flames of the campfire.  Tom crossed his feet and sat down
beside him on the blanket taking warmth not from the fire but from
Chakotay's proximity.

After being the last of the four to finish his bath, Tom had gone
back to the tent and found it empty.  Ignoring the chill from his wet
hair on his collar, Tom threw his gear into the shelter and went in
search of the commander.

"So what do you see in there?"

Chakotay eyes still didn't touch him but as he spoke, the commander's
deep velvety voice did.  Tom got goosebumps on his goosebumps.

"Desire, love and destiny."

It was a perfect answer for a perfect setting.  Tom didn't know why
but when Chakotay went all mystical warrior on him, it made the hair
on every inch of his body stand up. Before it used to just unnerve
him but now, in front of a roaring fire under twinkling stars, it
aroused him.  Turning his body so his crossed shins were flushed
against the commander's thigh, Tom leaned forward and spoke softly
into his ear.

"Am I in there anywhere?"

"Do you want to be?" The first officer spoke quietly into the fire.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"No." Tom kissed the soft spot behind Chakotay's ear. "But I might be
willing to find out."

Chakotay shifted his body and turned to face him so only their knees
touched.  The light of the fire played over his handsome face as he
spoke.

"This isn't last night."

"I know that." Somehow this wasn't going the way he planned.

"Do you?  If you want me to touch you, I will but this time you'll
have to touch me back.  Understand?"

Tom knew instinctively that Chakotay was asking for more than a kiss
and more that just sex.  The commander would never consider
being "fuck buddies" with anyone.  Like everything else he did, the
first officer would give his whole heart and if Tom agreed to his
terms, it would mean the start of a relationship between them and not
casual sex.  The lieutenant studied his hands thinking that he was
getting in over his head, and a little too close to
breaking his oath. Deep in his thoughts, Tom felt a comforting hand
on his knee.

"It's all right Tom."  The first officer nodded knowingly and rose
from the blanket.  "Good night, Lieutenant."

"Night." Tom's voice was small.

Chakotay had taken his reticence and silence as rejection and had
accepted his decision stoically.  Tom heard the sound of footfalls
retreating behind him and a fear greater than being hurt gripped
him.  It was the fear of never knowing the commander's love and
caring first hand.

"Wait."  He heard the footsteps slow. "Please!" Tom spoke a little
louder and the footsteps stopped.

With measured movements Tom rose from the blanket.  To bolster his
courage, he took a deep breath before turning to face the commander.

Chakotay stood patiently waiting, looking every inch the rebel Maquis
even in his Fleet uniform. The glowing firelight softened the
chiseled features of his handsome face.  Concentrating on putting one
foot in front of the other, Tom approached him not stopping until he
entered the commander's atmosphere.

"I understand."

"Tom."  The pilot could tell from the tone of his voice and from the
shake of his head, Chakotay was still trying to give him an out.
Taking advantage of his greater height, Tom took a step closer and
peered down into the first officer's dark eyes.  He used his most
seductive voice to counter act his commanding officer's more
condescending one.

"I said I understand."  He took Chakotay's face in his hands. "Now
kiss me Commander."

With more care than he thought he was capable of in his aroused
state, Tom eased his lips into Chakotay's.  Tenderly he acquainted
himself with their fullness and taste before daring to explore
further with his tongue.  Chakotay responded to his gentle probing,
parting his lips slightly to allow Tom entrance.  The pilot tilted
his blond head to the left and threaded his fingers in the silky
short hair at Chakotay's nape trying to gain deeper access.

As his lover's tongue danced melodically with his, Tom began to lose
mastery of his senses and quickened the pace of the rhythm.  His hold
on the commander's head tightened and his teeth bit at the Chakotay's
lower lip between crushing kisses. Losing himself in the sensation,
Tom barely felt strong hands encase his wrists and move them lower.
It was only when Chakotay's own hands palmed his ass bringing their
erections together, that he realized the change. He moaned into the
commander's mouth.

"Oh fuck yeah."

Taking advantage of his opened mouth, Chakotay slid his tongue into
him, taking over direction of the kiss and slowing its pace.

It was called soul kissing.  Tom had heard the term before but this
was the first time he'd experienced it.  Chakotay stroked his teeth,
gums and the length of his tongue with his own slowly in time with
the rocking of his hips.

Each movement brought their cocks together in glorious friction and
Tom shuttered with desire and fear.  He hadn't seen the commander's
cock last night but from what he could feel now, he knew it was
large.  Tom just hoped he wouldn't be 'too' large.

Chakotay would possess him first.  There was no question of that.  It
was all part and parcel in Tom's surrender to the man who had so
effortlessly breached the defenses he'd taken a lifetime to build.
It was just that his previous experiences with anal sex had been less
than satisfying no matter what size his so-called 'lovers' had been
without the added pain of a large dick.  Tom had spent enough nights
bringing himself to completion, after his partner had expelled
themselves deep within him to know that.  Reading him like a probe
the commander felt his distance and stopped the kiss.  Chakotay slid
his hands up his back to touch his still sodden hair.

"Your hair is wet."

Watching the puffs of condensation come from the mouth that was at
the moment his sole reason for living, Tom responded in his usual
smart-ass fashion.

"Yeah Chak, that's what happens when you go into the water."

The first officer's touched his forehead to his and kissed the tip of
his nose like he would a small child and not a perspective
lover.  "We better get you in the tent then before you catch chill."

Tom gave him a teasing smile. "I knew it.  You did come on this trip
to take care of me."

"You got a problem with that Lieutenant?"

"Not in this lifetime Commander."

Chakotay took his elbow and Tom let him guided him in the direction
of the shelter and into everything the mystical man saw in the fire.

Desire, love and destiny.

TBC