Title: The Image of a Man Author: Cheryl Forbes Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager Paring: Chakotay/Tom Paris Rating: NC 17 or at least getting there. Series: 1 of ? Email Address for feedback: forbesc@skyia.com Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew belong to Paramount and not me. Whatever. Summary: Life is but a dream. Mocha Fudge a la Chakotay. Perfect! Tom walked along the corridor lost in his thoughts, not noticing the odd looks Voyager's night shift crew gave him as he passed. Not that he would have cared. Especially when he was indulging himself in his favorite daydream of making out with the commander. The melting ice cream would pool in the well between Chak's collarbones and dribble around the base of his pectoral muscles down his sides and on to the bed. Leaning over the recumbent commander, Tom would snake out his tongue and lap up the sticky mess relishing the exquisite mixture of sweetness and saltiness. Chak would groan, no he'd growl for more and then they would fuck until neither one of them could say their name. In his imagination, Tom hadn't yet decided whether he liked topping or letting the big hunky commander top him since both positions had their appeal. Usually he just alternated back and forth with a creativity that would be impossible to achieve in real life. Tom pulled out of his fantasy for only for a moment to navigate a corner but it was long enough and he lost the thread of the dream. Returning to reality, he worried over the frequency of his mental escapes that until recently had only been confined to the privacy of his quarters. However, the pilot's confusion didn't mean that he was going to give them up, because one thing he did understand was that he needed them desperately. Tom Paris was lonely. He'd found no solace or true companionship with anyone aboard Voyager and had turned to his fantasies for company. They gave him some measure of comfort even if they weren't real and probably never would be. He was fully aware that his relationship with Chak would never expand beyond its present professional level. It couldn't, because in real life the commander liked women and not sexually frustrated chief pilots. Since there wasn't much Tom could do about that, he'd retreated into his imagination. Many a night Tom had fallen asleep with his hand on his dick after pretending he'd just blown his load deep in the commander's bowels. So what if it wasn't real, it felt pretty damn good and that's what mattered, wasn't it? Reaching his destination, Tom reached up and pressed the chime on the door pad. After about ten seconds the panels swished opened and he heard the rumbling voice of his dream lover speak. "What the hell are you doing here?" Ignoring the less than enthusiastic welcome, the pilot slipped around Chakotay and entered. The commander left the doorway allowing the doors to close and followed the lieutenant into the interior of his cabin. When Tom turned around, a half-naked first officer stood before him. Wearing only his sleep pants and a disgruntled face, Chakotay waited. "I brought you those navigational recommendations you asked for." Tom extended his arm and held out a PADD. "Now?" Chakotay rubbed his hand down his face. "It must be after midnight Lieutenant." "Just." Tom offered the PADD again. "What?" The big man sighed heavily and held his hand out palm up. "Fine, give." Tom placed the slim instrument in Chak's hand carefully trying to avoid touching any of the dusky skin. It was bad enough just seeing its velvet smoothness without becoming physically aroused. The commander walked over to lounge and with his back to Tom, placed a hand at the base of his skull and stretched. As Chakotay's body extended, the top of his sleep pants slipped lower on his hips exposing the dimples at the base of his spine. Holy mother of god, the man was gorgeous and watching the unconscious way Chak moved, Tom bet he didn't have a clue as to how horny he was making his junior officer. Thankful for the dimness of the cabin, the pilot quickly moved to take a seat on the couch and placed his hands over his straining erection. Chakotay raised a brow to him, crinkling his tattoo. "You're staying?" "Yeah for the feedback." "I hadn't planned on reading it tonight." "No?" He bit back his disappointment. Tom wasn't ready to leave the sight of that incredible body just yet. Interpreting the pilot's crestfallen look incorrectly, the commander picked up the PADD. "All right but only if you don't make a habit of dropping by my quarters in the dead of night." "Whatever you say big guy." He gave the commander his brightest smile. Using his thumb to bring the PADD to life, Chakotay sat within inches of him on the lounge. Blowing his breath out through his mouth, Tom tried to ignore the man's earthy scent as it permeated his sinuses. Chakotay took no notice of Tom's discomfort and began to read the document illuminated on the small screen. With the feelings he held for Chakotay, it was dangerous for him to be here. Bit by bit Tom could feel himself losing control of his sexually charged body and his over stimulated brain. Tom knew he should leave before he did something stupid but was unable to tear himself away. "Through the nebula here?" Chakotay pointed to a passage on the PADD. Swinging his arm up along the back of the couch behind the commander, Tom leaned forward. "Uh yeah." He moved a little closer so he could tap at the screen and their legs touched. "Voyager and I can handle the rougher ride and it'll save us a few days traveling time." "Good work Lieutenant." "Just a walk in the park, Commander." He moved his head back but left his arm and his thigh where they were. "You can call me Tom you know." "All right. Good work Tom." Chakotay gave him a curious look and went back to his reading. To maintain the body contact, Tom pretended to read long with the commander. It was a foolish thing to do but it didn't matter because it was all ready too late. By now his body was displaying all the classic signs of arousal. Flushed cheeks, laboured breathing, dilated pupils and raging hard on trying to escape the confines of his pants. The next time Chakotay looked up, he'd see a horny lieutenant and not an efficient one and then it would be game over. Chakotay would kick his ass out of his quarters so fast his blond head would spin and he would lose the opportunity of ever touching the handsome man again. Gazing down at Chak's smooth muscled chest, Tom decided if he was going to be kicked out anyway, he might as well go out with a bang. Curling his elevated hand around Chakotay far shoulder, Tom dipped his head down to touch the closer one with his lips. "Tom?" Stopping his oral exploration of the commander's brown velvet shoulder, Tom looked up into his stunned face. "Chak I know you're going to punch my lights outs for this but I can't help it." Using his free hand, the pilot grasped the lower portion of the commander's face and dived in for a kiss. Chak didn't move and Tom took advantage of his immobility to deepen the contact. It wasn't until he tried to breach Chakotay's full soft lips with his tongue did he encounter resistance. "No!" With an incredible amount of force, Chakotay pushed at Tom's chest and he was thrown backwards into the glass coffee table. As Tom blacked out, he heard the sound of something breaking and hoped it wasn't him. ******** "Will he be all right?" "He did experience severe traumatic injury to his right temporal lobe but I've repaired that and quite creatively too I might add." "But will he be all right?" The captain folded her arms and looked at him as if he was a wayward child and not a skilled surgeon. She wanted an answer to her question, unfortunately the EMH didn't know quite how to give her one. "I think so, there was no permanent damage." "You think so?" "Well I've done all I can and now it's up to the lieutenant." "Tom's in a coma, what the hell is he supposed to do in that condition!" The previously uncommunicative commander broke his silence for the first time since beaming the lieutenant to Sickbay. "He could come back!" The EMH hadn't meant to yell. He could see that the first officer was stressed but damn it so was he. He had done everything possible and impossible to save the lieutenant's life. It wasn't his fault if the young man refused to co-operate. The captain pulled the commander aside. "I'm sure what the doctor means is that he's done what he can and it's only matter of time before the lieutenant wakes up from the coma." She ran her hand soothingly over Chakotay's arm. "In essence the rest is up to Tom. He'll come back to us when he's ready." "No Captain that's not what I meant. Tom's not in a coma." She rounded on him. "Then why isn't he awake? You said there was no permanent damage." "There isn't. If and when the lieutenant decides to return to his body, it will function as before." Her brows furrowed. "If and when? You've lost me Doctor." "You have to first understand that Tom's injury was complicated. A glass shard had bisected the temporal lobe region of his brain where both long and short-term memories are controlled. Essentially that's where your id or your personality would reside. Understand?" "Yes. Go on." "I realized that if I operated on the damaged area he would live but his behavior would be affected. Tom would have trouble remembering and very likely become aggressively unstable." "But you found a way around this." "Yes Captain. To avoid damage to his personality, I removed its engrams before surgery." "And put them where?" Unconsciously the EMH's eyes moved to his medical console. Abhorrence filled Janeway's face. "You downloaded my chief pilot into the computer?" "Yes where he would be safe. I've done it successfully before and I had no reason to believe it wouldn't work this time. Unfortunately when I went back to the file where I saved the lieutenant he wasn't there." Chakotay's booming voice filled Sickbay. "Where the hell is he then!" "In the computer, somewhere. I tried to retrieve him but whenever I get close to the lieutenant, he transfers himself to another directory and another system. Tom doesn't want to come back Commander." "Why not?" Tired of being in the hot seat, the EMH fired back. "You're the councilor Commander, you tell me." Chakotay's faced reddened and his tone softened. "Can we talk to him?" "I suppose so but I'm not sure if he'll listen. He's not the same Tom you're used to. He's a collection of thoughts, feelings and memories now and I'm not sure of his capacity to reason." "He's like a child." Captain Janeway added. "A child with memories of being a man." Chakotay touched the hand of the young man lying on the bio-bed. "So what do we do Doctor?" "Wait until he wants to grow up." ******** He was flying! Gone were the corporal instruments of navigation, with just a thought he was able to soar and sweep through the starry expanse of the cosmos. It was glorious and incredibly liberating which was a definite improvement over terrifying and confusing. When Tom had first come to, he had found himself incarcerated in a narrow cell. His first reaction had been panic. Auckland had burned some very deep emotional scars into his psyche, the fear of small places being one of them. It was only after his anxiety had gone down a notch or two, did he realized that he had the power to leave and he did. Fast. When he had gotten far enough away, Tom had stopped to take stock of his surroundings. Everything was made of sparkling light and energy or at least he thought so. He didn't actually see or feel here, no nothing as substantial as that. It was more like sensing or just knowing. Now all he had to do was figure out where the fuck 'here' was. He had no body so maybe he was in heaven. No that couldn't right because Tom was pretty sure if there was such a place it would have been a lot harder for 'him' to get in. Maybe he was dreaming or maybe this was something like Chakotay's spirit world. Oh fuck Chakotay. All at once the memories came crashing back into Tom's consciousness. He had kissed the commander and the commander had hit him hard enough to land him in Sickbay but that's not where he was, well not entirely anyway. Like watching a vid screen, Tom saw in his mind's eye what had transpired and what his current location was. He was in Voyager's computer or at least the thinking part of him was. The Doc had transferred him here so he could fix the damage caused by the glass fragment. Easily accessing the medical database, Tom saw the surgery and the EMH's attempts to retrieve his consciousness after his flight from the cell. Cool. Flexing his new mental muscles further, Tom manipulated Voyager's video monitors to view the scene in the infirmary. Seeing his motionless body lying on a bio-bed was a bit disturbing but seeing Chakotay was worse. The commander was royally pissed and why not? His junior officer had made an unsolicited play for him, totally trampling the chain of command and offending his heterosexual sensibilities. This was not a party the pilot was in any hurry to return to. Tom decided to take a lap around Voyager's matrix first before returning to face the music. After visiting the messhall, Harry's quarters and a few other familiar locals, Tom had found his way to the bridge and to his most favorite place on the ship, the helm. While banking to the left to avoid the gravity well of an over large asteroid before Baytart had a chance to adjust the ship's course, Tom spied the ultimate joy ride, the nebula. Cool. ******** "Tom made a pass at you?" Kathryn said the last word incredulously. Chakotay sat forward in his chair and rested his elbows on the captain's desk in her ready room. "Yes me. Is that so hard to believe?" "Frankly yes. Personally I thought it would be the other way around." Her voice was light and playful. Chakotay's was not. "Men aren't my thing Kathryn." "Yes, yes I know but Tom isn't just a man to you and you know it." He did know it but he hadn't known the captain did. Tom stimulated Chakotay's awareness more than any other officer had in his long career in and out of Starfleet had but that didn't mean he wanted to kiss the lieutenant. Hurling a prospective lover into a glass table wasn't his usual mode of seduction. The captain's voice broke into his brooding. "It was an accident Chakotay and that's how I intend to record it in my log." "No you can't. I hurt him and I deserve a reprimand or some kind of punishment for my actions." Kathryn stood up and rounded her desk to stand beside him. Chakotay sat back in his chair and gave his captain a sideways glance. "It's all ready done Commander and as for punishment, I think your unfounded guilt will do that for you enough." "But he's not coming back because of me. I refused him." "You can't know that. The doctor said he's emotionally impaired not heart broken. Maybe he's just busy playing." "Either way it's still my fault." "Oh for crying out loud Chakotay get over yourself. All Tom did was try to kiss you. You're the one with the fixation not him remember?" She padded his shoulder. "He'll come back." "He didn't try Kathryn, he 'did' kiss me and he told me he couldn't help it." Before she could come back with another meaningless rationalization, the ship rocked. "Captain to the bridge." ******** "The helm's not responding Captain." "Bypass auxiliary control and transfer to manual." "I tried that. It didn't work." Baytart didn't look up as his fingers flew in constant motion across Voyager's helm. "We're still heading for the nebula." "Is that going to be a problem Ensign?" Voyager's present helmsman turned to the captain. "If I can't access navigation control it could be." Without embarrassment Ensign Pablo Baytart continued. "I'm not sure if I have the experience or the talent to take us through but I do know that on its own, Voyager definitely doesn't. The autopilot won't be able to adjust to the nebula's gravitational fluxes fast enough. We'll break apart." A bad day just got worse. Kathryn was about to contact Engineering to order the warp core off line when Chakotay rose from his seat beside her to approach Baytart. "You're relieved Ensign." "Sir?" Not relinquishing his post, the dark haired junior officer looked from his first officer to his captain. With his hand on the back the helm's chair, Chakotay looked at her. "It's Tom." "You're sure?" "Yes." Urgency tinged his voice. "Trust me, please." In the span of a instant, the captain considered how many times her first officer had asked that of her and of how many times she had regretted doing so. "Ensign you're dismissed." She tipped her head in Chakotay's direction. "Do it." In one fluid motion Chakotay's body replaced Pablo's at the helm. As the ship slipped into the realm of the nebula, her first officer reigned in Voyager like a wrangler taming a wild horse. With firm but gentle hands, Chakotay steadied the big ship's course while still allowing it to kick up its heels. The inertia dampers and external shields strained at the bit but held. They emerged from the celestial body with minimal damage. When her stomach stopped its flip-flopping, Janeway addressed her first officer cum spaceship cowboy. "Good work Commander." Chakotay ran his hands over the navigational console tenderly before swinging around in his chair. The panel lit up like a rainbow. "Just a walk in the park, Captain." ******** "Chakotay?" "Tom?" "Yeah." "Where are you?" "Everywhere, I think." In the darkness of his bedroom, Chakotay sat up. The brightly woven replica of his grandmother's wedding blanket fell around his waist. He spoke again in hope to hear again that familiar but disembodied voice. "Are you OK?" "I think so." There was a pause. "I'm sorry." "For the nebula?" Chakotay shifted his pillow behind his back. "It's OK. No harm, no foul. You were right, it did shave days off our journey." "I'm not talking about the nebula." "Then I suppose I'm the one that should be the apologizing." "No you didn't do anything wrong, I did." "I overreacted and hurt you." "Yeah baby you did do that but under the circumstances, I suppose I would have done the same thing." "Really?" "Well no maybe not really. I think I would have kissed you back just to see." "You're biased." "Hell yes I am. Fuck Chakotay do you know how sexy you are to me?" "Tom, I'm not into men." "And you know that how?" "I just know it." "Have you ever been with a man? Just to see what it's like?" "That's personal." "Oh fuck Chak, give me a break. I'm hanging out here in the netherworld because I got personal with you." "OK then yes. It wasn't anything spectacular." "He didn't turn you on?" "No." "Tell me what he did." "He kissed me and touched me. It left me cold." "Is that how you felt when I kissed you? Cold?" A pause. "No, not exactly." Another pause. "Tom you have to come back." "I will but first you have to do something for me." "What?" "Give me a chance to make you feel spectacular." "No." "What are you afraid of Chakotay?" "Nothing. Come back Tom." A silence quieter than the dead of space, infiltrated the room so long the commander thought that maybe the pilot had left. "Tom are you still there?" "Yeah." "Are you coming back?" "I'm not sure. Meet me on holodeck two and we'll talk." The room went silent and this time Chakotay knew Tom was really gone. He threw back the covers of his bed and began to dress. There was no question of meeting the pilot on the holodeck. Voyager, the captain and the crew needed the pilot back at his post and if that meant meeting the pilot in a battle of wits in virtual reality, Chakotay had his answer and knew his duty. Chakotay would show the young man that he couldn't be blackmailed by his passions. That he couldn't tantalized be a pretty face and a lithesome body. It would be easy or as Tom would say, it would be a walk in the park. So OK if it was only that, then why were his hands trembling and his palms sweating? TBC